"Excuse Me, May I Cut In," Scene 3

We head over to "Mad Man Milton's TV Shop - Evening":

IT'S A SMALL BUT NICE STORE THAT FITS INTO THE BREWERY SET.  MILTON IS A SINCERE SALESMAN AND KNOWS THE TV BUSINESS.  THERE ARE SEVERAL TV SETS, SOME OF WHICH ARE ON.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE CHECKING OUT THE SETS.  (NOTE: LOTS OF "SALE" SIGNS AROUND)

MILTON

Well, ladies.  See anything you like yet?

SHIRLEY WALKS OVER TO AN ATTRACTIVE SET WITH A VERY LARGE SCREEN.

SHIRLEY

My, this one's a beaut.

SHIRLEY PUTS HER HAND ON IT.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

How much does this baby run?

MILTON

Seven hundred and fourteen dollars.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE STUNNED.  THEY BACK AWAY FROM IT.

LAVERNE

Let's look at another baby.

SHIRLEY

Uh, that's a smidget out of our price range...

MILTON

Well, how much are you prepared to spend?

SHIRLEY

We were hoping you had a layaway plan.

MILTON

Sorry.  I operate strictly on a cash and carry basis.  How much cash do you have?

LAVERNE

(BEAT)  Nineteen bucks.

MILTON

The two of you together?  Nineteen bucks?

SHIRLEY

Actually, I've got ten.  She's only got nine.

LAVERNE

(IRRITATED, TO SHIRLEY) I'll get another buck, okay?

MILTON

(MUMBLES) Nineteen bucks...

MILTON PULLS OUT AN OLD BEAT-UP SET WITH AN EXTREMELY SMALL SCREEN.

MILTON

Here you go.  A real budget pleaser.

BOTH GIRLS LOOK AT THE SET DISAPPROVINGLY.

LAVERNE

Nineteen dollars, huh?

MILTON

I'll throw in the rabbit ears.

LAVERNE

(FORCING IT) Not bad...

SHIRLEY

Not bad?  We couldn't see Pinky Lee's pinky on that set.  I want something nice.

SHIRLEY POINTS TO ANOTHER SET ON MILTON'S COUNTER.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

I like this one.  How much you want?

MILTON

Hundred and fifty.

THE GIRLS ARE UNHAPPY.

MILTON (CONT'D)

Besides, this set isn't for sale.  I'm donating two of these to the Jefferson High School Homecoming Dance.

LAVERNE

They're going to watch television at a Homecoming Dance?

MILTON

There's going to be a dance contest and the television will be awarded to the winning couple.  I love kids, plus it's good publicity for my shop.  And maybe they won't rob my store.

LAVERNE

(AMAZED) Boy, times have changed.  I won our dance contest at Fillmore High.  All I got was a gift certificate for three meals at the school cafeteria.

SHIRLEY

Excuse us a moment, will you, Madman?

SHIRLEY WALKS LAVERNE OFF TO THE SIDE.

LAVERNE

We better get that other TV. It may be the only nineteen dollar set in the whole country.

SHIRLEY

Listen, you still got the ol' rhythm in your feet, the ol' magic in your toes...

LAVERNE

Why are you talking about my toes?

SHIRLEY

You should win that contest at Jefferson, and we'll have our TV.

LAVERNE

That's ridiculous.  You know that dance is only for high school students.

SHIRLEY

You can get to that dance.  Somehow.  Where there's a will, there's a way.

LAVERNE

If we want a decent set, I better go beg my father for money.

SHIRLEY

Why beg when you can dance?

LAVERNE

I gotta dance for him, too?

Thoughts:

• This is a good point to mention that this is the only L&S episode that Fred Fox, Jr., wrote, although he'd go on to do twenty-nine HD episodes.  (Including, yes, the infamous "jump the shark" episode.)  So if characterization feels a little off at times in this script, that may be part of the reason.  That said, this is still early days in this series, so the characters weren't quite set in stone.
• I love the note that this fits into "the brewery set."  But which brewery set?  The break room?  Or somewhere else in the brewery?
• Nothing says comedy gold like a sincere and knowledgeable salesman with a nickname of "Madman."
• A 1958 dollar equals about $9.40 today, but a $6700 TV set these days would've looked very futuristic then, e.g. a "65 inch 4K Ultra HD Smart TV" runs about $6000.
• "Smidget."
• We should not be feeling sorry for Milton rather than the girls in this situation, so if this scene had been kept, that would've had to have been rebalanced.
• I can see Shirley being pickier than Laverne, but she wouldn't be that straight up rude to a salesman unless really provoked.
• And Laverne is being written a bit dumb here, not unlike Shirley in some of the Season One scripts.
• It's a homecoming dance in this version, but it would become a victory dance (ironically against Fillmore) onscreen.
• The exposition here is really clumsy and obvious.  When we get into the next scene, we'll see how this scene wasn't really necessary to get the basic information across.