"I love your feet, you know that?"

The night that Laverne and Shirley solemnly swore that they would never tell a living soul they went out with Lenny and Squiggy, Carmine was visiting the "nice" side of Milwaukee, where he was called to defend the honor of Joanie Cunningham.  This cameo isn't particularly necessary for the episode, but it's short and it works better than the one in "Football Frolics."  So from March 1, 1977, comes "Joanie's Weird Boyfriend."

My non-LAS review is here https://relivinghappydays.blogspot.com/2021/04/joanies-weird-boyfriend.html, but this is the set-up:  Fifteenish Joanie, feeling frustrated by her boyfriend who won't kiss her, annoyed with her family who treat her like a little kid, and egged on by the bad-influence (but still unseen by the audience) Jenny Piccalo, dresses like a tramp and flirts with the leader of the Red Devils gang.  He invites her to a party, but first she has to be initiated, meaning she has to neck with all eight Devils.  And she doesn't even kiss on the first date.  Big brother Richie tracks the gang down to, for some reason, the Jefferson High gym, where he confronts them single-handed, he thinks.  But his three best friends (Fonzie, Potsie, and Ralph, in that order) are already hiding in the lockers.  Now it's four against eight, since Joanie, even though she's hit at least two boys for trying to kiss her on previous episodes, doesn't defend herself.

About seventeen minutes in, Fonzie says that "an old friend happened to come and visit" him.  Presumably Carmine and Fonzie (who knew each other pretty well by the time of the "bachelor party" episode of LAS) decided to hang out at Arnold's, where they heard about Joanie and the gang from Potsie and Ralph, but Carmine isn't going to enter from a locker, good Heavens, no.

Fonzie snaps his fingers and Carmine emerges from the bleachers, singing, this will shock you, "Rags to Riches"!  He makes some gymnastic moves and Ralph's face is all of us.

Carmine twirls his way over to Fonzie, who says that he loves Carmine's feet.  Fonzie introduces Carmine Ragusa to the gang, and Carmine adds, "Of the Marjorie Ward Dance School."  The gangleader jokes that Carmine will tango them to death.  Richie puts his hand on Carmine's shoulder and says that Carmine is also Golden Gloves Champion of Milwaukee.  The Devils have heard of him.

Carmine warms up with more dance moves, but Fonzie just cracks his knuckles.  Joanie tries to stop the fight but then walks out when no one backs down, and no one stops her, even though the point of the fight was supposedly to protect her.

Carmine uses Fonzie's fist like a punching bag, as if they've worked out together before.  Richie is tired of Fonzie fighting his battles, so he insists that he, Ralph, and Potsie take on the gang.  Fonzie has the gangleader pick out three members to fight, and he and Carmine are going to sit this one out.  Which makes Mekka's cameo seem really pointless, but OK.

A comical three-on-three battle begins, with the Fonz and the Big Ragoo offering verbal encouragement, including Carmine telling Richie, "Go get 'em, Tiger!"  They also, however, make asides to each other about the patheticness of the boys' fighting styles.

Eventually Richie has had enough and Fonzie suggests ending the fight, but the gangleader refuses and even calls the Fonz "Arthur."  So Fonzie sasses back and then asks if Carmine is all warmed up.  He musically replies, "They'll never go from rags to riches."  And then the two old friends kick the gangleader and main sidekick in the face.  They scare off the gang and then slap hands to celebrate.

Carmine isn't even mentioned in the remaining couple minutes of the episode, and this is another case of a shoehorned cameo, although I do like that it expands on the Fonzie & Carmine friendship.  Mekka and Winkler have a good rapport together, and it's interesting to see what they're like without Laverne and Shirley around.  Also, it's another chance for Carmine and Richie to interact together, admittedly briefly, after "Excuse Me, May I Cut In?" back in October.  Note that this episode starts out on St. Patrick's Day, so presumably the double date to La Fondue was around then.

"Blansky's Beauties," Episodes Number Nine and Ten

"Nancy Meets Pa Bates" aired on April 16th.  Some things of note:

• In the opening, some of the Beauties flirt with Joey, and then Arnold wishes he was Joey.  So I guess he's widowed or divorced by this point?  ("Arnold's Wedding" had aired on March, 2, 1976.)  Or just a flirt?  I need to know this for my Nanold fic.
• I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but the dance numbers are terrible.
• "I didn't mean to poke you with my pole."
• I'm not even Southern and I'm offended by the "Arkansas" character.
• Anthony asks Sunshine to help him get dressed.  Is this the creepiest twelve-year-old on '70s sitcoms or have I mercifully blanked out on the rest?  (OK, Little Earl on What's Happening!! had his moments, but he was only nine.  And hitting on a thirteen-year-old.)
• Scott Baio in a leisure suit.  Yes, I'm going to screen-cap this....
• Pa Bates is such a hick he's never heard of slot machines.
• A gambling addiction?  This must be a Very Special Episode.
• Arnold has a Rhonda-like tendency to refer to himself by his first name.
• Charo reference.
• Wow, that is the first thing on this series I actually laughed at, Nancy slapping a man for saying, "Let's shoot craps"!
• They repeat the slap gag a few times.  Nancy and guest Warren Berlinger actually have good comic timing on it.
• "Tomorrow I'm gonna have chitlin foo young on the menu."
• Nancy and Arnold are going hiking in the desert and he promises her a good time.  See, you ship it now, right?
• And Anthony hits on three girls his own age, playing spin the bottle.
• This is Joe Glauberg's only BBeauties script, but he did write ten Happy Days episodes, including the historic My Favorite Orkan.

"To Nancy with Love" aired on April 30th.  Here are my notes:

• Random Laverne cameo in the opening.
• I could've lived my life happily without ever hearing Arnold sing, or call his waitresses "hot to trot."
• Second laugh, Nancy's reaction to the intercom.
• The camel is named Irma.
• Oh, goody, a reprise of the "French Foreign Legion" number.  Except, the camel doesn't actually show up this time.
• This is one of four episodes that Alan Rafkin directed, but the only one on this disc.  And Warren S. Murray is back, after doing the pilot.

"Blansky's Beauties," Episode Number Eight

"Nancy Meets Laverne" aired on April 9th and here's a running commentary (time-marks may be approximate):

00:17 "I'm Laverne DeFazio and tonight I'm one of the Blansky [sic] Beauties."

02:00 Written by Roger Garrett and directed by (once again) Jerry Paris.

02:18 Scott Baio hits on Lynda Goodfriend again, with his character being twelve as a selling point.

04:14 Marvin the Bellhop returns.

04:46 Shirtless Eddie

05:25 Flashback begins with the "Welcome Milwaukee Visitors" tower.

05:31 "1957" appears on the screen!  So Laverne is nineteenish, right?

05:47 Nancy, with a '50s hairstyle but otherwise not de-aged is greeted in her hotel room by Frank DeFazio.

06:00 Frank is smoking a cigar!  Also, he's running the benefit that she's in town for.

06:30 "Incidentally, my daughter, Laverne, is a good dancer, you know."

07:38 Laverne walks in and of course the crowd goes crazy.

08:10 Laverne is starstruck, by Nancy.

08:50 Nancy was a big Broadway star?  How did I miss that earlier?

09:35 Laverne wants an autograph for her "best friend, Shirley Feeney."

10:10 Laverne is imitating Señor Wences.

10:44 "I just got my first part-time job, down at the brewery."  So it was only part-time then?

10:50 They started her off as a barrel-roller, but she hopes to be promoted to either bottle-capper or labeller.  Also, she's taking a stenography class.

11:02 Nancy offers her a job as secretary.

13:00 Penny and Nancy have decent comic chemistry together and I wonder what they could've done with stronger material.

13:43 Laverne offers to drive Nancy to the rehearsal hall, although she admits she drives "not real good."  Canonically, Laverne at this point is afraid to drive and does not yet have her license in '57.

13:46 Laverne admits she can't drive at all.

14:40 "Pfister Convention Center Sons of Sicily Benefit for Underprivileged Children"

14:43 Frank is hosting.

16:16 Nancy's dance partner, a male butcher, can't go on because his shop caught on fire, so it'll have to be Laverne.

16:57 When Laverne reluctantly agrees, she asks if she can sew an L on the costume.

17:27 Fortunately, the costume fits perfectly.

17:33 "Nancy Blansky and my little muffin."

17:44 "Fit as a Fiddle" from Singin' in the Rain

19:32 Nancy invites Laverne to Vegas, which of course would've eliminated Laverne & Shirley.

21:05 Laverne doesn't want to go to Vegas.  She's going to stay in Milwaukee and work in the brewery.

21:34 Laverne plans to get a roommate and move out and then meet a fella and move out to get married and have a family life.  But by this point, more than six months after graduation, Laverne should be living with Shirley already, according to not-yet-aired canon.  And we know it would actually be "...Get fired from the brewery, move with my roommate and our best friends to California.  And then she'll marry a guy completely covered in bandages, get pregnant, and she'll move out."

22:51 Back to the present.

23:14 Joey has to decide if he wants Cochise more than dancing.

23:33 Joey bites his hand!

23:50 Nancy encourages him to take a break from dedication.

24:42 Nancy gets eaten by an inflatable raft.

Maybe a C+, I don't know.  Not bad for this series, but not on the level of Season Two of LAS.

"Blansky's Beauties," Episodes Two Through Five

"Blansky for the Defense" aired on February 19, 1977.  A few things of note:

• We learn a little about Joey and Nancy's backstories, including that Joey hopes to break into show biz, so I guess that runs in the family.
• Joey does some acrobatic flips at the custody hearing, because you know, Garry figured that's what Eddie should do.
• The combined writing talents of LAS's Judy Pioli, Marc Sotkin, and Chris Thompson still can't make me laugh at this series.  Not even with Jerry Paris borrowed from Happy Days for the time being.

"Nancy's Cover-Up" aired on February 26th (except IMDB has it as the fourth episode).  Here's what I can tell you about it:

• In the girls' opening intro, Arnold Takahashi "from Miami Beach, Florida" pops up!  This is about four months after the last episode Mr. T and Tina (nothing to do with the later famous Mr. T).  How does Pat Morita's crossover character fit in?  Well, he's a fry cook at his own coffee shop.  (And apparently also lives in Nancy's apartment building.)  I have no idea what he's been doing in the dozenish years since his last canonical appearance on Happy Days, Season Eleven, in 1983.  (Yes, it hurt my brain to type that.)  He's still trilingual (English, Chinese, and Japanese).
• A sample of the writing on this series, the British Beauty observes, "Such a pity this country outlawed flogging."
• How desperate is this show that they bring on a live camel this early in the run?  Or that they promise that the girls might go topless?
• The word "kinky" is used no less than six times (including in Nancy's line "I want the world to know that Nancy Blansky is kinky"), which seems like a lot for a Garry Marshall show.

"Nancy's Magic Moment" aired on March 12th (except IMDB has it as the third episode).  Here's more than you ever wanted to know about it:

• Well, they're getting their money's worth out of the camel at least, including in the French Foreign Legion number.
• "Ministers applauding a stripper?"  And the surprise there is what?
• They're not very consistent about how many "Beauties" Nancy manages, since it seemed to be ten and then twelve and now it's thirteen.  Or maybe she keeps hiring new ones to represent more of the United States.  (One girl is named "Arkansas," while one is, shudder, "Cochise.")
• No, wait, one of the baker's dozen of coffee orders is for the comic-relief dog, Blackjack.
• They lock the magician's assistant in a closet for one of their nutty schemes, and I'm so exhausted from being outraged by Scott Baio's character's pubescent predatory behavior, I can't manage more than a head-shake at that.
• You might've thought it was physically impossible for 4'11" Nancy Walker to dip 6'5" Herb Edelman for a kiss, but you'd be wrong.
• King Tut reference, didn't they realize that that would date the series in syndication?
• LAS writers Tony DiMarco and David Ketchum wrote this episode.

"Nancy Goes Sheik" aired on March 19th.  Stuff about this one:

• They seem to vary the girls' introductions each episode, which with much sharper writing would've been neat.
• Joey is a lot shyer with women than his cousin Carmine is, or for that matter than his kid brother, "who turns everything into smut."
• They use the word "noogie" on this series a lot.
• Picture this said as suggestively as possible, "I can't wait to meet Sheik Ben-Ali.  I bet I could make his carpet fly."
• Well, there's a crossover I wasn't expecting.  Fred Fox, Jr., who would be Freddie the Bellhop on the "Fabian" episode of LAS that Fall, and Freddie on HD in '79, here plays Marvin the Bellhop for the first of two times.  He'd already written the LAS/HD crossover episode "Excuse Me, May I Cut In" and had recently started his run of twenty-nine HD scripts, all the way into Season Eleven.  Anyway, under the Blansky Law of Relativity, I'm going to assume that Marvin is Freddie's younger cousin.
• Bambi apparently does make the sheik's carpet fly, because he holds her captive so she can become his 33rd wife.  Hilarious, right?
• Nancy gets a "magic lantern" as an apology gift from the sheik after she helps Bambi escape by donning a Farrah wig (don't ask), and Nancy wishes for Rock Hudson.  Oh, Honey, no.
• Arnold Kane didn't write any other Blansky episodes, but he doesn't seem to have settled at any sitcom for long.  But then this is the worst episode so far, like a D or D+ rather than the C- I might give the first four episodes, if I were grading them.

Episodes Six and Seven, "Anthony Falls in Love" (with Bambi) and "Nancy Meets Francie" (Sunshine's mother) did not make it onto this disc, so I can't share any "goodies" from them.  Next up, the coveted "Nancy Meets Laverne"!

"Blansky's Beauties," Episode Number One

I spent too much for a very cheap burn of most of Blansky's Beauties, just to settle my own curiosity and share this very crossover series with my loyal reader(s).  I won't blog in depth until we get to "Nancy Remembers Laverne," but just make notes along the way.

The debut episode, "Blansky's Biking Beauty," aired on February 12, 1977.  Some things of note for LAS fans and other students of Marshallania:

• It sets up the basic premise and characters.  It is also remarkably laugh-free but not as cringey as some short-run '70s sitcoms.
• Eddie Mekka, as Joey DeLuca, is a devoted nephew and assistant to Nancy Blansky.
• He is also friends with a remarkably well-preserved Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly).  Correction, she is a "friend of my cousin Carmine's from Milwaukee."  So did Carmine move back to Milwaukee after Burbank and New York, or does Joey mean that Carmine and Pinky met in Milwaukee?  (Either way, Carmine probably boned her.)
• I knew going into this that sixteen-year-old Scott Baio (playing Joey's twelve-year-old brother Anthony) would hit on the showgirls, but it's still weird to see him ask out a character ("Sunshine") played by Lynda Goodfriend.  Dude, that's your future wife's sister-in-law!  Not cool.
• Garry Marshall directed.

"Here Today, Hair Tomorrow"

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"Councilman De Fazio"

"Councilman De Fazio"
May 3, 1983
C

What it says on the tin: Frank runs for City Council and, after seeming to lose badly, wins.  And Laverne spends most of the episode home with mono, so she's not involved much.  However, it's nice to see Squiggy get the girl for an entire episode and perhaps beyond.  And Mary the waitress gets at least her second line of the series.  (She had to say something the time Mr. DeFazio accidentally locked her in the restroom overnight.)

Dottie Archibald plays Reporter Karen and was Mrs. Swisher last season, and in fact co-wrote this episode with Francis T. Perry Williams, who had played a Policeman earlier in this season; and Phil Foster, who'd written another episode about his character in '78.  TV Anchorman Wayne Powers had three previous minor roles on this series.

"Do the Carmine"

"Do the Carmine"
March 15, 1983
C

If you can get past all the anachronisms in this episode, the only one written by Jay Grossman (don't get me started on how backmasking was more of an '80s thing than '60s), this isn't bad, especially for Season Eight.  I do want to note that Rhonda is definitely nicer this season than she was in Season Six, here even offering to help Laverne make dozens of sandwiches.  And there are some nice Carmine moments, with Squiggy and Laverne.  Also, this is at least the third California episode with a Bob Dylan reference.

Oh, and while the previous episode had a couple Shirley references, this one has an exchange where Squiggy tries to hit a jukebox like "that kid we knew back in Milwaukee," and Carmine says, "Arthur?"  Not only that, but Laverne says that dancing with a broom as a teenager made her have a thing for "tall, skinny blond guys"!

Jay Leno's role as Bobby Bitts (sort of a West Coast Dick Clark) is less memorable than his appearance four years earlier as Laverne's boyfriend Joey Mitchell.

"How's Your Sister?"

"How's Your Sister?"
March 1, 1983
C-

In Roger Garrett's last L & S story, Squiggy's younger sister Squendelyn (yes, Lander in drag) visits from New Jersey, after her marriage to a man named Arnie ends, so Squiggy fixes her up with Carmine, for $200.  Carmine reluctantly takes Squendelyn to a Hollywood party, where he's hit on by a succession of very '80s-looking beautiful women.  The episode of course isn't particularly funny, and it wants to have it both ways, with Squen mocked for her looks but then in the end admired for her "inner beauty."  Still, it's interesting from a biographical standpoint I guess, and both Squigman siblings gets the best of the dialogue, like that she's on the Pill!

"Please Don't Feed the Buzzards"

"Please Don't Feed the Buzzards"
February 22, 1983
B-

 “Hey everybody, I found a new script! And this one’s funny!”— Tom Servo talking about a treasure map on the Catalina Caper episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000

Lenny is back and we can laugh again!  (Then we can cry because it's McKean's last appearance as Lenny until reunion shows and such.)  In Andy Goldberg's only and Cheryl Alu's second of two L & S scripts, Lenny and Squiggy find a treasure map and soon they and Carmine and Frank are wandering aimlessly in the desert, fighting, drinking, and bonding.  The episode doesn't make a lot of sense, although by Season Eight standards this is icily logical, and the chemistry is good.  I laughed a few times and smiled a lot, and that heavy weight lifted off my chest for twenty minutes.

Shipping notes, a mirage of Rhonda as a harem girl makes Lenny drool, but he does say goodbye to Laverne before returning to the desert, presumably for the next forty days and nights.  Also, it felt completely in character for Squiggy to use Lenny as a pack-mule and drink all the water when he lets Lenny have all the peanut butter.  Family notes, a drunk Frank says Squiggy is the son he never wanted, which Squiggy says is what his own father said, while Carmine's anecdote about his dad makes him sound poor but joking.

Wayne Powers has his third of four L & S roles as Gus.

"The Ghost Story"

Remember Laverne & Shirley?

"The Ghost Story"
February 15, 1983
C-

Kenny Wolin & Barry Bleach's only L & S script makes no attempt, as just about every other episode has, to pretend to have any connection to reality.  As such, it's somewhat interesting, and it does offer what feels like a lot of the remaining regulars (five!), but yeah, it doesn't work.  Laverne's apartment is haunted by an Olympic-losing ghost (Richard Karron, who was Robert A. Markland in '77), therfore, the only solution is to recreate the 1932 Olympics in her living room so that the ghost can stop possessing her.

Note that Suzi must be even more "frigid" than Shirley, since Carmine gets excited about holding hands with both Rhonda and Laverne during a seance.

Jeannetta Arnette, who plays Marianne Vimvoli, the actress that Squiggy tries to give the casting couch treatment to (on Laverne's couch), would get her long-running gig on Head of the Class three years later.

"Short on Time"

"Short on Time"
February 8, 1983
C-

Frank DeFazio confides his marital woes to a chimp, as Laverne realizes the importance of family while singing with the Spinners.

Oh, you want me to go on?  OK, in Jack Lukes's last L & S story, Laverne has three different demands on her night, none of them romantic for a change: an invitation from Rhonda passing on a chance to sing with the Spinners, a request to baby-sit "Chucky, Jr." (and if you didn't guess that the presumably single Chuck* was talking about a "monkey," then you've probably never watched a slapstick sitcom in your life), and a chance to finally talk to her father about why he's recently decided he hates women.  So her solution is to have her father chimp-sit while she goes to the concert.  Then when she gets home, she finds Frank's conveniently dropped "Dear John" letter from Edna and discovers what her pop has already confided in Chucky, Jr.: Edna has left him for a jockey.

Quite frankly, the writing is a mess.  You've got three threads that might've worked individually but don't work together here, comedically or logically.  Even a detail like Laverne inexplicably being in her Cowboy Bill's waitress uniform (when we last saw her in the padded red gown she sang in, and before that it looked like the the costumer character ripped the blouse off her so that she's probably missing buttons) shows that no one really cared anymore.  And what about the thing with Carmine's girlfriend Suzi (the same Suzi as on the Jim Belushi episode?) being offstage and stupid?  What's that about?  I'd guess it might be in service to Lavmine, but on this episode and the "ulcer" one, Laverne and Carmine bicker more in a sibling kind of way than a romcom "They are obviously meant for each other" kind of way.

And, oy, really, show?  That's how you're gonna belatedly deal with the "absent Betty Garrett" situation.  I understand that due to Cindy W's unexpected early departure, this plot had to be pushed back, but with only six episodes to go, why tarnish Edna's image like this?  She deserts Frank and it has to be treated like a joke, because you know, jockeys are funny, amirite?

Anyway, the Spinners are pretty good of course, and this is far from the worst episode, but it is a mess.

Oh, calendar note, I almost forgot.  I couldn't see the month or year, but I did get a look at the calendar in the kitchen that has the 24th and the 31st on Sundays.  In 1967, this only fit December.  Awww, Edna left right before Christmas! 


*This is the last Chuck episode, so maybe he got beamed up at the Star Trek convention.  And don't ask me why there are already Trekkies in '67, when that show didn't become a cult until after it was cancelled.

"The Rock and Roll Show"

This isn't helping Laverne's ulcer.

"The Rock and Roll Show"
January 25, 1983
C+

Maybe I'm so beaten down by Season Eight that I sort of liked this episode, even if there's something a little heart-breaking about an episode with this title not only missing Michael McKean but with Lander soloing in the opening credits.  (And Squiggy isn't even in it that much.)

In Jill Gordon's third and final L & S story, Laverne encourages Chuck to pursue music because of his harmonica skills.  (Fleischer's harmonica had perked up a dreary final-season Welcome Back, Kotter episode four years earlier.)  He recruits a bunch of science geeks from work, played by Jack Mack and the Heart Attack, and it's up to briefly Carmine but mostly Laverne to teach these nerds how to rock out.  That they achieve only at best a sort of Huey Lewis and the Far from Headline News isn't her fault.  And don't get me started on the stadium audience that looks like it's from 1957 rather than '67.

Promoter Bob Perlow had written three episodes but this is his only onscreen appearance on L & S.  Former writer Chris Thompson does his only directing gig on the series, here in the post-Bosom-Buddies phase of his career.  Note that IMDB claims that "Weird Al" Yankovic is uncredited as the keyboard player, but I don't buy it, especially since the keyboardist looks too tall and not really anything like WAY would look in the "Ricky" video from later that year.

"Of Mice and Men"

Chemistry?

"Of Mice and Men"
December 7, 1982
C-

I almost went with a C for this episode about Laverne's new boyfriend, "Wheezer" (28-year-old Jim Belushi, several months after his big brother John, and Penny's old friend, died) but I have issues with it, and I think there is some sloppy writing.  Susan Jane Lindner (who'd do the final episode) and Jack Lukes (who'd also write one more) came up with the story, while Jill Gordon (who'd do two more) and Ed Solomon (on his middle of three) did the teleplay.  I'm not sure who's to blame among these relatively inexperienced L & S writers, but why, for instance, are we introduced to Carmine's girlfriend Suzi and not told anything about her?  Is this the woman he conveniently fell in love with while Shirley was getting engaged to Walter, or has he already moved on?  She has a few lines, but she's basically a prop, since they needed Carmine and Laverne to be on a double date.  If Carol Kane can give 150% to a fortune-teller role, why couldn't they get someone to at least offer something besides bland good looks?  And not to pick on poor Delyse Lively, but the series had had a lot of recognizable stars on recently, so why not bring back Carrie Fisher and at least give Laverne a female sounding board again?  (Even Rhonda is absent this time.)

So let's pick on poor Jim Belushi instead.  By this point, he was already the veteran of two failed sitcoms.  (One of them, Who's Watching the Kids?, was Garry Marshall's reworked version of Blansky's Beauties, still with Scott Baio and Lynda Goodfriend.)  He knows how to act in this world, but unfortunately he's been saddled with two insurmountable problems.  One is, his character is a "wimp"* and is ashamed of being a wimp.  Even when Laverne tells him she likes him for his other qualities, he doesn't believe her.  And frankly, neither do I. 

Don't even ask me what the other two guys represent.

I suppose it's not Belushi's fault, or Penny M's since she's certainly trying hard, but there is no chemistry between Wheezer and Laverne.  (Sorry Wheezerne shippers, I call 'em as I see 'em.)  I could more easily believe that Laverne wants to make out with just-friend coworker Chuck.  I can buy Wheezer as Laverne's not particularly close buddy but that's about all.  And it's not about looks, because he's probably about equally as attractive as Jay Leno, and I bought that Laverne would put on a Southern belle act for Joey.

And then, I don't know if this is sloppy writing or just the series' ambiguous attitude towards Lavmine, but Wheezer has a dream where he not only is an extreme wimp, but he has to fight for Laverne against Carmine.  And this plays out as an Apache dance, so Laverne's own boyfriend ships them sadomasochisticly!  Season Eight, sigh.  (I know, I know, it's just an excuse for Penny and Eddie to dance together, but couldn't they have found another pretext?)

Murphy Dunne has his third and final L & S role, as Gonzague.  Director Paul Sills has almost no other IMDB credits.


*I'm willing to bet cash money that "wimp" was not in wide popular usage in the 1960s, certainly not on the level it was in the '80s, when it was applied to a wide range of men from Woody Allen to Alan Alda to George Bush, Sr.  Merriam-Wesbster Online claims it was first used in the 1920s, but I don't even recall it in the '70s.  Yes, there was Wimpy in the Popeye cartoons of the '30s and later, but he wasn't really "wimpy" in a modern sense.

"Death Row: Part 2"

"Death Row: Part 2"
November 23, 1982
D

Well.  This episode.

This is simultaneously worse than Part 1 and capable of more entertainment than its predecessor.  And Lenny and Squiggy are somehow the best and worst aspects of the episode.

In Nick LeRose's second of four L & S stories, Laverne and Sheba are now on Death Row and going to be executed at midnight of the following day.  They aren't allowed last phone calls because "Smith and Jones" already had their phone calls.  Luckily, sort of, Lenny and Squiggy like to visit women's prisons.  (If I recall correctly, this was actually a hobby of theirs in at least one early episode.)

Newman as a Valley Girl in '75

They are very surprised to see her and she's so happy that she tries to hug them through the bars, causing them to accidentally kiss.  (Lenny remarks, "See, I told you she was a good kisser.")  Laverne wants them to deliver a note to her father, and they're reluctant!  Squiggy fears Mr. DeFazio's violent temper and won't touch the note with a ten-foot pole.  Lenny says he's just "a six-foot Pole" so he can deliver it.  (OK, I laughed at that line.)

Still, even when the guys are sitting at Cowboy Bill's, they hesitate, so of course Mr. DeFazio gets understandably violent with Squiggy when he finally finds out.  He goes and gets a judge, who suggests running a match on the fingerprints.  Laverne is released and (Lavmine shippers take note) carried from the car all the way up to her bedroom when she's sleepy.  Why is she sleepy after almost dying?  Who knows?

At least it makes more sense than her joining in the gospel number with the black priest and the black prisoners.  Not that the song is "bad," I mean, it's well sung (except by Laverne and the monstrous Anne Ramsey, who was a nameless Lady in '79 and here plays Killer), but this isn't like the song at Frank & Edna's wedding, which worked surprisingly well.  This musical number actually made me cringe more than Laverne teaching the other inmates the "Schlimiel!  Schlimazel!" song and dance.

Screw Lavenny!  Fourteen-year-old Rebio had a new ship!

The episode ends with Lenny and Squiggy, who had raided Laverne's refrigerator and assumed she was dead even when Carmine carried her in, wondering what her still being alive will do to "the funeral."

No wonder I have much fonder memories of the Square Pegs episode that week, where Johnny's New Wave band, Open 24 Hours, debuted.

"Death Row: Part 1"

"Death Row: Part 1"
November 16, 1982
D+

Sigh.  This episode.

When I thought of Season Eight before this project, this was one of the episodes I thought of, although my main thoughts were "Laraine Newman" and "anachronisms."  Well, yes, this episode has both, but I can see why I blocked the rest out. 

At fourteen, I had the feeling that the whole "RALPH" (Radical Action for Love, Peace, and Happiness) thing was at least five years off, feeling like a satire of the Symbionese Liberation Army.  Like Patty Hearst in 1974, Laverne joins a radical group, but she's not kidnapped but is instead hungry for friendship and male companionship.  Even more than joining the Playboy Club, this episode shows how lost Laverne is becoming without Shirley as her conscience.  At a certain point, I had to question her intelligence, and her street-smartness, especially when, even in the midst of a bank robbery, she doesn't get that these people are not her friends.

The comedy, such as it is, becomes unsettling, even when Laverne is again imitating Marlon Brando and Eleanor Roosevelt.  Even a slapstick armed robbery is an armed robbery.  Still, I was willing to just say that this was one of the worst episodes ever, not the absolute worst, until we got to "Smith and Jones."

Ben Powers on Good Times

Laraine Newman (who I usually liked and still like) has been playing her character throughout the episode as some sort of hippie Valley Girl.  (She says "gross me out" at one point.)  Then we get to the police station and, even though Sheba has betrayed Laverne and never seemed that bright to begin with, Laverne follows her example by giving a false last name.  (They, or at least writers Braunstein & Perlow, are so lazy they don't even bother with first names.)  These just happen to be the names of two female prisoners who are about to go to Death Row.  So let's not bother with fingerprints or paperwork, OK?

All that said, I didn't hate the episode.  It has a certain surrealness to it, in all its details, and it puts Carmine in a corncob costume and Rhonda in a "Mexican bride" costume (and has her speak in a Swedish accent).  But I can't say I waited with bated breath to find out Laverne's fate the next week, and I'm not now racing to watch Part 2.  But I'll get it over with, I promise.

Bank Manager Garry Goodrow previously played Mr. Caulley.  Doris Hess, who was Dolores and Sgt. Shannon before, would return in Part 2 as Kluger.  Ben Powers, who's Aaron, the leader who does celebrity impressions, would play Rick West in the final episode.

"Lost in Spacesuits"

"Lost in Spacesuits"
October 26, 1982
C-

I don't know that this unfunny and uninteresting episode, Barry Rubinowitz's last, would've been better with Shirley, but maybe she would've perked up the Laverne's birthday party scene.  At least the wire-work is decent for its time.  This episode introduces Laverne's spacy (pun intended) coworker Chuck (Charles Fleischer, post-Welcome-Back-Kotter, pre-Roger-Rabbit), who'd be back three times.

"The Note"

I'd bet $100 that this was part of the one of the school sets for The Brady Bunch.

"The Note"
October 19, 1982
B-

I like this episode, too, the penultimate one written by Judy Ervin Pioli.  It offers a nice blend of humor and sentiment, with a sense of history that a writer less familiar with these characters probably couldn't have managed.  That said, it is the first episode without Shirley, so it's got a bittersweet feeling.

I literally got chills watching the opening credits, like I'd been slapped across the face with a time machine.  When the multi-ethnic group of children marched across the screen chanting the girls' rhyme, it all came back to me, that initial jolt of What??? in October of '82.  Then Laverne was dancing by herself, doing a bunch of stuff from earlier seasons by herself, while the lyrics were still in the plural, while Shirley was still in the title.  The rest of the cast do appear later, with and without her, but it was a shock to the system, then and now.

And there were lines I remembered, like Squiggy's tasteless one about "incense."  I vaguely remember the plot that Shirley's left, with a short, impersonal goodbye note.  Laverne is hurt and angry.  Her friends, who are apparently of the "if your dog dies, get a puppy" school of mourning, send over potential roommates.  But only when Laverne finds the rest of the note, a couple pages' worth, can she move on, honoring nineteen years of best-friendship, ten years of living together.

And the episode sends out random romantic signals like ships that are lost at sea.  Squiggy pursues Rhonda (of course), Lenny pursues Rhonda (more surprising, but not totally new), Frank doesn't pursue Rhonda (thank God).  Lenny wants to dance with Laverne but she chooses Carmine.  Squiggy suggests (with Lenny's full approval naturally) that Laverne move in across the hall.  And the Lavmine ship is teased but more subtly than when Shirley was actually around.  Yet, Shirley wrote about Carmine in her P.S., something Laverne couldn't share with her father, the boys, or Rhonda.

Not shippy per se, but the reveal that Lenny has been telling Squiggy an installment of a bedtime story every night for eight years certainly shows some devotion.  (Note that Lenny has broken out the Bullwinkle pajamas from "Road to Burbank," so he does actually own them and they weren't just a product of Squiggy's imagination.)

The casting of Laverne's potential roommates is interesting.  Julie Brown returns, this time as Patti.  Penny's sister, Ronny Hallin, plays the Laverne-like Maxine.  (Yes, there's an Andrews Sisters joke.)  Bag Lady Kathryn Fuller was Ernestine at the Vegas wedding chapel.  And frequent director Tom Trbovich plays Tom.  (This episode's director, Gabrielle Alice James, wouldn't do any other directing.)

"Window on Main Street"

Reality TV prototype

"Window on Main Street"
October 12, 1982
C+


Al Aidekman wrote this story where the girls' boss, Mr. Hildebrand (Norman Barthold for the last time), makes them "live" in the Bardwell's store window or else they'll get fired.  Unfortunately, Laverne, who seems to have even more phobias than we realized, has claustrophobia.  So she sees a hypnotist, Hal Dawson (Charles Thomas Murphy, bearded and not immediately recognizable as Dr. Mathew Gentry).  He unfortunately hypnotizes both girls into thinking they're chickens when a bell rings.  The result isn't hilarious but it's not painful.  And the episode ends with Shirley finding out that the rabbit died* and she's pregnant.  Laverne is happy for her, but this will be the last we'll see of Shirley, although I don't think they knew that when this was shot.

Larry Breeding, who plays Mike, the man Laverne flirts with through the window, and who would return in the role, was the married man Hank a few months earlier.

Note that in the opening and closing credits, here and on the previous episode, it's New Year's 1967, but Shirley is in the closing but not the opening.  I have not yet spotted that Monday-the-first kitchen calendar yet, but I'll keep an eye out for clues.  And the "home of the future" is designed for the Year 2000, when we will eat red pills and fried chicken.


*The rabbit always died.  The Billy Crystal movie Rabbit Test came out in 1978 but even by then it was an outdated reference.

"The Mummy's Bride"

"The Mummy's Bride"
September 28, 1982
B-

By the Fall of 1982, my loyalties to ABC sitcoms were wavering.  The network had sent Mork & Mindy off into the ether and killed off Bosom Buddies far too soon.  (Although not before we got the irony-rich moment of Tom Hanks as Kip asking guest star Penny Marshall, as herself, if it's true that "she and Shirley hate each other.")  There was still the ol' Tuesday night line-up, but I wasn't nearly as invested in Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, or Three's Company as I'd been five years earlier.  I was actually equally into other long-running sitcoms over on CBS: The Jeffersons, Alice, and M*A*S*H.  

And there were some promising new sitcoms on both CBS and NBC: Cheers, Newhart, and a little show called Square Pegs.  I was a high school freshman and it was about high school freshmen.  The main "pegs" were Lauren, who was socially ambitious and wanted to befriend "the cool kids," and Patty (a young Sarah Jessica Parker), her taller friend who had lower, more realistic expectations.  The girls were followed around by two weird new friends, Marshall, an aspiring stand-up comic who had a huge crush on Lauren, and Johnny.  Ah, yes, Johnny.  He was tall, blond, musical, Polish, sentimental, and probably from a broken home.  (He was raised by his grandparents.)  I was a Lauren/Johnny shipper of course.  And the parallels to Laverne & Shirley may've been accidental, but considering how deeply pop-cultural SP was, I have to wonder.

Which brings us to the Final Season of L & S.  This is the season that wasn't supposed to happen, that many people wish hadn't happened.  But Cindy Williams wanted to come back, and she did, and so did everyone else, except that she married Bill Hudson and got pregnant.  And this is a very physical show, and Mr. Hudson didn't want his wife doing stunts, or even working a full schedule.  Which maybe was chivalry, but check out the Youtube interviews with Penny and Cindy for a take on the impact of a marriage that broke up after eighteen years, and two children.  (And, yes, he was already the ex-husband of Goldie Hawn by '82, father of two children by Goldie, including the lovely Kate.)

But that last week of September, I didn't know how high school would go for me or the pegs, or how much television would change by the time I'd graduate in 1986.  (Surprise, in '84 I had a boyfriend/future-ex-husband who'd make Laverne & Shirley references, and my new favorite ABC sitcom was Who's the Boss?, which was all about the central ship.)  I was just tuning in to see one of the Milwaukee girls yet again almost get married, but surely Shirley wouldn't go through with this, right?  (I would be more heartbroken over Janet's marriage on Three's Company in 1984, even though we did in fact see her bland fiance's face and hear his voice.  Vive le Jack/Janet!)

This is, perhaps even more than the California move, which I still have mixed feelings about, seen as the Universal Shark Jump, Shirley becoming "the mummy's bride."  Perhaps if they had carried through with their plan, hinted at here, that Shirley would still live with Laverne while Army medic Walter Meeney is away for a year, there wouldn't be such resentment in the fandom.  But Cindy W. and the producers quarreled, leaving a bad taste for decades, including for Cindy & Penny's rocky but close friendship.  (Not on the level of Suzanne Somers vs. Joyce DeWitt, but still notorious.)

Would it have helped if we actually got to know Walter, or even heard about him before this episode?  I mean, Laverne's live-in (for a few hours) boyfriend David at least got lines, a job, and a hobby, and he was played by a then very recognizable actor.  Walter, due to a skin rash, is bandaged from head to toe at the rushed hospital wedding, but he appears to be short and thin.

(When Margaret married Lt. Colonel Donald Penobscott on M*A*S*H, we'd been hearing about him for months, and we did actually see him in two episodes, although played by two different actors.  He was in a half-body cast at the wedding, but due to Hawkeye and BJ's prank.  In both cases, you've got to wonder why the brides are looking forward to the honeymoon.)

As with David, Sabrina, and others, Shirley's husband (and, yes, she goes through with it) turns out to be yet another McGuffin of Romance.  No one cares about him (not even Shirley it feels like at times), and he's just there to throw light onto Shirley & Laverne, Shirley & Carmine, and Laverne's fears, exacerbated by Lenny & Squiggy (who have funny reactions throughout the episode, like to "Shirley Feeney Meeney"), that she is or will be an old maid.

I have to note that this episode is supposed to have Lenny proposing to Laverne to try to win a bet from 17 years ago (when the girls were 12 I think) about who would get married first, but either it flew right by me or it got edited out of the DVD copy for some reason.

Shirley doesn't want to tell Carmine she's getting married, and she tries to get Laverne to do it, but Carmine takes it very well, since he's conveniently also fallen in love offscreen.  (He half-jokes that he and Shirley can still make out.)  They promise to always be there for each other, which would be sweet if she weren't going to vanish in a couple episodes.

As for Shirley and Laverne, Laverne is happy for Shirley and very supportive of the wedding, although she faints at least three times over it.  Laverne always seems to take Shirley's engagements better than Shirley takes hers, for whatever reason.  The wedding teases Lavley, with Laverne helping Walter give Shirley the ring and all.

Everyone is at this wedding, including, yes, Boo Boo Kitty.  Mr. DeFazio gives Shirley away and her friends and the other patients do the wedding march on kazoos.  It's not Shirley's dream wedding, but at least she's marrying a doctor.

I like this episode, the penultimate one written by Roger Garrett.  I've seen worse season-openers (like for Season Seven).  By itself, it's perfectly fine.  But if you want to call it a shark jump in hindsight, I understand.

Chaplain Richard Stahl had two earlier roles on this series, including the premiere.