"A Nun's Story," Scene 3

INT. DE FAZIO LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK

ANNE MARIE, AN ATTRACTIVE GIRL, IS IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY.  THEY ARE ALL DRESSED IN NIGHTIES.  LAVERNE IS LOOKING THROUGH A RECORD COLLECTION, SHIRLEY IS THUMBING THROUGH A TRUE ROMANCE MAGAZINE, AND ANNE MARIE IS TALKING.

ANNE MARIE

What time does your father go to bed, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(ACTING IT OUT) Same time every night.  In a few minutes he'll come in from the Pizza Bowl.  He'll get a beer out of the icebox and shuffle over to the couch, turning on the TV.  After the news he'll go to bed complaining that his stomach hurts from too much beer.

ANNE MARIE

Good.  As soon as he's asleep, we'll go try to check in at the YMCA.

LAVERNE

You're wild, Anne Marie.

Onscreen, AM would show her wildness through a smoking lesson.  This gives a reason for Shirley to pull back the curtain to reveal Hector, Lenny, and Squiggy, while in the script they just appear.  Onscreen, Shirley screams and tries to cover herself with the curtain, while in the script it's a blasé, "Oh, look who's here."

Onscreen, Squiggy says they should wait until the girls are naked before they take more pictures, while in the script Lenny tells Shirley, "We thought we'd take some 'nature' pictures for biology."  The lines about Life magazine were added.

Then again, Lenny and Squiggy run off pretty quickly in the filmed episode, while here's what we lost from the script:

ANNE MARIE

Oh, boys.

SQUIGGY

Gimme a little cheesecake, Anne Marie.

ANNE MARIE

You want pictures?  Or you want to come in here and let us give you a party you'll never forget?

A LONG BEAT, THEN.

SQUIGGY

I kinda like pictures.

ANNE MARIE

This will be better than pictures.

SQUIGGY

(TO LENNY) What's better than pictures?

LENNY

I don't know.  TV?

ANNE MARIE

If you two boys are going to argue, we're just inviting Hector in here.

HECTOR 

I'll be right in.

HECTOR RUNS TOWARD THE FRONT DOOR.

ANNE MARIE

(TO LENNY AND SQUIGGY) Goodbye, boys.

LENNY

(TO SQUIGGY) Boy, you really squandered an opportunity.

SQUIGGY

I was happy with pictures.

LENNY

But he took the camera.  Now we don't even get pictures.

SQUIGGY

(PHILOSOPHICAL) There'll be other times.

THEY LEAVE.

This of course got modified to AM talking directly to Hector.  In the script, it's AM who tells Shirley to look sexy, and Shirley unquestioningly "strikes a sexy pose on the couch."  Onscreen, Laverne has to talk her into it, since Shirley says she's "not allowed."  And so the "kicked out of the Brownies" line happened sometime after this Pre-Production Draft.

After Hector arrives, "Anne Marie goes over to him and starts to kiss him.  As he leans toward her, she slips past him and moves over to the couch and sits.  Hector follows."  In the script, he says they all look nice tonight, which in the filmed version became a compliment on their pajamas.

Then "Anne Marie pulls him down on the couch between her and Shirley.  Anne Marie takes his camera and puts it on the table beside the couch.  Then she and Shirley huddle up against him."  In the script, it's AM, not Laverne, who says that they want to show a he-man a good time.  Then she "runs her fingers through his hair."

Shirley offers Hector a good time in both versions, but onscreen he says, "As long as it don't hurt," while in the script he says, "Let the good times roll!" and then "gives a leering laugh."

In the script, it's AM, rather than Laverne, who snuggles up to Hector and says she's always admired him from afar, although in both versions it's AM who asks if three is too much for him.  Shirley in the script worriedly asks, "The three of us?"

ANNE MARIE GIVES HIM A BIG KISS.  AS SHE KISSES HIM, SHE LOOKS OVER HER SHOULDER TO LAVERNE.  LAVERNE MOTIONS THAT HER FATHER IS COMING.  ANNE MARIE QUICKLY BREAKS THE KISS.

ANNE MARIE

It's not right.

HECTOR

(OUT OF BREATH) I thought it was pretty good.

ANNE MARIE

Get in the closet.

HECTOR

Huh?

ANNE MARIE STARTS PULLING HIM ACROSS THE ROOM TO THE CLOSET.

ANNE MARIE

You're not exactly dressed for the occasion.  If you know what I mean.

HECTOR LOOKS AROUND AT THE GIRLS AND GIVES A LEERING LAUGH.

HECTOR

Yeah, I know what you mean.

ANNE MARIE

If we're gonna show you a real good time, we should do it right.

SHIRLEY

(SNUGGLING UP BESIDE HIM) Yeah...  I'll put on some soft music.

LAVERNE

I'll turn the lights down low.

HECTOR

Not too low. I'm afraid of the dark.

Hector having to get ready in the closet and count to one hundred is in both versions, but in the script, "Laverne opens the door and Shirley and Anne Marie shove him in."

Onscreen, Laverne plans to plaster Hector's picture all over school, but in the script she wonders, "What now?  Even Hector can count to a hundred."

Frank coming home is obviously less of a surprise in the script, and of course the girls don't have to hide the signs of smoking. 

HE SHUFFLES TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND TAKES OUT A BEER.  HE STARTS BACK TO THE COUCH, TURNING ON THE TELEVISION SET AS HE GOES.  HE PLOPS DOWN ON THE COUCH AND STARES AT THE BLANK TV SCREEN.  ANNE MARIE PICKS UP THE CAMERA AND AIMS TOWARD THE CLOSET.

FRANK

(IGNORING HER) Someday they'll make TV's so you don't have to wait a month for 'em to come on.

HECTOR (O.S.)

(MUFFLED) Ninety-two... ninety-three... ninety-four... etc.

FRANK

There's the little white dot.  It'll be on in a couple of minutes.

AT THAT MOMENT HECTOR SPRINGS OUT OF THE CLOSET IN HIS UNDERSHORTS.

HECTOR

Let the good times roll!

FRANK REACTS... SO DOES HECTOR.  ANNE MARIE SNAPS THE PICTURE AND AS THE FLASH GOES OFF:

ANNE MARIE

Help, police!

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY BEGIN YELLING FOR THE POLICE.  FRANK CHASES HECTOR OUT OF THE HOUSE.

 

Thoughts:

• I kind of want to see Penny acting out Pop's evening routine.
• It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
• Scripted teenage Shirley is less repressed than she'd be onscreen, here only balking at the idea of a foursome.
• Squiggy prefers pictures.  Lenny innocently thinks only TV could be better than pictures.  (And this is ca. 1953, about 30 years before R- and X-rated movies on cable.)
• "Boy, you really squandered an opportunity," preferably with the words modified, e.g. "squattered," might have worked as a Squiggism, but it's just not a Lenny line.
• Squiggy being philosophical about the squandered opportunity also feels off.
• I'm glad they toned down AM touching Hector, not just because she's a future nun, but because my guess is that Hector would've been thrilled just to get all that kissing and touching.
• Not to mention that Shirley touches Hector much more than I can imagine her stomaching.  (She might "huddle up" to Squiggy if necessary.)
• Hector is a lot more "leering" in the script, while onscreen he's just mildly creepy and mostly nervous, which makes him relatively likable.
• It works better narratively and otherwise for the girls to not know that Mr. DeFazio is about to return, and I like Laverne trying to distract "Poppy" onscreen.  The girls in the script don't seem terribly worried about him finding a scantily clad boy hiding in the closet, which doesn't fit what we know of  '50s Milwaukee, Pop's protectiveness, or even the logic of '70s sitcom farce.
• AM and the girls do a lot of physically moving Hector around the room, while onscreen it's more through language, which I think works better.
• I do regret losing the line about Hector being afraid of the dark.
• Frank "ignoring" AM doesn't work at all.  Maybe "not noticing her."  I like it better that he's mildly suspicious onscreen of the girls' odd behavior.
• The joke about the "little whie dot" is cute but not necessary, except as an Oh, those Fifties kind of thing.
• Hector does exclaim, "Let the good times roll!" when he jumps out of the closet onscreen, with no set-up, but it still works.
• The girls calling for the police feels off, and it works better that Frank is scary authority enough.
• This scene obviously needed a rewrite before it became a little gem onscreen, but you can certainly see the potential here.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 2

The second scene is in "apartment - later":

WE SEE THE FEET OF SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE WALKING PAST THE WINDOW.

SHIRLEY

Laverne... wait a minute.

THE FEET STOP AT THE WINDOW.

LAVERNE

What?

SHIRLEY

Laverne... What about the time you came to school nauseous and I gave up cheerleader tryouts to put cold towels on your forehead?

LAVERNE

It was a great sacrifice, Shirl.  (THEN) But I'm still not going to the reunion.

LAVERNE'S FEET EXIT THE WINDOW.  A BEAT, THEN SHIRLEY'S FEET STOMP OFF AFTER HER.  PAN TO DOOR AS LAVERNE ENTERS FOLLOWED AFTER A BEAT BY SHIRLEY WHO GIVES LAVERNE A DIRTY LOOK AND SLAMS THE DOOR AS HARD AS SHE CAN.  LAVERNE PAYS NO ATTENTION AT ALL.  SHIRLEY CHANGES TACTS...  SHE PUTS ON A SMILE.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, Laverne... what are we fighting for?  We're close friends.  And where there are close friends, there is loyalty.  I know if you search your heart, you can't tell me you won't come to the reunion.

LAVERNE

(PLAYING THE GAME) Let me see.  (SHE CLOSES HER EYES AND PUTS FINGERS TO HER TEMPLES) I'm going into my heart now.  I'm searching.  Boy, it's wet in here.  Wait a minute.  I see something.  It's the reunion... and I'm not there.  (OPENS HER EYES)  There's your answer , Shirl.  I'm not going.

SHIRLEY

(MATTER-OF-FACTLY) Okay...

SHIRLEY DUMPS OUT THE PAPER CARNATIONS ON THE TABLE AND SITS DOWN.  LAVERNE STARES AT HER AS SHE STARTS WORKING ON THE PAPER FLOWERS.

LAVERNE

No, I mean it... I'm really not going.

This all got axed and we hear Laverne say over an exterior shot of their window, "I'm not going to your reunion."

Shirley saying Laverne should keep a diary for her children (a fascinating comment in the big picture of the series) was added.  Also, the girls getting bats when "Carmine Ragusa" (again his full name) knocks and that whole routine wasn't in the script.  Furthermore, Carmine doesn't call Shirley "Angel Face" in the earlier version, and this is how he greets them:

CARMINE

I hope I'm not interrupting your fist fight?

LAVERNE

We happen to be having a civilized discussion.  What do you want, Carmine?

CARMINE

I brought Shirley her mail.

CARMINE TOSSES THE MAIL ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF SHIRLEY.

LAVERNE

You didn't bring mine?

CARMINE

Your mail ain't that interesting.

Onscreen, Carmine and Laverne are less prickly with each other and he does bring both girls their mail.  In fact, Laverne's is "another ad for the removal of unwanted facial hair."  After that, Shirley excitedly opens an acceptance from Anne Marie Polanski, but there's over a page of omitted dialogue in the script first:

SHIRLEY 

A lot of people must be coming to the reunion.  Four people sent back RSVP's.

CARMINE

Fine.  I brought mine.  I saved a stamp.

LAVERNE

(TO CARMINE) I get interesting mail.

SHIRLEY HAS OPENED THE FIRST ENVELOPE.

SHIRLEY

This one's from Joey Rosario.  Remember... he was voted "Most Sincere".  (READING) Dear Shirley, so it's reunion time again...  (READS FURTHER TO HERSELF, THEN) Creep.

LAVERNE

Lemme see.

LAVERNE GRABS THE LETTER AND READS:

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

"So it's reunion time again.  So what?"  That's sincere!

SHIRLEY HAS OPENED THE NEXT LETTER.

CARMINE

Don't worry, Shirley.  He was always a nerd.  People only thought he was sincere because he wore glasses.

LAVERNE

(INTERESTED) Read the next one.

A LOOK OF SHOCK COMES OVER SHIRLEY'S FACE.  LAVERNE AND CARMINE READ OVER HER SHOULDER.  LAVERNE LOOKS A LITTLE SHOCKED, TOO.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

That one must be from Garbage-Moth Brenner.

SHIRLEY

All he had to say was "NO".

CARMINE TAKES THE LETTER AND CONTINUES READING SILENTLY.

LAVERNE

(SINCERELY) Shirley, even I don't think your reunions are that bad.

CARMINE

(AWED) I don't know how he does it.  Every word has four letters.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY EACH OPEN AN ENVELOPE. LAVERNE TURNS HER UPSIDE DOWN AND THE SHREDS OF A LETTER SPILL OUT.

LAVERNE

I think this is another "no."

SHIRLEY IS BUSY READING THE OTHER LETTER WITH A GROWING EXCITEMENT.

SHIRLEY

It's a "yes".  Laverne!  I got a "yes".

Then in both versions Laverne says it might be a joke.

Carmine calling the girls and Anne Marie "the Three Stooges," and Shirley correcting him to "the Three Musketeers," and his reaction to that, turned his line "You girls used to be like the Three Musketeers" into an actual joke rather than an observation.

In the script, Shirley wonders, "Wasn't she with Lenny when he cherry-bombed the toilet?", while onscreen Shirley remembers AM putting an ad in the paper to sell the school.

Onscreen, Carmine says he'll spread the word to the football team and he remembers AM being "fun in the huddle."  It's cleaner in the script, with him wanting his invitation back so he can change his answer to "Yes."

Shirley's line about "Gutsy, Nutsy, and Klutzy" is nowhere in the script.  When Laverne remembers the boys crashing the slumber party, Shirley originally said, "Yeah, Anne Marie got even," while onscreen Shirley would say she herself "fixed their wagons," and Laverne would correct her that it was all Anne Marie's idea.  But the flashback is in the script, and I'll get into it next time.

As for this scene:

• I like the little sight gag with the girls' feet at the window.  (But  it can't compare to the one in "Honeymoon Hotel," another script I've acquired recently but have not yet peeked at.)  I also like the little memory of Shirley's "sacrifice," but I can see why the first part of this scene was cut for time.
• Shirley is noticeably angrier in the script than onscreen, stomping and slamming.  I wonder if this was toned down to preserve Shirley's "niceness."
• Laverne's wet heart!
• The girls definitely argue a lot more about Laverne's potential attendance in the script.
• "We happen to be having a civilized discussion" sounds like Shirley's phrasing, not Laverne's. 
• This Carmine is rougher around the edges than the softer Carmine onscreen, more like the Carmine of the first couple episodes.
• We hear about more classmates, most of whom seem remarkably hostile to Shirley.
• This script uses the word "nerd" more than some entire seasons of the series.
• More than ever, how can Laverne find the Lenny-cherry-bombs-the-toilet incident "boring"?  Maybe she's just jealous of AM.
• Again, the onscreen version is smoother and more focused, vs. the ragged charm of the scene in the script.

"A Nun's Story," Scene 1

On January 18, 1976, just three days after the Shooting Script for "Razzberries" rolled out, the Pre-Production Draft for "A Nun's Story" was on the assembly line.  I own a reprint and will of course talk about the content in itself, including a quirk in the way the scenes appear, but I do want to share some handwritten notes that it picked up somewhere along the way.  Exhibit A (apologies for blurriness):

It took me awhile to puzzle that out but I believe that that is "Art Silver," as in Arthur Silver, who wrote some episodes for Season One and later, but not, as far as I know, this one.  Also, Producer Mark Rothman's name is circled.  Did Rothman ask Silver to look this over, either to punch it up or to learn how to write for the show?  And who wrote that name?

Unlike every other LAS script I've looked at so far, there is no page with the cast and sets listed.  After the cover page, we launch right into Act One, except that it doesn't say "Scene A."  So we go to the Brewery Break Room, during "Day":

WORKERS ARE COMING IN FOR THEIR BREAK.  SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE ENTER AND WE FOLLOW AS THEY CROSS THE ROOM.  SHIRLEY IS CARRYING A PAPER BAG.

SHIRLEY

I talked Buzz Reynaldo into making the banner for the reunion.  He works at the deli so he can get a lot of butcher paper.

LAVERNE

Sounds impressive.  I can see it now.  (SEEING IT NOW) "Welcome back Class of '54"...written in chicken fat.

SHIRLEY

It'll be nice.  You wait and see.

SHIRLEY DUMPS OUT THE CONTENTS OF A PAPER BAG.  PAPER CARNATIONS MADE OUT OF KLEENEX AND BOBBY PINS AND A LARGE BOX OF KLEENEX.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

I'm telling you, Laverne, this year's class reunion is gonna be even better than last year's.  C'mon, let's get to work.

SHIRLEY TAKES SEVERAL OF THE TISSUES AND STARTS MAKING A PAPER CARNATION WITH DILIGENCE.

When the scene opens onscreen, Shirley is already making the carnations but out of toilet paper, and Laverne comes in complaining that someone took all the toilet paper.  

Laverne saying that Shirley works hard organizing these reunions and Shirley saying she does her best was just rephrased a little, but then this definitely got modified:

LAVERNE

Tell me, Shirl... in the five years since we graduated, how many reunions have we had?

SHIRLEY

Six.

And after Shirley says that Laverne really "sharpened her darts" today, she added, "I love my reunions."  And Laverne admitted, "Oh, they're not all bad.  If it wasn't for the stupid games and prizes and the same nerds that always show up, it could be a lot of fun."

After Laverne onscreen says there were seven at last year's reunion, this shortly leads to a Hello Moment for the boys, but they're not even in the scene in this version of the script.  Here's how things went between "There were seven" and Laverne telling Shirley that she's not going to the reunion:

SHIRLEY

I don't understand.  What's not to like?

LAVERNE

Stop.  Let's start at the beginning.  Where do we always have the reunion?

SHIRLEY

At your father's pizza bowl.

LAVERNE

And who comes every year?

SHIRLEY

You...  me...  Lenny... Squiggy... Hector... Dotty... Hermie... and Prissy Nadler.

LAVERNE

Prissy doesn't count because she got pregnant and didn't graduate.  Think a minute, Shirley.  These are the same people we try to avoid the other three hundred sixty-four days of the year.

SHIRLEY

But we all have a good time once we get there.

LAVERNE

Oh... yeah... we have some great times.  First, we stand around talking about all the other places we'd rather be.  Then we reminisce about interesting things like the day Lenny cherry-bombed the boy's [sic] toilet or the time Dotty threw up in assembly.  Then, after an exciting anchovy pizza, we all join hands and sing our alma mater.  And, as tradition would have it, as we sing the words "Fillmore High... my life, my all..." Dotty throws up again.

SHILREY

This year it's gonna be different.  (THEN) Dotty has to work that night.

Onscreen, we got Laverne taking some carnations to the restroom and the boys comparing lunches.

Thoughts:

• On the one hand, I like the stronger emphasis on the boys as people Laverne wants to avoid, but on the other, I miss the colorful unseen classmates, like Buzz and Dotty.
• Class of 1954!  This makes the gang born 1936ish rather than 1938ish, although in both versions it is apparently 1959.  As the handwritten note on p. 2 says, "If they graduated at age 17-18, they're 22-23."  This would make Laverne's hatred of Karen in "Razzberries" for five years more plausible.
• We have here an instance where the filmed version is more out there than the scripted, with the Kleenex becoming toilet paper.
• Laverne goes into more detail on the reunions in the script than onscreen.
• Why isn't "Pizza Bowl" capitalized?
• Poor Prissy, with her ironic nickname.  Poor Dotty!
• How is Lenny cherry-bombing the restroom not at least a little interesting?
• We get a little preview of the alma mater in this version.
• Overall, the filmed version is tighter and snappier, but I kind of like the rambling oddities of this scene.

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scene M

The tag is back at the girls' apartment, "later that night."  They left out Shirley saying, in regards to Laverne thinking winning isn't enough, "Of course not!  You want revenge.  Well, let me tell you something, Miss Laverne De Fazio.  Revenge is evil!"  And then Laverne would reply, "Some friend!"

They added Laverne saying that Dr. Harold will probably break their date for the circus, since that was set up earlier.  In the script, after Shirley does a razzberry at Karen over the phone, this is the stage direction:

SHIRLEY HANGS UP AND GIVES A SMILING LAVERNE HER MEDICINE.  THEY START TO GIGGLE.

I prefer Laverne giving Shirley a hug, as she does onscreen.

Although the filmed version isn't one of my favorite episodes, it is arguably stronger than the script, getting little touches that enhance the various friendships.  Still, this is at this point my earliest glimpse at the show and it's good to see what the beginnings were like.  Also, I have to note that Shirley's attitude towards revenge would certainly change over the next seven seasons.

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scenes J, K, and L

And now we're at the Pizza Bowl, "that night":

WE ARE NOW IN THE BOWLING ALLEY PART.  THE TWO TEAMS ARE WARMING UP.  KAREN IS THERE WITH HER TEAM...  LENNY AND SQUIGGY ARE WATCHING THE WARM-UP.  SHIRLEY IS WATCHING AS AN OLD LADY AROUND EIGHTY, MRS. MACKINTOSH, GETTING [sic] READY TO BOWL.

When Squiggy hears that Mrs. Mackintosh is taking over for Laverne, he says, "I'm gonna faint," which onscreen became "We're down the drain."  And instead of the boys saying, "We'd better change our bet," Lenny would suggest they get out of there and Squiggy would agree.

The boys excitedly announcing Laverne's arrival was added.  On the other hand, this was omitted:

CARMINE

Mackintosh, you're out.  Laverne's here.  I told you she'd show up

LENNY

But we just changed our bet.

SQUIGGY

We'll have to change it again.

And then to balance that, Laverne's line about taking extra pills to perk her up was adapted for Carmine.  After Shirley orders Laverne home, this was left out:

LAVERNE

Let me bowl.

CARMINE

Yeah, Shirl, get your hands off her!

SHIRLEY

(TO CARMINE) Carmine!  You've never spoken to me like that before.

CARMINE

(BACKING DOWN) I mean, come on, Shirl, she says she feels fine.

LAVERNE

Let me bowl.

Onscreen, Laverne's line about eating dinner with twenty bums was given to Carmine.  And Laverne doesn't speak in the scene until she says, "Good soup."

In the script, Karen calls Laverne "Princess Running Mouth" rather than "Pelican-Puss."  Also, in the script, there's "a general ad lib 'Let her bowl, let her bowl," which onscreen became Lenny and Squiggy specifically urging her to bowl.  Also onscreen, Carmine and Shirley have a different short argument about Laverne bowling, and then Laverne says, "Good soup," again.

The part about "no holes" in the bowling ball was added.  Laverne almost bowling into the crowd was in the script.

Here is Scene K:

Onscreen, Shirley does well, and Laverne is pretty good.

Scene L is also set at night:

KAREN FINISHES BOWLING.  SHE DOES NOT SEEM TOO PLEASED.  SHE WALKS BACK FROM THE FOUL LINE.

This scene has some minor changes, as when Shirley's line "Come on, guys," was given to Carmine, before he, Lenny, and Squiggy move Laverne's chair to the foul line.  Also, Squiggy's line "This is exciting.  It's just like BEAT THE CLOCK" was split between him and Lenny,

In the script, Laverne makes a strike when they only need six pins, but it looks like eight go down onscreen, so we don't get Carmine's line "It's a strike."  On the other hand, filmed Carmine offers to buy drinks for everyone.

The script has Laverne say that she's been waiting five years to tell Karen something, but this was adapted into a Shirley line.

Onscreen, Shirley wants Laverne to admit she's sick.  After Karen leaves, Laverne was supposed to "slide out of the chair onto the floor," while onscreen Shirley starts to lecture her about sportsmanship, until Laverne finds the strength to try to choke her.

Thoughts:

• It's probably just as well that less emphasis was placed on the boys being concerned about the bet.  They now want Laverne to win, but out of friendship as much as greed.
• You can see Carmine's role being a bit beefed up between script and filming, and of course there are little touches that McKean & Lander presumably added for Lenny & Squiggy.
• It's interesting that they toned down the Shirley & Carmine bickering by the time of filming.
• Laverne is closer to barely conscious in the scene as filmed, which gives it a different feel, arguably funnier.
• On the other hand, Laverne onscreen is a more successful bowler than in the script, except for not getting that final strike.

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scenes D, E, and H

Act Two opens on the same set, "a few hours later":

LAVERNE IS USING THE VAPORIZER.  SHE HAS A TOWEL OVER HER HEAD AND THE VAPORIZER SO SHE CAN TRAP THE STEAM.  SHIRLEY IS PACING.

SHIRLEY

Breath deep.  Breathe deep.

LAVERNE

I'm breathing.  I'm breathing.  My hair's getting curly.

That was cut out, as was the last page or so of Scene D:

DOCTOR

I want to hear your heart.  You'll have to open your robe.

LAVERNE

Couldn't you listen from the back.  You can hear it pretty good from back there.

DOCTOR

I know.  I have to listen from the front, too.  The robe, please.

LAVERNE

Actually, it's just a head cold.  Why don't you listen to my head.

SHIRLEY REENTERS FROM BATHROOM.

SHIRLEY

If you ask me, Doctor, it's the Hong Kong flu.

LAVERNE

Nobody asked you.

DOCTOR

The robe, please.

LAVERNE

I've got a better idea.  (TO DOCTOR) Can't you touch yourself and I'll tell you if that's the spot that hurts.

THE DOCTOR JUST STARES AT HER.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

The robe, right?

LAVERNE OPENS JUST ENOUGH OF HER ROBE FOR THE DOCTOR TO FIT THE END OF HIS STETHOSCOPE IN.  HE DOES THIS.  LAVERNE REACTS.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Oooo, it's cold.

Onscreen, it goes right from Laverne's "Here I am" to a dissolve into Scene E, which is "a short time later."  The first page of that scene made it in, but this was left out after the doctor warns about pneumonia:

SHIRLEY

And die.

LAVERNE

I'm not gonna die.  I've gotta go see Karen tonight and go "raspberry".

DOCTOR

Why does she want to do that?

SHIRLEY

It's a long story...

The doctor saying he kind of likes Laverne and she has a great heart was added.  So was Shirley twice calling her friend "Vernie."  However, they left out Shirley testing to see if Laverne is really asleep by yelling, "Laverne, there's a naked man in the street."

Scene H, with Laverne waking up to find that Shirley has taken all her clothes, and then Laverne giving a sob story to the "Milwaukee Mission Lady," is intact except for the very end, where Laverne asks, "You wouldn't have an eight and a half bowling shoe, would you?", to which the Lady replies, "The poor child is delirious."

Thoughts:

• The typist doesn't seem to have discovered the question mark until maybe Scene E.
• Shirley telling Laverne how to breathe again shows that her mothering was more intense in the script than onscreen.
• She also shows her nursing ambition here, eager to not only assist the doctor but to offer a diagnosis.
• I wish they'd left in more of Laverne being shy around the young doctor.  I don't know if this was just cut for time or if the censor thought it was too suggestive.  It's odd, because we get less of Dr. Harold/Laverne onscreen, and yet that's where they hint that he'll be back, even if there's no payoff for this.
• Wouldn't most people look if there was a random naked man in the street?  I still feel like this is another horny-virgin-Laverne line.
• And now we know the size of her bowling shoe.

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scene C

And now we go to the other set, the girls' apartment, in the morning:

SHIRLEY IS LAYING OUT HER CLOTHES.  LAVERNE ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM.

LAVERNE

Good morning, Shirl.

SHIRLEY SPRINGS INTO ACTION.

SHIRLEY

All right, Laverne, now don't worry.  Everything is going to be okay.

LAVERNE

(SCARED) What happened?

SHIRLEY

Lie down.

LAVERNE

(SITS ON THE COUCH) What is it?  Was there an accident?  My father?

SHIRLEY

It's you.

LAVERNE

I had an accident?  I was just asleep.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, get hold of yourself.  You're very sick.

LAVERNE

I feel okay.

SHIRLEY

You should've heard the noises you made in your sleep.  Like you were struggling for air.  I sat on the edge of my bed watching you all night.

LAVERNE

I was probably snoring.

SHIRLEY

Don't kid me.  This cold's been coming on for a long time.  Didn't you tell me you made out with one of the Antinelli brothers and he had a cold?

LAVERNE

He had an allergy.

SHIRELY

What's he allergic to?

LAVERNE

How do I know?  Maybe the stuff they clean the hallway with?

SHIRLEY

You made out in the hallway?

LAVERNE

Where do you go, Niagara Falls?

LAVERNE SNEEZES AND BLOWS HER NOSE.  SHIRLEY TAKES OFF HER ROBE.  SHE HAS ON PAJAMAS.

SHIRLEY

It's a good thing I called the doctor.

LAVERNE

Why'd you call the doctor?  I got a big day.  I have to practice.  I'm bowling against Karen tonight.

SHIRLEY

(CHUCKS LAVERNE ON THE CHIN) Let's hope so, Laverne.  You got such moxie.

CARMINE RAGUSA LOOKS IN THE WINDOW.

CARMINE

(THROUGH WINDOW) Hi, Laverne.

LAVERNE

Carmine, you scared me!

SHIRLEY COVERS UP.

SHIRLEY

Would you close the curtains, please?

CARMINE

No, hey, I gotta talk to you, Laverne.

LAVERNE

Come on down.  He's crazy about you, Shirl.  He was probably hoping to serenade you by the window.

SHIRLEY

What do you mean, serenade me?  He's coming to talk to you.

THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

(AT DOOR) Who is it?

CARMINE

What do you mean, who is it?  It's me, Carmine.

These three pages all got axed and the scene onscreen starts with his knock and her answering, including him calling himself the Big Ragoo.  The part of the scene with him in the room is basically intact, but him singing "Rags to Riches" was added.

Shirley saying that she "talked the doctor into leaving the hospital" was omitted.

After Laverne says she wants to be there when the team wins, this happened:

SHIRLEY

I know, revenge.  I'm sorry I ever made a big deal out of this bowling tournament.  All right, I've said all I'm going to say.  If you refuse to stay and wait for the doctor, I'm going to get two big guys to keep you here.

LAVERNE SNEEZES.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Bless you.

LAVERNE

Sure.  Hire "goons" against your friend.

In the filmed version, Laverne says she's wanted to tell Karen what she's wanted to tell her for five years, and then she blows a razzberry.  Shirley does wish she had never made a big deal out of the tournament, but there are no goons mentioned.

The rest of the scene is the same but in the script Shirley races back into the room rather than walking in after she catches Laverne trying to leave.  And that ends Act One.

Thoughts:

• I can see why the first part of this scene was cut for time, but it really shows Shirley as mother hen, even watching Laverne while she sleeps.  (In later episodes, this would be less motherly, as when she eavesdrops on her roommate's romantic dreams.)
• Does Shirley not know which Antinelli brother it was?  Does Laverne?
• Shirley is surprised by Laverne making out in a hallway.  I want to know was it a hallway in the apartment building, at work, other?
• Now I want to hear Cindy Williams say "moxie" in her Season One accent.
• This is early enough that Carmine, one, has to be referred to by his full name in the script, and two, got a couple of his signature elements added sometime between the Shooting Script and the actual shooting.
• Laverne is definitely a Shirmine shipper here, unless the "crazy about you" line was there for the audience's sake and then dropped along with the rest of the part before he enters.
• When Shirley said she was going to "get two big guys to keep" Laverne in the apartment, my mind took a smuttier turn than goons, especially with all the borderline trampy-Laverne lines in the script already.
• In the filmed version, I have to wonder, how long were they supposed to have worked at Shotz in early canon?  Or has she hated Karen since high school?

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scene B

We are now at the Pizza Bowl at "night":

THERE IS A BIG BOWLING TROPHY ON A TABLE NEXT TO THE BOWLING ALLEY DOOR.  ON THE WALLS ARE LITTLE PLAQUES AND ON EACH PLAQUE IS ENGRAVED THE NAMES OF PAST WINNERS OF THE SHOTZ BOWLING TOURNAMENT.  INSTEAD OF BOWLING FIGURES ON THE TROPHY, THERE IS A SHOTZ BEER CAN.  "THE HOT SHOTZ" ARE THERE FOR BOWLING PRACTICE.  THE TEAM CONSISTS OF SHIRLEY, LAVERNE, TINA AND MILDRED.

On the filmed episode, there is a case of trophies but none seem to have beer cans on top.

Laverne's line telling the "girls" to put their makeup away was given to Shirley.  And her line, after Mildred and Tina exit, "Do you believe them?  Go warm up, Mrs. Mackintosh" was omitted.

Shirley calling Laverne "Vernie," one of the most endearing things about Season One, was added during filming.

In case you're curious about the Hello Moment, here's how it goes in the script:

ENTER SQUIGGY AND LENNY.  LENNY CARRIES A PINK MARBLED BOWLING BALL WITH HIS FINGERS IN THE HOLES.

SQUIGGY

Hi, girls.

That's right, this is so early that it's not even a hello!  And Squiggy leading Lenny in must've been added by Lander & McKean.

Shirley calling Lenny "Leonard" was also added.  (In the script it's just "How did you do that?")  So him elongating "Shirley" was added, too.

This was how the scene ended after the girls tell Lenny to shut up:

LAVERNE

I'm gonna kill her.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, you can't kill her.  You're a sick girl.

LAVERNE

I'm not gonna kill her now.  I'm gonna practice bowling.  Tomorrow night I'll kill her.

THEY EXIT TO BOWLING ALLEY.

LENNY

(CALLING AFTER THEM) Don't say anything about her body.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, she hates that!

This was improved onscreen to Shirley reasoning with Laverne and then Laverne plucking the ball off Lenny's hand, to Squiggy's consternation upon his return with vinegar.  "What'd you do?  Lose it?"

Unlike with Scene A, the way this was filmed is unquestionably an improvement, all those little soon-to-be-iconic touches, although yeah, I would've liked to have seen a beer-can trophy.

"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scene A

I have recently acquired two dozen script reprints, from the first two seasons of LAS, so I will spend the next several months going through them in chronological order, whether or not this corresponds with broadcast order.  I don't have either of the Fonzie-cameoing first two episodes, so we'll begin this journey with "Bowling for Razzberries."

This was not only the third episode to air, but it is coded "#60791-003."  The date for the Shooting Script is January 15, 1976, and the episode aired less than a month later, on February 10th, so they were definitely cranking these out to fill that mid-season-replacement slot.

Interestingly, the cast list is complete, except for characters with "(Silent)" after their names, suggesting that these were characters with names but not lines.  This was dropped by Season Three from what I can tell.  The sets are basic ones: Shotz Brewery Break Room, Pizza Bowl, Girls' Apartment.

Act One, Scene A opens in the break room, at noon.  The first page or so was left in, but after Shirley says that the men loading the trucks yell vile things, like "Hey, baby, how's your tuna fish?", Laverne was supposed to ask, "You don't like that?"  And Shirley would reply, "No, Laverne."

This was left out of page 3:

LAVERNE

How about the time she [Karen Clopton] told the Tour, "Don't feed the workers"!

SHIRLEY

That was because you asked that man for a bite of his Baby Ruth.

LAVERNE

Well, the candy machine was broken.  I tell you, if she insults us one more time in front of people, I'll give her a tour.

The tour group was supposed to be composed of "two well dressed couples," rather than one well-dressed couple and two men (I'm guessing Japanese businessmen), although, yeah, I guess the men could be a couple.

After Laverne "reacts" to Karen's remark, "And this is where the unskilled labor takes their breaks," they omitted Shirley advising, "Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you."  And then Laverne would've asked, "Got a stick?"

I don't know if it was the censor or who, but someone objected to Karen saying, re Shotz's hiring policy, "It doesn't matter what they do in their private lives.  Right, Laverne?"

Laverne grabbing the bottle like a weapon and Shirley urging her to put it down was added, as was the line about "the vacant lot next to the bakery."

In the script, Laverne wants to give Karen "a duggie with a ten pin," which became the more familiar "noogie."

This was axed, after Shirley suggests they beat Karen's team in the bowling tournament:

LAVERNE

(SMILES)  Yeah... Forget about it.

SHIRLEY

Why?

LAVERNE

They win it every year.  They always have a better team than we do.  They've got thirty girls to choose from in the Public Relations department.

SHIRLEY

We have twelve in bottling.

LAVERNE

Eleven!  I don't count Mrs. Mackintosh.  She must be eighty and she leaves her teeth on the scoring table.  We'll never win.

SHIRLEY

You'll make up for it, Laverne.  If you really want to.  Who's the best bowler on the whole team?

LAVERNE

Me.

THEY GET UP TO LEAVE.

SHIRLEY

Right.  There are two days left before the big game.  

Then they kept Shirley saying, "If we really try, we can win," and the next few lines, although they dropped Shirley's line after Laverne says she'll blow a razzberry in Karen's face, "There's a chapter in this [etiquette] book that I want you to see.

Thoughts:

• Laverne is not offended by men remarking on her tuna fish and she would eat a strange man's Baby Ruth.
• I'm trying to picture how Penny would've said, "Give her a tour," like a tour of her fist?
• It's interesting that they left out Laverne's pessimism and Shirley's optimism in regards to their chance of winning.
• Also, why the hell does Shotz need that big a PR department?
• Why is poor Mrs. Mackintosh still working at eighty?
• Laverne is established early on in the script as the best bowler, no surprise.
• In the episode, Shirley says it's Friday and the sign says the tournament will be on Saturday, which gives them only one day to practice, rather than the two of the script.
• The etiquette book sort of had a payoff in this version.

"I love your feet, you know that?"

The night that Laverne and Shirley solemnly swore that they would never tell a living soul they went out with Lenny and Squiggy, Carmine was visiting the "nice" side of Milwaukee, where he was called to defend the honor of Joanie Cunningham.  This cameo isn't particularly necessary for the episode, but it's short and it works better than the one in "Football Frolics."  So from March 1, 1977, comes "Joanie's Weird Boyfriend."

My non-LAS review is here https://relivinghappydays.blogspot.com/2021/04/joanies-weird-boyfriend.html, but this is the set-up:  Fifteenish Joanie, feeling frustrated by her boyfriend who won't kiss her, annoyed with her family who treat her like a little kid, and egged on by the bad-influence (but still unseen by the audience) Jenny Piccalo, dresses like a tramp and flirts with the leader of the Red Devils gang.  He invites her to a party, but first she has to be initiated, meaning she has to neck with all eight Devils.  And she doesn't even kiss on the first date.  Big brother Richie tracks the gang down to, for some reason, the Jefferson High gym, where he confronts them single-handed, he thinks.  But his three best friends (Fonzie, Potsie, and Ralph, in that order) are already hiding in the lockers.  Now it's four against eight, since Joanie, even though she's hit at least two boys for trying to kiss her on previous episodes, doesn't defend herself.

About seventeen minutes in, Fonzie says that "an old friend happened to come and visit" him.  Presumably Carmine and Fonzie (who knew each other pretty well by the time of the "bachelor party" episode of LAS) decided to hang out at Arnold's, where they heard about Joanie and the gang from Potsie and Ralph, but Carmine isn't going to enter from a locker, good Heavens, no.

Fonzie snaps his fingers and Carmine emerges from the bleachers, singing, this will shock you, "Rags to Riches"!  He makes some gymnastic moves and Ralph's face is all of us.

Carmine twirls his way over to Fonzie, who says that he loves Carmine's feet.  Fonzie introduces Carmine Ragusa to the gang, and Carmine adds, "Of the Marjorie Ward Dance School."  The gangleader jokes that Carmine will tango them to death.  Richie puts his hand on Carmine's shoulder and says that Carmine is also Golden Gloves Champion of Milwaukee.  The Devils have heard of him.

Carmine warms up with more dance moves, but Fonzie just cracks his knuckles.  Joanie tries to stop the fight but then walks out when no one backs down, and no one stops her, even though the point of the fight was supposedly to protect her.

Carmine uses Fonzie's fist like a punching bag, as if they've worked out together before.  Richie is tired of Fonzie fighting his battles, so he insists that he, Ralph, and Potsie take on the gang.  Fonzie has the gangleader pick out three members to fight, and he and Carmine are going to sit this one out.  Which makes Mekka's cameo seem really pointless, but OK.

A comical three-on-three battle begins, with the Fonz and the Big Ragoo offering verbal encouragement, including Carmine telling Richie, "Go get 'em, Tiger!"  They also, however, make asides to each other about the patheticness of the boys' fighting styles.

Eventually Richie has had enough and Fonzie suggests ending the fight, but the gangleader refuses and even calls the Fonz "Arthur."  So Fonzie sasses back and then asks if Carmine is all warmed up.  He musically replies, "They'll never go from rags to riches."  And then the two old friends kick the gangleader and main sidekick in the face.  They scare off the gang and then slap hands to celebrate.

Carmine isn't even mentioned in the remaining couple minutes of the episode, and this is another case of a shoehorned cameo, although I do like that it expands on the Fonzie & Carmine friendship.  Mekka and Winkler have a good rapport together, and it's interesting to see what they're like without Laverne and Shirley around.  Also, it's another chance for Carmine and Richie to interact together, admittedly briefly, after "Excuse Me, May I Cut In?" back in October.  Note that this episode starts out on St. Patrick's Day, so presumably the double date to La Fondue was around then.

"Someone You Can Trust"

This will probably be the shortest of the minisodes, less than a minute of the tag.  Fonzie needs someone to babysit his godson Danny, and then he thinks of someone the mother, Louisa, can trust: Laverne and Shirley.  When Louisa asks if they babysit, Fonzie says that Danny "couldn't get better than L & S."  Louisa wonders if they should phone first, but Fonzie says they'll "just pop in."  He tells Richie (who has a date with Miss Trout, don't ask) the plan.  After Danny, Louisa, and the baby leave, Richie says, "Laverne and Shirley with a baby?"  And then he does his skeptical "huh-huh-huhs."  Cue "Bachelor Mothers."

Although the girls aren't technically in this episode, they were established enough characters in the Marshallverse by October 19, 1976 that the studio and home audiences presumably accepted this set-up, the first time that part one would be HD and part two would be LAS, although I prefer "Shotgun Wedding" of course.  Note that Richie apparently was unimpressed with the girls' babysitting skills on "Football Frolics."