"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 6

Act Two opens in the "girls' living room - night."  The first page basically made it in, although in the script Laverne asks Shirley, "Can't you grungy up a little?"  And then came this:

THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN.  AFTER A BEAT, LENNY SUDDENLY STEPS INTO THE ROOM CARRYING A HOCKEY STICK LIKE A WEAPON.  HE LEANS AGAINST THE OPEN DOOR.  SQUIGGY STEPS IN WEARING BOXING GLOVES.

LENNY

(TO THE GIRLS) All right, don't panic.

SQUIGGY

Mrs. Babish told us the explosion came from this apartment.

SHIRLEY

That was three days ago.

LENNY 

You had Russians in here for three days?

LAVERNE

There are no Russians here.

SQUIGGY

I understand.  (TO LENNY) They can't talk.

LENNY

Sure they can. I just heard 'em.

SQUIGGY

Do I have to save the whole country by myself?  What happened was the Russians came in, took over the apartment, and made them dress different.

LENNY

The fiends.

LAVERNE

Look, guys.  The Russians were here but they left.  They got on a bus to Pittsburgh.

SQUIGGY

Pittsburgh!  Come on, we gotta go warn the hills and the dales.

SQUIGGY EXITS.

LENNY

I'd follow that man through hell.

LENNY EXITS.

LAVERNE

I wouldn't follow him through Gimbel's.

SHIRLEY GOES TO THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

Who is it?

RICHIE/POTSIE (O.S.)

It's Richie. And Potsie.

That whole Lenny & Squiggy part was dropped, along with the rest of that subplot.  Note that the script doesn't actually mention the door closing, or the high school boys knocking.  Shirley just senses someone's there.  And onscreen both Richie and Potsie sing "Blueberry Hill."

Shirley does not pose Laverne in the script.  Richie and Potsie in print "look sharp, wearing white blazers," while onscreen their blazers are dark.  The introductions are quick in the filmed version, and then Shirley says, "Well, let's go to the dance."  But here are the last three pages of the scene in the script:

FROM THE MOMENT POTSIE ENTERS, HE LEERS AT LAVERNE WITH ANTICIPATION.

SHIRLEY

Hi, Richie.

RICHIE

HI, Shirley; hi, Laverne.  Listen some guy with a hockey stick just asked me how to get to Pittsburgh...

SHIRLEY
He's harmless.

RICHIE

Oh.  You girls sure look... (NOTICES HOW THEY'RE DRESSED) ...nice.  Oh, ladies, this is Potsie.

POTSIE

Hi.  (TO LAVERNE) I'm sure glad we're going to the dance together.  I've heard a lot about you.

LAVERNE

Yeah?  Whad'ya hear?

POTSIE

(BEAT) Oh, that you're a nice person.

RICHIE

We brought corsages.

SHIRLEY

How nice.  But this isn't formal.

POTSIE

We know.  We just wanted to pin 'em on.

RICHIE PINS THE CORSAGE SMOOTHLY.  POTSIE GOES TO LAVERNE TO PIN ON CORSAGE.  HE IS PRACTICALLY DROOLING.  HE FUMBLES AROUND TRYING TO PIN IT ON.

LAVERNE

Let me help you there.

LAVERNE HELPS POTSIE PUT ON THE CORSAGE.

LAVERNE (CON'TD)

Make yourselves comfortable, we'll be back in a second.

LAVERNE LEADS SHIRLEY INTO THE KITCHEN WITH HER.

LAVERNE (CON'TD)

What's with Potsie?  His eyes are bugging out.  Hasn't he ever been with a girl before?

SHIRLEY

Of course, he's probably just excited about the dance.

LAVERNE

What did you tell them about me?

SHIRLEY

I used the old brain cells, I just gave them some song and dance.

LAVERNE

What was the exact song and the exact dance?

SHIRLEY

Well, I just said that... that, uh... you were an extremely mature, experienced woman, and that... um, that, uh...

LAVERNE  

And that I was open for business?

SHIRLEY

I don't say those things!

LAVERNE

You must've said something.

SHIRLEY

Look, we're goin', aren't we?  Relax and don't fret.

LAVERNE

Fret?

SHIRLEY WALKS BACK TO THE GUYS.  LAVERNE FOLLOWS.  POTSIE GIVES LAVERNE A BIG SMILE.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Fellas, we'd better get going, we sure don't want to be late.

POTSIE

(DISAPPOINTED) Aren't we going to... (LOOKS AT RICHIE) ...relax first?

SHIRLEY

We don't have time to relax now.  We'll have all the time in the world when we get back.

SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE EXIT.  LAVERNE LOOKS AT POTSIE, WARILY, AS SHE PASSES HIM.

RICHIE/POTSIE

All right!

THEY SMILE AND NUDGE EACH OTHER.

Thoughts:

• I guess the "grungy" line is one of those not quite Hello Moments that occur in the scripts.
• Lenny and Squiggy are no longer armed with explosives.  Instead, they're armed with sports equipment.
• "Do I have to save the whole country by myself?" feels very Squiggy, even if the rest of the line doesn't.
• The "following Squiggy" lines are very characteristic of Lenny and Laverne.
• There's no other way to put this: Potsie is seriously horny for Laverne in this version.  And she's a lot more suspicious about it than onscreen Laverne would be.
• Well, at least Shirley sees Lenny as harmless.
• OK, Richie is a bit horny, too, but cooler about it.