"Bowling for Razzberries" script, Scene A

I have recently acquired two dozen script reprints, from the first two seasons of LAS, so I will spend the next several months going through them in chronological order, whether or not this corresponds with broadcast order.  I don't have either of the Fonzie-cameoing first two episodes, so we'll begin this journey with "Bowling for Razzberries."

This was not only the third episode to air, but it is coded "#60791-003."  The date for the Shooting Script is January 15, 1976, and the episode aired less than a month later, on February 10th, so they were definitely cranking these out to fill that mid-season-replacement slot.

Interestingly, the cast list is complete, except for characters with "(Silent)" after their names, suggesting that these were characters with names but not lines.  This was dropped by Season Three from what I can tell.  The sets are basic ones: Shotz Brewery Break Room, Pizza Bowl, Girls' Apartment.

Act One, Scene A opens in the break room, at noon.  The first page or so was left in, but after Shirley says that the men loading the trucks yell vile things, like "Hey, baby, how's your tuna fish?", Laverne was supposed to ask, "You don't like that?"  And Shirley would reply, "No, Laverne."

This was left out of page 3:

LAVERNE

How about the time she [Karen Clopton] told the Tour, "Don't feed the workers"!

SHIRLEY

That was because you asked that man for a bite of his Baby Ruth.

LAVERNE

Well, the candy machine was broken.  I tell you, if she insults us one more time in front of people, I'll give her a tour.

The tour group was supposed to be composed of "two well dressed couples," rather than one well-dressed couple and two men (I'm guessing Japanese businessmen), although, yeah, I guess the men could be a couple.

After Laverne "reacts" to Karen's remark, "And this is where the unskilled labor takes their breaks," they omitted Shirley advising, "Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you."  And then Laverne would've asked, "Got a stick?"

I don't know if it was the censor or who, but someone objected to Karen saying, re Shotz's hiring policy, "It doesn't matter what they do in their private lives.  Right, Laverne?"

Laverne grabbing the bottle like a weapon and Shirley urging her to put it down was added, as was the line about "the vacant lot next to the bakery."

In the script, Laverne wants to give Karen "a duggie with a ten pin," which became the more familiar "noogie."

This was axed, after Shirley suggests they beat Karen's team in the bowling tournament:

LAVERNE

(SMILES)  Yeah... Forget about it.

SHIRLEY

Why?

LAVERNE

They win it every year.  They always have a better team than we do.  They've got thirty girls to choose from in the Public Relations department.

SHIRLEY

We have twelve in bottling.

LAVERNE

Eleven!  I don't count Mrs. Mackintosh.  She must be eighty and she leaves her teeth on the scoring table.  We'll never win.

SHIRLEY

You'll make up for it, Laverne.  If you really want to.  Who's the best bowler on the whole team?

LAVERNE

Me.

THEY GET UP TO LEAVE.

SHIRLEY

Right.  There are two days left before the big game.  

Then they kept Shirley saying, "If we really try, we can win," and the next few lines, although they dropped Shirley's line after Laverne says she'll blow a razzberry in Karen's face, "There's a chapter in this [etiquette] book that I want you to see.

Thoughts:

• Laverne is not offended by men remarking on her tuna fish and she would eat a strange man's Baby Ruth.
• I'm trying to picture how Penny would've said, "Give her a tour," like a tour of her fist?
• It's interesting that they left out Laverne's pessimism and Shirley's optimism in regards to their chance of winning.
• Also, why the hell does Shotz need that big a PR department?
• Why is poor Mrs. Mackintosh still working at eighty?
• Laverne is established early on in the script as the best bowler, no surprise.
• In the episode, Shirley says it's Friday and the sign says the tournament will be on Saturday, which gives them only one day to practice, rather than the two of the script.
• The etiquette book sort of had a payoff in this version.