"Dear Future Model," Scene B

It's the "Girls' apartment - night (evening)":

LAVERNE IS MIXING A MILK AND PEPSI AND SHIRLEY IS FIXING HERSELF AN ORANGE SODA.

SHIRLEY

Oh, my aching dogs.

LAVERNE

Yeah, mine are barking their heads off.

SHIRLEY

Boy, I thought today would never end.

LAVERNE

Yeah, the only fun part was when Black Jack got his tie caught in the conveyor belt.

SHIRLEY

It dragged him all the way down to labeling.  (LAUGHING) It was probably the silliest thing you've ever seen.

THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN, LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.  LENNY IS CARRYING A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX.

SQUIGGY

Hello.

LAVERNE

Wrong again.

LENNY

(MIFFED) Look, from on don't have things delivered unless you're gonna be here to be delivered them to.

SHIRLEY

Is that box for us?

SQUIGGY
It's for Mamie Eisenhower, only she's not in.  Of course it's for you.  And we had to sign for it.  Ink don't grow on trees, you know.

SHIRLEY TAKES THE BOX FROM LENNY, LOOKS AT THE LABEL.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, it's our modeling course.

That was all dropped and the aired scene opens with the boys and the box already there, with an added line from Lenny, "Do you really think this modeling course is gonna make you sexy?"  As if he doesn't already think that they, Laverne especially, are sexy!

Note that in the script, Squiggy wants to charm the "couple of chickaroonies" into "spending the night," rather than getting to first base.  And the sheets are hard because of something other than dry-cleaner's starch:

The rest of the scene is pretty faithful, although Shirley did not call Laverne a brat in the script.

Thoughts:

• Is it just me or does that almost sound like a lynching joke about poor Black Jack, who was mentioned on I think "Good Time Girls"?
• In any case, it's not much of a set-up for a Hello Entrance, especially since all the boys are doing is carrying a cardboard box.
• The boys' dropped dialogue is all right but droppable.
• On the other hand, I'm impressed that the "hard sheets" dialogue was actually a bit more censorable in the script.

"Dear Future Model," Scene A

On October 18, 1976, a day before "Bachelor Mothers" aired, the Shooting Script for "Dear Future Model" came in, giving them about five weeks until it would air. There aren't dramatic changes compared to a script like "Porcupine," but as always with shooting scripts, there are changes, including in the opening scene.

We start in the "Pizza Bowl - late afternoon."  The exposition between Lenny and Squiggy was added.  Here's how it starts off in the script:

MONIKA, A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MODEL IN ULTRA-SEXY BOWLING COSTUME, ENTERS FROM THE BOWLING ALLEY SURROUNDED BY GUYS AND FOLLOWING A PHOTOGRAPHER.  EVERY GUY IN THE PLACE IS HUNGRILY STARING AT HER.  FRANK IS NEARBY.

PHOTOGRAPHER

Let's get some shots in here.

FRANK

Good.  Get a shot of her with the ovens, will ya?

THEY IGNORE HIM.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Look, they use my place, they don't shoot the ovens.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.

This is what was dropped after the photographer tells Monika he needs some outside shots.

MONIKA

Sure, Timmy.  I'm all yours.  Use me as you will.

ALL THE MEN MOAN IN ESCSTASY.  LENNY AND SQUIGGY ARE BESIDE THEMSELVES.

SQUIGGY

(FOLLOWING, GRABS PINS) Can I hold your pins?

MONIKA FOLLOWS THE PHOTOGRAPHER OUTSIDE.  SHE'S FOLLOWED BY ALL THE MEN.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE LEFT ALONE.  LAVERNE IS WRESTLING WITH THE ZIPPER AGAIN.

LAVERNE

Did you see that?!  It was like we weren't here.

SHIRLEY

(SARCASTIC) That's because we're not Miss Pinhead.

LAVERNE

Headpin.

SHIRLEY

Same difference.  Why don't you sit down over there?

THEY ADLIB AND SIT.

LAVERNE

Why don't men ever look at us that way?

SHIRLEY

Two reasons.

SHIRLEY PAUSES.  LAVERNE THINKS.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Style and elegance.

LAVERNE

Oh, you mean fancy clothes and makeup?

SHIRLEY

That's right.  If you wanna get attention like that you gotta invest fifteen bucks.

LAVERNE

I'm not gonna pay guys to look at me.

SHIRLEY

No.  Did you see the back cover of this month's True Confessions?

LAVERNE

Huh-uh.  So far I'm only up to, "I Had My Mother's Baby"...

SHIRLEY

Oh, that's a beautiful story, isn't it?  When she goes...

LAVERNE

Don't tell me the ending.

SHIRLEY

Anyway, the back cover is an ad for Mark Boynton's Famous Academy of American Modeling.

LAVERNE

Probably some kind of racket.

SHIRLEY

Boy, that's typical.  Everything's a racket to you.  This is a great course.  Modeling by mail.

LAVERNE

(DOUBTFUL) Fifteen bucks...

SHIRLEY
We'll split it, seven-fifty each.

SHIRLEY STANDS UP SUDDENLY AND THE BOWLING BALL IN THE BAG PULLS HER TO THE FLOOR.  LAVERNE MOVES TO HELP HER FAST.  AS THEY DO THIS, THE MODEL REENTERS WITH THE ENTIRE CROWD, STILL IGNORING THE TWO GIRLS.

PHOTOGRAPHER

Let's get a few more shots in the bowling alley.  Sitting on the ball return.

MONIKA

I'm running into overtime.  Next hour will cost you sixty bucks.

THE ENTOURAGE EXITS.  SHIRLEY STRUGGLES BACK ON HER SEAT WITH BAG AND BALL.

LAVERNE

Did you hear that?  She's going to make more money in an hour than we made last week.

SHIRLEY

I heard.

LAVERNE

Just for sitting on the ball return and I've sat on it a thousand times.

SHIRLEY

Well then, come on, let's go fill out the application.

THEY GATHER THEIR THINGS AND START OUT.

LAVERNE    

Okay, but I don't cut up the whole magazine.  [I think the word "I" there is unnecessary.]  I still haven't read "My Husband Left Me For A Fish..."

SHIRLEY
Oh, it was so sad when he went off on a tuna boat.

LAVERNE

You gave away the ending.

THEY EXIT.

Onscreen, they just kept the bit about Monika making $60/hour, and then some of the modeling ad stuff was moved to a separate scene in the girls' apartment, later that evening.

Thoughts:

• As in "Excuse Me May I Cut In?", male lust is a lot more obvious in the script.
• Frank didn't make into this scene onscreen, but then he's not in the scene much in the script.
• I like the "Miss Pinhead" line, although I probably shouldn't.
• There's a bit of "dumb Laverne" in this script, as in some of the other Season Two scripts.
• Oh my goodness, the True Confessions stories!  Sadly, neither of those made it to air.
• Do I want to know why Laverne has sat on the ball return a thousand times?

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 8

The tag takes place in the "girls' living room - night."  Richie and Potsie were supposed to "start combing their hair, putting mints in the mouth" and "check each other over" while the girls were occupied with their new TV.  They did not close the door loudly twice; Richie just cleared his throat.

In the script, "Laverne is aware of what Potsie has on his mind," but she doesn't seem to be at first onscreen.  The thing about shaving was added.

They left out Richie telling Shirley, "And when you hugged the TV and gave it a kiss, it gave me a small hint."  In this scene in the script, Richie calls Shirley "a cute girl," which was again strengthened to "a very pretty girl."

They omitted Richie saying, "Well -- see you next year," before he exits.

The last page was split off to make the aired tag.  Laverne didn't mention Shirley's "little diary" in this script.

Thoughts:

• Shirley would become more sympathetic onscreen than in this version of the script, while Richie and especially Potsie seem less creepy.
• The loss of the "Lenny & Squiggy vs. Russians" subplot is a shame, but I can see how if they had to trim the episode, that was the obvious choice.
• Losing Madman Milton is fine though.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 7

We head down to the "Jefferson High Auditorium - Night."  This dialogue was dropped, after Couple Number Seven is "somewhat awkward":

SHIRLEY

Look at that.  Laverne's a shoo-in.

RICHIE

Yeah.  Listen, I'm glad you came with me tonight.  Are you having a nice time?

SHIRLEY

Hm?  Oh, sure.

RICHIE

If you're bored, the science lab is empty.  Just you, me and the bunsen burners.

Onscreen, Shirley wonders where Laverne is and Richie says Laverne is practicing with Potsie in the hallway.

This was omitted:

SHIRLEY

Would you gentlemen excuse us?

SHE PULLS LAVERNE ASIDE.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

All right, give it to me straight, is he any good?

LAVERNE

Terrific.  You can go out and buy a TV Guide right now.

Debra Lee is described as "pretty and obnoxious," which is fair.

A couple Potsie lines-- the introduction of Laverne and "How's she going to explain?"-- were given to Richie.  Shirley replied to the latter with "You don't want to know," instead of squealing in fear.  

This was mostly left out after Richie says journalists are supposed to be witty:

SHIRLEY

(LAUGHING) Carmine, you know Potsie.  And this is my date, Richie Cunningham; Richie, this is Carmine.

CARMINE

Hi, Richie.  Call me the Big Ragoo.  Hey, I wanted to wish Laverne good luck.  Where is she?

SHIRLEY

She's out spreading good cheer.  What did you think of these other couples?

CARMINE

I'm honor bound to secrecy.  (STARTS AWAY, COMES BACK) Laverne's got a great shot.

The line about the teacher being trapped in a locker was added.  In the script, Debra Lee kicks Potsie in just one shin, not two.  And it is Shirley who "takes the number eight off Potsie and puts it on Richie," rather than Laverne doing this.  In the script, Richie says, "Oh, would you like to dance," rather than saying he can't dance very well.

The description of the dancing is vague, e.g. Richie "starts dancing well."  The scene and the act ended with Shirley hugging them both.

Thoughts:

• Richie onscreen is more gentlemanly in this scene at least, not trying to lure Shirley into the science lab.
• Shirley is more obviously out for the TV in this version.
• The extra stuff with Carmine is cute if not necessary.
• Other than that, what we'd see onscreen was pretty close to this, just more fleshed out, especially the dancing.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 6

Act Two opens in the "girls' living room - night."  The first page basically made it in, although in the script Laverne asks Shirley, "Can't you grungy up a little?"  And then came this:

THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN.  AFTER A BEAT, LENNY SUDDENLY STEPS INTO THE ROOM CARRYING A HOCKEY STICK LIKE A WEAPON.  HE LEANS AGAINST THE OPEN DOOR.  SQUIGGY STEPS IN WEARING BOXING GLOVES.

LENNY

(TO THE GIRLS) All right, don't panic.

SQUIGGY

Mrs. Babish told us the explosion came from this apartment.

SHIRLEY

That was three days ago.

LENNY 

You had Russians in here for three days?

LAVERNE

There are no Russians here.

SQUIGGY

I understand.  (TO LENNY) They can't talk.

LENNY

Sure they can. I just heard 'em.

SQUIGGY

Do I have to save the whole country by myself?  What happened was the Russians came in, took over the apartment, and made them dress different.

LENNY

The fiends.

LAVERNE

Look, guys.  The Russians were here but they left.  They got on a bus to Pittsburgh.

SQUIGGY

Pittsburgh!  Come on, we gotta go warn the hills and the dales.

SQUIGGY EXITS.

LENNY

I'd follow that man through hell.

LENNY EXITS.

LAVERNE

I wouldn't follow him through Gimbel's.

SHIRLEY GOES TO THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

Who is it?

RICHIE/POTSIE (O.S.)

It's Richie. And Potsie.

That whole Lenny & Squiggy part was dropped, along with the rest of that subplot.  Note that the script doesn't actually mention the door closing, or the high school boys knocking.  Shirley just senses someone's there.  And onscreen both Richie and Potsie sing "Blueberry Hill."

Shirley does not pose Laverne in the script.  Richie and Potsie in print "look sharp, wearing white blazers," while onscreen their blazers are dark.  The introductions are quick in the filmed version, and then Shirley says, "Well, let's go to the dance."  But here are the last three pages of the scene in the script:

FROM THE MOMENT POTSIE ENTERS, HE LEERS AT LAVERNE WITH ANTICIPATION.

SHIRLEY

Hi, Richie.

RICHIE

HI, Shirley; hi, Laverne.  Listen some guy with a hockey stick just asked me how to get to Pittsburgh...

SHIRLEY
He's harmless.

RICHIE

Oh.  You girls sure look... (NOTICES HOW THEY'RE DRESSED) ...nice.  Oh, ladies, this is Potsie.

POTSIE

Hi.  (TO LAVERNE) I'm sure glad we're going to the dance together.  I've heard a lot about you.

LAVERNE

Yeah?  Whad'ya hear?

POTSIE

(BEAT) Oh, that you're a nice person.

RICHIE

We brought corsages.

SHIRLEY

How nice.  But this isn't formal.

POTSIE

We know.  We just wanted to pin 'em on.

RICHIE PINS THE CORSAGE SMOOTHLY.  POTSIE GOES TO LAVERNE TO PIN ON CORSAGE.  HE IS PRACTICALLY DROOLING.  HE FUMBLES AROUND TRYING TO PIN IT ON.

LAVERNE

Let me help you there.

LAVERNE HELPS POTSIE PUT ON THE CORSAGE.

LAVERNE (CON'TD)

Make yourselves comfortable, we'll be back in a second.

LAVERNE LEADS SHIRLEY INTO THE KITCHEN WITH HER.

LAVERNE (CON'TD)

What's with Potsie?  His eyes are bugging out.  Hasn't he ever been with a girl before?

SHIRLEY

Of course, he's probably just excited about the dance.

LAVERNE

What did you tell them about me?

SHIRLEY

I used the old brain cells, I just gave them some song and dance.

LAVERNE

What was the exact song and the exact dance?

SHIRLEY

Well, I just said that... that, uh... you were an extremely mature, experienced woman, and that... um, that, uh...

LAVERNE  

And that I was open for business?

SHIRLEY

I don't say those things!

LAVERNE

You must've said something.

SHIRLEY

Look, we're goin', aren't we?  Relax and don't fret.

LAVERNE

Fret?

SHIRLEY WALKS BACK TO THE GUYS.  LAVERNE FOLLOWS.  POTSIE GIVES LAVERNE A BIG SMILE.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Fellas, we'd better get going, we sure don't want to be late.

POTSIE

(DISAPPOINTED) Aren't we going to... (LOOKS AT RICHIE) ...relax first?

SHIRLEY

We don't have time to relax now.  We'll have all the time in the world when we get back.

SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE EXIT.  LAVERNE LOOKS AT POTSIE, WARILY, AS SHE PASSES HIM.

RICHIE/POTSIE

All right!

THEY SMILE AND NUDGE EACH OTHER.

Thoughts:

• I guess the "grungy" line is one of those not quite Hello Moments that occur in the scripts.
• Lenny and Squiggy are no longer armed with explosives.  Instead, they're armed with sports equipment.
• "Do I have to save the whole country by myself?" feels very Squiggy, even if the rest of the line doesn't.
• The "following Squiggy" lines are very characteristic of Lenny and Laverne.
• There's no other way to put this: Potsie is seriously horny for Laverne in this version.  And she's a lot more suspicious about it than onscreen Laverne would be.
• Well, at least Shirley sees Lenny as harmless.
• OK, Richie is a bit horny, too, but cooler about it.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 5

We head back to the "girls' apartment - following night."

Richie singing his signature song of "Blueberry Hill" was added, as was Laverne's line about Fats Domino.  Some of the small talk was also not in the script, nor was Richie's observation "She wears an L on her shirt."  Richie was supposed to immediately sit on the couch, but this was improved to him glancing through magazines standing up, oblivious to Shirley posing for him.  In the script, she greets him with "Hi, Richie," rather than "Hello, Richard."

In the script, he says that Shirley looks "nice," which became "real pretty" by the time of filming.  And she didn't call him "handsome" in the script.  She also didn't offer him a drink.  The "eleven and a half months ago" thing also came along by filming, since in the script it's the less precise "over a year."

The dialogue about what Richie has been up to actually came after the chip & dip bit in the script.  The Leopard Lodge reference was added.  Interestingly, in the script, she touches his hair and his arm, and then blows in his ear!  All while carrying on the conversation.  And then after she says she had a lovely time on their last date, she "fiddles with his collar," and soon she "starts kissing his cheek.  Richie turns, bangs into her with his nose."

After the classic "Anything but murder, mister" line, this was omitted:

RICHIE

Well, we could go to the Freshman-Sophmore [sic] Track Meet.

SHIRLEY

No, the cinders blow in my hair and eyes.

RICHIE

There's a lecture on UFO's.

SHIRLEY

No, I've heard it.

And then he mentions the Homecoming Dance.  In the script, Richie asks, "Laverne likes Potsie?", and Shirley replies, "Sure."

In the script, Shirley "pokes" Richie after saying she knows someone else who'll have a real good time, rather than embracing him as onscreen.  The "not on the first date" thing was added.  And Richie happily anticipating their third date at the end of the scene expands on the closing line of the scene, and act, "Was our date for this evening over?"

Thoughts:

• If this was an audition to write for HD, then Fred Fox, Jr., certainly passed, since he shows a good feel for Richie's character, although the "Blueberry Hill" and "Leopard Lodge" additions probably came from someone deeper into that canon.
• It feels off to have Shirley so touchy-feely with Richie that early in the scene and it works better to have them being more physical as the scene progresses.
• Still, now I want an episode where Richie takes Shirley to a UFO lecture.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 4

It's the "Pizza Bowl - evening":

THE PLACE IS CROWDED.  FRANK IS BEHIND THE COUNTER AT THE CASH REGISTER.  LAVERNE IS ARGUING WITH HIM.  

FRANK

Money where money... trees don't grow money... look at customers... they drink beers?  No, they're nursing beers...  It's like a hospital here...

LAVERNE

I just wanna borrow it.

FRANK

I love you, Muffin, but look...

In the filmed episode, Laverne asks her father for money for the television in a voiceover.  And then in both versions he shows Laverne a cash register drawer "full of air" she can borrow.

Onscreen she says that Mondays are always slow, and he says every day is slow.  Here's how it went in the script:

LAVERNE

Would Uncle Fungie lend me?

FRANK

He's sittin' in the corner nursing a beer.

FRANK WALKS AWAY MUMBLING TO THE COOK TO "MAKE THINNER PIZZA, SAVE THE CHEESE."

Some of the dialogue between Shirley and Carmine was kept, although we lost Carmine saying, "Yeah.  The school wanted a professional dancer on the judging staff.  Of course, the Lindy Hop isn't my specialty but I know a good hopper when I see one."

Since the filmed version doesn't have Madman Milton's exposition, Carmine and Shirley quickly explain about the dance contest to Laverne.  But in the script, after Carmine's "Lindy Hop" line, this is how it went:

SHIRLEY

Carmine, Laverne wants to enter the dance contest.  Is there any way she could do it?

CARMINE

Sure.  Get one of the high school kids to be your date.

LAVERNE

I don't know.  I'd feel funny datin' a younger guy.

CARMINE

Why?  Lucille dates me, and she's old enough to be my... aunt.

SHIRLEY

Who's the best dancer at Jefferson High?

CARMINE

Well... There's a guy, one of the seniors...  Potsie Weber.  He's been to a couple of my classes...

The thing about Potsie going to a couple of Carmine's dance classes carried over, as did Lucille entering, "looking sexily at Carmine," and saying the "motor running" line.  His exit line about "eight countries in six days" is also from the script.  But the girls greeting her was added.

In the script, Laverne says Potsie came into the Pizza Bowl once and "dropped his ball on her pizza," while onscreen he asked for extra cheese and cried until he got it.

In the script, Shirley says that Richie likes her and they had fun on their blind date.  She continues, "We'll get them to ask us to the dance.  Unless you're too chicken to enter the contest."

LAVERNE

Who's chicken?!  You get me to that dance and I'll win that TV.

SHIRLEY

That's the spirit, Vernie!  I'll invite Richie over one night this week and convince him to take us.

LAVERNE

How?

SHIRLEY

The old sex appeal, how else?

LAVERNE

Better put socks in your bra.

Onscreen, the closing was improved to Laverne asking what they'd have to do for a color TV, and Shirley replying that they don't do those things.

Thoughts:

• Well, Fred Fox has "semi-incoherent Frank" down.
• The spelling of "Fungie" continues to be in flux, but I love the idea of him sitting in his brother's (or brother-in-law's) pizzeria, nursing a beer.
• Yes, Lucille is older (in her thirties) than Carmine, but at least he's above the age of consent, unlike Potsie at this point.
• In the script, Shirley admits she had fun on her blind date with Richie, which she doesn't say onscreen.
• I like the smoother exposition onscreen, but we lose some interesting moments from this final draft.

"BOSOM BUDDIES": "Cablevision"

So you know that trope where the regulars put on a show and someone promises a big celebrity who may or may not show up?  Happy Days did it at least twice.  And once the short-lived but beloved (by me) early '80s sitcom Bosom Buddies did it with Penny Marshall.  Journey with me now back to Friday, January 22, 1982, when Tom Hanks was not yet FAMOUS himself.

In the opening scene, Kip (Hanks), Henry (Peter Scolari), and Amy (Wendie Jo Sperber) are talking to their client, Mr. Silverman of Silverman's Rat Control.  He is obviously named after three-network TV honcho Fred Silverman.  They tell him that they'll put on a cable TV show that he can sponsor.  (I don't remember cable having sponsors, but this is just the first of many plot holes on one of the weaker episodes of the series.)

Their mentor Ruth (the ageless Holland Taylor) offscreen promises them Penny Marshall, who still hasn't shown up when the cable show is about to go live.  Ruth tells Kip to calm down, since "the woman has to come all the way from the '60s."  (L&S was then in the midst of its Season Seven.)

Amy wants to do a "Latin number" but Kip says there's no time for that.  Every segment of the show is "___ Corner" and Penny is supposed to show up for Celebrity Corner.

Kip's intro runs in part, "Now you know her as Laverne, of the hit TV show Laverne and Shirley.  Now, she's been dying to do the show really, ever since, uh, we made it up four days ago."  But there is no sign of "Penny 'Laverne' Marshall."  Kip irritably says, "I bet if we had Shirley she'd be here on time."  Henry holds up one cent to indicate that they have "no Penny."

Even though the whole point of this show-within-a-show was to get Mr. Silverman to sponsor it, there are no commercials, but then again it's cable.  (If I sound confused, well, so does writer Jeff Franklin.)  The show staggers on, with Isabelle (played by Telma Hopkins, of Tony Orlando & Dawn) of course being the highlight with her rendition of "Just Once."  But Mr. Silverman wants Penny Marshall.

"Thanks to Penny Marshall not showing up, we have about five minutes to kill," Kip announces.  So Amy goes into her "Latin number."  It's from the 1966 off-Broadway revue The Mad Show and is called "The Boy from Tacarembo La Tumbe Del Fuego Santa Malipas Zatatecas La Junta Del Sol Y Cruz."

Afterwards, there's knocking at the back door, so Kip goes to investigate.

Kip tells Penny she looks great and has a beautiful tan.  Henry carries her over to a chair and sets her down roughly.

Kip asks her a question and then realizes he has to remove her gag.

She asks why "that little girl," meaning Amy, tied her up.  Kip says Amy is an escaped mental patient.

Penny patiently asks Kip to be nice, since she's doing a favor to Ruth.  She's here in New York since she has a week off from her show.  She does admit that "doing a situation comedy can be murderous, even if you are part of a team."  Then she says that Kip wouldn't know anything about that.  (The irony is that Hanks, Scolari, and the entire cast seem to have bonded for life and I've never heard of any quarrels in the past forty years.)

Penny quietly tells him she has rope burns and she has to go to the bathroom.

She asks him to untie her but he tells "Pen" they don't have time for that.

He laughs and says she's funny all by herself, more irony in light of what was coming in Season Eight.  He asks how much money she makes and she says he must be new at this.  He says they've run out of time.

Henry says they still have time to do that little tribute they planned for Miss Marshall.

They leave her behind, still gnawing at her bonds, as they go out for pizza.

Penny was obviously a good sport, and she and Tom hit it off enough that she boosted his film career over the next few years.  This episode remains as a time capsule.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 3

We head over to "Mad Man Milton's TV Shop - Evening":

IT'S A SMALL BUT NICE STORE THAT FITS INTO THE BREWERY SET.  MILTON IS A SINCERE SALESMAN AND KNOWS THE TV BUSINESS.  THERE ARE SEVERAL TV SETS, SOME OF WHICH ARE ON.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE CHECKING OUT THE SETS.  (NOTE: LOTS OF "SALE" SIGNS AROUND)

MILTON

Well, ladies.  See anything you like yet?

SHIRLEY WALKS OVER TO AN ATTRACTIVE SET WITH A VERY LARGE SCREEN.

SHIRLEY

My, this one's a beaut.

SHIRLEY PUTS HER HAND ON IT.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

How much does this baby run?

MILTON

Seven hundred and fourteen dollars.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE STUNNED.  THEY BACK AWAY FROM IT.

LAVERNE

Let's look at another baby.

SHIRLEY

Uh, that's a smidget out of our price range...

MILTON

Well, how much are you prepared to spend?

SHIRLEY

We were hoping you had a layaway plan.

MILTON

Sorry.  I operate strictly on a cash and carry basis.  How much cash do you have?

LAVERNE

(BEAT)  Nineteen bucks.

MILTON

The two of you together?  Nineteen bucks?

SHIRLEY

Actually, I've got ten.  She's only got nine.

LAVERNE

(IRRITATED, TO SHIRLEY) I'll get another buck, okay?

MILTON

(MUMBLES) Nineteen bucks...

MILTON PULLS OUT AN OLD BEAT-UP SET WITH AN EXTREMELY SMALL SCREEN.

MILTON

Here you go.  A real budget pleaser.

BOTH GIRLS LOOK AT THE SET DISAPPROVINGLY.

LAVERNE

Nineteen dollars, huh?

MILTON

I'll throw in the rabbit ears.

LAVERNE

(FORCING IT) Not bad...

SHIRLEY

Not bad?  We couldn't see Pinky Lee's pinky on that set.  I want something nice.

SHIRLEY POINTS TO ANOTHER SET ON MILTON'S COUNTER.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

I like this one.  How much you want?

MILTON

Hundred and fifty.

THE GIRLS ARE UNHAPPY.

MILTON (CONT'D)

Besides, this set isn't for sale.  I'm donating two of these to the Jefferson High School Homecoming Dance.

LAVERNE

They're going to watch television at a Homecoming Dance?

MILTON

There's going to be a dance contest and the television will be awarded to the winning couple.  I love kids, plus it's good publicity for my shop.  And maybe they won't rob my store.

LAVERNE

(AMAZED) Boy, times have changed.  I won our dance contest at Fillmore High.  All I got was a gift certificate for three meals at the school cafeteria.

SHIRLEY

Excuse us a moment, will you, Madman?

SHIRLEY WALKS LAVERNE OFF TO THE SIDE.

LAVERNE

We better get that other TV. It may be the only nineteen dollar set in the whole country.

SHIRLEY

Listen, you still got the ol' rhythm in your feet, the ol' magic in your toes...

LAVERNE

Why are you talking about my toes?

SHIRLEY

You should win that contest at Jefferson, and we'll have our TV.

LAVERNE

That's ridiculous.  You know that dance is only for high school students.

SHIRLEY

You can get to that dance.  Somehow.  Where there's a will, there's a way.

LAVERNE

If we want a decent set, I better go beg my father for money.

SHIRLEY

Why beg when you can dance?

LAVERNE

I gotta dance for him, too?

Thoughts:

• This is a good point to mention that this is the only L&S episode that Fred Fox, Jr., wrote, although he'd go on to do twenty-nine HD episodes.  (Including, yes, the infamous "jump the shark" episode.)  So if characterization feels a little off at times in this script, that may be part of the reason.  That said, this is still early days in this series, so the characters weren't quite set in stone.
• I love the note that this fits into "the brewery set."  But which brewery set?  The break room?  Or somewhere else in the brewery?
• Nothing says comedy gold like a sincere and knowledgeable salesman with a nickname of "Madman."
• A 1958 dollar equals about $9.40 today, but a $6700 TV set these days would've looked very futuristic then, e.g. a "65 inch 4K Ultra HD Smart TV" runs about $6000.
• "Smidget."
• We should not be feeling sorry for Milton rather than the girls in this situation, so if this scene had been kept, that would've had to have been rebalanced.
• I can see Shirley being pickier than Laverne, but she wouldn't be that straight up rude to a salesman unless really provoked.
• And Laverne is being written a bit dumb here, not unlike Shirley in some of the Season One scripts.
• It's a homecoming dance in this version, but it would become a victory dance (ironically against Fillmore) onscreen.
• The exposition here is really clumsy and obvious.  When we get into the next scene, we'll see how this scene wasn't really necessary to get the basic information across.

"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scenes 1 and 2

On September 22, 1976, one day after the revised shooting script for "Steppin' Out" was submitted, the Final Draft for "Excuse Me, May I Cut In?" came in.  This was about five weeks before "EMMICI" would air, so this was cutting as close as they did in the first season.  There were definitely some changes, as we can see fairly early on.

The first scene is, surprisingly, an exterior:

FADE IN:

EXT. GIRLS' APARTMENT WINDOW - NIGHT

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE INSIDE WATCHING TELEVISION.

And then all the lines in the scene were voiceovers, rather than just "Ed Sullivan voice."  By the way, instead of Topo Gigio, Ed hosted "the dancing pit bosses from Las Vegas, the Bambotz Brothers."  

Then the next scene is an interior of their apartment, "one hour later."

They left out Laverne saying that the explosion "just set fire to her bedroom slippers," and then a bit later saying that the TV set was so old they "once got Moses live on Channel 7."

In the script, Shirley's aunt was simply named Margaret, rather than Mary Margaret.  Here's how the lines originally went after Shirley says that her aunt said Shirley would grow up to be a "tramp":

LAVERNE

And she was her favorite aunt.

MRS. BABISH

(LOOKS AT BURNT TV) You know this TV reminds me of my old boyfriend Crawford.

LAVERNE

He was a TV repairman?

MRS. BABISH

No, he was electrocuted in San Quentin.

LAVERNE

(LAUGHS) Boy, you don't even hear stories like that on "Queen For a Day".  You should write a book.

MRS. BABISH

Who has time?

Onscreen, after Shirley says she doesn't want to watch Victory at Sea at Mr. DeFazio's, the girls list off favorite programs they'll miss, and then the scene ends.  None of those shows are mentioned in the script, and here's the last two pages of the second scene:

LAVERNE

Well, we missed Fabian, and next week we're gonna miss the Mark of Zorro Festival.

SHIRLEY

No we won't.  Tomorrow after work we'll go buy a new television set.  Simple as pie.

LAVERNE

With what simple money?

SHIRLEY

We'll find a bargain.  We'll trade in our old set.

LAVERNE

Trade in what?  You couldn't trade this in for Chiclets.

SHIRLEY

Somehow we'll get a TV.  We'll go to Mad Man Milton's Bargain Circus.  Where there is a will there's a way.

THEY START TOWARDS BEDROOM.  AND SUDDENLY LENNY AND SQUIGGY BURST THROUGH FRONT DOOR.  SQUIGGY IS WRAPPED IN FIRECRACKERS, AND LENNY HAS A CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

LENNY

Okay.  If there's any Russians here -- beware.  Squiggy is wrapped in firecrackers and, if I light him, we all go.

SQUIGGY

I regret that I only have one small body to give to my country.

LAVERNE

Fellas, there are no Russians here.

SHIRLEY

Please go to bed.  We've had a rotten night.

LENNY

Okay, just trying to protect you.  But if you see anything suspicious -- hide your vodka.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY START TO EXIT.

SQUIGGY

Light me up if you need to, Len, I'm ready to go -- so people of all religions can eat hot dogs and apple pie.

SQUIGGY ENTERS [sic] SINGING "DANNY BOY".  LENNY IS ABOUT TO SHUT THE DOOR.

LENNY

(POINTS AFTER SQUIGGY) There goes one heck of an American.

LENNY EXITS.  GIRLS START TOWARDS BEDROOM.

LAVERNE

If they set fire to themselves, maybe we could have their TV.

SHIRLEY

Nah, their set's no good anymore.  They glued on their Winky Dink screen.

Thoughts:

• The all-voiceover scene is cute, but the power going out has more impact when we can, you know, see something.
• The Moses joke feels very Catskills.
• The second scene gets dark, excuse the pun, with Edna's old boyfriend getting electrocuted and Laverne ghoulishly wanting the boys' TV if Squiggy sacrifices his small body for America.
• But, yes, I would buy a book if Mrs. B wrote it.
• We can see the girls' pessimist & optimist contrast here, with their expectations about replacing the TV.
• The boys don't get a Hello Moment here, but that is a heck of an entrance.  (And, yes, the boys were in this version of the episode, but not what aired, although they are referred to by Edna.)
• I like the "vodka" line.
• I have to wonder what a nice Jewish boy like David Lander thought of the "hot dogs" line.
• Also, why "Danny Boy," an Irish song?
• This won't be the only scene in this script where Lenny admires Squiggy.
• When "Lenny & Squiggy" were guests on Dr. Demento a couple years later, they talked about Winky Dink and You, and if I recall correctly, Michael McKean has brought it up on Twitter in recent months.
• If you guessed that the next scene is set at Mad Man Milton's TV Shop, give yourself a cookie.

"Steppin' Out," Scene K

Onscreen, Laverne and Shirley in the tag have a better double date, with Larry and Barry.  But that's not what was in the tag in the script, even though this was the Rev. Shooting Script.  At some point in the next several months, they decided to dump this:

INT. GIRLS' LIVING ROOM - EARLY MORNING

SHIRLEY COMES OUT OF THE BEDROOM, WALKS TO THE WINDOW, PARTS THE CURTAINS, LOOKS OUTSIDE.

SHIRLEY

(SHOUTING INTO THE BEDROOM) Laverne, hurry up!  It's snowing, and we'll be late for work.

LAVERNE RUSHES OUT OF BEDROOM, TAKES A QUICK LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, AND CROSSES DOWN TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

LAVERNE

The moment I've been waiting for.

LAVERNE REACHES INTO ICEBOX.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, we don't have time to eat now!  We gotta dig the car out.  They'll dock us if we're late!

LAVERNE

This'll only take a second...

LAVERNE PULLS TWO SNOWBALLS FROM THE ICEBOX, AND HANDS ONE TO SHIRLEY.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Here...

SHIRLEY

Why are snowballs in the icebox?

LAVERNE

'Cause they don't keep in the oven.  Look, I saw Lenny and Squiggy outside waiting for us.  This time we'll be ready for them.

THE GIRLS START OUT.

CUT TO:

STOCK FOOTAGE OF LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ON A BEACH IN THE BAHAMAS.

FADE OUT.

THE END

Thoughts:

• !!!
• While this isn't as surprising as the "Lenny in drag" ending of "Good Time Girls," it's like we're getting the origin story for the famous credit sequence.
• I want to know when this is set, because presumably Laverne has been hoarding snowballs since sometime after the boys got them with the hydrant.
• Wha, Bahamas, huh, what?
• I go through this whole script thinking, well, no major differences here and then there's that?
• And yet, there are more surprising things than this in the next script....

"Steppin' Out," Scenes E, H, and J

Act Two opens in the "bedroom - a short time later":

LAVERNE, AT TOP SPEED, IS PUTTING ON HER OUTFIT.  SHIRLEY STARTS LOOKING THROUGH HER DRAWERS FOR A SCARF, TOSSING THINGS OUT OF DRAWERS.

SHIRLEY

(UNDER HER BREATH) Scarf, scarf, scarf.

LAVERNE

(TYING ON SCARF) I need to borrow your scarf.

SHIRLEY

(CROSSES TO LAVERNE) My lucky scarf?

LAVERNE

Yeah, it goes with my outfit.

SHIRLEY

I've been going crazy looking for that.

LAVERNE    

It was in my drawer.

SHIRLEY

What's my lucky scarf doin' in your drawer?

LAVERNE

(SARCASTIC) I don't know.  Maybe it got sad and lonely and tired of being lucky, so it just trotted over to visit my unlucky scarves.

SHIRLEY

Suppose, just suppose, that I planned to wear that scarf tonight?

THEY AD LIB ABOUT SCARF.  SHIRLEY GRABS AT THE SCARF AND THEY WRESTLE FOR POSSESSION A FEW BEATS.  SUDDENLY THE SCARF RIPS DOWN THE MIDDLE.  THE GIRLS REACT AND MAKE BOO-BOO FACES.

LAVERNE

I'm sorry.

SHIRLEY

Now both of us got bare necks.

THEY LOOK SAD FOR A BEAT.

That all got dumped and we start the scene onscreen with the girls talking about the pearls.

Scene H is in the living room, with "continuous action."  The possessions in the girls' purses are somewhat different onscreen than in the script, but this is minor.  Also, in the script, there was more trouble getting the tape off Shirley's hand after she removes Laverne's lint, and Shirley lost a little nail polish in the process.

In the script, Laverne says they'll pose in a "sexy" way, while onscreen Shirley says they'll look "alluring."

In case you're curious, Squiggy's line about the little kids looking cute with their clothes off was not in the script.

After Roy asks offscreen, "All set to go?", the script has "the girls react for a long beat," and then Laverne says, "Give us five minutes."

Scene J is almost identical in both versions.  The only difference I can spot is the girls taking their scarves off at the end.  Scarves are definitely more significant in the script than onscreen.

"Steppin' Out," Scenes C and D

We go to the "bathroom - a short time later - night."  They left out Shirley singing "Three Little Fishes" (at least on the DVD copy).

This was omitted:

LAVERNE FINDS A STOCKING WITHOUT A RUN.  SHE PULLS AT IT, TRYING TO GET IT OFF THE ROD.  THE ROD COMES OUT  OF THE WALL.

SHIRLEY

What was that?

LAVERNE

I dropped my tooth brush.

LAVERNE HIDES TOWEL RACK IN HAMPER.

And this was dropped, as Laverne is using the eyebrow tweezer:

LAVERNE

(YELLS) Arrgghh!

SHIRLEY

Why don't you just shave them?

LAVERNE

'Cause then they grow back twice as thick.  It's the one thing I had to inherit from my father.

In the script, instead of Laverne asking what Mrs. Babish thinks of the "very bad-looking wig," Edna says of her own rain slicker, "The rubber lining in this thing is making me sweat."

After Laverne "looks at the toilet seat and smiles," for that source of water, they onscreen added Shirley warning, "Don't even think about it."

The next scene is set in the "living room - a short time later - night."  Although there's no mention of a display in the room in the opening description, three pages later Laverne "notices display on table."  She says, "That looks so...," and Shirley replies, "Fabulous."

Yes, the boys "do a Ronny" when they "notice Laverne is in her slip."  The last line of the scene, and of Act One, Shirley's "The new watchword for tonight is panic," was slightly modified and moved to after the return from the commercial break.

Thoughts:

• I can see why they left out the rod coming out of the wall, although it would've been quite the sight gag.
• I like the eyebrow joke.
• Not really any significant changes this time.

"Steppin' Out," Scenes A and B

On September 21, 1976, four and a half months before "Steppin' Out" aired, its Rev. Shooting Script was submitted.  I have a reprint, so the autographs below are just from a photocopy, but here you go.
 

We start in the "girls' living room - early evening":

CARMINE AND FRANK ARE IN THE KITCHEN, FIXING THE DUMBWAITER.  FRANK IS HOLDING CARMINE AROUND THE WAIST, AS CARMINE REACHES UP TUGGING AT THE ROPES INSIDE THE SHAFT.

Onscreen, we get a little set-up with voiceovers, as the girls clock out after working late.  When we go to the apartment, Frank is holding Carmine by the feet, and yet the script has a line where Carmine says, "Just don't let go of my legs."  Also, it's always weird to me when they count the kitchen as "the living room."

They left out Carmine telling Rosie that washing her hands "should be a new experience" for her.

Laverne's line, "My little heart just went," after Carmine startles the girls, was added, I'm going to assume by Penny, because it sounds like very Laverne.  And Shirley's line, "Ex-husband's clothes, my elbow," after Carmine leaves for Lucille's, sounds like a Cindy contribution.

This was omitted, after Shirley says that "calm will be their watch word":

SHIRLEY

Confidence first.  First we'll clean up the breakfast dishes.  Then we'll get dressed.

THEY CROSS TO KITCHEN AND START CLEANING UP, CALMLY.

SHIRLEY

Remember out of sixty-five girls on the bottling line, they winked at us.

LAVERNE

Yeah... why did they do that?

SHIRLEY

They liked us.

LAVERNE

(DECIDES) Yeah.  Ever since we shortened our smocks things have been picking up.

SHIRLEY

I've got a feeling about these guys.  I think they're the ones.

LAVERNE

You mean tonight we're gonna...

SHIRLEY

No.  We're not gonna...

LAVERNE

Oh.

SHIRLEY

Tonight will be for the whole shootin' match.  Happily ever after.  I see a double wedding, with flower girls, altar boys, a little ring bearer, Pat Boone singing "April Love".

LAVERNE

Shirl!!  Let's wait and see if they buy us dinner first.

SHIRLEY

Tonight dinner, tomorrow a two-story colonial.  (STARTING BACK TO LIVING ROOM) The sky's the limit.  Just think about it, Laverne.  You, me and two really fabulous guys.

This set-up for the Hello Moment was replaced by nothing in particular, and there's not the same effect.

Since Scene B, which is set in the girls' bedroom, is linked by "continuous action," although it's now "night," we'll continue.

THE GIRLS ENTER.  SHIRLEY ENTERS FIRST.  LAVERNE THROWS DOWN HER POODLE SKIRT AND GOES TO THE CLOSET.

LAVERNE

I'm gonna sue them.  I'm gonna sue the cleaners.

SHIRLEY

Oh, don't be silly.

SHIRLEY EXITS TO THE BATHROOM.

LAVERNE

I got a blind poodle here.  How am I gonna look good tonight?  (PANICKING) What am I gonna wear?  What am I gonna wear?!!

SHIRLEY

Calmly.  Calmly.

Onscreen, we get stock footage of a fire, and when we go to the girls' bedroom, Shirley is already in the bathroom.  They did keep Laverne's panicky "What am I gonna wear" part.

This was cut out, as Laverne looks under the bed.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Boo Boo Kitty!  Here's a rhinestone for my poodle skirt.

SHIRLEY

From Boo Boo Kitty you'd take his one good eye?  You're that cruel?

LAVERNE

I'm sorry.

Thoughts:

• I don't know if Shirley's plans for the date and beyond were cut for time or because the censors objected, but I like the contrast between the girls here.
• Sixty-five girls on the bottling line seems like a lot.
• Does Shirley think Pat Boone himself will sing at their wedding?  She is a dreamer!
• BBK seems to hang out under beds more in the early days.  Also, at this point the cat is male.

"Bridal Shower," Scene D

The tag is set in the girls' living room, at night.  The first couple pages made it in, but this got dropped, after Shirley tells Laverne to put more marshmallows in her mouth:

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Is that three?

LAVERNE HOLDS UP FOUR FINGERS.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Great, only thirty-six more to set a new record.

THEY CONTINUE EARNESTLY STUFFING AND COUNTING, AS WE

FADE OUT.

Overall, this script was pretty solid and they didn't make significant changes.  Some stuff with Edna, Cookie, and Crystal was dropped that should've been kept, but I guess something had to go in the interest of time.  

"Bridal Shower," Scene C

We go to Rosie's apartment, "the next day."  Rosie was supposed to be wearing "a sweater with rhinestones on it and a fur coat," but she's wearing a green dress with a fur stole.

Laverne biting Rosie's hand after the "old maid" remark was added, as was Elinor hugging Laverne and Shirley hello.

This was left out, after Laverne says she never realized Elinor was tall:

ELINOR

When I met Stanley, my fiance, he said it didn't matter how I looked, that he loved me for what I was inside.  So I decided to let the inside get a little closer to the outside.

THEY ALL LAUGH AS ROSIE COMES BACK.

They added Laverne saying, "Hot air," after Shirley wonders what's in the $15 cake Rosie bought.

This was dropped after Laverne says her dates are all special:

COOKIE

Nah, you know what I mean.  Anybody you wanna tie the knot with?

CRYSTAL

Cookie, c'mon.  Maybe Laverne don't want to get married.

COOKIE

What are you crazy?  Everybody wants to get married.  Right, Laverne?

Laverne saying "a scissors" rather than just "scissors" seems to have been a Penny touch.

Laverne and Rosie repeating the word "bimbo" was not in the script, but heightens the tension.

For some reason, Shirley in the script says she's going to "Italian, French, and Japanese" restaurants, but it's "Ukrainian" instead of "Japanese" onscreen.

Cookie and Crystal lost some lines after Crystal says she has to pick up her own bag of Chinese food:

COOKIE

It ain't for me.  It's for those loudmouths he plays poker with.  I'm lucky if they throw me an eggroll.

CRYSTAL

My Ralph don't even come home after work, he goes out drinking beer with the boys and the next thing I know, I'm waking up to the sound of a man sweating.

COOKIE

Nobody makes noise when they sweat.

CRYSTAL

Believe me, when my Ralph sweats, you listen.

In case you're curious, no words are included in the script for the "Angora anthem."

Thoughts:

• Stanley's remark to Elinor feels clumsy, like he couldn't say he thought she was beautiful the way she was?  And she still felt the need to lose weight.  But the line is still sort of sweet and it, um, fleshes out Elinor a bit more.
• Not that Cookie and Crystal don't get some good stuff in the filmed episode, but I like these extra glimpses of them.
• Still not any major changes, and now all that's left is the tag.

"Bridal Shower," Scene B

We go to the "girls' apartment - morning":

SHIRLEY IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR AMID A PILE OF JUNK NEAR THE KITCHEN COUNTER.  SHE'S LOOKING THROUGH HER HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK.  LAVERNE IS STANDING AT THE KITCHEN COUNTER, TALKING ON THE PHONE AND TRYING TO MIX A MILK AND PEPSI AT THE SAME TIME.  SHE'S HAVING PROBLEMS.

LAVERNE

(INTO PHONE, TRYING TO GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE) Pop... Pop!  I don't care about Elinor getting married... Yes, I'm gonna give you grandchildren...  Yeah, I know I'm your only hope...  Yeah, before you're dead...  I'll name the first one Frank...  Whether it's a boy or a girl.  Goodbye.

They left out Shirley asking if Laverne paid the rent, which Laverne did, and Mrs. Babish saying that the boys' boat races were for "the finals."  

In the script, Laverne's junk mail includes an offer "to buy beads from Navajo orphans," while onscreen it's her renewal for True Confessions.

We sadly lost this early glimpse into early Edna:

MRS. BABISH

Angora Debs?  When I was in high school, I was in the Busy Hands Chapter of The Girls' Friendly Society.

LAVERNE

Mrs. Babish!

MRS. BABISH

It's not what you think.  We made potholders.  It was boring.

LAVERNE

I'll bet.

And this:

MRS. BABISH

Funny, I've been married five times, and I never felt like I was better than anyone.

LAVERNE

Rosie thinks she's better than the President.

Laverne didn't give in on going to the shower quite as fast in the script, since after Shirley said Edna is right, Laverne said, "We'll send her a great present," and then Shirley coaxed, "Come on.  You know darn well we oughta be there to congratulate her.  Tell her how happy we are for her."

Thoughts:

• So Frank kept nagging Laverne about grandchildren into the next day.  Well, OK, and over several more seasons.
• I assume she did name one of her kids after Frank, and after all Frankie was a female protagonist in the novel and movie The Member of the Wedding, both of which came out before this episode is set.
• More Edna background in canon, please thanks.
• So far, no major changes though in this script, and we're already done with Act One.

"Bridal Shower," Scene A

On September 1, 1976, a couple months before "Bridal Shower" aired, the Rev. Shooting Script was submitted.  I don't think there are any major differences from what would end up onscreen, certainly nothing like what happened to "Good Time Girls," but we shall see what changes were made. 

The opening scene is set at the Pizza Bowl at night.  In the script, it says that "Carmine is singing onstage," but it doesn't say what song, and I'm working with the DVD copy, so shrug.  I do think this line of his was dropped before filming, "Thank you, thank you all.  If you liked me, my name's Carmine Ragusa, the Big Ragoo...  If you didn't my name is Vic Damone."

The detail that Lenny would "stuff forty of these little white beauties," meaning marshmallows was lost, as was this:

LENNY STRUTS AROUND ACTING LIKE A WINNING PRIZEFIGHTER.  THE CROWD "BOO'S" AND JEERS.

LENNY

Thanks, everyone....

SQUIGGY

You're welcome.

LENNY SHOVES SQUIGGY OFF THE STAGE.

LENNY

I appreciate your support, and I'll be out there stuffin' for each and every one of you.

And this was chopped out of the Carmine & Frank exchange:

CARMINE

Hey, Mr. De Fazio...  Couples' Night is really working out good, huh?

FRANK

Yeah, even better than when I had Moustache Night.

After Frank is half incoherent about what he thinks of Carmine's singing, Carmine was supposed to "turn to the people in the bowl" and ask, "Does he like me, or doesn't he?  Who can understand?!"

After Laverne orders, this was originally in the script:

SHIRLEY

Shhh!  Do you have to shout like that and draw attention?

LAVERNE

Nobody notices.

CARMINE WALKS OVER TO THEM.

CARMINE

(SHOUTS) Hey!  What ya say, girls?  Ya missed my first set.

SHIRLEY

Sorry, Carmine.  How'd it go?

CARMINE

I don't know.  I asked her father.

LAVERNE

You shoulda heard him tell me the facts of life.

They omitted Shirley saying, "Well, I'm glad for her.  I always liked Elinor," and Laverne adding, "Yeah, me, too.  She was so sweet."

They dropped Carmine remarking, "I'm tired of getting paid in breadsticks," for his Pizza Bowl gig.

For some reason, Laverne's line about Elinor's father, "His students like him," was changed to "He was the ice cream man."

When Squiggy scolds Lenny for doing mouth exercises while Squiggy is talking to girls, he originally "mimicked Lenny's mouth exercises," so then there was this:

LENNY

I didn't do this... (PULLS HIS CHEEKS)  I did this... (PULLS HIS LIPS)

Onscreen, the boys instead talk about "roadwork" and "bridgework."

This is the dropped ending of the scene:

CARMINE

My first number's dedicated to a very good friend of mine...  Mr. Pizza himself, Frank De Fazio...

CARMINE BEGINS TO SING "THAT'S AMORE".  FRANK WALKS UP, HANDS CARMINE A BREADSTICK.

Thoughts:

• Lenny is more humble onscreen, and Squiggy pushes him offstage.
• Lenny will be stuffing for each and every one of us.
• I wonder if Frank brought back Moustache Night after he grew one of his own.
• The.  People.  In.  The.  Bowl.
• I wish we could've heard Laverne's father explain the facts of life.
• It would've been nice to get more of the girls' fondness for Elinor into this first scene.
• Mmm, breadsticks.