"Sing, Sing, Sing," Scene A

We start at "Cowboy Bill's - night":

THE PLACE IS FULL OF CUSTOMERS.  A BANNER READS "COWBOY BILL'S HOOT NIGHT".  THERE IS A THREE-PIECE COMBO ON A STAGE.  FRANK IS AT THE MICROPHONE.  LAVERNE AND EDNA ARE WATCHING FROM THE SIDE.

FRANK

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Cowboy Bill's first annual every Tuesday Hoot Night.  I'm your host, Frank DeFazio.  People are gonna be singing up here but don't let that stop you from spending money.  Just yell loud.  Now, it's time for our very own Carmine Ragusa and Shirley Feeney.

SHIRLEY AND CARMINE ENTER FROM KITCHEN AND SING "THEY WERE YOU."

We don't get Frank's set-up or see Shirley and Carmine enter.  The aired version just starts with them onstage singing.

This exchange was mostly dropped, after that duet:

EDNA

They sound just like Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald.

LAVERNE

Who?

EDNA

They were the Sonny and Cher of my day.

LAVERNE

Oh.  (BEAT)  What a beautiful song.  It gets me right here.  I wanna sing a song that moves people.

EDNA

But you worked so hard on "Purple People Eater".

LAVERNE

I want to relate to people.  How many purple people do you know?  (BEAT)  I'm gonna sing "He".

EDNA

Who?

LAVERNE

"He".

EDNA

Ha.  "He".

LAVERNE REACTS.

In the script, Edna calls Laverne "Honey" when she tells her not to leave.  The call of complaint from the police replaced this ending:

FRANK ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN.

FRANK

What happened?

EDNA

"He" just emptied the room.

Thoughts:

• Frank has a strange definition of "annual."  Also, is this something that every CB's franchise does or his own innovation?  It is of course on Tuesdays, so we'll think of the ABC Tuesday Night Lineup.
• I think that Laverne would've heard of NE & JMcD.  They're not that much before her time, their last movie having been made in '42.  And she probably saw them on TV.
• The only line they kept from that dialogue was the one about the duet getting to Laverne and her wanting to sing a beautiful song, although the sight gag with her guitar was added.
• It's interesting that Laverne actually set out to do a novelty song in the beginning.  And I would certainly have rather had her sing "Purple People Eater" than "He," as would no doubt everyone at CB's.
• The finished version of this scene is a little more polished and funnier, but this isn't drastically different from the beginning that would air.

"Sing, Sing, Sing," introduction

On April 7, 1981, six weeks before "Sing, Sing, Sing" aired, its Rev. Shooting Script, listed as "FKA 'Tears of a Clown,' " was done.  There would indeed be changes from what home audiences would see.  But first, here are some wardrobe notes.

No real surprises here, although it is nice to see Lenny's "ball shirt w/ blue sleeves" and Squiggy's "blk cape (tux center)."  Note that, as someone pointed out on YouTube years ago, Carmine's shirt is briefly yellow but mostly green in the later Cowboy Bill's scenes.  (Perhaps they had to do retakes later.)

"I Do, I Do" revisited, Scene E

So, the set list for the draft had the girls' apartment although no scene actually took place there.  And no scene is set there on the aired episode.  But that's exactly where we find ourselves, "the next morning," in the omitted tag:

LENNY IS LYING ON THE FOLD-OUT COUNTER, LOWERING SPAGHETTI INTO HIS MOUTH, ONE STRAND AT A TIME.  SQUIGGY IS SEATED CROSS-LEGGED ON THE KITCHEN TABLE GOING THROUGH SIX EMPTY JARS, LICKING LIDS, ETC.  THERE ARE FOOD WRAPPERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR, ALL THE KITCHEN DRAWERS ARE PULLED OUT AND THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR IS OPEN.

LENNY

Boy, you were right, Squig, grape jelly sure enhances the robust flavor of a spaghetti.

SQUIGGY

Bulletin, Len.  The edibles in this apartment are now extinct... except for this piece of rabbit food.  

HE GRABS A LONG CARROT WITH GREENS STILL ATTACHED.  THE GIRLS ENTER AND SQUIGGY HIDES THE CARROT IN HIS JACKET.

LAVERNE

I'm so hungry, I could eat... (SEEING BOYS)

SHIRLEY

(REACTING TO MESS) Holy Ravioli!  What's been going on here?

LENNY

Girls, back so early?  We heard you got married.  And where are the blushing grooms?

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY CROSS TO THE KITCHEN SEARCHING FOR FOOD THROUGH EMPTY WRAPPERS, CANS, JARS, ETC.

SQUIGGY

Jilted at the altar, huh?  Well, that's life.

LENNY

That's what people say.

LAVERNE

Shirl, they've eaten all our food.  They've even polished off the baking soda.

SQUIGGY

Yes, the oddest thing happened.  Somehow our bodies just hollowed out.

LENNY

It's amazing, we've been porking down non-stop and I'm only filled to my knees.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, and I'm already filled to my waist.  But I'm shorter.

SHIRLEY

You're also dead.  How dare you barge in here and pillage our pantry of every last crumb.

SQUIGGY

Correction.  Not every last crumb.

HE PULLS OUT THE CARROT.  LAVERNE GOES FOR IT.

LAVERNE

Gimme that.

SQUIGGY TOSSES IT TO LENNY AS THE GIRLS TRY FOR IT.  LENNY TAKES A BITE AND TOSSES IT TO SQUIGGY WHO TAKES A BITE.  THE GIRLS WALLA "GIMME THAT CARROT."  SQUIGGY TOSSES IT BACK TO LENNY WHO TAKES THE LAST BITE AND TOSSES THE GREENS TO THE GIRLS.

SQUIGGY

Have a feast.

THE GIRLS THROW OUT THE BOYS, SLAMMING THE DOOR.  THEY LOOK AT THE GREENS FOR A BEAT, THEN DIVE FOR THEM AS WE:

FADE OUT.

Thoughts:

• So, yes, somehow, despite all the drug humor that did actually make it to air, the powers that be just couldn't give us a cute scene of the Core Four having the munchies.
• How long did it take the girls to bus home?  For that matter, what time at night was it when they hit Vegas?  It appears that the entire episode takes place in less than 24 hours, maybe as few as 18 or even 15.
• Did the boys consume all the food in their apartment or just start in at the girls' place?
• "A spaghetti," very cute.
• The long carrot is a bit Freudian, especially with everyone wanting it.
• We know Lenny is still stoned, because he reacts so calmly to the girls getting married.
• And of course Squiggy jumps to the conclusion that the girls were jilted.
• Who told them about the elopement?  I assume Malcolm, but I guess it could've been someone else at the party, since those weren't private proposals.
• While this version of the script isn't as surprising as the earlier version (and few things are as surprising as that script), this does have some unexpected twists.  Overall, I'm glad I got to see this step in the evolution towards the final product.

"I Do, I Do" revisited, Scenes C and D

The first part of this scene basically carried over from the earlier version, although it would mostly be dropped by the airdate.  However, the dialogue between the rock stars as they wait for their "blushing brides" appears next in this version and is what the filmed scene opens with.  The girls trying to explain what's so funny was still here but omitted later.

The next segment of this scene is very close to what would air, including the episode's "lesson" about not sneaking marijuana into people's food.  However, in this version, this dialogue was next:

DEREK

It wasn't me.  Malcolm did it.  He was a naughty boy.

LAVERNE

Naughty boy, naughty boy.

LONDON

He only did it so you'd get your castle.

LAVERNE

He's buying a castle?  C'mon Shirl.  Let's get married and live in the castle.

SHIRLEY

Well... we are already half dressed.  What the heck, let's roll the dice of life and hope we don't crap out.

After the girls have passed out and the wedding's over, in the filmed version, Derek somehow gets away with threatening Malcolm's "tadger," but here's how it goes in this version:

DEREK

Maybe it's just as well.  Me Mum would be miffed I married an American.

LONDON

I don't think my Mum would love having a daughter-in-law named Starmonkey.

DEREK

Well, my Mum can beat up your Mum.

They mostly kept that middle line, but gave Derek a line about how to treat a bride named Lemon Pledge.  They dropped Derek's line from this version, "Pity.  She [Laverne] would've looked lovely my castle swimming in my moat.

Rather than the girls telling them off and the guys exiting, here London suggests leaving them "a few quid" for bus fare, and they "put some money in the girls' purses, kiss them on the forehead and start out."  Onscreen it would become "dollars" instead of the slang word for "pounds," tucked into Laverne's mouth and Shirley's hand.  And there are no farewell kisses.

Onscreen, London calls Derek "thick as a brush," but here he remarks, "You're right, Derek.  You're not ready for marriage."

Scene D would become the aired tag, although there's actually a dropped tag, which I'll get to next time.

In this version, Ernie tells the girls, "Next time, bring another couple.  With six, you get eggrolls," which became him telling them about another package deal, in a jacuzzi.  But that's the only real change from what would air.

These two scenes definitely offer a more polished and relatively saner version than we got for Act Two of the earlier draft.  They would be further smoothed out by the time of filming.  I think the most significant arc is that we go from the girls being indignant about the guys doping them in the earlier draft, to them just sort of shrugging their shoulders about it here, to filmed Shirley being appalled and Laverne (who's eaten more brownies) not knowing how to feel about it.  At that, the girls do attempt to get married in both this version and the one that aired, but fortuitously they pass out.

Also, while the girls now have bus fare (as opposed to the earlier draft, where it's unclear how they leave Vegas), there is a lack of closure until we see the girls make it safely home.  Stay tuned for what that looks like....

"I Do, I Do" revisited, Scenes A and B

As in the previous script, the waitress is called Fran, although it would be Mary by filming.  Laverne still isn't calling Derek "cute," but that adjective did appear by filming.  "Love, Love, Love" does appear in this version, and Idle and Bishop did write the song, according to the closing credits.  Laverne's line about asking for autographs and tearing their clothes off carried over from the earlier draft.  On the other hand, they dropped Laverne's suggestive previous line "Yeah.  We're the 'fastest' waitresses west of Pasadena."

Derek's last name and weight now matched what would air.  London's weight also matched but he still had his pet peeve of "phoney people."

Derek wanting to buy a castle came up by this version.  Derek's gripe about taxes was changed from "It's not fair.  I don't see the Royal Family cranking out hits like 'Love My Baby' " to "Bloody taxes.  I don't go bothering the Queen for money," and then the royals were left out of his complaint by filming.  And in this version, London calls him "daft."

Edna asking for an autograph for her "niece Edna" carried over from earlier but was thankfully dropped by the airdate.

Other than that, there's not much of note for this Scene A.  So on to Scene B.  We do get full lyrics to "Love, Love, Love."  The girls are no longer in "Hallaballoo type outfits" but now "cocktail dresses."  Therefore, Laverne says, "I think we're a little overdressed," and Shirley replies, "Edna was right about how to meet 'em but wrong about how to dress for 'em."

Laverne does ask Derek if his teeth are capped, but here he replies, "Yes.  And I have little matching coats for them too," which makes them both laugh.

The four of them dancing together was dropped by this point.  On the other hand, by this point they'd added a later notorious stage direction:

LAVERNE PICKS UP A MIRROR ON THE TABLE AND BLOWS POWDER ONTO THE FLOOR.

In this version, Malcolm says "these" brownies rather than "your," and that would be kept for filming.

Shirley nagging Laverne about plucking her eyebrows was added for the filmed version.

Squiggy saying that it's STAB's "business to rub noses with the upper crudes" had been modified to "upper cruds," which makes more sense, but neither made it to air.  Instead of saying they thought the girls were Flatt and Scruggs, as it would become, he here thought they were Jan and Dean, which I prefer.

The boys don't walk into a wall in this version but get onto the coffee table, as they would for filming.  Lenny telling Laverne he likes her, and all of their touching, wasn't in this script either, so yep, I'm going to credit Marshall and McKean.

Squiggy's "monkey" was gone by now and his dialogue with Shirley is like what would air.  The Lenny and Laverne filmed dialogue is mostly there, too.  Someone (probably Lander) added the line about Shirley inheriting Uncle Wolfgang's farm.

Instead of Derek saying they can't have a party on his mum's birthday, he here says, "I'm the one who has to tidy up," and then London tells him, "But you're so good at it," so Derek replies, "Well, I do my best."

In the earlier script, after Shirley says that the rockers don't even have their names straight, Laverne replied, "So.  They wanna change 'em anyway, " which became "So.  Everybody confuses us anyway."  (Do they?  I mean, wasn't that the point of the L's?)

Laverne here tells the guys, "The only thing I had planned this weekend was a trip to the laundromat."

The Cloud Nine kiss is gone and there's just premarital hand-holding.  The very last part of this scene was dropped, as the girls eat more brownies:

SHIRLEY

(BITING INTO ONE) You know, they'd taste much better with a glass of milk.

LAVERNE

Milk!  What a concept.

And that ends Act One.

We can definitely see them approaching the final product, still with some vestiges of the earlier draft but closer.  At the same time, there are things that only appear in this version.  (Well, and maybe some transitional script.)  I have to admit that my curiosity about the cocaine joke is part of what prompted me to get this version of the script.  Well, that and the Lavenny stuff of course.

"I Do, I Do" revisited, introduction

So, as you may recall, the Revised Final Draft of "I Do, I Do" was very different than what aired.  I've now acquired the Rev. Shooting Script, which is from only five days later (Feb. 3, 1981), but as we know by now probably closer to what aired but likely still with noticeable differences.  I'll mostly be comparing this version to what aired, but I will note some changes from the earlier draft.  First though, have some wardrobe notes:

At the time of the earlier draft, the girls' apartment was on the set list, although there was no actual scene in that setting, but it looks like the boys by this point were supposed to show up there, presumably in the Tag (Scene E).  I love the little scarf drawings. 

Also, at the time of the previous version, they had not yet cast Noone (misspelled above) and Idle, but they must've in the meantime, which may or may not have influenced wardrobe.  Poor Stephen Bishop as Malcolm gets no actual wardrobe notes yet, but he'd end up wearing a similar outfit to Eric and Peter.  Mr. Ernie is the minister at the bingo chapel.

"To Tell the Truth," Scenes D and E

INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - NIGHT

LENNY AND SHIRLEY ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH, PLAYING CARDS.  LENNY LAYS DOWN HIS HAND, FACE UP.

LENNY

Gin.

SHIRLEY

Yes, that's gin alright [sic].  Too bad we're playing "Go Fish."  (LOOKING OVER HIS CARDS) Do you have any nines, threes, and can I have the three sevens I saw?

LENNY

Yes.

SHIRLEY

Thank you.  I win again.

LENNY

You mean for six hands in a row, I've been playing the wrong game?  And losing?  I guess I am pretty stupid.

All of that opening was dropped, except for Lenny saying he's stupid.

Since Laverne didn't throw the pudding at Shirley in this version, we did not get the exchange about Lenny licking it off.  The girls' sideway hug was also added.

We lost the offscreen closing line of the girls, having gone up to their bedroom, saying, "Lenny, put that away."  Otherwise, the scene is intact.

And here's the missing tag:

INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - NIGHT

CARMINE, SHIRLEY, LENNY AND LAVERNE ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA.  LENNY TAKES A CARD FROM THE PILE OF TRUTH CARDS.

LENNY

Oooh, it's a good thing we stopped playing.  Look what the next card was.

LENNY HANDS THE CARD TO LAVERNE.

LAVERNE

(READING CARD) Who in this room would you like to be the mother of your child?

LAVERNE RIPS UP THE CARD.  THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE FRONT DOOR.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

I'll get it.

LAVERNE OPENS THE DOOR TO RHONDA, SQUIGGY AND SONNY.  THEY EXCHANGE AWKWARD GREETINGS.

RHONDA

Laverne, would you mind if I get to my apartment through yours?  The rain takes all the bounce out of my hair.

LAVERNE

Be my guest.

SQUIGGY

... And I just love to watch her bounce.

SONNY

(TO LAVERNE) How's my favorite tenant?

ALL THE LIGHTS SUDDENLY GO OUT.  EVERYONE AD-LIBS CONFUSION.

LENNY

(LOUDLY SHOWING OFF) My, isn't it nocturnal in here.

SHIRLEY HAS FOUND A BOX OF CANDLES AND A BOOK OF MATCHES.

SHIRLEY

Don't worry.  Everything's under control.  I always keep candles and matches nearby in case of an emergency.

SHIRLEY PASSES THE UNLIT CANDLES AROUND.  SHIRLEY LIGHTS HER CANDLE AND CROSSES TO SQUIGGY.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

(LIGHTING SQUIGGY'S CANDLE) Here Squiggy, I hope we're still friends.

SQUIGGY

I understand.  We all have our bad days.

SQUIGGY CROSSES TO CARMINE.

SQUIGGY (CONT'D)

(LIGHTING CARMINE'S CANDLE) Here, Big Ragoo.

CARMINE

Thanks, Big Squig.

CARMINE CROSSES TO SONNY.

CARMINE (CONT'D)

(LIGHTING SONNY'S CANDLE) Here's a light, buddy.

SONNY

Thanks, pal.  (KIDDING) If we use these we can save on our electric bill.

CARMINE

Now that's thrifty.

SONNY CROSSES TO LAVERNE.

SONNY

(LIGHTING LAVERNE'S CANDLE) There, now we can see our way to the refrigerator to get us a milk and Pepsi.

LAVERNE

Would it be tactless if I shoved this up your nose?  Just kidding  (KISSES SONNY)

LENNY CROSSES TO RHONDA AND LIGHTS HER CANDLE.

RHONDA

Thanks for the light, Lenny.

LENNY

Rhonda, did you know that the word light is a homonym?

RHONDA

You're so smart, Lenny.

THEY ALL PUT THEIR CANDLES TOGETHER.

SHIRLEY

We're all friends again.

SQUIGGY

If I'm not too ugly in this light.

AS THEY CLINK THEIR CANDLES TOGETHER, WE FREEZE FRAME.

Thoughts:

• It seems cruel for Shirley to play that many rounds without telling Lenny what game they're playing, especially for what turns out to be arguably their sweetest scene together.
• So even with them pushing Sonny/Laverne, Lavenny is alive and well, at least in Lenny's mind.  Laverne still can't handle it.
• Things are so awkward that neither Squiggy nor Rhonda barges in without knocking!  She even asks permission to go through the apartment to her own.
• The rain is half forgotten in the aired episode, but it actually has a payoff here, and not just Rhonda's bounce that Squiggy enjoys.
• Many of the little threads are wrapped up and we definitely get a sense of closure in this tag.  And the candles are a nice symbol.
• I think the episode is one of the strongest of the season, and I'm glad to have gotten two more scenes of it.  But I do appreciate the extra onscreen physical affection, as well as things like the way that Laverne and Squiggy (or maybe Penny and David) joke around.  To tell the truth, this could've led to a different show, had Sonny been able to stick around, but it would still have an impact on the other half dozen characters as the rest of the California years continued.

"To Tell the Truth," Scenes B and C

The scene that opens Act Two is remarkably faithful and ends up being one of the best Laverne & Carmine conversations in the series.  The friendly kiss was not in the script though, nor was their close hug and kiss at the end.  And Laverne's closing line, "Now let's try it with the guitar," was dropped.

So let's move on to an entire scene that was dropped:

INT. LENNY & SQUIGGY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

THE APARTMENT IS WHAT YOU'D EXPECT FROM THE BOYS.  THERE IS ONE BED AND A LAZY-BOY CHAIR.  RHONDA AND SONNY ARE LOOKING AROUND.

RHONDA

I can't believe Lenny and Squiggy actually live here.

SONNY

Yeah, and I hope they never move out.  I could never rent the place again.

SQUIGGY ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM.  HE HAS A DAMP TOWEL WRAPPED AROUND HIS WAIST.

SQUIGGY

Sorry if I kept you gents waiting, but my brains was in an uproar.

RHONDA

You're not mad at Shirley anymore?

SQUIGGY

A little, but some cold water on the waist and I'm cool as a daisy.

SONNY

I thought you were supposed to put cold water on your wrist.

SQUIGGY

That's just silly superstition.  This is medical fact.  (THEN, INDICATING LAZY-BOY CHAIR) So Rhonda, you look a little tired, and peaked.  Why don't you cop a squat in Lenny's bed here?

RHONDA

Oh, Squiggy, you make Lenny sleep in that chair?

SQUIGGY

He loves it.  His back's been orthopedicized.  (THEN) Listen, instead of the chair maybe you'd be more comfortable on the bed cuddlin' up with yours truly, me.

RHONDA

Thanks, Squiggy, but the chair is fine.

SQUIGGY

So, you think I'm ugly too.

SQUIGGY SULKS.

SONNY

C'mon, Squig.  Rhonda wasn't talkin' about your looks.  She just wanted to try out the chair.

RHONDA

That's right.  You're as handsome as anybody.  Squiggy, stand next to Sonny.

SQUIGGY AND SONNY STAND TOGETHER.

RHONDA (CONT'D)

You two could be twins.

SONNY

Oh, not twins.

SQUIGGY

Identical brothers.

RHONDA

Squiggy, you have big brown eyes just like Sonny, only yours are closer together.

SQUIGGY

You noticed.  It helps me see through narrow buildings.

RHONDA

And look, Sonny has no spit-curl at all.

SONNY

I've tried everything.

RHONDA SITS IN THE CHAIR.

RHONDA

So you see, you are really quite special.

SQUIGGY

And so are you.  (SITS IN RHONDA'S LAP AND CUDDLES UP BABY-LIKE)

SONNY

Are you okay, Rhonda?

RHONDA

So far.

SQUIGGY

Listen, Sonny Boy.  Lenny dropped a nickel down the drain pipe.  If you fetch it, it's yours.

SONNY

Oh, so now you're calling me a cheapskate too.  Look, I'll admit sometimes I'm tight with money.  But when I was a kid we didn't have any.  We had to live on what my gypsy mother made telling fortunes.  (BEAT)  Nobody wants to know when they're gonna die.

SQUIGGY

Gee, I didn't know that.  (TO RHONDA) Is this a hook or a button?

SONNY

Maybe now I'm so careful with money because I don't work that steady myself.

RHONDA

I know exactly how you feel Sonny.  I'm out of work alot [sic].  I'd be cheap too if men didn't buy me everything.

SONNY

Thanks alot [sic again], Rhonda.  I appreciate what you were trying to say.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, you're not half as stuck-up as everyone says you are.

RHONDA

Everyone says that?

SONNY

Yeah.  They do.

RHONDA

(STANDS UP AND SQUIGGY FALLS FROM HER LAP TO THE FLOOR.  HE PICKS HIMSELF UP)  Well, everyone should realize that an actress without self-confidence is an actress without a job.  I have to go into an audition thinking I'm the most beautiful, desirable and... there's one more thing... oh yes, talented actress in the world.  I'm just lucky it happens to be true.  So now do you understand my problem?

SQUIGGY

Could you repeat the question naked?

And we end on "Rhonda's reaction."

I have thoughts:

• Considering how vivid the boys' Burbank apartment would later be revealed as, no, this is not what I'd expect, and that is definitely one of the most lame-ass, no-frills set descriptions I've come across in dozens of scripts.
• And yet, let's stop a moment to savor that the boys have one bed.  Yes, Squiggy says Lenny sleeps in the chair, and gosh knows Lenny canonically demonstrates an ability to fall asleep on less comfortable furniture.  But do we actually believe that they wouldn't share the bed, at least some of the time?  Even if you don't ship them, this should give you pause for thought.
• Oh, the irony of Sonny actually worrying about future tenants, when he's almost out the door himself.
• Oh my, Squiggy enters wearing a damp towel!  I assume that's all he's wearing, not even underwear, though who knows.
• He calls Sonny and Rhonda "gents."
• I assume he was also fresh as a cucumber.
• I can totally picture David L. Lander suggesting Rhonda "cop a squat."
• Then, totally ignoring Sonny, he suggests cuddling with her on the bed!  While he's only wearing a towel.
• It's actually kind of sweet how Rhonda and Sonny try to boost (back) Squiggy's ego, although Sonny has reservations.
• My goodness, I like to think that somewhere out there there is a photo of Lander curled up in Easterbrook's lap!  (Yes, wearing a towel.)  And in this script, Rhonda's kind of into it.
• When Squiggy not so subtly tries to get Sonny to leave them alone, Sonny assumes Squiggy is talking about his cheapness.
• I don't know what to do with Sonny backstory.  Especially this late in the game.
• Squiggy offers a moment of sympathy and then tries to undress Rhonda, who is not resisting.
• Rhonda's sympathy is self-centered, but she tries.
• Then we get Rhonda's (also self-centered) explanation for her behavior, adding a bit more depth to this episode that is already pivotal in her overall arc.
• Squiggy bluntly asks Rhonda to get naked.  God knows what her reaction would've been.
• I think we can see why this scene was dropped (with all that nudity), but it would've been great if at least some of it had been kept.

"To Tell the Truth," Scene A

INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - NIGHT

IT IS RAINING OUTSIDE.  LAVERNE, SHIRLEY, CARMINE, SONNY, LENNY AND SQUIGGY ARE SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM.  LAVERNE AND SONNY ARE DOING HANDSTAND EXERCISE.  SQUIGGY AND LENNY ARE WATCHING.  SHIRLEY ENTERS FROM KITCHEN WITH PUDDING.

LAVERNE

It's bad enough we're stuck inside when it's pouring cats and dogs, but did you have to promise Rhonda we'd play one of Rhonda's dumb theatre games?

SQUIGGY

Don't knock theatre games.  Most of my male education was in the back of a theatre.

SHIRLEY

We're talking about the performing arts, not the balcony of some sleezy [sic] ten-cent peep show.

LAVERNE

I'll take the balcony anyday.

LENNY

Me too.  The best balcony's at the Kitty Kat Theatre.  There's no arms on the seats.

LAVERNE

(TO SONNY) Let's go to the Kitty Kat Theatre.

SONNY

C'mon, Laverne, let's give Rhonda's game a try.  I had a great time playing those games in my acting class.  I actually became a leaf of lettuce.

CARMINE

How'd you do that, put a scoop of tuna on your head?

SONNY

Don't be ridiculous.  I just concentrated on becoming limp.

RHONDA ENTERS, SHE HAS A DECK OF CARDS.

RHONDA

Hi-ho, everybody.  Rhonda's back.

EVERYBODY

Hi-ho.

RHONDA

Sorry I took so long, but Todd called.  He can't pick me up tomorrow night.  Poor guy, his car is in the shop again.  Take my advice, don't ever buy a Rolls Royce.

LAVERNE

Thanks, Rhonda, first thing in the morning I'll cancel my order.

RHONDA

Okay, for this game we need everyone to sit next to each other.

SHIRLEY DIRECTS THEM INTO THEIR SEATS.  EVERYBODY SITS.

That was all replaced by Rhonda's voiceover saying that she's going to have them play a rainy-day game.  So we just see them sitting on the couch and chairs, some of them (especially Lenny) eating pudding.  In the script, Rhonda "notices Laverne & Sonny kissing," so she says, "Laverne."  They dropped this after Rhonda explains how you "win":

LENNY

Sounds boring.

SHIRLEY

Rhonda why don't you go first and show us how it works?

RHONDA

Okay, here goes.  First you stand up and then you read the question.  (PICKING CARD, READING) "Who, in this room, do you think is your best friend?"  That's easy.  It's Laverne.  (SITS)

LAVERNE

Laverne who?

RHONDA

(LAUGHS) That's why we're so close.  We have the same sense of humor.

Instead, Rhonda has Carmine go first onscreen.  

They omitted Squiggy's comment on Lenny's suicide line, "Oh, sure, stick me with all the rent.  Selfish, selfish, selfish."  When Laverne softly says, "Angelface," Shirley originally asked, "What?  Angel fish?"

Squiggy saying that "Andrew" is his "baby name" seems to be another Landerism, as does him reading a card upside-down.  In the script, Shirley suggests that "you gentlemen," meaning Carmine and Sonny, help Rhonda when Squiggy's kissing her, and they both "pull Squiggy off Rhonda."  But onscreen, Sonny instead kisses Laverne.  Rhonda used to have the line, "Guess that's the price of being beautiful," prompting Squiggy's "Thank you."

And when Shirley tells Carmine it's his turn again, he was written to say, "Thank you, Angelfish."  This was omitted after Sonny asks what Carmine's comment about him means:

LAVERNE

Remember the last time you took me out to a nice restaurant?

SONNY

No.

LAVERNE

Neither do I.

CARMINE

See?  You're a cheapskate.

EVERYBODY AD-LIBS "OOO", "LOW BLOW", ETC.

SHIRLEY
Now boys, let's not get nasty.

SONNY

I'm not the one calling people names.

After Rhonda said that they're all growing closer, there was this bit:

SONNY

Yeah.  Closer to killing each other.

RHONDA

C'mon, Lenny, your turn to grow.

LENNY RISES AS IF HE IS GROWING.

SHIRLEY

No.  Take another card.

They added Laverne saying it would be stupid for Shirley to sew L's on her own clothes, because of her name.

In the script, Laverne throws the pudding over the couch, rather than at Shirley, prompting Sonny to protest, "Hey!  That was my pudding."

They dropped the very last line of the scene (and the act), Lenny's "...Sloppy, Grumpy, Lazy... (BEAT)  What happened to Donder and Blitzen?"

Thoughts:

• Squiggy's "male education," oh my!  And Shirley's reply.
• If you needed any more proof that Lenny is a better match for Laverne than Sonny is, Sonny would rather play Rhonda's theatre game than make out in a balcony with Laverne.
• Also, Sonny can become limp on command.
• And he never takes Laverne to a nice restaurant, unlike Lenny.
• But at least he kisses Laverne in both versions of this script.
• And he does have somewhat more of a personality in this version, or at least more lines.
• Todd is another of Rhonda's unseen rich boyfriends.
• Awww, poor deluded Rhonda.  Laverne would indeed become her best friend of those six by Season Eight, but definitely not at this point in the show.
• I wonder if Lander had them drop Squiggy's callousness towards Lenny's possible suicide.
• The "angel fish" thing is mildly funny.
• It's just as well they dropped Lenny's closing line.

"To Tell the Truth," introduction

On January 27, 1981, only three weeks before "To Tell the Truth" aired, its Rev. Shooting Script was done.  As always, I expect some changes, especially since this would become the last Sonny episode.  But first, let's look at the cast list and sets, as well as the wardrobe notes:

First of all, the Z in "Kosnowski," which I've mentioned before, was not yet a thing in "Dating Game," but it did show up in the "Road to Burbank" cast list.  (And Penny has picked up an extra E in her name!)  Also, there is surprisingly a scene set in the boys' apartment, presumably with Squiggy and Rhonda and/or Sonny, since we get the pairings of Carmine & Laverne and Lenny & Shirley.

The men's wardrobe is pretty simple this time, since it's just the regular cast and the timespan seems to be one evening.  I don't know what "Made in Shade" means for Sonny, the name of his jeans?

"The Road to Burbank," Scenes J and K

We return to the "girls' apartment - later."  The very beginning was left out:

EVERYONE IS WHERE WE LEFT THEM DRINKING COFFEE.  EDNA IS POURING SOME.

SHIRLEY

Your noses are going to stretch from here back to Nevada.  Right, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(NASAL VOICE) I don't know.  My nose is gone.

Squiggy's line to Carmine, "You seen Shirley in her bunny-like baby suit" became "You've seen Shirley prance around in her bunny-like bathing suit."  Him calling Sonny "a rugged, strong, virus man" became Lenny calling Sonny "a strong, rugged, virgile man."  After Sonny says he'd never chase Laverne around with a plunger on his head, Squiggy commented, "What a cheese-puff," and Lenny (in a spin on the "He's never said 'poof' before" line, which did make it in), observed, "He's never said cheese-puff before."  Onscreen, the boys say Sonny should see a doctor for his "problem."

In the script, Frank calls the boys "bums," which became "guys" for filming.  Lenny's "honest Indian" was the more traditional slur of "honest Injun."

The filmed episode ends as Scene J ends, with Lenny's soft apology to Laverne and yelling apology to Shirley.  But there was an unaired tag.  (Yay?)

It's the same setting, "minutes later":

FRANK IS STANDING BESIDE THE STEPS TALKING TO LAVERNE.

LAVERNE

Thanks for all your help, Pop.

FRANK

You're welcome.  But next time you spend a night in a motel room with a man you better be married.

LAVERNE

What if he says he loves me?

FRANK

You better be married.

EDNA

Come on, Frank.  The "Man From U.N.C.L.E." is on.

LAVERNE

(STARTING DOWN THE STAIRS) Oooo, I can't wait to see what country T.H.R.U.S.H. blows up this week.

AS LAVERNE ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM, EVERYONE JUMPS UP, COVERS THEIR MOUTHS, AND RUNS OUT THE KITCHEN DOOR.  LAVERNE CROSSES TO THE COUCH AND SITS.

LAVERNE

Must be a rerun.

Thoughts:

• If a long nose = dishonesty, then Laverne no longer having a nose must make her the most honest person in the room.
• The changes in the boys' dialogue are slight improvements, although Scene J is pretty unsalvageable.  (No hard feelings, really, Frank?  And shut up, Rhonda!  Edna is still the best person in almost any room though.)
• Seriously, Frank, you're going to blame Laverne for going to a motel when she's unmarried?
• In a shocking example of a nonanachronistic reference on the show, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. TV show aired from 1964 to '68.
• I'm admittedly writing this during a pandemic (still!), but if they're worried about catching Laverne's cold, they've probably already been exposed to it, at least via Shirley that day.
• And if they must all run out simultaneously, is there a reason why no one uses the front door, the tunnel, or the balcony?
• While these two scenes are not great, overall I find this script better than what aired.  And at that, I'd probably revise my original B- to a C+ or lower.  I continue to find an empowering message in "The Bully Show" despite my issues with it, but this episode is just a mess, in terms of morals, characterization, and chronology.  A fascinating mess though.  And I'm still curious what earlier drafts looked like.