"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scenes 3 and 4

It's the Pizza Bowl at night:

ANGLE ON LENNY AND SQUIGGY AT THE DRVING MACHINE.  LENNY IS DRIVING AND SQUIGGY IS TAUNTING HIM.  CARMINE ENTERS.

Yep, Carmine was supposed to be in this scene, so we lost him asking, "Hi, guys. Have you seen Shirley?"  But other than that the first page of dialogue is mostly intact.  Except somehow lines got switched around, even though it just said that Lenny is driving:

LENNY

Oh, yeah?  Then how come you just hit a cow?

SQUIGGY

That was no cow.  That was a lady farmer.

CARMINE

You should've honked.  Listen, guys, if you see Shirl, tell her I'm dedicating my fight to her tomorrow night, because she's my best girl.  But if I lose, she shouldn't take it personally.

LENNY

Good luck on the fight.

CARMINE

I don't need luck.  I'm fighting Mad Dog Collins.  All I have to do is make sure he doesn't bite me.

CARMINE EXITS OUT BACK DOOR.

Carmine ended up on the cutting room floor and then the scene goes from Lenny (not Squiggy) hitting a school bus (not a lady farmer) right to the double-daters coming in.  Therefore, the scripted lines of Squiggy saying, "Hey, Shirl, Carmine is dedicating his fight to you tomorrow night and says you shouldn't take it personal," and her confused "Thanks, Squiggy.  I wonder what the message really was" of course are omitted.

Frank and Laverne's affectionate greeting and her introduction of Charles and Buck were added, since in the script Frank goes right into kicking the customers out.  Laverne remarks in the script, "My father used to be with the diplomatic corps," rather than "My father built his business on his charm."   And then came the introductions, and then this:

FRANK

Now remember, this is a special favor.  Leave the place the same way you found it.

LAVERNE

We will.

FRANK

(TO CROWD) Don't you understand the word "out"?  Okay, I'll make it in more simple terms.

HE JERKS HIS THUMB TOWARD THE DOOR.  PEOPLE FILE OUT.

CHARLES

Don't worry about a thing, Mr. De Fazio.

FRANK

(TO LAVERNE) Remember to turn out the lights in the alley.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

Turn off the heat.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

I'm gonna lock the door when I leave.  You know where the spare keys are.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

I'm trusting you, Shirley.

SHIRLEY

(THEY START WALKING) I won't let you down.  Let's take a look at the north forty.

BUCK

You got forty alleys in there.

SHIRLEY

No, Buck.  It's just a western -- aw, forget it.

Onscreen, after Shirley and Buck exit to the bowling alley with different dialogue, Laverne simply tells her pop that they'll take care of everything and he says he hopes so and he'll lock up when he leaves.  And then from Frank telling Laverne to "throw those bums," i.e. Lenny and Squiggy, out through Laverne suggesting she and Charles leave it's unchanged, except for some reason the stage direction says that "Squiggy is now 'driving.' "

Charles's apology, Squiggy's defiance, and Laverne's scolding were added.  Interestingly, so was her telling Charles that these are her friends, although she's not proud of that.

Shirley's line about loving cowboy movies was added, but we lost Buck saying, "Hey, Charles.  They got it so the ball comes right back, so you don't gotta run after it."  

This was omitted:

LAVERNE

(TO CHARLES) Isn't that a little strange?  Taking a suitcase to the bathroom.

CHARLES

Buck's a little peculiar.  He likes to change his shirt a few times a day.  I'll get us some beer.

CHARLES GOES TO COUNTER.

SHIRLEY

(TO LAVERNE)  Well, a lot of people do odd things, Laverne.  You're the only person I know who tap dances in the shower.

LAVERNE

You gotta tell everybody my whole life.

Scene 4 is only  a little over a page long and it's set at the P.B., "later":

SHIRLEY, LAVERNE AND CHARLES ARE SITTING AT THE TABLE.  BEER GLASSES ARE EMPTY.  LENNY AND SQUIGGY ARE STILL SITTING AT THE CAR MACHINE.

CHARLES

Don't worry.  As soon as Buck comes out we'll bowl.

CHARLES CROSSES FOR REFILLS.

SHIRLEY

Buck hates me, Vernie.  He's spending the whole night in the bathroom.

LAVERNE

He has been in there a long time, but I don't think he hates you.

SHIRLEY

Yes he does.  That's where I always hide when I hate my date.

Squiggy's classic line, "Boy, he had to go bad!" wasn't in the script, so I'm going to assume Lander came up with it.

The scene and the act end with Laverne's line, "You're robbing the bathroom?"  But onscreen we have Charles saying that they're robbing the bank next door, and Laverne and Shirley piece things together before the commercial break.

Thoughts:

• I understand that they wanted to include all the regulars when possible, but Carmine isn't really necessary in this scene (or later), as the filmed version would prove.  Still, it's sort of sweet that he wants to dedicate his boxing match to Shirley.
• Frank in the final version spends more time kicking people out and less time worrying about the girls taking care of the P.B. in his absence.  (And the phrasing makes it sound like Frank trusts Shirley more than Laverne.)
• The script definitely plays up more of Buck's ignorance of Western/cowboy lore, yet Shirley doesn't seem suspicious, while in the filmed version she thinks Buck is sweet and authentic and she doesn't trust Charles.  
• And the girls' discussion of how much Shirley likes Buck, despite his odd habits, is not in the script, which instead has Shirley assuming Buck hates her.
• Exactly how much time passes between Scenes 3 and 4?  At least enough for them to drink their beers.  Shirley says "the whole night," but I assume she's exaggerating.
• Wait, so like with tap shoes?  How does that work in the shower?
• And the boys are clearly not in any hurry to leave.
• I like Shirley using "Vernie" in the script, very Season One.
• Shirley apparently hates enough of her dates to have made a habit of hiding in the restroom.
• Yet again, it's smoother and funnier onscreen, and we don't need a time-skip for the explosion.  It's better to just go right to it.
• This combined scene continued onscreen, but we'll get to that next time, since there's a lot to Scene 5, twenty pages' worth!

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scene 2

It's the girls' living room at night:

SHIRLEY IS DRESSED AND PACING AROUND THE ROOM.  LAVERNE, ALSO DRESSED, IS AT COUNTER DOING JIGSAW PUZZLE.

SHIRLEY

You just going to sit there doing your puzzle, till they get here?

LAVERNE

That's my plan.  Now will you stop pacing around.  You're gonna run your heels down.

SHIRLEY

I wore a neckerchief.  Is that good for a cowboy?

LAVERNE

Fine.  What are you nervous about?  To use your own words, people are all the same, no matter where they come from.

SHIRLEY

But you know how I hate blind dates.  Laverne, if I hear spurs jangling in the hallway, I'm passing.

LAVERNE

You're a real gem, Shirl.  You believe everything you see in the movies, don't you?  The man's not going to come in here brushing cactus off his clothes.

SHIRLEY

I know.  But I hear they work with fertilizer a lot.  We should have gotten a doormat.

THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.  THEY GRAB BATS.

The only part of that that made it in was the "spurs jangling."  And after Charles says that it's "Us.  Your Dream boats," Laverne was supposed to say, sotto to Shirley, "Now be nice," and Shirley would reply, "I'll be charming."

The next part is mostly intact, except that in the script Buck is "wearing a conservative brown cowboy suit (no sequins or fancy embroidery)," rather than the blue suit of the filming.  In the script, Shirley suggests "pulling up a chair" to "sit a spell," rather than moseying to the sofa.

They left out Shirley saying, "We could talk about what you do for a living, Charles," so that Laverne has to "jump in" with the line about Buck being from Arizona.  They added Shirley snapping at Buck's ring-tapping.

After Buck says he doesn't drink, there was this:

SHIRLEY

Oh. Then how about some sarsaparilla?

BUCK

What's that?

SHIRLEY

Uh, I don't know.

AN AWKWARD PAUSE.

LAVERNE

You ever been bitten by a rattlesnake?

BUCK

No, but I saw one once.  At the zoo.

CHARLES

That Buck's such a kidder.  But underneath this jokester, Shirl, is a real sensitive guy.  You know, he writes poetry.

SHIRLEY

I like poetry.

LAVERNE

(TO BUCK) You're a poet?  Moon and June, stuff like that?

BUCK

Moon, June...  Hey, that's pretty good.  I'll have to remember that.

LAVERNE

Be my guest.

CHARLES

You know, Buck's father owns a big ranch.  The biggest in four counties.

SHIRLEY

Then you are a cowboy.

BUCK

(PROUDLY) Not me.  My Pa tried to force me to be a cowboy, but I wouldn't do it.  No sir.

LAVERNE

Why not?

BUCK

They do strange things on the ranch.  Things like... (WITH DISTASTE) ... milking!  I could never bring myself to layin' hands on a naked cow.

SHIRLEY

Buck, you're a sensitive person.

BUCK

Yeah.

Onscreen, most of this was dropped but we did get the wonderful addition of Buck's "Phoenix/Kleenix" poem.  

In the script, when Laverne suggests seeing The Wild One, "Buck winces and Charles puts his arm around Buck's shoulder."  When Charles says that violence makes Buck queasy, he adds the detail, "He threw up once watching Dragnet."

SHIRLEY

I think they're re-showing "Bambi" again.

CHARLES

Hey, he's my cousin, but I'll only go so far.

LAVERNE

Well, what would you like to do, Buck?  We're supposed to be entertaining you.

BUCK

Aw, if you want to see "the Wild One", let's go.  I'll just stay in the men's room.

SHIRLEY

We're not going to let you do that, are we, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(THINKING) I hear it's a good movie...

SHIRLEY

Laverne, for shame.  Now what do you want to do, Buck?  Anything.  You name it.

BUCK

Well, I always wanted to fly on a big plane, but I done that today.  And I wanted to see cousin Charles, but I'm doin' that now.  There's only one thing that'll just make my whole day.

The part about bowling is mostly the same, although in the script Charles says, "Laverne's father owns the pizza half of the Pizza Bowl," I think the only time it's suggested that he doesn't own the whole place.

Onscreen, Laverne says that Shirley stinks at bowling, but in the script her reaction to Buck not wanting to embarrass himself his first time bowling is "Well, we're back to the movies and the men's room."

Thoughts:

• Why would Laverne be doing a jigsaw puzzle right before a double date?
• This Shirley is definitely dimmer than Cindy plays her, like her thinking Buck got on the plane with manure on his boots and will track it into their living room.  Also the sarsaparilla thing.
• It's interesting that the bats are mentioned, but nothing else happens with them in the script.
• I can picture Laverne asking about rattlesnakes.  She's more in character in this script than Shirley is.
• I'm not sure why Charles and Buck bothered with all this backstory for Buck, when Charles wouldn't tell Laverne even lies about himself.
• I don't think cowboys actually milk the cows, but OK.
• Charles will embrace Buck in comfort but he won't go see Bambi.  (Which would probably be upsetting for someone that sensitive, so it's a bad suggestion by Shirley.)
• The Wild One came out in '53, so if Laverne hasn't seen it by now, what's her hurry?
• Is all this talk about the men's room foreshadowing?  I know the talk about violence is meant to be ironic and to mislead the girls.
• Once again, the script needed some work.

"A Date with Morky"

"The last time I was here, I caused a big problem, too."  Right spang in the middle of the premiere of Mork & Mindy on September 14, 1978 came the ultimate Marshallverse crossover, and it's time to talk about it.  "About 20 bleems ago" (which is 40,000 years ago, but OK), Mork was on Earth to "visit his friend the Fonz."  Never mind that Mork tried to abduct Richie, threatened to destroy Arnold's for fun, and succeeded in stripping Ralph Malph down to undershorts.  Or that "it was all a dream."  It's Retcon City.  And after that initial visit, Mork apparently befriended the Fonz enough to get dating advice.  And who better to practice on than Laverne DeFazio?

MORK: Are you interested?

MINDY: Oh, definitely.

MORK: Then prepare time-warp sequence.

In what I presume is 1960, the Fonz is house-sitting for the Cunninghams, who are on vacation.  (Earlier in that week, Fonzie and the Cunninghams went to a Colorado dude ranch, and M & M is set in Colorado, but that's probably a coincidence.)  The Fonz gets annoyed that a girl calling for Richie doesn't respond to his charms.

An egg lands in the yard with sound effects, which Fonzie assumes are Ralph trying to be funny.  He's startled to find Mork on the doorstep.  Fonzie assumes he's dreaming, but Mork says previously he had to erase Fonzie's memory to preserve his sanity.

Mork is puzzled by the ritual of "men dating women."  Maybe he observed a bit of this at Arnold's.  Anyway, that's the set-up so deal with it.  They briefly discuss gender on Ork, which is retconned from before but whatever.  Fonzie describes kissing as a boy and a girl sliding their lips together.  Mork wants Fonzie to introduce him to a girl, but Fonzie says it'll be difficult.  Mork suggests that the two of them slide lips.  Fonzie's not going for it.

Mork says Fonzie is "known throughout the universe for his expertise in this field."  The flattery works so Fonzie sends Mork upstairs to change into Richie's clothes.  The Fonz says it's a good thing Mork didn't land at Potsie's house.  (Which I kind of want to see now.)

Fonzie considers various chicks, including the Hooper Triplets.  Then he thinks of the perfect one and dials.

The next scene opens with Laverne, in one of her signature outfits, coming by the Cunningham abode and yelling at I think the bus driver, since she came by bus.

The audience understandably applauds, Fonzie greets her with a kiss, she shows off her outfit, and we go to commercial.

When we return, Laverne asks if this Mork guy is tall, dark, and handsome.  Fonzie says Mork is a foreigner.  In her Brooklyn whine, Laverne says she doesn't like foreigners because they talk funny.  Fonzie is going to have to convince her more.

He tells her that Mork is from Ork and has her wait outside while he briefs Mork on American customs.

Mork reenters in plaid, jeans, white socks, and penny loafers.  He and Fonzie discuss kissing a little more, and then what Lenny would call Mork's "pleasure center" appears to be on the wrist.  Even seeing Fonzie touch his own wrist sends Mork into what the captions describe as "ecstatic gasping."  Mork tells of how the zazbot once overcame him to the point that he "jerked her earlobe."  Mork sobs in shame and Fonzie holds him.  (And poor Henry has to try to keep from laughing at Robin.)  

Laverne says Fonzie's two minutes are up and she comes in.  And worlds collide!

Laverne and Mork look at each other like they like what they see, or at least he imitates her body language.  She winks at Fonzie approvingly as she strolls over to "Morky."  He gives her the "Nanu-nanu" greeting and she gives Fonzie a look like What have you set me up with?

Fonzie tries to excuse himself out of the room but Laverne asks if he "fixed her up with another jerk."  (What other jerks has he fixed her up with?)  Mork starts dancing The Jerk, which is circa 1964, so that probably further puzzles her.

Laverne tells the Fonz she washed her hair for this and ironed her skirt.  He reminds her that Mork is a foreigner and doesn't know their customs.  She'll stay if Mork won't jerk.  Then she sprays on perfume, while Fonzie advises Mork to do what Laverne does, since "she knows the ropes."  Fonzie heads upstairs, laughing about what Mork said about ropes.

Laverne asks Morky if Ork is near Greece, so he starts talking about grease and other lubricants.  (Honestly, this episode sounds naughtier than it is when I type all this out.)  

MORK: Is it time to flatter you?

LAVERNE: Sure.

MORK: You have a lovely fungus growing out of your head.

He explains and she says, "Yeah, I always wear mildew when I wanna impress a guy.  What did Fonzie do to me?"

He asks if it's time to kiss.  She says no and has him sit on the couch.  So of course he sits on his face.  Laverne really can't believe this.  They both sit "Fonz-style."  He sits too close so they move to opposite ends of the couch.  He copies her body language.  

She thinks he's making fun of her and threatens a fat lip.  He feels rejected and "returns to hatchling state."  She tells him, "Don't suck your finger.  Your teeth will end up like mine."  She feels sorry for him and offers to be his friend.  Unfortunately, she touches his wrist.

He wants to jerk her earlobe, an act which appears to be called "gangnab."  She kicks his ankle so he kicks both of hers.  He chases her around the living room.  She says she liked him better as a baby.  He grabs her earlobe when they're behind the couch, so she slaps him and runs upstairs, yelling, "Fonz!  Fonz!  He wants my earlobe!"  He tells the empty room, "I think she likes me."

Back in present-day Boulder, Mork is still lusting after Laverne's lobes and says he just wanted to tweak them.  Mindy says that's what got him into trouble last time.  And that's the end of the crossover.

I don't like the rapey undertones, but I do like how Winkler, Marshall, and R. Williams play off of each other in this minisode.  Never again would more than two Marshallverse casts get together (not counting real life of course, like for baseball games), but this is a good melding of the three different tones of the shows, although we're sort of back to the brassy Laverne of '75.  And I guess we can be glad the Fonz didn't fix Mork up with Shirley.

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scene 1

On February 15, 1976, when "Razzberries" had just aired, the Final Draft for "Dog Day Blind Dates" was submitted.  Charles, Buck, and the Policeman had not yet been cast.  But someone was definitely in it, and, well, make of this what you will.  (Again, apologies for blurriness.):

I will note that, one, this copy of the script is a reprint, and two, Michael McKean's actual signature appears to be a lot curvier and relatively illegible.  But "Mike McKean" has some connection to this script, and that's pretty cool.

Again, the scenes are unlabeled and the numbering is my own.  As on the filmed episode though, we open in the break room, during the day.  The first page or so made it in, but this was left out after Laverne says it was a lucky guess that they got the bottle cap off Waldo's thumb with a bottle opener.

LAVERNE

...I'm glad he's okay but it is funny.  A capped thumb.  (SHE CHUCKLES) I bet a lot of people would stop if he was hitchhiking.

SHIRLEY

Dark humor.  You're a sick person, Laverne.

This was mostly omitted when the girls are discussing Charles:

LAVERNE

Oh, you're so picky and choosy.  The only guy you'd approve of is the Pope.

SHIRLEY

I can't help it. I don't trust a man who wears a pinky ring.

LAVERNE

Well, there goes the Pope.

Also, this was tossed out after Laverne says Charles is a perfect gentleman:

LAVERNE

...He never tried anything.

SHIRLEY

Really?  Never?  Did you ever stop to consider that... uh... perhaps he does not prefer women?

LAVERNE

Your mind works in strange ways.

Instead, the girls onscreen discuss whether Laverne knows what he does for a living.  And in the script, Laverne says that Shirley usually walks out of the room when Charles walks in, and sure enough, after saying hello, she says, "Well, 'scuse me, I have to see a man about a horse."

LAVERNE GRABS SHIRLEY'S ARM TO KEEP HER FROM LEAVING.  CHARLES IS A SILKY TYPE.  HE WEARS A PINKY RING AND HE'S VERY SMOOTH.  HE'S VERY NICE, COURTEOUS AND CONSIDERATE TOWARD LAVERNE IN HIS OWN SEMI-SOPHISTICATED WAY.

CHARLES

Miss De Fazio, you are ravishing.

LAVERNE

(FLATTERED) Aw, I haven't done anything special.

CHARLES

I think it's your eyes.

LAVERNE

You always know the right things to say.

SHIRLEY NOTICES THAT LAVERNE ONLY HAS ONE EYELASH ON AND TRIES TO PANTOMIME THIS TO HER. LAVERNE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.  THEY PLAY THIS THROUGH THE SCENE UNTIL SHIRLEY GIVES UP IN EXASPERATION.

In the script, Shirley is civil enough to say, "It's nice your relatives visit," while onscreen she's mostly annoyed by Charles and his ring-tapping.  (The ring-tapping doesn't exist in the script, and it really gives Cindy Williams and Fred Willard a way to play off each other without words.)

CHARLES

I know, but he's from Arizona, and I have to entertain him while he's here.  He's a clodhopper and I don't know how to entertain him?  [Yes, the typist found the question mark but is still learning how it works.]

SHIRLEY

Clodhopper?  Is that his name?

CHARLES

No, his name's Buck.  He's a cowboy.  I know he's going to want me to set him up with a girl while he's here.  You know, so we can double date.  (HE LOOKS AT SHIRLEY, HINTING)

SHIRLEY

Uhh, I think I have to see the horse again.

LAVERNE GRABS SHIRLEY'S ARM TO KEEP HER THERE.

LAVERNE

Shirley would love to help show him around town.

SHIRLEY

(PROTESTING) Laverne...

CHARLES

(INTERRUPTING) Shirley, thank you.  Laverne's always telling me how kind and considerate you are.  Like the way you leave the room everytime [sic] I come in so we... (INDICATES LAVERNE) can be alone.  But you're willing to help me out with a total stranger... that's class.

SHIRLEY

(BITTER) Yeah, I'm a class kid.

Only some of this was left for the filmed version.  Then it's mostly intact for awhile, except they omitted Charles observing, "Buck's first plane ride and first date, all in one day."  And in the script, Shirley says Laverne looks like the "Queen of Spades " rather than the Jack.

After Laverne asks why Shirley didn't tell her about the one eyelash, there was this:

SHIRLEY

I was busy with the cowboy talk.  Why am I taking a big klutz on his first date?

LAVERNE

There's nothing wrong with that.

SHIRLEY

His hands will sweat.

LAVENRE

Come on, there's nothing to worry about.  You'll be with me and Charles.  And remember, it'll be some date... sky's the limit.

SHIRLEY

Sky's the limit.  Laverne, I was thinking, how can Charles afford to take us all out for this big time evening?  I mean, is he wealthy?

LAVERNE

I don't think so.

And then the girl's discussion of what Charles does for a living came here.  Onscreen, Laverne says Shirley owes her a favor since Laverne went out with Shirley's cousin Benjy, the welder.  This is how it went after Laverne asks if Shirley is the Internal Revenue.:

LAVERNE

...Look, Shirl, we'll go out, have a nice time and maybe you'll fall madly in love with Buck.

SHIRLEY

I doubt it.  I've seen Western movies and there's just two types of cowboys.  One wears a black hat and kills people.  The other rides off into the sunset with his horse.  I figure I'm gonna end up dead or deserted.

Onscreen, Laverne says maybe Buck will look like Gary Cooper and Shirley says with her luck it'll be Gabby Hayes.

Thoughts:

• I can see why they left out Laverne's "sick joke," especially since it doesn't make much sense.  (How could someone see the cap on a thumb while driving by, unless the headlights lit it up or something?)
• Speaking of jokes that don't make sense, um, the Pope doesn't date.  (Renaissance popes with children of course excepted.)
• It's probably just as well that they left out Shirley assuming Charles is gay.
• "Seeing a man about a horse" seems more like something a guy would say.
• I love the description of Charles, and what Fred Willard did with it.
• I sort of wish they'd kept Shirley trying to signal to Laverne about the eyelash, but there's enough going on in the scene as filmed.
• The "clodhopper" (Claude Hopper?) joke is another one that doesn't work.
• Shirley objects much more to Buck in the script than in this scene onscreen, where she mostly just doesn't want to spend time with Charles.
• I have no idea why Charles said it was Buck's first date, except I guess to make us feel sorrier for Shirley, but she was willing to go out with the not very experienced Richie Cunningham a few months earlier, so I don't know what the big deal is about that part.
• This Laverne is pushing Buck at Shirley much more than the one onscreen, who mostly just wants to make Charles happy.
• As with the other Season One scripts I've looked at so far, there's a bit of floundering, as they try to get a fix on the characters and tone of the series.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 9

It's back to the apartment, "later that night."  Onscreen, we get a conversation between Laverne and Shirley, while AM is dropping Lenny off at the church.  The "Eleanor Roosevelt"/"bimbo" dialogue goes here.  Then AM comes in.  In the script, "Anne Marie is closing her suitcase and having some difficulty.  Laverne and Shirley are still wearing the clothes they wore to the party."

Shirley wishing AM would stay and apologizing to her made it in, as did AM saying she's not leaving because of the reunion.  But in the script, she says, "I'm leaving because I have to catch a bus to Detroit."  In both versions, Laverne asks why AM became a nun, and here's how that goes in the script.

ANNE MARIE

After I graduated from high school I went to live with my grandmother in Chicago.  She had a very strong faith in God.

THERE IS A BEAT OF SILENCE, THEN:

SHIRLEY

Was she a nun, too?

LAVERNE AND ANNE MARIE GIVE HER A LOOK.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

(REALIZING) Oh... I guess not.

LAVERNE

Did she want you to become a nun?

ANNE MARIE

No... but being around her, I began to have the kind of faith she did.  Then the time came when I decided to take my faith and put it into action.

Onscreen, there's no mention of her grandmother and she just says she got the calling.

The part from Shirley exclaiming that they're nurses to AM getting ready to leave is mostly the same, although the part with laughing at Hector's undershorts was added, as was AM saying she'll be back in town for Thanksgiving.  (I really hope she was, although we'd never see it.)  But in the script, Shirley says, "We enjoyed your visit," and AM teases, "Never lie to a nun."  Her "bet your buns" line and the hug were added.

They also added AM saying everyone should be nice to each other, so for the filmed tag Laverne apologizes to Shirley but finds being a good person tough when Shirley starts planning the next reunion.  The last page and a bit got left out:

SHIRLEY

You know, Laverne... we could change.  We could make something of our lives.  We could quit the brewery and get jobs that have a future.  We could be dental technicians.

LAVERNE

I wonder if you have to buy your own uniforms.

SHIRLEY

We can start changing tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Sunday... that's a good day for changing.

THEY CONTEMPLATE THEIR FUTURE A BEAT, THEN:

LAVERNE

Tomorrow, huh?

SHIRLEY

Yeah... first thing.

LAVERNE GETS HER COAT.

LAVERNE

Good... that gives us the rest of tonight.  C'mon.

SHIRLEY IS GETITNG HER COAT.

SHIRLEY

Where are we going?

LAVERNE 

Back to the pizza bowl.  There were two good-looking guys in lane five who winked at us.  If we hurry, they might still be there.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY EXIT AND WE...

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

Thoughts:

• There is no tag in the script, so that's it, although I guess they could've split off the post-AM-exit part for a tag.
• Why is AM going to Detroit?  Is that a mistake left over from an earlier version where she moved to Detroit instead of Chicago?
• On the one hand, I like the idea of AM having a strong bond with her grandmother, and on the other I don't feel she needs that to justify her life choices. 
• I hope Cindy or someone objected to Shirley's stupidity about the grandmother being a nun.
• The way the three girls say goodbye is sweeter and more playful onscreen.  We genuinely believe that they were once a close-knit trio.
• I don't get what the script is saying.  Just because Laverne wants to go out and flirt, she doesn't have ambition?  I mean, it's not like they could've applied for dental technician training on a Sunday anyway.
• I do like that Shirley gets her coat before she even knows where they're going, like she's up for a little adventure.
• Once again, I prefer the filmed version.

As with "Razzberries," the script is a good starting point, but it needed pruning and polishing to be ready to air.  Next time, we will see how "Dog Day Blind Dates" evolved, what was lost and what was gained....

"A Nun's Story," Scene 8

We're at the Pizza Bowl, "later":

WE START ON A JUKE BOX PLAYING A LOUD, UP-TEMPO SONG THEN PULL BACK TO REVEAL THAT THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH PEOPLE STANDING AROUND LOOKING MISERABLE.  WE FIND SHIRLEY, LAVERNE, ANNE MARIE AND LENNY AT TABLE.

Set-up dialogue was added for the filming, and the song is the definitely not up-tempo "Pretend" by Nat King Cole.  Laverne insists everyone is having a bad time because of AM, while Shirley is in denial, despite the details Laverne gives.  Then it goes into Lenny's "Confession," where "Spencer's Five and Dime" became "Spencer's Department Store," and his history quiz became a quiz in Hygiene.

Much of this was omitted:

FRANK DE FAZIO APPROACHES WITH A TRAY ON WHICH ARE SEVERAL GLASSES.  HE SETS THE TRAY ON THE TABLE AND BEGINS DISTRIBUTING THE GLASSES.

FRANK

It looks like you girls could use another round.

LAVERNE

Three more ginger ales.

LENNY

Nothing for me.  I'm in confession.

LENNY CONTINUES THINKING ABOUT HIS SINS AS FRANK EXITS.

ANNE MARIE

Look, if you girls would like a beer, it wouldn't bother me at all.

SHIRLEY

We seldom drink alcoholic beverages.

LAVERNE

Sometimes a little wine at Christmas.

LENNY

I'm clean for the tenth grade 'cause I was out with mono.

LENNY GOES BACK TO HIS CONTEMPLATION.

ANNE MARIE

I can see what's going on.  Nobody is having a good time.  Let's face it, you can't go home again... especially in a nun's habit.

SHIRLEY

It's not your fault.  It's mine, I should have planned some games.

ANNE MARIE

It is my fault.  I ask you... what does each person do when they walk in the door?

LAVERNE

They come over to the table and say "hello."

ANNE MARIE

They don't say "hello."  They say: "Hey, she's a nun."

LENNY

(SUDDENLY ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS) I did an awful thing to Squiggy last year.  But he was asking for it...  (HE BURIES HIS HEAD ON THE TABLE AS ANNE MARIE PATS HIM COMFORTINGLY ON THE BACK; A BEAT, THEN HE LOOKS UP)  Don't you want to know what I did to Squiggy?

ANNE MARIE

(THINKS A BEAT,THEN) No.  I'd better leave.  I'm ruining your party.

ANNE MARIE GETS UP.  SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE GET UP WITH HER.

SHIRLEY

It's not your fault, Anne Marie... it's ours.  (SPEAKNG OUT TO THE OTHERS IN THE ROOM) Hey, everybody, listen up.  Can't you see what's happening?  We're all acting like jerks.  We could have a good time if we just started acting like ourselves.  Now why don't we start all over?

Onscreen, Lenny's mono became ringworm, and AM cuts the confession short, since nuns can't hear confessions.  They skip ahead to AM saying she's leaving the party, but Shirley's speech is left out until she suggests they all sing the alma mater.  In the script they sing "reverently," but it's reluctantly onscreen.  The "Fillard Millmore High" slip is not in the script.

THINGS SEEM TO BE PICKING UP.  SQUIGGY YELLS FOR ATTENTION.

SQUIGGY

Now it's time for a special present from Laverne.

SHIRLEY

You're giving a present, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(PANICKED) Oh, I forgot.  Forget it, Squiggy.  It's cancelled.

SQUIGGY

No, it ain't.  It's all ready.  This is a special present from Laverne to Anne Marie.  (YELLS) Okay, Hector.

There's no set-up for Hector's entrance onscreen, beyond him finishing counting offstage and Laverne suddenly remembering.  The entrance itself, and Frank's reaction, are from the script.

Thoughts:

• I think it works better to have the "confession" at a separate table.
• "Hygiene" is funnier than "history," and "ringworm" is funnier than mono.
• I appreciate that they're trying to integrate Frank into the scene, but a waitress could've brought over the ginger ales with that forgettable line.
• This Lenny is more reflective than the Lenny who spills his guts on screen.
• I want to know what Lenny did to Squiggy, and what Squiggy did to deserve it, but maybe McKean thought this was too out of character for the boys' friendship.
• This AM continues to be more insecure than the one in the final version.
• Shirley blames herself and then everyone in the room.
• It works better to not have Squiggy cluelessly insist on Laverne's "present" and just have Hector burst out.
• Again, the filmed version is better than the script.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 7

It's the Pizza Bowl, at night:

THERE IS A BANNER ON THE WALL THAT READS: WELCOME BACK CLASS OF '54.  SQUIGGY WALKS OVER TO CARMINE AND LENNY.  THEY'RE LOOKING THROUGH A YEARBOOK.

CARMINE

There she is again.  Right there.  Ain't that Anne Marie?

SQUIGGY CROWDS IN TO LOOK OVER THEIR SHOULDERS.

LENNY

Yeah.  The one with the sombrero and toreador pants.

CARMINE

Imagine... wearing that to graduation.  What a crazy kid.

SQUIGGY

Yeah... what a crazy kid.

LENNY

I'm gonna ask her to dance.  All through high school I wanted to ask her to dance and tonight I'm gonna do it.

SQUIGGY

You're gonna have to go through me to do it.  I'm gonna get the first dance and while we're dancing, I'm gonna blow in her ear and ask her to go to a drive-in.

SHIRLEY, LAVERNE AND ANNE MARIE ENTER.

SHIRLEY

Hi, fellas.  Happy reunion.

THE GUYS SEE THEM.  LENNY AND CARMINE ARE STUNNED SPEECHLESS AS THE GIRLS APPROACH THEM.

LAVERNE

Carmine, Lenny, you remember Sister Anne Marie.

THE GUYS STARE AT ANNE MARIE A BEAT, THEN THEY BOTH LOOK BACK AT THE PICTURE IN THE ANNUAL.

Onscreen, the sign is of course changed to reflect the later graduation date.  Carmine does an acrobatic cheer and then goes to the restroom as Squiggy says he's going to ask AM to dance and the boys end up betting on it.  Then Shirley enters and nervously welcomes the Class of '56 and then says, "Everyone remembers Anne Marie."  Squiggy asking AM to dance is in there of course, and "the others react."

The last page and a half were omitted:

ANNE MARIE

Well... I've kind of lost my touch, Squiggy.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, that happens.  

FRANK DE FAZIO COMES OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND SEES THE GROUP.

FRANK

And who is this?  (HE LOOKS AT ANNE MARIE FROM SEVERAL ANGLES)  It can't be.  Is that you in there, Anne Marie?

ANNE MARIE

Yes, Mr. De Fazio. How've you been?

FRANK

Keeping out of trouble.  I gotta get some pizzas out of the oven.  I'll put a little extra pepperoni on yours.  I mean, you're allowed to eat pepperoni, aren't you?

ANNE MARIE

Sure.

FRANK

Well, you never know.  What with the new Pope and everything.

FRANK GOES BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.

LAVERNE

(BITTER) He never gave me extra pepperoni.

WE SEE LENNY IN THE B.G. STRUGGLING TO DRAG IN A LARGE KEG OF BEER.  

ANNE MARIE

I wish people would just forget I'm a nun and act normal around me.

SQUIGGY

Yeah.  They're all acting like retards.

LENNY

Hey, Squiggy.  Could you give me a hand with this beer?

SQUIGGY

(TOO LOUD) Forget about the beer.  Nobody's gonna be drinking with a nun here.

Thoughts:

• I graduated in the '80s.  No one would've batted an eye if someone wore a sombrero and toreador pants, although I guess it was different in 1954.
• It just feels odd to have Squiggy echo Carmine.  Are we supposed to laugh at Squiggy calling someone crazy?
• I like it better that Lenny wasn't pining for AM in high school, and not only because it should've been Laverne he always wanted to dance with.  It works better to have him call Squiggy a chicken and encourage him to ask AM to dance, and then be very amused when Squiggy goes through with it.  Also, you'd think Lenny would've had a chance to ask AM out if they were setting off cherry bombs together.
• And Squiggy's plans for AM were a lot more ambitious in the script.  I don't know if the censors objected but maybe Lander did.
• Shirley is a lot more casual in the script, and Laverne more teasing of Carmine and Lenny.
• The yearbook is nowhere in the filmed scene, which is fine.
• The Frank & AM part is kind of sweet, although I don't get the Pope line.  Is this a reference to the Vatican II in 1962 to '65?
• Laverne's bitterness about pepperoni is also a little odd.
• AM again is more worried in the script than onscreen, where she seems more at peace.
• Oh, Squig, no, just no.  It's one thing in "Slow Child," where there's a dramatic point to his insult, but as a throwaway? 
• Overall, this scene is definitely weaker in the script, particularly in terms of character.  I realize that Season One was a work in progress, but by the time this was shot, there was a better sense of who these people were, even one-timer Anne Marie.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 6

Act Two opens at the apartment, "later."  The towels used to be from Howard Johnson's rather than the much more show-specific "Hotel Pfister."  And since the "Nutsy" nickname did not exist in this version, Laverne just calls their guest Anne Marie.  (She does tell her to haul her buns out though.)  

After Laverne calls her "old 'love 'em and leave 'em' Polanski," she was supposed to ask, "What are you up to these days, you married?"  Then AM would say, "Uh... no...."  Laverne would say, "Sure.  Why get married?  I'll bet in Chicago there's a lot of the old Vo-de-oh-do-do."  (Yes, that's the spelling and capitalization.)  The "married" part was omitted.  Laverne asking if AM saw their "shrine" was added.  

After AM exits in the script, there's this:

LAVERNE

What happened?  How could you stand there like that and let me make a fool out of myself?

SHIRLEY

No one has to let you make a fool of yourself, Laverne.  You do it pretty well on your own.

The part with Shirley feeling like a bimbo compared to Anne Marie, and Laverne's Eleanor Roosevelt remark, actually came here, rather than post-reunion.  

But this is what came after Shirley suggests they claim they're nurses:

LAVERNE

You can't lie to a nun.

SHIRLEY

I don't think I'm going to enjoy this reunion.

LAVERNE

There may be a lot of people who won't enjoy this reunion.  Anne Marie's arrival was a big attraction.

SHIRLEY

She's going to see that we haven't changed at all.  All of a sudden our reunion seems so dumb.

LAVERNE

Look, Shirl.  I always thought it was dumb.  But we're stuck.  She came all the way from Chicago for this.

ANNE MARIE COMES OUT DRESSED IN HER HABIT.

ANNE MARIE

Well, I'm ready to go.

SHIRLEY

(BRIGHTENING QUICKLY) Great.  So are we.

LAVERNE

Yeah... right.  Let's go have fun.

ANNE MARIE

I must admit... I'm really very nervous.  It's the first time I've seen the old gang and I'm not sure how they'll take.... (SHE INDICATES HER HABIT)

SHIRLEY

Oh, that... who'll notice?

THE THREE OF THEM EXIT.

Onscreen, the girls, especially Laverne, are more concerned with AM being a buzzkill.  And AM doesn't return to the room before the scene change, so we don't know as much about what she's going through.

Thoughts:

• I wonder why they dropped the "married" part.  I could see Penny selling it.
• If AM coming all the way from Chicago for the reunion is a big deal, does that mean everyone else stuck around?  If so, the girls and Carmine traveling from California to attend the tenth-year reunion should be a big deal in itself.
• The emphasis in this scene is different, with originally more on Shirley questioning her life and trying to reassure AM.  The onscreen AM is more comfortable with who she is and how people might react.  In both versions, once Laverne gets over her shock, she's more philosophical about it all, disappointed but being her adjuster self.

"A Nun's Story," Scenes 4 and 5

It's back to the apartment at night:

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE SITTING AROUND THE TABLE LOOKING AT SNAPSHOTS WITH AMUSEMENT.

LAVERNE

Hector's never been the same since.

Onscreen, Shirley points out that it was AM's idea but Laverne is the one who got grounded for three months.  Laverne says it was worth it and Hector hasn't bothered them since.

The main other change in this scene is that in the script, Shirley matter-of-factly says, "I knew you'd come around," while onscreen Shirley plays up her triumph more, so Laverne says to forget the whole thing, and Shirley has to beg her again.

This one-page scene is followed by another one-page scene, also at night, but several days later.  In the script, Shirley's banner reads, "Welcome Anne Marie," rather than "Welcome Nutsy."  And she says, "Hi Anne Marie," rather than "Welcome, Nutsy!"  This scene originally ended on Shirley's "stunned look," but I like the addition of the line, "What's new?"

And so ends Act One.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 3

INT. DE FAZIO LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK

ANNE MARIE, AN ATTRACTIVE GIRL, IS IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY.  THEY ARE ALL DRESSED IN NIGHTIES.  LAVERNE IS LOOKING THROUGH A RECORD COLLECTION, SHIRLEY IS THUMBING THROUGH A TRUE ROMANCE MAGAZINE, AND ANNE MARIE IS TALKING.

ANNE MARIE

What time does your father go to bed, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(ACTING IT OUT) Same time every night.  In a few minutes he'll come in from the Pizza Bowl.  He'll get a beer out of the icebox and shuffle over to the couch, turning on the TV.  After the news he'll go to bed complaining that his stomach hurts from too much beer.

ANNE MARIE

Good.  As soon as he's asleep, we'll go try to check in at the YMCA.

LAVERNE

You're wild, Anne Marie.

Onscreen, AM would show her wildness through a smoking lesson.  This gives a reason for Shirley to pull back the curtain to reveal Hector, Lenny, and Squiggy, while in the script they just appear.  Onscreen, Shirley screams and tries to cover herself with the curtain, while in the script it's a blasé, "Oh, look who's here."

Onscreen, Squiggy says they should wait until the girls are naked before they take more pictures, while in the script Lenny tells Shirley, "We thought we'd take some 'nature' pictures for biology."  The lines about Life magazine were added.

Then again, Lenny and Squiggy run off pretty quickly in the filmed episode, while here's what we lost from the script:

ANNE MARIE

Oh, boys.

SQUIGGY

Gimme a little cheesecake, Anne Marie.

ANNE MARIE

You want pictures?  Or you want to come in here and let us give you a party you'll never forget?

A LONG BEAT, THEN.

SQUIGGY

I kinda like pictures.

ANNE MARIE

This will be better than pictures.

SQUIGGY

(TO LENNY) What's better than pictures?

LENNY

I don't know.  TV?

ANNE MARIE

If you two boys are going to argue, we're just inviting Hector in here.

HECTOR 

I'll be right in.

HECTOR RUNS TOWARD THE FRONT DOOR.

ANNE MARIE

(TO LENNY AND SQUIGGY) Goodbye, boys.

LENNY

(TO SQUIGGY) Boy, you really squandered an opportunity.

SQUIGGY

I was happy with pictures.

LENNY

But he took the camera.  Now we don't even get pictures.

SQUIGGY

(PHILOSOPHICAL) There'll be other times.

THEY LEAVE.

This of course got modified to AM talking directly to Hector.  In the script, it's AM who tells Shirley to look sexy, and Shirley unquestioningly "strikes a sexy pose on the couch."  Onscreen, Laverne has to talk her into it, since Shirley says she's "not allowed."  And so the "kicked out of the Brownies" line happened sometime after this Pre-Production Draft.

After Hector arrives, "Anne Marie goes over to him and starts to kiss him.  As he leans toward her, she slips past him and moves over to the couch and sits.  Hector follows."  In the script, he says they all look nice tonight, which in the filmed version became a compliment on their pajamas.

Then "Anne Marie pulls him down on the couch between her and Shirley.  Anne Marie takes his camera and puts it on the table beside the couch.  Then she and Shirley huddle up against him."  In the script, it's AM, not Laverne, who says that they want to show a he-man a good time.  Then she "runs her fingers through his hair."

Shirley offers Hector a good time in both versions, but onscreen he says, "As long as it don't hurt," while in the script he says, "Let the good times roll!" and then "gives a leering laugh."

In the script, it's AM, rather than Laverne, who snuggles up to Hector and says she's always admired him from afar, although in both versions it's AM who asks if three is too much for him.  Shirley in the script worriedly asks, "The three of us?"

ANNE MARIE GIVES HIM A BIG KISS.  AS SHE KISSES HIM, SHE LOOKS OVER HER SHOULDER TO LAVERNE.  LAVERNE MOTIONS THAT HER FATHER IS COMING.  ANNE MARIE QUICKLY BREAKS THE KISS.

ANNE MARIE

It's not right.

HECTOR

(OUT OF BREATH) I thought it was pretty good.

ANNE MARIE

Get in the closet.

HECTOR

Huh?

ANNE MARIE STARTS PULLING HIM ACROSS THE ROOM TO THE CLOSET.

ANNE MARIE

You're not exactly dressed for the occasion.  If you know what I mean.

HECTOR LOOKS AROUND AT THE GIRLS AND GIVES A LEERING LAUGH.

HECTOR

Yeah, I know what you mean.

ANNE MARIE

If we're gonna show you a real good time, we should do it right.

SHIRLEY

(SNUGGLING UP BESIDE HIM) Yeah...  I'll put on some soft music.

LAVERNE

I'll turn the lights down low.

HECTOR

Not too low. I'm afraid of the dark.

Hector having to get ready in the closet and count to one hundred is in both versions, but in the script, "Laverne opens the door and Shirley and Anne Marie shove him in."

Onscreen, Laverne plans to plaster Hector's picture all over school, but in the script she wonders, "What now?  Even Hector can count to a hundred."

Frank coming home is obviously less of a surprise in the script, and of course the girls don't have to hide the signs of smoking. 

HE SHUFFLES TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND TAKES OUT A BEER.  HE STARTS BACK TO THE COUCH, TURNING ON THE TELEVISION SET AS HE GOES.  HE PLOPS DOWN ON THE COUCH AND STARES AT THE BLANK TV SCREEN.  ANNE MARIE PICKS UP THE CAMERA AND AIMS TOWARD THE CLOSET.

FRANK

(IGNORING HER) Someday they'll make TV's so you don't have to wait a month for 'em to come on.

HECTOR (O.S.)

(MUFFLED) Ninety-two... ninety-three... ninety-four... etc.

FRANK

There's the little white dot.  It'll be on in a couple of minutes.

AT THAT MOMENT HECTOR SPRINGS OUT OF THE CLOSET IN HIS UNDERSHORTS.

HECTOR

Let the good times roll!

FRANK REACTS... SO DOES HECTOR.  ANNE MARIE SNAPS THE PICTURE AND AS THE FLASH GOES OFF:

ANNE MARIE

Help, police!

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY BEGIN YELLING FOR THE POLICE.  FRANK CHASES HECTOR OUT OF THE HOUSE.

 

Thoughts:

• I kind of want to see Penny acting out Pop's evening routine.
• It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
• Scripted teenage Shirley is less repressed than she'd be onscreen, here only balking at the idea of a foursome.
• Squiggy prefers pictures.  Lenny innocently thinks only TV could be better than pictures.  (And this is ca. 1953, about 30 years before R- and X-rated movies on cable.)
• "Boy, you really squandered an opportunity," preferably with the words modified, e.g. "squattered," might have worked as a Squiggism, but it's just not a Lenny line.
• Squiggy being philosophical about the squandered opportunity also feels off.
• I'm glad they toned down AM touching Hector, not just because she's a future nun, but because my guess is that Hector would've been thrilled just to get all that kissing and touching.
• Not to mention that Shirley touches Hector much more than I can imagine her stomaching.  (She might "huddle up" to Squiggy if necessary.)
• Hector is a lot more "leering" in the script, while onscreen he's just mildly creepy and mostly nervous, which makes him relatively likable.
• It works better narratively and otherwise for the girls to not know that Mr. DeFazio is about to return, and I like Laverne trying to distract "Poppy" onscreen.  The girls in the script don't seem terribly worried about him finding a scantily clad boy hiding in the closet, which doesn't fit what we know of  '50s Milwaukee, Pop's protectiveness, or even the logic of '70s sitcom farce.
• AM and the girls do a lot of physically moving Hector around the room, while onscreen it's more through language, which I think works better.
• I do regret losing the line about Hector being afraid of the dark.
• Frank "ignoring" AM doesn't work at all.  Maybe "not noticing her."  I like it better that he's mildly suspicious onscreen of the girls' odd behavior.
• The joke about the "little whie dot" is cute but not necessary, except as an Oh, those Fifties kind of thing.
• Hector does exclaim, "Let the good times roll!" when he jumps out of the closet onscreen, with no set-up, but it still works.
• The girls calling for the police feels off, and it works better that Frank is scary authority enough.
• This scene obviously needed a rewrite before it became a little gem onscreen, but you can certainly see the potential here.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 2

The second scene is in "apartment - later":

WE SEE THE FEET OF SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE WALKING PAST THE WINDOW.

SHIRLEY

Laverne... wait a minute.

THE FEET STOP AT THE WINDOW.

LAVERNE

What?

SHIRLEY

Laverne... What about the time you came to school nauseous and I gave up cheerleader tryouts to put cold towels on your forehead?

LAVERNE

It was a great sacrifice, Shirl.  (THEN) But I'm still not going to the reunion.

LAVERNE'S FEET EXIT THE WINDOW.  A BEAT, THEN SHIRLEY'S FEET STOMP OFF AFTER HER.  PAN TO DOOR AS LAVERNE ENTERS FOLLOWED AFTER A BEAT BY SHIRLEY WHO GIVES LAVERNE A DIRTY LOOK AND SLAMS THE DOOR AS HARD AS SHE CAN.  LAVERNE PAYS NO ATTENTION AT ALL.  SHIRLEY CHANGES TACTS...  SHE PUTS ON A SMILE.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, Laverne... what are we fighting for?  We're close friends.  And where there are close friends, there is loyalty.  I know if you search your heart, you can't tell me you won't come to the reunion.

LAVERNE

(PLAYING THE GAME) Let me see.  (SHE CLOSES HER EYES AND PUTS FINGERS TO HER TEMPLES) I'm going into my heart now.  I'm searching.  Boy, it's wet in here.  Wait a minute.  I see something.  It's the reunion... and I'm not there.  (OPENS HER EYES)  There's your answer , Shirl.  I'm not going.

SHIRLEY

(MATTER-OF-FACTLY) Okay...

SHIRLEY DUMPS OUT THE PAPER CARNATIONS ON THE TABLE AND SITS DOWN.  LAVERNE STARES AT HER AS SHE STARTS WORKING ON THE PAPER FLOWERS.

LAVERNE

No, I mean it... I'm really not going.

This all got axed and we hear Laverne say over an exterior shot of their window, "I'm not going to your reunion."

Shirley saying Laverne should keep a diary for her children (a fascinating comment in the big picture of the series) was added.  Also, the girls getting bats when "Carmine Ragusa" (again his full name) knocks and that whole routine wasn't in the script.  Furthermore, Carmine doesn't call Shirley "Angel Face" in the earlier version, and this is how he greets them:

CARMINE

I hope I'm not interrupting your fist fight?

LAVERNE

We happen to be having a civilized discussion.  What do you want, Carmine?

CARMINE

I brought Shirley her mail.

CARMINE TOSSES THE MAIL ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF SHIRLEY.

LAVERNE

You didn't bring mine?

CARMINE

Your mail ain't that interesting.

Onscreen, Carmine and Laverne are less prickly with each other and he does bring both girls their mail.  In fact, Laverne's is "another ad for the removal of unwanted facial hair."  After that, Shirley excitedly opens an acceptance from Anne Marie Polanski, but there's over a page of omitted dialogue in the script first:

SHIRLEY 

A lot of people must be coming to the reunion.  Four people sent back RSVP's.

CARMINE

Fine.  I brought mine.  I saved a stamp.

LAVERNE

(TO CARMINE) I get interesting mail.

SHIRLEY HAS OPENED THE FIRST ENVELOPE.

SHIRLEY

This one's from Joey Rosario.  Remember... he was voted "Most Sincere".  (READING) Dear Shirley, so it's reunion time again...  (READS FURTHER TO HERSELF, THEN) Creep.

LAVERNE

Lemme see.

LAVERNE GRABS THE LETTER AND READS:

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

"So it's reunion time again.  So what?"  That's sincere!

SHIRLEY HAS OPENED THE NEXT LETTER.

CARMINE

Don't worry, Shirley.  He was always a nerd.  People only thought he was sincere because he wore glasses.

LAVERNE

(INTERESTED) Read the next one.

A LOOK OF SHOCK COMES OVER SHIRLEY'S FACE.  LAVERNE AND CARMINE READ OVER HER SHOULDER.  LAVERNE LOOKS A LITTLE SHOCKED, TOO.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

That one must be from Garbage-Moth Brenner.

SHIRLEY

All he had to say was "NO".

CARMINE TAKES THE LETTER AND CONTINUES READING SILENTLY.

LAVERNE

(SINCERELY) Shirley, even I don't think your reunions are that bad.

CARMINE

(AWED) I don't know how he does it.  Every word has four letters.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY EACH OPEN AN ENVELOPE. LAVERNE TURNS HER UPSIDE DOWN AND THE SHREDS OF A LETTER SPILL OUT.

LAVERNE

I think this is another "no."

SHIRLEY IS BUSY READING THE OTHER LETTER WITH A GROWING EXCITEMENT.

SHIRLEY

It's a "yes".  Laverne!  I got a "yes".

Then in both versions Laverne says it might be a joke.

Carmine calling the girls and Anne Marie "the Three Stooges," and Shirley correcting him to "the Three Musketeers," and his reaction to that, turned his line "You girls used to be like the Three Musketeers" into an actual joke rather than an observation.

In the script, Shirley wonders, "Wasn't she with Lenny when he cherry-bombed the toilet?", while onscreen Shirley remembers AM putting an ad in the paper to sell the school.

Onscreen, Carmine says he'll spread the word to the football team and he remembers AM being "fun in the huddle."  It's cleaner in the script, with him wanting his invitation back so he can change his answer to "Yes."

Shirley's line about "Gutsy, Nutsy, and Klutzy" is nowhere in the script.  When Laverne remembers the boys crashing the slumber party, Shirley originally said, "Yeah, Anne Marie got even," while onscreen Shirley would say she herself "fixed their wagons," and Laverne would correct her that it was all Anne Marie's idea.  But the flashback is in the script, and I'll get into it next time.

As for this scene:

• I like the little sight gag with the girls' feet at the window.  (But  it can't compare to the one in "Honeymoon Hotel," another script I've acquired recently but have not yet peeked at.)  I also like the little memory of Shirley's "sacrifice," but I can see why the first part of this scene was cut for time.
• Shirley is noticeably angrier in the script than onscreen, stomping and slamming.  I wonder if this was toned down to preserve Shirley's "niceness."
• Laverne's wet heart!
• The girls definitely argue a lot more about Laverne's potential attendance in the script.
• "We happen to be having a civilized discussion" sounds like Shirley's phrasing, not Laverne's. 
• This Carmine is rougher around the edges than the softer Carmine onscreen, more like the Carmine of the first couple episodes.
• We hear about more classmates, most of whom seem remarkably hostile to Shirley.
• This script uses the word "nerd" more than some entire seasons of the series.
• More than ever, how can Laverne find the Lenny-cherry-bombs-the-toilet incident "boring"?  Maybe she's just jealous of AM.
• Again, the onscreen version is smoother and more focused, vs. the ragged charm of the scene in the script.