"Short on Time"

"Short on Time"
February 8, 1983
C-

Frank DeFazio confides his marital woes to a chimp, as Laverne realizes the importance of family while singing with the Spinners.

Oh, you want me to go on?  OK, in Jack Lukes's last L & S story, Laverne has three different demands on her night, none of them romantic for a change: an invitation from Rhonda passing on a chance to sing with the Spinners, a request to baby-sit "Chucky, Jr." (and if you didn't guess that the presumably single Chuck* was talking about a "monkey," then you've probably never watched a slapstick sitcom in your life), and a chance to finally talk to her father about why he's recently decided he hates women.  So her solution is to have her father chimp-sit while she goes to the concert.  Then when she gets home, she finds Frank's conveniently dropped "Dear John" letter from Edna and discovers what her pop has already confided in Chucky, Jr.: Edna has left him for a jockey.

Quite frankly, the writing is a mess.  You've got three threads that might've worked individually but don't work together here, comedically or logically.  Even a detail like Laverne inexplicably being in her Cowboy Bill's waitress uniform (when we last saw her in the padded red gown she sang in, and before that it looked like the the costumer character ripped the blouse off her so that she's probably missing buttons) shows that no one really cared anymore.  And what about the thing with Carmine's girlfriend Suzi (the same Suzi as on the Jim Belushi episode?) being offstage and stupid?  What's that about?  I'd guess it might be in service to Lavmine, but on this episode and the "ulcer" one, Laverne and Carmine bicker more in a sibling kind of way than a romcom "They are obviously meant for each other" kind of way.

And, oy, really, show?  That's how you're gonna belatedly deal with the "absent Betty Garrett" situation.  I understand that due to Cindy W's unexpected early departure, this plot had to be pushed back, but with only six episodes to go, why tarnish Edna's image like this?  She deserts Frank and it has to be treated like a joke, because you know, jockeys are funny, amirite?

Anyway, the Spinners are pretty good of course, and this is far from the worst episode, but it is a mess.

Oh, calendar note, I almost forgot.  I couldn't see the month or year, but I did get a look at the calendar in the kitchen that has the 24th and the 31st on Sundays.  In 1967, this only fit December.  Awww, Edna left right before Christmas! 


*This is the last Chuck episode, so maybe he got beamed up at the Star Trek convention.  And don't ask me why there are already Trekkies in '67, when that show didn't become a cult until after it was cancelled.

"Of Mice and Men"

Chemistry?

"Of Mice and Men"
December 7, 1982
C-

I almost went with a C for this episode about Laverne's new boyfriend, "Wheezer" (28-year-old Jim Belushi, several months after his big brother John, and Penny's old friend, died) but I have issues with it, and I think there is some sloppy writing.  Susan Jane Lindner (who'd do the final episode) and Jack Lukes (who'd also write one more) came up with the story, while Jill Gordon (who'd do two more) and Ed Solomon (on his middle of three) did the teleplay.  I'm not sure who's to blame among these relatively inexperienced L & S writers, but why, for instance, are we introduced to Carmine's girlfriend Suzi and not told anything about her?  Is this the woman he conveniently fell in love with while Shirley was getting engaged to Walter, or has he already moved on?  She has a few lines, but she's basically a prop, since they needed Carmine and Laverne to be on a double date.  If Carol Kane can give 150% to a fortune-teller role, why couldn't they get someone to at least offer something besides bland good looks?  And not to pick on poor Delyse Lively, but the series had had a lot of recognizable stars on recently, so why not bring back Carrie Fisher and at least give Laverne a female sounding board again?  (Even Rhonda is absent this time.)

So let's pick on poor Jim Belushi instead.  By this point, he was already the veteran of two failed sitcoms.  (One of them, Who's Watching the Kids?, was Garry Marshall's reworked version of Blansky's Beauties, still with Scott Baio and Lynda Goodfriend.)  He knows how to act in this world, but unfortunately he's been saddled with two insurmountable problems.  One is, his character is a "wimp"* and is ashamed of being a wimp.  Even when Laverne tells him she likes him for his other qualities, he doesn't believe her.  And frankly, neither do I. 

Don't even ask me what the other two guys represent.

I suppose it's not Belushi's fault, or Penny M's since she's certainly trying hard, but there is no chemistry between Wheezer and Laverne.  (Sorry Wheezerne shippers, I call 'em as I see 'em.)  I could more easily believe that Laverne wants to make out with just-friend coworker Chuck.  I can buy Wheezer as Laverne's not particularly close buddy but that's about all.  And it's not about looks, because he's probably about equally as attractive as Jay Leno, and I bought that Laverne would put on a Southern belle act for Joey.

And then, I don't know if this is sloppy writing or just the series' ambiguous attitude towards Lavmine, but Wheezer has a dream where he not only is an extreme wimp, but he has to fight for Laverne against Carmine.  And this plays out as an Apache dance, so Laverne's own boyfriend ships them sadomasochisticly!  Season Eight, sigh.  (I know, I know, it's just an excuse for Penny and Eddie to dance together, but couldn't they have found another pretext?)

Murphy Dunne has his third and final L & S role, as Gonzague.  Director Paul Sills has almost no other IMDB credits.


*I'm willing to bet cash money that "wimp" was not in wide popular usage in the 1960s, certainly not on the level it was in the '80s, when it was applied to a wide range of men from Woody Allen to Alan Alda to George Bush, Sr.  Merriam-Wesbster Online claims it was first used in the 1920s, but I don't even recall it in the '70s.  Yes, there was Wimpy in the Popeye cartoons of the '30s and later, but he wasn't really "wimpy" in a modern sense.

"The Diner"

"The Diner"
May 6, 1980
B-

Robert Perlow's first of three L & S stories has Lenny inheriting the title location from his Uncle Lazlo.  Due to a signed agreement, Squiggy gets half of the inheritance, but the guys don't know anything about running the place, so they agree to hand it over to the girls, who know a little bit more than nothing.  The main thing I remember about this episode from the time is cook Laverne saying, "Betty, please," whenever she has an order for waitress Shirley to pick up.

I'd forgotten about Shirley getting pinched by men several times in a row and then Laverne saying into the microphone, "Please don't harass Betty please."  And I'd forgotten how much Lavenny there is in this episode, although part of that is when Lenny startles Laverne with a kiss, as Squiggy startles Shirley with one, because that's how they plan to greet all their female customers.  Lenny informs us that women are hungrier after sex, as if he'd know.

The Laverne/Lenny starts with Laverne going over and comforting Lenny, who's crying over his dead uncle.  She even puts his head on her chest, although she knows the grease will ruin her bottle-capper's smock.  He asks her to do him a favor and from her reaction, we can tell she expects something sexual, but he says, "Not that," and has her open a telegram.  She, and Shirley, are protective of Lenny when Squiggy claims his share of the diner. 

And then when they go over to the diner, to see what the boys have done to it, besides the "surprise" kisses, we also see the boys holding the girls' hands, including Lenny leading Laverne out by hers so he can hang up the sign.  There's definitely a subtext that Lenny wants to share his sorrow and joy with Laverne, although of course he bails on the diner when he gets the chance.  He may love Laverne, but he's happy for her and Shirley to do all the work.

Oh, and Carmine sings a couple songs, one with the jukebox ("There's No Business Like Show Business," while you'd expect something food-related) and then one with the girls (Shirley's jingle for the diner).

This time, Jack Lukes plays Lou.  Linda McMurray would direct one other episode.

Some Lavenny stills for your viewing pleasure:

"Murder on the Moose Jaw Express: Part 1"

"Murder on the Moose Jaw Express: Part 1"
February 26, 1980
B-

So ABC came to its senses and moved Laverne & Shirley back to 8:30 on Tuesdays, and gave us a two-parter.  (Not a one-hour special, since Part 2 would air the next week.)  They also threw in an array of C-list celebrities that the studio audience was thrilled to see and I was, well, dumbfounded, because, sure, Charlene Tilton, Scatman Crothers, and Wilfrid Hyde-Pierce, it's the Love Boat era so why not, but I was actually spluttering about Conrad Janis today, because ABC had booted him off Mork & Mindy and he'd only been recently been brought back to M & M.  So who knows what I thought of this at 12, other than, Yay, my Tuesday night lineup is back!  (Also airing that night, the episode with Jack Tripper's brother, and Joanie and Chachi's first date!)

Anyway, in Richard Rosenstock's first of two L & S stories and Jack Lukes's first of four (although he had acted in a couple episodes already, which I'll retroactively tag), the girls have won a slogan contest, where the first prize is opening a brewery in Canada.  And the second prize, won by Lenny and Squiggy is, um, also a trip on the train to Moose Jaw?  Oh well, I'm not complaining of course.  The boys are prepared to solve a mystery because they're on a train, and "lucky" for them, a man gets stabbed and dies in the girls' surprisingly spacious compartment, but not before warning them about "the bald man" and passing Secret Microfilm (TM) to Shirley.  But before the boys can find the culprit, Shirley drinks poisoned cocoa and falls to the floor.  TO BE CONTINUED....

Roger C. Carmel would return as the Waiter in Part 2, while Charles Pierce would again be MacGuffin (you see what they did there?), while somehow Shelley Lipkin, who had recently been the Poet on the beatnik episode, would be back as "The Dead Man."

"Supermarket Sweep"

"Supermarket Sweep"
February 6, 1979
C+

Ron Leavitt wrote this story (his only one for L & S, although he'd go on to create Married...with Children) where Laverne is the millionth customer at Slotnick's Grocery Store.  (The actor playing Mr. Slotnick, Byron Webster, was Warren Tompkins before.)  Shirley, as the boys pick up on, is jealous of Laverne's "fame, fortune, and groceries," so the girls agree to work as a team but then give up on that.  I liked the subplot better about them buying a huge male nude statue, which Laverne breaks offscreen (without explanation), and then they have to sell it to Mrs. Babish because it reminds her of her "first ski instructor."

Security Guard Jack Lukes previously was Guy #1 but would play characters with names later.  If I recall correctly, Frank didn't appear and was at some sort of pizza convention, although IMDB credits Foster for this episode.

"Guinea Pigs"

"Guinea Pigs"
January 18, 1977
C+

It's weird that I recall from the time details about this Jack-Winter-written story, like Shirley's version of Grace that makes "food" rhyme with "good," because it's not that funny an episode.  The only time I laughed was when Shirley did the Bunny Hop with a sleepy Laverne on her back.  The girls become the title subjects when they want to earn fast money to attend a cocktail party that requires $20 admission.  (One episode this season suggested they make less than $60/week.)

Note that Mrs. Babish has a date, which is why she gives Shirley her party invitation.  The episode does have some S & S and L & L shipping, although some of it is admittedly odd, like the boys spying on the girls as they change into cocktail dresses in the back of the delivery truck.  Lenny helps Laverne carry in her laundry, and he seems a lot more responsive to her flirtation (to find out about where the guys go secretly to make extra cash) than Squiggy is to Shirley's, but then Shirley is just resting her head on Squiggy's shoulder (her signature move, as in the girls' first HD guest shot), while Laverne is nuzzling and possibly kissing Lenny's neck.

Volunteer Leoda Richards would have two other roles on the show, but not until the '80s.  Jack Lukes, who's Guy #1, would play three other characters.  Kenneth Gilman is Dr. Sandor here but would return as Chickie Gale.  And this time Harry Shearer doesn't just do a voiceover but appears onscreen, in a skullcap bald wig, as the Danzaly named Harold.