"To Tell the Truth," Scenes B and C

The scene that opens Act Two is remarkably faithful and ends up being one of the best Laverne & Carmine conversations in the series.  The friendly kiss was not in the script though, nor was their close hug and kiss at the end.  And Laverne's closing line, "Now let's try it with the guitar," was dropped.

So let's move on to an entire scene that was dropped:

INT. LENNY & SQUIGGY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

THE APARTMENT IS WHAT YOU'D EXPECT FROM THE BOYS.  THERE IS ONE BED AND A LAZY-BOY CHAIR.  RHONDA AND SONNY ARE LOOKING AROUND.

RHONDA

I can't believe Lenny and Squiggy actually live here.

SONNY

Yeah, and I hope they never move out.  I could never rent the place again.

SQUIGGY ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM.  HE HAS A DAMP TOWEL WRAPPED AROUND HIS WAIST.

SQUIGGY

Sorry if I kept you gents waiting, but my brains was in an uproar.

RHONDA

You're not mad at Shirley anymore?

SQUIGGY

A little, but some cold water on the waist and I'm cool as a daisy.

SONNY

I thought you were supposed to put cold water on your wrist.

SQUIGGY

That's just silly superstition.  This is medical fact.  (THEN, INDICATING LAZY-BOY CHAIR) So Rhonda, you look a little tired, and peaked.  Why don't you cop a squat in Lenny's bed here?

RHONDA

Oh, Squiggy, you make Lenny sleep in that chair?

SQUIGGY

He loves it.  His back's been orthopedicized.  (THEN) Listen, instead of the chair maybe you'd be more comfortable on the bed cuddlin' up with yours truly, me.

RHONDA

Thanks, Squiggy, but the chair is fine.

SQUIGGY

So, you think I'm ugly too.

SQUIGGY SULKS.

SONNY

C'mon, Squig.  Rhonda wasn't talkin' about your looks.  She just wanted to try out the chair.

RHONDA

That's right.  You're as handsome as anybody.  Squiggy, stand next to Sonny.

SQUIGGY AND SONNY STAND TOGETHER.

RHONDA (CONT'D)

You two could be twins.

SONNY

Oh, not twins.

SQUIGGY

Identical brothers.

RHONDA

Squiggy, you have big brown eyes just like Sonny, only yours are closer together.

SQUIGGY

You noticed.  It helps me see through narrow buildings.

RHONDA

And look, Sonny has no spit-curl at all.

SONNY

I've tried everything.

RHONDA SITS IN THE CHAIR.

RHONDA

So you see, you are really quite special.

SQUIGGY

And so are you.  (SITS IN RHONDA'S LAP AND CUDDLES UP BABY-LIKE)

SONNY

Are you okay, Rhonda?

RHONDA

So far.

SQUIGGY

Listen, Sonny Boy.  Lenny dropped a nickel down the drain pipe.  If you fetch it, it's yours.

SONNY

Oh, so now you're calling me a cheapskate too.  Look, I'll admit sometimes I'm tight with money.  But when I was a kid we didn't have any.  We had to live on what my gypsy mother made telling fortunes.  (BEAT)  Nobody wants to know when they're gonna die.

SQUIGGY

Gee, I didn't know that.  (TO RHONDA) Is this a hook or a button?

SONNY

Maybe now I'm so careful with money because I don't work that steady myself.

RHONDA

I know exactly how you feel Sonny.  I'm out of work alot [sic].  I'd be cheap too if men didn't buy me everything.

SONNY

Thanks alot [sic again], Rhonda.  I appreciate what you were trying to say.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, you're not half as stuck-up as everyone says you are.

RHONDA

Everyone says that?

SONNY

Yeah.  They do.

RHONDA

(STANDS UP AND SQUIGGY FALLS FROM HER LAP TO THE FLOOR.  HE PICKS HIMSELF UP)  Well, everyone should realize that an actress without self-confidence is an actress without a job.  I have to go into an audition thinking I'm the most beautiful, desirable and... there's one more thing... oh yes, talented actress in the world.  I'm just lucky it happens to be true.  So now do you understand my problem?

SQUIGGY

Could you repeat the question naked?

And we end on "Rhonda's reaction."

I have thoughts:

• Considering how vivid the boys' Burbank apartment would later be revealed as, no, this is not what I'd expect, and that is definitely one of the most lame-ass, no-frills set descriptions I've come across in dozens of scripts.
• And yet, let's stop a moment to savor that the boys have one bed.  Yes, Squiggy says Lenny sleeps in the chair, and gosh knows Lenny canonically demonstrates an ability to fall asleep on less comfortable furniture.  But do we actually believe that they wouldn't share the bed, at least some of the time?  Even if you don't ship them, this should give you pause for thought.
• Oh, the irony of Sonny actually worrying about future tenants, when he's almost out the door himself.
• Oh my, Squiggy enters wearing a damp towel!  I assume that's all he's wearing, not even underwear, though who knows.
• He calls Sonny and Rhonda "gents."
• I assume he was also fresh as a cucumber.
• I can totally picture David L. Lander suggesting Rhonda "cop a squat."
• Then, totally ignoring Sonny, he suggests cuddling with her on the bed!  While he's only wearing a towel.
• It's actually kind of sweet how Rhonda and Sonny try to boost (back) Squiggy's ego, although Sonny has reservations.
• My goodness, I like to think that somewhere out there there is a photo of Lander curled up in Easterbrook's lap!  (Yes, wearing a towel.)  And in this script, Rhonda's kind of into it.
• When Squiggy not so subtly tries to get Sonny to leave them alone, Sonny assumes Squiggy is talking about his cheapness.
• I don't know what to do with Sonny backstory.  Especially this late in the game.
• Squiggy offers a moment of sympathy and then tries to undress Rhonda, who is not resisting.
• Rhonda's sympathy is self-centered, but she tries.
• Then we get Rhonda's (also self-centered) explanation for her behavior, adding a bit more depth to this episode that is already pivotal in her overall arc.
• Squiggy bluntly asks Rhonda to get naked.  God knows what her reaction would've been.
• I think we can see why this scene was dropped (with all that nudity), but it would've been great if at least some of it had been kept.