"I Do, I Don't"

"I Do, I Don't"
January 5, 1982
C

This Begel & Kite story isn't as bad as the previous episode but it does have a central flaw that it can't get past.  Shirley has an opportunity to have a wedding with all expenses paid, so she drafts Carmine as groom.  This isn't like when she got him to play groom for a few minutes so she and Laverne could use the honeymoon suite she won.  And it isn't like "I Do, I Do," since no one is stoned.  (Or being made to marry at gunpoint.)  She puts her dream wedding ahead of the wishes and wants of a man she claims to love, and it is only at the last minute, after he's reluctantly agreed in order to make her happy, that she comes to her senses.  At least Lenny and Squiggy are around to wear stunning "best man" tuxedos as they squabble over the position.

Note that this episode contains some free-floating innuendo, as Laverne compliments Carmine's (fishing) pole after he ogles her in her slip, and Squiggy compliments Rhonda's "cat" (Boo Boo Kitty, who attends but does not participate in the wedding).  And there is sort of a Shirerne shipping moment, when Laverne tells Shirley, "I love you but I can't marry you."

Minister John Miranda was Man in Restaurant the previous season.

"I Do, I Do"

"I Do, I Do"
February 24, 1981
B-

Lesa Kite and Cindy Begel wrote this jaw-dropping episode which includes a cocaine joke, lots of "Mary Jane," a Vegas wedding, and of course the word "tadger."*  Either the ABC censors were asleep on the job or they figured the warnings about drug abuse made everything OK.

Things start somewhat normally, with the girls helping out at the restaurant while Frank is away at Cowboy Bill's University.  Laverne recognizes two British rockers, cheekily cast with Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits, then still only 33, as London (no last name), and a post-Rutles Eric Idle as Derek DeWoods.  The lads are worried about their tax situation, especially since Derek wants to buy a castle.  They invite the girls to a party launching their next tour.  (Why?  Why not?)

At the party, Shirley warns Laverne to not act like it's a brewery party.  (Did we ever actually see a brewery party?)  But Shirley name-drops people we've seen on other episodes, like Fabian, Julius La Rosa, and Troy Donahue.  Laverne is excited when she thinks Simon & Garfunkel are there, but it turns out to be Lenny & Squiggy.  Laverne, who wants to touch Lenny's curly hair, says she's "so disappointed," which again makes Marshall's future involvement with Garfunkel ironic.

Derek and London are playing at the party with their band, performing their Number One hit, "Your Love Love Love," which is a nifty little British Invasion parody.  (Not on the level of the Rutles, or Spinal Tap for that matter, but not bad.)  One of the other guitarists is Malcolm (singer-songwriter Stephen Bishop, who's actually American but giving his all to the accent), who also made a batch of brownies.  Yes, that kind of brownies.

As for the cocaine joke, Laverne picks a hand-mirror up off a table and flings the powder off it so she can fix her hair, but only a few in the studio audience get it (I certainly didn't at 13), and there's no dialogue in reference to it. 

Lenny and Squiggy want to meet "Mary Jane," who they think is a starlet.  So they go in the very smoky "jolly room."  Malcolm offers Laverne and Shirley a joint.  Laverne is tempted but Shirley can't get over watching Reefer Zombies in high school.  Shirley steers Laverne over to the innocent-looking brownies, "a much better way to enjoy a party."

Lenny and Squiggy emerge from the jolly room, having had smoke blown in their faces.  (It's interesting that both pairs take drugs innocently, with others at fault.)  They stand on a coffee table and the girls help them down.  And then we get one of the oddest Lavenny sequences in the series.  (Yes, I'm going to picspam you again.)

While Shirley is worried about and protective towards Squiggy (and, yes, this is pretty S/S, especially since in the previous episode she reluctantly said he was the least attractive person in the room), Laverne asks Lenny what it's like to be high.  He first tells her he's always liked her, which she and we know, and he's very touchy-feely in an exploratory tactile sense, stroking her face and hair.  But she touches him, too, and she plays with his scarf and looks down at his "pancreas" when he says he can feel it for the first time.

It's hard to care as much when Derek and London propose to the girls and sweep them off to Las Vegas.  The girls have been eating more and more brownies and they fortunately pass out in the chapel (after a little Bingo-calling).  The lads are chivalrous enough to leave the girls bus fare before catching their flight out. 

Anyway, it's an odd episode, even by the standards of Season Six, and it doesn't all hang together, but it's definitely got its moments.

Kathryn Fuller is Ernestine here and would be a Bag Lady the next year.  Phil Perez would direct two more episodes.


*In an aside by Idle.

"Antonio the Amazing"

It's an episode with lots of beefcake.

"Antonio the Amazing"
April 1, 1980
B-

Cindy Begel and Lesa Kite's first of three times as a writing team for L & S has Ed Marinaro as the title character, Laverne's cousin from Italy.  Obviously, there's cognitive dissonance here, considering that Marinaro would show up as Laverne's boyfriend in California the following season.  On its own though, it shows that Marinaro works well with the regular cast, including Lenny and "Squidgy," who amuse him and show him how to be American, Lenny of course demonstrating how to bite your hand as an expression of joy.

Note that initially both Laverne and Shirley lust after Antonio, with Laverne clearly disappointed to find out that they're related, and Shirley needing to be reminded that she has Carmine (I cracked up at the way Cindy W. said "Edna"), but then they just seem fond of him, Laverne wanting him to be her honorary big brother.  Also, this is the second episode in a row where Shirley assumes that Laverne is still a virgin, admittedly a dirty-minded virgin.  And yet, Shirley is eager for Laverne to share what she overhears at Confession.  Oh, and the episode has a live bear.