"Blansky's Beauties," Episodes Two Through Five

"Blansky for the Defense" aired on February 19, 1977.  A few things of note:

• We learn a little about Joey and Nancy's backstories, including that Joey hopes to break into show biz, so I guess that runs in the family.
• Joey does some acrobatic flips at the custody hearing, because you know, Garry figured that's what Eddie should do.
• The combined writing talents of LAS's Judy Pioli, Marc Sotkin, and Chris Thompson still can't make me laugh at this series.  Not even with Jerry Paris borrowed from Happy Days for the time being.

"Nancy's Cover-Up" aired on February 26th (except IMDB has it as the fourth episode).  Here's what I can tell you about it:

• In the girls' opening intro, Arnold Takahashi "from Miami Beach, Florida" pops up!  This is about four months after the last episode Mr. T and Tina (nothing to do with the later famous Mr. T).  How does Pat Morita's crossover character fit in?  Well, he's a fry cook at his own coffee shop.  (And apparently also lives in Nancy's apartment building.)  I have no idea what he's been doing in the dozenish years since his last canonical appearance on Happy Days, Season Eleven, in 1983.  (Yes, it hurt my brain to type that.)  He's still trilingual (English, Chinese, and Japanese).
• A sample of the writing on this series, the British Beauty observes, "Such a pity this country outlawed flogging."
• How desperate is this show that they bring on a live camel this early in the run?  Or that they promise that the girls might go topless?
• The word "kinky" is used no less than six times (including in Nancy's line "I want the world to know that Nancy Blansky is kinky"), which seems like a lot for a Garry Marshall show.

"Nancy's Magic Moment" aired on March 12th (except IMDB has it as the third episode).  Here's more than you ever wanted to know about it:

• Well, they're getting their money's worth out of the camel at least, including in the French Foreign Legion number.
• "Ministers applauding a stripper?"  And the surprise there is what?
• They're not very consistent about how many "Beauties" Nancy manages, since it seemed to be ten and then twelve and now it's thirteen.  Or maybe she keeps hiring new ones to represent more of the United States.  (One girl is named "Arkansas," while one is, shudder, "Cochise.")
• No, wait, one of the baker's dozen of coffee orders is for the comic-relief dog, Blackjack.
• They lock the magician's assistant in a closet for one of their nutty schemes, and I'm so exhausted from being outraged by Scott Baio's character's pubescent predatory behavior, I can't manage more than a head-shake at that.
• You might've thought it was physically impossible for 4'11" Nancy Walker to dip 6'5" Herb Edelman for a kiss, but you'd be wrong.
• King Tut reference, didn't they realize that that would date the series in syndication?
• LAS writers Tony DiMarco and David Ketchum wrote this episode.

"Nancy Goes Sheik" aired on March 19th.  Stuff about this one:

• They seem to vary the girls' introductions each episode, which with much sharper writing would've been neat.
• Joey is a lot shyer with women than his cousin Carmine is, or for that matter than his kid brother, "who turns everything into smut."
• They use the word "noogie" on this series a lot.
• Picture this said as suggestively as possible, "I can't wait to meet Sheik Ben-Ali.  I bet I could make his carpet fly."
• Well, there's a crossover I wasn't expecting.  Fred Fox, Jr., who would be Freddie the Bellhop on the "Fabian" episode of LAS that Fall, and Freddie on HD in '79, here plays Marvin the Bellhop for the first of two times.  He'd already written the LAS/HD crossover episode "Excuse Me, May I Cut In" and had recently started his run of twenty-nine HD scripts, all the way into Season Eleven.  Anyway, under the Blansky Law of Relativity, I'm going to assume that Marvin is Freddie's younger cousin.
• Bambi apparently does make the sheik's carpet fly, because he holds her captive so she can become his 33rd wife.  Hilarious, right?
• Nancy gets a "magic lantern" as an apology gift from the sheik after she helps Bambi escape by donning a Farrah wig (don't ask), and Nancy wishes for Rock Hudson.  Oh, Honey, no.
• Arnold Kane didn't write any other Blansky episodes, but he doesn't seem to have settled at any sitcom for long.  But then this is the worst episode so far, like a D or D+ rather than the C- I might give the first four episodes, if I were grading them.

Episodes Six and Seven, "Anthony Falls in Love" (with Bambi) and "Nancy Meets Francie" (Sunshine's mother) did not make it onto this disc, so I can't share any "goodies" from them.  Next up, the coveted "Nancy Meets Laverne"!

"Jinxed"

"Jinxed"
November 30, 1982
C+

While of course an improvement over the "Death Row" two-parter, the plot of this DiMarco & Ketchum story is terribly unoriginal.  (In fact, the "dog out the window" story has its own page on Snopes: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/rain-of-terrier/.)  But Carol Kane is one of my favorite actresses, and I could've watched a whole episode of her as Olga, the fortune-teller who turns out to be Laverne's old classmate from Flatbush.  (If Season Eight is canon, then Laverne moved to Milwaukee at some point between the start of third grade and the end of fifth grade.)

Note that Rhonda again plays the trumpet, during an audition!

"Laverne's Broken Leg"

"Laverne's Broken Leg"
May 12, 1981
B-

This Ketchum & DiMarco story takes awhile to get going and, yes, the It's a Wonderful Life trope has been done on other shows.*  And yet, yes, there is a certain poignancy to Cindy W's performance of Shirley as a reclusive, dog-owning old maid, and even more to Foster's version of a homeless, daughter-less Frank DeFazio, ably assisted by Penny M's pained reaction.  Oddly enough, both Frank and Shirley are living in California, but it's unclear where Edna and Carmine are in this alternative universe.  (Lenny & Squiggy are escaped convicts.)  Even more surprising, Rhonda is kind and giving.  So if Laverne was never born, Rhonda's life would be better?  Or just nicer?

My main shipping note is that both Carmine and Laverne seem very pleased by Shirley's suggestion that Carmine undress Laverne and put her to bed, although Shirley soon realizes this is a bad idea.

The Angel is portrayed by Jeffrey Kramer, who played Jeff three years before.


*That same November 1965 calendar stubbornly clings to the kitchen wall, so I have no idea if a local LA station is supposed to be showing IaWL in December like usual, or unseasonally.

"The Bardwell Caper: Part 2"

Barthold was on Barney
Miller a few times as well.

"The Bardwell Caper: Part 2"
March 17, 1982
C+

DiMarco & Ketchum also wrote the second part, which I didn't enjoy as much, since the girls' solution (claiming the note is a thank-you note and taking it) could've been arrived at without what does turn out to be an impossible mission.  Not too surprisingly, the mousy Miss Peters does what's supposed to be a sexy dance, when Laverne presses the "smut button" on the security system, lowering a disco ball and playing sort of sexy music.

"The Bardwell Caper: Part 1"

"The Bardwell Caper: Part 1"
March 10, 1981
B-

Laverne finds out that they haven't received the traditional $5 raise for three months at Bardwell's.*  Shirley writes a polite note, which Laverne changes into a ruder one, without telling her friend until Shirley sends it up the pneumatic tube.  Of course their boss Mr. Hildebrand (Norman Barthold again) gives them an $8 raise without reading the note.  So the girls have to retrieve the note from his office.

The plot, written by DiMarco & Ketchum, isn't terribly original (Three's Company would do something similar a couple years later), but it's done with panache, and I did like seeing Lenny and Squiggy as trees.  Also, I like that Edna gives the girls sensible advice and jokes about her frequent divorces.  Of course, since things go without a hitch, it must be the plan rather than the actual practice, so I suspect they won't go as smoothly in Part 2.

Susan Barnes, who previously had the unsympathetic roles of Adele Harrison, a member of the Blue Team, and a nameless girl who rejects Squiggy, would return in her mousy role of Miss Peters.  Tom Trbovich would direct an impressive (for this series) thirty-five more episodes.


*It has actually been about three months since "Candy Is Dandy" aired.  I didn't see the kitchen calendar but I'm willing to bet it's the same one it's been lately.  Interestingly, the calendar at work, which presumably would have to be up to date, shows a 28-day month where the 1st is on a Thursday.  This would match February 1962 or February 1973, both obviously wrong.  (Even without the time-skip, it should be at least '63 by now.)  And, no, that would not be accurate for February 1981 either.  One can assume that either Bardwell's doesn't care enough about its gift-wrapping department to send them new calendars every year, or the L & S production crew screwed up.  Then again, the girls have apparently seen "every" episode of Mission Impossible, which premiered in September of 1966.

"Malibu Mansion"

"Malibu Mansion"
February 10, 1981
C+

The team of David Ketchum and Tony DiMarco's first of five L & S stories doesn't feel like it really goes anywhere but it's innocuous enough.  Laverne convinces Shirley to throw a beach party while they're house-sitting the title location for Cowboy Bill (Stubby Kaye, deliberately cast against type), the owner of the chain that the restaurant Frank now manages is part of. 

Some things of note: Cowboy Bill uses the word "vibes," which seems a bit premature for '64 or '65.  His pet bird calls Laverne a "bimbo," and Shirley says, "Well, you do have a past," so it's definitely clear that Laverne lost her virginity in the time-skip, if not sooner.  And Squiggy refers to his and Lenny's departure as "several years ago," which doesn't make any sense considering they were still working there in the season premiere.

Richard Moll appears very briefly in the DVD version of this episode, and I'm guessing the scene with the bikers was cut out, especially since the run-time is now about 21 minutes.  He would, however, appear that year as "Louis Armstrong," so I am tagging him.