"Sing, Sing, Sing," Scene A

We start at "Cowboy Bill's - night":

THE PLACE IS FULL OF CUSTOMERS.  A BANNER READS "COWBOY BILL'S HOOT NIGHT".  THERE IS A THREE-PIECE COMBO ON A STAGE.  FRANK IS AT THE MICROPHONE.  LAVERNE AND EDNA ARE WATCHING FROM THE SIDE.

FRANK

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Cowboy Bill's first annual every Tuesday Hoot Night.  I'm your host, Frank DeFazio.  People are gonna be singing up here but don't let that stop you from spending money.  Just yell loud.  Now, it's time for our very own Carmine Ragusa and Shirley Feeney.

SHIRLEY AND CARMINE ENTER FROM KITCHEN AND SING "THEY WERE YOU."

We don't get Frank's set-up or see Shirley and Carmine enter.  The aired version just starts with them onstage singing.

This exchange was mostly dropped, after that duet:

EDNA

They sound just like Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald.

LAVERNE

Who?

EDNA

They were the Sonny and Cher of my day.

LAVERNE

Oh.  (BEAT)  What a beautiful song.  It gets me right here.  I wanna sing a song that moves people.

EDNA

But you worked so hard on "Purple People Eater".

LAVERNE

I want to relate to people.  How many purple people do you know?  (BEAT)  I'm gonna sing "He".

EDNA

Who?

LAVERNE

"He".

EDNA

Ha.  "He".

LAVERNE REACTS.

In the script, Edna calls Laverne "Honey" when she tells her not to leave.  The call of complaint from the police replaced this ending:

FRANK ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN.

FRANK

What happened?

EDNA

"He" just emptied the room.

Thoughts:

• Frank has a strange definition of "annual."  Also, is this something that every CB's franchise does or his own innovation?  It is of course on Tuesdays, so we'll think of the ABC Tuesday Night Lineup.
• I think that Laverne would've heard of NE & JMcD.  They're not that much before her time, their last movie having been made in '42.  And she probably saw them on TV.
• The only line they kept from that dialogue was the one about the duet getting to Laverne and her wanting to sing a beautiful song, although the sight gag with her guitar was added.
• It's interesting that Laverne actually set out to do a novelty song in the beginning.  And I would certainly have rather had her sing "Purple People Eater" than "He," as would no doubt everyone at CB's.
• The finished version of this scene is a little more polished and funnier, but this isn't drastically different from the beginning that would air.