"Did She or Didn't She?", Scene C

We go to the girls' apartment, at "night":

LAVERNE IS HOME ALONE READING A MAGAZINE, SLUMPED IN A CHAIR.  SHE'S GOT ON A RATTY BATHROBE AND IS NURSING A KINGSIZE BOTTLE OF PEPSI.

THE PHONE RINGS.  LAVERNE GOES TO ANSWER.

LAVERNE

Hello?  No, she's not here.  Why should she be?!...  (GRIM) And what's your name, young man?  (WRITES IT DOWN)  No, this is her confidential secretary...  Yes, I think there's an opening on the second Tuesday of next month in the morning.  Somebody's already booked her for the afternoon.  Eat your heart out!  (SLAMS DOWN PHONE)

SHE TACKS THE MESSAGE ON THE BULLETIN BOARD, ALREADY OVER-FLOWING WITH SCRAPS OF PAPER.  THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

Onscreen, Laverne is in her jammies and doing that hair-tape thing.  Her Pepsi bottle looks average size.  "Secret Love" is playing, hinting at her crush who is about to enter.  The part with Jerry offstage is mostly intact, although Laverne was supposed to put on "a nice housedress" rather than a coat.  Her pretended phone conversation with her grandmother was added.

Jerry is described in the script as "nice-looking, neatly dressed, in his thirties," which makes him at least seven years older than Laverne, if she indeed graduated in '54 rather than '56 (and this is '59).  After Jerry says that Laverne has a nice place, she originally said, "Yeah, it's like yours only the hallway is over there and you've got the kitchen on this --  (SELF -CONSCIOUS) I guess you know what your own place looks like."  Then he replied, "Well, I have gotten pretty used to it.  I work at home, you see."

Laverne offering Jerry "sodey pop" was added.  But the Jerry & Laverne dialogue is surprisingly faithful for a Final Draft.  Yet this was left out, after Laverne gets angry at Shirley once Jerry leaves:

THE PHONE RINGS.  LAVERNE ANSWERS IT.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Hello... Oh, hi, Dougy...  No, Dougy, I don't want to -- (THINKS)  Sure, why not.  Yeah, come on over.  what the heck?

SHE HANGS UP.

Thoughts:

• As we come to the end of Act One, it's worth noting that Holly Mascott seems to be the first writer to really understand the girls, particularly Shirley, who was probably tougher to write for in Season One.  It's a shame that she has few other IMDB credits, and one of these is for a Blansky's Beauties episode I haven't seen.  I'm therefore going to assume it's the best Blansky's episode.
• What a cliffhanger with Dirty Dougy coming over!
• I feel sorry for Laverne in this scene, but not as sorry as I feel for Shirley in Act Two.

"Did She or Didn't She?", Scene B

We're at the Pizza Bowl, during the "day."  Frank breaking up a fight was added.  This was omitted after Shirley is amazed that twelve guys called for her at the P.B.:

SHIRLEY

...I wonder what they want?

LAVERNE

Here's what they want:  (READS) "Shirl, I'm warm for your form.  Can I take you for a lime rickey and fries with all the ketchup your heart desires?  Love, Alphonse."  He's that real quiet guy from Shipping and Receiving.

SHIRLEY

What got into him?!  Here's one from Stevie Luscatoff on the loading dock.

LAVERNE

Ooo, yeah.  He's got nice sideburns.

SHIRLEY

I don't like sideburns.

LAVERNE

That's no reason to put him down.

FRANK

Shirley can afford to be picky.  Twelve guys called her.

THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN.

FRANK (CONT'D)

If that's for you, Shirley, he better want a pizza on the side... Hello, Frank De Fazio...

SHIRLEY

I'll bet it's because I plucked my eyebrows.

LAVERNE

(DEFENSIVE) I plucked my eyebrows.

FRANK

Shirley, it's for you.  What am I, an answering service?  (INTO PHONE) You got sideburns?  No?  Good.  Here she is.

SHIRLEY

Or maybe it's because I started using dental floss.

LAVERNE

(SARCASTIC) Sure.  That'll get guys lining up to see you.

SHIRLEY GOES TO PHONE.

LAVERNE (CON'TD)

What is she talking about? Dental floss.

FRANK CROSSES BACK TO LAVERNE.

FRANK

So what's with Shirley and all these dates?

LAVERNE

Plucked eyebrows and dental floss, so she says.

FRANK

Well whatever she's doin', she's doin' it right.

LAVERNE

(MOODILY) I got my own style, Pop.

FRANK

That could be your problem.

SHIRLEY RETURNS FROM THE PHONE.

SHIRLEY

(TO FRONT) I'm sorry I tied up your line, Mister De Fazio.

FRANK

I'm getting a new number.  Don't give it to fellas.

FRANK GOES BACK TO WORK.

SHIRLEY

That was Robert Kenmore.  He's taking me out tonight.

Onscreen, Shirley sees a message from Robert Hoffman, but the dialogue is otherwise mostly intact for awhile.  Laverne's imitation of Robert was added, but in the script we get Shirley calling him "Bobby" more often.  This was left out after Shirley says she does her teeth:

LAVERNE

Dental floss.  I know.

SHIRLEY

...Then I make sure my makeup is just right.

LAVERNE

I do all those things just right.

SHIRLEY

Yeah, but you do it all while you're driving to work.

LAVERNE

I like to sleep late.  Besides, I look fine.

SHIRLEY

Last week you had lipstick on your teeth.

LAVERNE

I didn't know I had lipstick on my teeth.   Is there any there now?

LAVERNE SMILES.  SHIRLEY LOOKS.

SHIRLEY

No.  But there's some on your gum.

LAVERNE

(TAKES A NAPKIN AND WIPES) Maybe I should get up earlier.  Or drive slower.

SHIRLEY

Vernie, It's never too late to turn over a new leaf.  Maybe you can get a date tonight and we'll double.

LAVERNE

Naw, the only guy who ever calls me on such short notice is Dougy Loomis.

SHIRLEY

Dirty Dougy?

LAVERNE

Yeah.  He's not bad, but he's got a one-track mind.

Onscreen, the girls discuss the proper way to brush teeth and then Shirley suggests a double date, but Laverne can't think of anyone.  Shirley mentioning the new guy in the building is in the script, but they added details, including his apartment number (3B) and profession (writer).  Also the "grunting by the incinerator" was an another add-on by filming.

Then onscreen, Shirley says she has to get ready for her date with Bobby, and she gives Laverne walking advice, and then demonstrates.  Here are the last one and a half lines of the scene in the script, after Shirley tells Laverne her day will come.

SHIRLEY

(STARTS OUT, READING HER MESSAGES) Let's see, who should I go out with tomorrow?....

LAVERNE

(FOLLOWING HER) I could brush my hair a hundred strokes.  Naw, with my luck, I'll go bald.

Thoughts:

• We hear about a couple more of Shirley's gentleman callers in the script, as well as Dirty Dougy.
• Now I'm trying to remember if Shirley is ever canonically interested in any guys with sideburns.
• I think Frank's missing dialogue is funny, although what he gets in the final version isn't bad either.
• So Season One Laverne originally knew how to drive?  Her pre-series Happy Days appearances suggest that as well, but this would be retconned for Season Two.  (SPOILER, I have two versions of that script.) 
• Shirley is a good enough friend she would've told Laverne about lipstick on her teeth at the time, so I'm glad that was omitted.
• I do like that there's another scripted "Vernie."
• Some nice stuff here, especially with Frank, but I can see why they had to tighten up this scene.

"Did She or Didn't She?", Scene A

On February 23, 1976, the day before "A Nun's Story" aired, and exactly a month before "Once Upon a Rumor" AKA "Did She or Didn't She?" aired, the Final Draft of "DSorDS" was submitted.  At that point, none of the guest stars, even Jerry, had been cast.  But some of the scenes got lettered.  So Act One kicks off with Scene A, set in the break room, during the "day":

PEOPLE ARE SNACKING AND MILLING ABOUT THEIR LOCKERS AS LAVERNE WALKS IN FURTIVELY WITH SHIRLEY GRABBING ONTO HER FROM BEHIND.  SHIRLEY IS HOLDING UP HER SKIRT UNDER HER SMOCK.

SHIRLEY

Are they all looking, Laverne?

LAVERNE

Sure, some of them have got out their binoculars.  Take it easy, Shirl.  There's nothing for them to see.

SHIRLEY

Are you sure?  I could just die with all these people looking.

SHIRLEY STRAIGHTENS UP.  SHE LOSES THE GRIP ON HER SKIRT AND IT FALLS FROM UNDER HER SMOCK AROUND HER ANKLES.  LAVERNE SLIDES IN FRONT TO SHIELD HER.

LAVERNE

Then, why didn't we go to the ladies' room?

SHIRLEY

Because it's busted again. There are men with mops in there.

AN ANNOUNCEMENT COMES OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER:

ANONOUCER (V.O.)

Your attention, please.  All workers are to report to the assembly hall for a meeting.  That means everyone : the loading dock, the assembly line, bottle capping, and the shipping room.  And that goes for everyone in the break room.  Over and out.

AS WORKERS START TO LEAVE:

LAVERNE

Just what we need.  We'll stay behind and fix your zipper.

SHIRLEY

Just what we don't need.  If you miss another meeting you'll get docked again.

LAVERNE

I have a good excuse.  I'm helping a fellow worker.

SHIRLEY

Vernie, please to to the meeting.  I can fix this myself.  You can cover for me.  Call out "here" twice.

LAVERNE

Then they'll catch you for sure.  You're the only worker in the whole brewery who hollers out...  (MIMICS) ..."present".

SHIRLEY

It's the proper thing to holler.  Go.  I'll be all right.  I have a needle and thread in my locker.

LAVERNE

Figured you would.  You're the only person with bandaids, an iron and a tablecloth in your locker.

LAVERNE EXITS.  

Only some of this made it in, in the form of shots of the girls in the brewery, and them and the announcement all as voiceovers.  Then they omitted the line that Shirley "mumbles to herself" while taking off he skirt in the empty break room, "I like to be prepared.  Why make fun of a prepared person.  All she has in her locker is a picture of Farley Granger."  Apparently this counted as a Hello Moment, because both boys enter and Squiggy says, "Hello."  And here's what we missed with Lenny in this part of the scene:

SHIRLEY IS STARTLED.  SHE HIDES HER SKIRT.

SHIRLEY

Aren't you guys supposed to be at the meeting?

SQUIGGY

We're not here.

LENNY

We're supposed to be out on a delivery.  We already checked out.  So we don't have to go to the meeting.

SHIRLEY

What about the delivery, Leonard?

SQUIGGY

They ain't loaded it yet.  First I wanna buy Lenny a soda.  C'mere, Lenny.

HE PULLS LENNY TOWARD THE SODA MACINE AND SHOVES HIM IN FRONT.

LENNY

What is this?  This ain't my birthday or nothin'.

SQUIGGY PLUNKS IN A DIME.  THE SODA GUSHES OUT AND UP, BLASTING LENNY IN THE FACE.  SQUIGGY HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER.

SQUIGGY

Somebody stuck a bent-up straw in there to make it do that.  He must've been a genius.

LENNY

(RECOVERING) I don't know, Squiggy, you're pretty smart.  I bet if you took a close look you could figure out how to do it.

AS SQUIGGY BENDS OVER TO PEER INSIDE, LENNY QUICKLY INSERTS A DIME.  SQUIGGY GETS SHOWERED IN THE FACE AND ALL DOWN HIS SHIRT.

SQUIGGY

(SEETHING) That's the third time that happened to me today.

SHIRLEY

(PATIENT LIKE TO CHILDREN) Boys, maybe your truck is loaded now.  Why not go take a look-see.

LENNY

That's possible.  I'll go look-see.

SQUIGGY

    Yeah.  I gotta dry out.

LENNY LEAVES.  SQUIGGY IS BLOWING ON HIS SHIRT.

SHIRLEY

Squiggy, can't you take care of that somewhere else?  I need a little privacy.

SQUIGGY

Female trouble?

SHIRLEY

My zipper's broken.

SHE HOLDS UP A QUICK PEEK AT HER SKIRT FROM UNDER THE TABLE.

LENNY [sic]

Hey, lemme see that.  I'm real good at fixin' zippers.

SHIRLEY

Like you're real good at everything else?

SQUIGGY

Naw, the way I fix zippers makes all the other stuff I do look stupid.

SHE PASSES THE SKIRT TO HIM GRUDGINGLY.  BUT AS HE PICKS IT UP AND GOES TO WORK HE REALLY SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.  SHIRLEY, IMPRESSED, COMES AROUND THE TABLE TO WATCH.

Onscreen, Squiggy says hello without a build-up and then he starts making mildly (for Squiggy) suggestive remarks.  The exchange about Squiggy learning about zippers at his uncle's "Spic 'n Span Cleaners" is mostly intact.  But this definitely didn't make it in:

SHIRLEY

Squiggy, your wet shirt, [I don't know why there's a comma there, unless she has to pause as she says it] is rubbing against my skirt.  It's one hundred percent virgin wool, you see and --

SQUIGGY

Well, if it's that kind of wool...  (PEELING OFF SHIRT) I won't mess with it.

SHIRLEY

Let me try to dry that.

SHE TAKES THE SHIRT AND FLAPS IT IN THE AIR WHILE SQUIGGY RETURNS TO THE ZIPPER.

Onscreen, he instead explains to her about zipper teeth clenching.  (A vagina dentata reference, or am I reading too much into this?)  Her calling him amazing was added.

After he hands back her skirt, all fixed, there was this:

SHE GIVES HIM BACK HIS SHIRT WHICH HE TOSSES OVER HIS ARM.  HE HANDS HER THE SKIRT AND SHE STARTS TO PUT IT ON.  THEY DON'T NOTICE THE DOOR OPENING AND LENNY PEERING THROUGH, FROZEN AT WHAT HE SEES.

SQUIGGY

Now you can put your skirt back on.

SHIRLEY

Thank you, Squiggy.  Maybe I can still make it to the meeting.

LENNY WITHDRAWS, CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.  SHIRLEY STARTS TO GET INTO HER SKIRT.  SHE SEES SQUIGGY LOOKING AT HER.  

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

I'll do this in the hall.

Lenny's actions made it in, but onscreen Shirley has Squiggy turn his back as she puts the skirt on in the break room.

The first part of the boys' exchange is just slightly modified, although I have to note that "Lenny enters.  He's smiling," does not even hint at what Michael McKean could do with a simple stage direction.  This was omitted:

SQUIGGY

What's the big deal?

LENNY

You mean it's not a big deal?  You and Shirley have... before?

SQUIGGY

Have what before?

LENNY

What you were doin' in here today.

SQUIGGY

Oh that.  No, this was the first time she wanted me to do that for her.  But now that she knows I know how, she'll come straight to me next time.

LENNY IS OVERWHELMED.

The next part, from Lenny's "My friend Squiggy and Shirley Feeney in the break room," through his "More than a hero.  A legend" is mostly intact, but the scene ends with them talking about Davy Crockett.  The exit line was originally Squiggy's "Yeah?  Let me tell you how it happened.  She came up to me and gave me the eye...."

Thoughts:

• While I like Laverne's attempts to help Shirley, the scene probably works better without Shirley being embarrassed in front of all these people, in terms of both plot and character.
• The "mops" became "plungers," but, no, I don't think this is data for the Lenny = mop theory.
• If all those departments, including the loading dock, are supposed to report, how are the boys going to get their truck loaded?  
• Another "Vernie," awww!
• Shirley "hollering 'present' " feels very Season One Shirley, as does her having all that in her locker.
• There are things I like about the scene with Shirley and the boys, from the boys' logic to them pranking each other, as well as Shirley treating them like children and saying "Leonard."  But it does work better dramatically for Lenny's first entrance to be at such a proto-Three's-Company moment.  (And the initial misunderstanding between the boys would've worked on 3's C a couple years later.)
• This must be one of the earliest examples of Squiggy "seething" in a script.
• "Female trouble"?!  Oh my goodness!
• I like Shirley teasing Squiggy about being good at everything.
• His shirt is rubbing up against her virgin wool skirt!  
• And the Squiggy admirers miss out on early fan-service!
• Notice that in this version, Lenny thinks for a moment that this wasn't even S & S's first time.
• "LENNY IS OVERWHELMED."  Oh, Len.  Oh, Michael McKean.
• And in this version, we hear Squiggy embellishing the lie, rather than just playing along with Lenny's misunderstanding.
• Unlike the other Season One scripts I've looked at so far, this one isn't definitively better onscreen.  Six of one and half dozen of the other I guess.

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scene 6 (Tag)

This scene, which is labeled as "TAG," is set in Laverne and Shirley's apartment, at "night":

SHIRLEY IS IN KITCHEN CLEANING UP FROM COFFEE AND CAKE.  LAVERNE IS AT THE DOOR SAYING GOODBYE TO HER FATHER WHO IS PUTTING ON HIS COAT.  THE FRONT DOOR IS OPEN.

LAVERNE

I'm glad the insurance company is building you a new men's room, Pop.

FRANK

A bigger one.  Now you both had a rough night.  Go to bed.

LAVERNE

(KISSES HIM)  'Night, Pop.  you sure you're not mad at me for dating bank robbers?

FRANK

How can I be mad at a muffin who got met three new urinals.  You're a hero.  Good night.

FRANK EXTIS.  LAVERNE SHUTS DOOR.  LAVERNE CROSSES TO SHIRLEY IN KITCHEN.

LAVERNE

Shirley, I'm worried about myself.  After calmly thinking about it... I'm a dope.

SHIRLEY

I don't think so.

LAVERNE

But I always seem to pick rotten guys.  I'm attracted to losers or something.

SHIRLEY

Its hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys.  I remember even in kindergarten it was confusing.  I was in love with Ira Glick.  He carried my pencilcase and everything.  Then one day in playground he said "Open your mouth and close your eyes, I'm gonna give you a big surprise".  Then he poured a shovel of sand down my throat.

LAVERNE LAUGHS, AND SITS DOWN TO FINISH HER PUZZLE.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Why do you laugh at my life?

LAVERNE

You break me up.  I guess all girls have to figure out if they're picking a good guy or a bank robber.  It's a tricky business.

SHIRLEY

There's no answer.  And if you're going to sit there doing that silly puzzle I'm going to bed.

SHIRLEY STARTS TO BEDROOM.

LAVERNE

I guess the only answer is to have a suspicious best girlfriend who can warn you about certain guys -- like I do.

SHIRLEY

(STOPS)  Ah, Laverne, you know how to get to me.  I'll help you with your puzzle.

SHIRLEY SITS ON OTHER SIDE OF COUNTER TO DO PUZZLE.

LAVERNE

I'm working on Lincoln's beard, you do Jefferson's boots.

SHIRLEY

Okay...

THE REST IS PLAYED WITH OVERLAPPING.

LAVERNE

Why are you picking up a yellow piece?  His boot is black.

SHIRLEY

I thought it would fit.

LAVERNE

Yellow can't fit.  The boot's black.  Look at the picture.

SHIRLEY

I don't like to look at the picture on the box.  I like to guess.

LAVERNE

Now she's picking up purple pieces.

SHIRLEY

I thought it could be the buckle.

LAVERNE

There's no buckle.

SHIRLEY

Don't tell me...

LAVERNE

Do Washington's nose... that's purple.

SHIRLEY

I'll d what I want.  You're no fun to do a puzzle with, Laverne...

AS THEY BABBLE WE 

FADE OUT:

THE END

Thoughts:

• The little bit with Laverne and Frank is sweet, although I have the feeling that "urinals" wouldn't have made it past the censor.
• Why is "bank robbers" plural?
• Laverne's insight about her dating habits would remain true for the entire run of the series, although it's kind of sad that she knows this about herself and can't change.  It's even sadder that she won't have her best girlfriend around in Season Eight to help her with this.
• Poor Shirley with Ira Glick!  
• But if Shirley is going to tell everyone about Laverne's habits in the shower, I suppose she has to expect Laverne to laugh at her.
• And it's back to the jigsaw puzzle, but the way they solve it feels opposite to what I'd imagine for their puzzling styles.  It would feel more in character for Shirley to be "by the box" and Laverne to improvise more.
• Why is Washington's nose purple?
• I have mixed feelings about this scene, because it's not all filler, and I wish that they could've found a way to incorporate at least some of the lines, especially about the girls' friendship, while leaving out the jigsaw stuff.
• Overall though, this is another Season One script that is stronger onscreen.

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scene 5

Act Two is set at the P.B., but "later::

CHARLES STILL HAS HIS GUN ON SHIRLEY, LAVERNE, LENNY AND SQUIGGY.  THEY HAVE THEIR HANDS UP.

CHARLES

This is a holdup.  You two guys listen to us and nobody will get hurt.

LENNY

Yes sir, Mr. Gun Holder.

SQUIGGY

You're robbing the Pizza Bowl.  The only dough here got tomato sauce on it.

CHARLES

No, Dummy, the bank's next door.  We blew a hole through the wall.

LAVERNE

The wall!  My father just had it painted.

CHARLES

Go in the bathroom and help Buck load up the money.  Move, Dummy.

LENNY

Move, he's talking to you, Dummy

PUSHES SQUIGGY TO BATHROOM.

SQUIGGY

Hey, you can't call me Dummy.  You ain't got a gun.

THEY EXIT.

Onscreen, this is shortened, with less of the Core Four being stupid, and of course Charles has already explained his plan before the commercial break.  The next part made it in, except for Charles telling the girls to put down their hands specifically because "You look silly."  And after Shirley calls Charles a rude man, she added, "How could you use Laverne to help you rob a bank?  Thoughtless, very thoughtless."

They omitted Lenny's line after he, Squiggy , and Buck come out of the men's room, "Hey, will you look at these guys.  These guys are sharp.  I bet they make more money in one night than we do in a whole week, " as well as Squiggy's reply, "Yeah, but they don't get to go to company picnics."

Shirley's great reply about Charles's order to get on the floor, "Oh, no, not on a first date I don't," was added.  They also added Laverne worrying about her outfit, and the fuss over the order that the four will lie down on the floor.  Here's what happened after they finally lie down:

LENNY AND SQUIGGY COVER THEIR HEAD [sic].  THEY'RE TERRIFIED.

BUCK

The police are comin'.

CHARLES

Don't worry, we'll be gone with plenty of time to spare.  Let's get outta here.

THEY HEAD OUT FRONT DOOR.

ANGLE ON FLOOR

SHIRLEY

I'm going to stop them.

SHIRLEY PICKS UP A CHAIR AND HOLDS IT OVER HER HEAD AS CHARLES AND BUCK RETURN.  THEY LOOK AT HER.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Just closing up.

SHE PUTS CHAIR UPSIDE DOWN ON TOP OF TABLE, THEN DOES THE SAME WITH ANOTHER CHAIR.

CHARLES

Laverne, the door doesn't open!

LAVERNE

My dad locked it from the outside.

BUCK

Well, open it.  Get the key.

LAVERNE GOES BEHIND THE COUNTER.  SHE THROWS A LARGE KEY RING, WHICH MUST HOLD A HUNDRED KEYS, ON THE COUNTER.

LAVERNE

It's one of these.

BUCK

There's a million keys.

Onscreen, the boys aren't too terrified to come up with crazy plans, which Shirley criticizes.  Laverne remembers that her father locked the door from outside, so when Buck and Charles come back, the latter calls her Sweetie and asks her to get the keys.  She defiantly asks why she should tell him.

The policeman on the bullhorn and the robbers' reaction is similar in both versions, but the "so kill me" part was added.

Shirley's "Why don't you give up?" was elaborated by the time of filming.  Charles's line about "two defensive girls and two wimps" comes after the part about Lenny's Army reserve meeting and Squiggy's about his mother.  Also there's a part in the script where Charles says, "Cool it, if anyone tries anything, (HOLDS UP GUN) ... they get this," to which Lenny replies, "No thanks, they gave me a rifle at the Reserve."

The part with Squiggy saying they'd have to kill him first on through the wonderful four-person shuffle was not in the script.

Frank getting on the bullhorn came before Charles sending the boys to the ladies' room.  The first part of this dialogue made it in, but instead of the exchange about the restroom being blown up, there was this:

FRANK (O.S.)

If you get hungry, have a salami sandwich.  Use my private salami, not that crud I give the customers.

LAVERNE

Thanks, Pop.  And thanks for talking to me.  I mean that.

FRANK (O.S.)

It's all right, Muffin.  It's okay.

After Charles says that's enough, he goes back to the door and we get two pages of chopped dialogue: 

LAVERNE

We should try to get out of here.

SHIRLEY

Yeah... we need a plan.

LENNY

We shouldn't do nothing... the cops are outside and their job is to get us out.  Our job is to stay here and be scared.

SQUIGGY

Well, well, well... is that the United States Reserve talking.  Ya sissy.

SHIRLEY

You're a disgrace to your uniform.

SQUIGGY

Look at it this way: you're a prisoner of war.  It's against the law if you don't try to escape.

LENNY

Okay.

SHIRLEY

Who has a plan?

LAVERNE

I think I have one.  If Squiggy...

LENNY

No... no... If I go along, it's got to be my plan. I'm the only one with military experience, so I'm the General.

SHIRLEY

A General.  Two seconds ago he was a chicken.

LENNY

Now, here's the plan.  (POURS SALT ON THE TABLE AND STARTS TO DRAW DIAGRAMS... DOTS INDICATE PEOPLE)  Here's Laverne, here's Squiggy, and here's Shirley.  When I yell, "Charge", you charge Charles.

LAVERNE

What are you doing?

LENNY
I stay back here out of the line of fire.  The General is too valuable to lose.

SQUIGGY

(YELLS) That's a stupid plan.

LENNY

It is not a stupid plan.

CHARLES HEARS THE COMMOTION AND STARTS OVER TO TABLE, AS:

LAVERNE

Sssh, he'll hear.

CHARLES

What's going on here?

LENNY

Aw, I had this great plan to escape and whoops.

SQUIGGY

Squealer!

CHARLES

Get into the bathroom... both of you.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY START INTO THE MEN'S ROOM.  LENNY STOPS SQUIGGY.

LENNY

I don't want to go in there.  There was an explosion

SQUIGGY

There are things hanging from the ceiling.

LENNY

Yeah, toilet paper.

CHARLES

All right, get in the ladies' room.

LENNY

Ladies' room.  Hey, it's my first time in a ladies' room.

SQUIGGY

It's not mine.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY EXIT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM.

CHARLES

No more plans -- or else.

CHARLES GOES BACK TO THE DOOR.

Onscreen, the boys are both more amused and more resistant about going into the ladies' room.  Also,  Squiggy offering Charles a buck to shoot Lenny first comes later in the script.  There's a dissolve after Charles tells the girls not to try anything.  Here's what's in the script after Charles's exit:

LAVERNE

Now what are we going to do?

SHIRLEY

You know.  We're going about this all wrong.  I think we should appeal to their human side... their humanity.  Which rules out that animal of yours.

LAVERNE

What do you think Buck is, a teddy bear?

SHIRLEY

But Buck's a poet, and poets are very sensitive people... Look at Longfellow, Elizabeth Barrett Browning...

LAVERNE

Shirl, Buck's a bank robber.  Better forget about it.

SHIRLEY HOLDS UP HER HAND TO SILENCE LAVERNE.

SHIRLEY

If there's one thing I know, it's people.  You'll see.

SHIRLEY WALKS OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY DOOR AND CALLS BUCK OVER.  HE COMES OUT AND STANDS IN THE DOOR WITH SHIRLEY.

BUCK

Yeah, what is it?

SHIRLEY

Buck... Buckie... Mind if I call you Buckie?

BUCK

Naw, my mommie used to call me Buckie.

SHIRLEY

How nice.  Buckie, I'd like to get to know you better.

BUCK

Not now.  This place is surrounded by police.

SHIRLEY

No, not that.  I want to get to know you because I have a feeling that you're not really cut out for this kind of work.  I think that you should forget this evil life and pursue your true calling: poetry.

BUCK

You do?  My mother used to say the same thing.

SHIRLEY

A wise woman.  Poets are very sensitive people... humane people and, as a poet, a humane person, you should put down your gun and let us all go.

BUCK

Yeah, I like poetry.  You want to hear a little poem I just made up.

SHIRLEY

I think I'd like that very much.

BUCK

"Pretty young lady, I'm no man of prose, 

So if you don't get back there, 

I'm going to shoot off your nose."

SHIRLEY

I got ya.

SHIRLEY RETURNS TO LAVERNE AND BUCK GOES BACK INTO THE BOWLING ALLEY.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

He's a rotten rhymer.

POLICEMAN (O.S.)

(THROUGH BULLHORN) Hey, in there, is it okay if I come in to negotiate with you?

CHARLES

Yeah, unarmed and no tricks.

POLICEMEAN (O.S.)

Hey, what's he doing?  Stop that nut!  Come back here, you!

CARMINE BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

Carmine!

CHARLES

You know him?

CARMINE

Everybody on the beat knows me.  I'm Detective Carmine Ragusa.

CHARLES

Right, okay, copper, here's our deal...

CARMINE

Hold it.  Before there's any talk of deals, we make a swap of hostages.  Let the two girls go and I'll stay.

CHARLES

Two for one... are you kidding?

CARMINE

Okay, I'll stay and Shirley goes.

LAVERNE

Thanks a lot.

SHIRLEY

Thanks, Carmine, but I'll stay with Vernie.

LAVERNE

Go on, go ahead.  Don't be a dope.

CARMINE, SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE ADLIB A FIGHT.  THEN, SQUIGGY STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE DOOR.

SQUIGGY

Hey, Carmine, what are you doing here?

CHARLES

The cop here is negotiating for your lives.

SQUIGGY

He ain't no cop.  (YELLS INTO LADIES' ROOM) Hey, Lenny, Carmine told the crooks he's was a cop.

LENNY COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND HE AND SQUIGGY LAUGH.

LENNY

Cop.  (LAUGHS)  He's a house painter.

CHARLES SHOVES THE GUN INTO CARMINE'S STOMACH.

LENNY (CONT'D)

Whoops... Sorry, Carmine.

CARMINE

So, I'm not a cop.

CHARLES

Okay, wise guy, the only reason you're still standing is because I want you to go and tell the cops that in one hour we want an armored car outside to take us to Canada.  If they don't have it here, we're going to start sending out a hostage every fifteen minutes, and they're not going to be breathing.  Get moving!

CARMINE STARTS OUT THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

Thanks, Carmine.

CARMINE

Right, Angel Face.  Sorry.  (TO CHARLES) You'd better not hurt them.

CARMINE EXITS.

CHARLES

(YELLING AFTER CARMINE) Hurt them!  Didn't you hear straight?  In one hour, you're gonna have some damaged people here.  Tell that to the coppers!

SQUIGGY

(TO CHARLES) Who you going to shoot first?

CHARLES

I don't know.

SQUIGGY

(TO LENNY) You can be be first.  You're a soldier.

LENNY

Naw, you go first. You're lighter to throw out.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, but you're an easier target.

CHARLES

(INDICATES BATHROOM) Get inside.

LENNY

Yes, sir.

LENNY GOES INTO THE LADIES' ROOM.  AS SQUIGGY GOES IN, HE WHISPERS OVER HIS SHOULDER.

SQUIGGY

Take him first and I'll give you a dollar.

SQUIGGY ENTERS LADIES' ROOM.  CHARLES TAKES UP HIS PLACE AT THE FRONT DOOR.

Onscreen, there's nothing of Shirley's conversation with Buck or Carmine's foolhardiness.  In fact, the cop specifically says they don't negotiate with hostages.  I think only Squiggy's pathetic bribery made it in.

ANGLE ON LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY.

SHIRLEY

What do you think is going to happen?

LAVERNE

Nothing, cops respect hostages.

SHIRLEY

Yeah, they won't shoot... they'll probably try to starve them out...

LAVERNE

It could take a while in an Italian restaurant.

SHIRLEY

That's true... the cops will get tired of waiting...  they'll want to get home...  they'll storm the place, guns blazing.  They'll shoot anything that moves...  Us... we're going to die , Laverne.  We're going to get killed.

Onscreen, the crooks discuss whether to throw out one of the "two clowns" and agree it'll have to be one of the girls, in two minutes.  Shirley goes into hysterics, including about Tom Dooley, more quickly, and Laverne slaps her in both versions to calm her down.

The next page is mostly intact, although in the script Shirley says of the baby she never had, "I'll never get to see it's [sic] tiny fingers, it's [sic] little nose."  In the script , Laverne says they should've "vo-do-o-do-doed," yes, with that spelling, to which Shirley replies, "Well, I don't know if we should've done that!"

Here's the version in the script, after Laverne says they saved "it for nothing":

SHIRLEY

You really think it's as great as they say?

LAVERNE

I always hear about bells ringing and fireworks; that sounds like fun to me.

SHIRLEY

Well, look at it this way.  People will continue to respect us even after we're gone.

LAVERNE

No, they won't.  Because if we get killed now, our names will forever be linked with Squiggy and Lenny.

SHIRLEY

That's not a terrific link.

LAVERNE

I know.  I'm going to have to do something desperate.

SHIRLEY

Whatever you do, I'll be there right next to you.

LAVERNE

Thanks, Shirl, but I'm going to have to handle Charles by myself.

As you know, in the script the eternal link with the boys would not be because the girls might die with them, but because they might lose their virginities to them.  And Shirley says she'd rather save it for patient Carmine.  Then onscreen, the part with Pop on the bullhorn comes here.  Then Laverne says she's not ready to die, and it goes into the next part of the script, where Shirley asks Laverne what she's going to do.  They did omit Shirley saying, "Whatever she has to...  Laverne, I'm not going to look."  On the other hand, Shirley doesn't bid a tearful goodbye to "Vernie."

Here's the script, after Charles says Laverne is his kind of girl:

WE SEE SHIRLEY PEEKING THROUGH HER FINGERS.

LAVERNE

Thanks.  I wasn't supposed to be a girl you know.  (PLAYS WITH HIS HAIR)  My father always wanted a boy.

CHARLES

Well, you're all woman now.

LAVERNE

I try.  (THEN)  You know, I still remember this cute little game my father and I used to play.  You hold your hand way up high like this...  (SHE HOLDS HER HAND HIGH AND HE LOOKS)  ...and then you whammo like this.

Onscreen, this became Laverne admiring the Statue of Liberty, and there was no mention of her father wanting a son.  The stuff with the guns is similar in both versions, except that at one point in the script Laverne tosses the gun to Shirley, who tosses it back to her, and she throws it to Squiggy. But after the cops come in, there was this:

SQUIGGY

I knew it.  We're going to the big house forever.

LENNY

Yeah, I'll probably get in trouble for going AWOL.

COP

I never saw such skeevie hoods in my life.

"Skeevie" became "scuzzy," leading to a good Shirley line.  Laverne kissing Charles because he paid for dinner was added.  Shirley confronting Buck about his "Phoenix/Kleenix" rhyme was another addition.

There was a commercial break after the crooks' exit and some of the rest of the scene was made it into a tag, although there's an unaired tag after this.  Anyway, here's what 's next in this very long scene in the script:

LENNY

They're going to be sent up the river.

SQUIGGY

There's no river around here.  They're gonna be send [sic] up the lake.

THEY ALL EXIT.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY GATHER UP THEIR COATS AND PURSES.

SHIRLEY

(CALMLY) Well, there's only one thing I've got to say.  (SHE HUGS LAVERNE AND YELLS) We did it.  We didn't die!

LAVERNE

(SMILES)  Yeah.  And we learned something here tonight.

In the filmed version, Frank comes in to share the girls' relief and happiness, then he leaves to go upstairs and lie down. But after he leaves, the last page of the script is intact.

Thoughts:

• It's probably just as well they left out the "dough" joke.  And the one about the company picnic.
• It feels off to have the boys call each other dummy in this scene, as well as to admire the crooks.
• I'm going to credit the cast with at least some of the group-business, like the floor order and the shuffle back and forth across the floor.
• I sort of like Shirley planning to hit the crooks with a chair, although it doesn't work out.
• Laverne just plunking the keys on the counter doesn't quite work for me, and I'd actually rather she toss the keys in Charles's face.
• There's undeniably more about Lenny being in the Army Reserve in the script than onscreen.
• This is a very early example of someone criticizing the food at the P.B., and it's Frank using the word "crud"!
• Lenny's attitude towards the cops is very different in the script.
• And poor Lenny, with Squiggy and Shirley criticizing him harshly.
• On the other hand, canonical Lenny isn't usually this obvious about knowing he's a coward.
• Do we want to know why Squiggy was in the ladies' room?
• In both versions, Shirley definitely has a higher opinion of Buck than of Charles, but in this one Buck seems more twisted.
• Is Shirley a good judge of people?  Well, sometimes, but mostly I'd say Laverne is a better judge.
• Does Buck think Shirley wants to make out or more?  She's already ruled out petting.
• It's even weirder because Shirley reminds Buck of his "mommie."
• Why is the cop so polite to Charles?  That is just odd.
• I sort of love Carmine bursting in pointlessly.  I mean, it doesn't help the plot, but it's sweet and brave, if stupid.  As is Carmine calling Shirley "angel face" and warning Charles not to hurt the girls.
• And it's sweet that Shirley wants to stay with "Vernie."
• Head-shake at the boys blowing Carmine's cover.
• Wait, when was Carmine a house painter?
• A hostage being killed every fifteen minutes is a lot more leisurely than every two minutes.
• I like the "Italian restaurant" line, although the set-up is more of the "stupid Shirley" we're seeing too much of in in these Season One scripts.
• It's interesting to have both girls speculate on whether sex is really that great.
• And, yep, the linkage with the boys is very different, making me wonder who changed that and when.
• Also, it's weird to me that sometimes it's actually "Shirley and Laverne" and "Squiggy and Lenny," because I'm so used to the L & S order.
• In the script, it sounds more like Shirley is afraid Laverne is going to try to seduce Charles, while Laverne onscreen makes it clear that she wouldn't go that far with Charles.
• I've always found the Statue of Liberty thing a little awkward, but not as awkward as Laverne telling a criminal about her father's longing for a son.
• The boys' "up the river" exchange was improved to the "crime doesn't pay" exchange.
• And yet again, the raw material of a scene shows potential but needed to be cooked.

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scenes 3 and 4

It's the Pizza Bowl at night:

ANGLE ON LENNY AND SQUIGGY AT THE DRVING MACHINE.  LENNY IS DRIVING AND SQUIGGY IS TAUNTING HIM.  CARMINE ENTERS.

Yep, Carmine was supposed to be in this scene, so we lost him asking, "Hi, guys. Have you seen Shirley?"  But other than that the first page of dialogue is mostly intact.  Except somehow lines got switched around, even though it just said that Lenny is driving:

LENNY

Oh, yeah?  Then how come you just hit a cow?

SQUIGGY

That was no cow.  That was a lady farmer.

CARMINE

You should've honked.  Listen, guys, if you see Shirl, tell her I'm dedicating my fight to her tomorrow night, because she's my best girl.  But if I lose, she shouldn't take it personally.

LENNY

Good luck on the fight.

CARMINE

I don't need luck.  I'm fighting Mad Dog Collins.  All I have to do is make sure he doesn't bite me.

CARMINE EXITS OUT BACK DOOR.

Carmine ended up on the cutting room floor and then the scene goes from Lenny (not Squiggy) hitting a school bus (not a lady farmer) right to the double-daters coming in.  Therefore, the scripted lines of Squiggy saying, "Hey, Shirl, Carmine is dedicating his fight to you tomorrow night and says you shouldn't take it personal," and her confused "Thanks, Squiggy.  I wonder what the message really was" of course are omitted.

Frank and Laverne's affectionate greeting and her introduction of Charles and Buck were added, since in the script Frank goes right into kicking the customers out.  Laverne remarks in the script, "My father used to be with the diplomatic corps," rather than "My father built his business on his charm."   And then came the introductions, and then this:

FRANK

Now remember, this is a special favor.  Leave the place the same way you found it.

LAVERNE

We will.

FRANK

(TO CROWD) Don't you understand the word "out"?  Okay, I'll make it in more simple terms.

HE JERKS HIS THUMB TOWARD THE DOOR.  PEOPLE FILE OUT.

CHARLES

Don't worry about a thing, Mr. De Fazio.

FRANK

(TO LAVERNE) Remember to turn out the lights in the alley.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

Turn off the heat.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

I'm gonna lock the door when I leave.  You know where the spare keys are.

LAVERNE

Check.

FRANK

I'm trusting you, Shirley.

SHIRLEY

(THEY START WALKING) I won't let you down.  Let's take a look at the north forty.

BUCK

You got forty alleys in there.

SHIRLEY

No, Buck.  It's just a western -- aw, forget it.

Onscreen, after Shirley and Buck exit to the bowling alley with different dialogue, Laverne simply tells her pop that they'll take care of everything and he says he hopes so and he'll lock up when he leaves.  And then from Frank telling Laverne to "throw those bums," i.e. Lenny and Squiggy, out through Laverne suggesting she and Charles leave it's unchanged, except for some reason the stage direction says that "Squiggy is now 'driving.' "

Charles's apology, Squiggy's defiance, and Laverne's scolding were added.  Interestingly, so was her telling Charles that these are her friends, although she's not proud of that.

Shirley's line about loving cowboy movies was added, but we lost Buck saying, "Hey, Charles.  They got it so the ball comes right back, so you don't gotta run after it."  

This was omitted:

LAVERNE

(TO CHARLES) Isn't that a little strange?  Taking a suitcase to the bathroom.

CHARLES

Buck's a little peculiar.  He likes to change his shirt a few times a day.  I'll get us some beer.

CHARLES GOES TO COUNTER.

SHIRLEY

(TO LAVERNE)  Well, a lot of people do odd things, Laverne.  You're the only person I know who tap dances in the shower.

LAVERNE

You gotta tell everybody my whole life.

Scene 4 is only  a little over a page long and it's set at the P.B., "later":

SHIRLEY, LAVERNE AND CHARLES ARE SITTING AT THE TABLE.  BEER GLASSES ARE EMPTY.  LENNY AND SQUIGGY ARE STILL SITTING AT THE CAR MACHINE.

CHARLES

Don't worry.  As soon as Buck comes out we'll bowl.

CHARLES CROSSES FOR REFILLS.

SHIRLEY

Buck hates me, Vernie.  He's spending the whole night in the bathroom.

LAVERNE

He has been in there a long time, but I don't think he hates you.

SHIRLEY

Yes he does.  That's where I always hide when I hate my date.

Squiggy's classic line, "Boy, he had to go bad!" wasn't in the script, so I'm going to assume Lander came up with it.

The scene and the act end with Laverne's line, "You're robbing the bathroom?"  But onscreen we have Charles saying that they're robbing the bank next door, and Laverne and Shirley piece things together before the commercial break.

Thoughts:

• I understand that they wanted to include all the regulars when possible, but Carmine isn't really necessary in this scene (or later), as the filmed version would prove.  Still, it's sort of sweet that he wants to dedicate his boxing match to Shirley.
• Frank in the final version spends more time kicking people out and less time worrying about the girls taking care of the P.B. in his absence.  (And the phrasing makes it sound like Frank trusts Shirley more than Laverne.)
• The script definitely plays up more of Buck's ignorance of Western/cowboy lore, yet Shirley doesn't seem suspicious, while in the filmed version she thinks Buck is sweet and authentic and she doesn't trust Charles.  
• And the girls' discussion of how much Shirley likes Buck, despite his odd habits, is not in the script, which instead has Shirley assuming Buck hates her.
• Exactly how much time passes between Scenes 3 and 4?  At least enough for them to drink their beers.  Shirley says "the whole night," but I assume she's exaggerating.
• Wait, so like with tap shoes?  How does that work in the shower?
• And the boys are clearly not in any hurry to leave.
• I like Shirley using "Vernie" in the script, very Season One.
• Shirley apparently hates enough of her dates to have made a habit of hiding in the restroom.
• Yet again, it's smoother and funnier onscreen, and we don't need a time-skip for the explosion.  It's better to just go right to it.
• This combined scene continued onscreen, but we'll get to that next time, since there's a lot to Scene 5, twenty pages' worth!

"Dog Day Blind Dates," Scene 2

It's the girls' living room at night:

SHIRLEY IS DRESSED AND PACING AROUND THE ROOM.  LAVERNE, ALSO DRESSED, IS AT COUNTER DOING JIGSAW PUZZLE.

SHIRLEY

You just going to sit there doing your puzzle, till they get here?

LAVERNE

That's my plan.  Now will you stop pacing around.  You're gonna run your heels down.

SHIRLEY

I wore a neckerchief.  Is that good for a cowboy?

LAVERNE

Fine.  What are you nervous about?  To use your own words, people are all the same, no matter where they come from.

SHIRLEY

But you know how I hate blind dates.  Laverne, if I hear spurs jangling in the hallway, I'm passing.

LAVERNE

You're a real gem, Shirl.  You believe everything you see in the movies, don't you?  The man's not going to come in here brushing cactus off his clothes.

SHIRLEY

I know.  But I hear they work with fertilizer a lot.  We should have gotten a doormat.

THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.  THEY GRAB BATS.

The only part of that that made it in was the "spurs jangling."  And after Charles says that it's "Us.  Your Dream boats," Laverne was supposed to say, sotto to Shirley, "Now be nice," and Shirley would reply, "I'll be charming."

The next part is mostly intact, except that in the script Buck is "wearing a conservative brown cowboy suit (no sequins or fancy embroidery)," rather than the blue suit of the filming.  In the script, Shirley suggests "pulling up a chair" to "sit a spell," rather than moseying to the sofa.

They left out Shirley saying, "We could talk about what you do for a living, Charles," so that Laverne has to "jump in" with the line about Buck being from Arizona.  They added Shirley snapping at Buck's ring-tapping.

After Buck says he doesn't drink, there was this:

SHIRLEY

Oh. Then how about some sarsaparilla?

BUCK

What's that?

SHIRLEY

Uh, I don't know.

AN AWKWARD PAUSE.

LAVERNE

You ever been bitten by a rattlesnake?

BUCK

No, but I saw one once.  At the zoo.

CHARLES

That Buck's such a kidder.  But underneath this jokester, Shirl, is a real sensitive guy.  You know, he writes poetry.

SHIRLEY

I like poetry.

LAVERNE

(TO BUCK) You're a poet?  Moon and June, stuff like that?

BUCK

Moon, June...  Hey, that's pretty good.  I'll have to remember that.

LAVERNE

Be my guest.

CHARLES

You know, Buck's father owns a big ranch.  The biggest in four counties.

SHIRLEY

Then you are a cowboy.

BUCK

(PROUDLY) Not me.  My Pa tried to force me to be a cowboy, but I wouldn't do it.  No sir.

LAVERNE

Why not?

BUCK

They do strange things on the ranch.  Things like... (WITH DISTASTE) ... milking!  I could never bring myself to layin' hands on a naked cow.

SHIRLEY

Buck, you're a sensitive person.

BUCK

Yeah.

Onscreen, most of this was dropped but we did get the wonderful addition of Buck's "Phoenix/Kleenix" poem.  

In the script, when Laverne suggests seeing The Wild One, "Buck winces and Charles puts his arm around Buck's shoulder."  When Charles says that violence makes Buck queasy, he adds the detail, "He threw up once watching Dragnet."

SHIRLEY

I think they're re-showing "Bambi" again.

CHARLES

Hey, he's my cousin, but I'll only go so far.

LAVERNE

Well, what would you like to do, Buck?  We're supposed to be entertaining you.

BUCK

Aw, if you want to see "the Wild One", let's go.  I'll just stay in the men's room.

SHIRLEY

We're not going to let you do that, are we, Laverne?

LAVERNE

(THINKING) I hear it's a good movie...

SHIRLEY

Laverne, for shame.  Now what do you want to do, Buck?  Anything.  You name it.

BUCK

Well, I always wanted to fly on a big plane, but I done that today.  And I wanted to see cousin Charles, but I'm doin' that now.  There's only one thing that'll just make my whole day.

The part about bowling is mostly the same, although in the script Charles says, "Laverne's father owns the pizza half of the Pizza Bowl," I think the only time it's suggested that he doesn't own the whole place.

Onscreen, Laverne says that Shirley stinks at bowling, but in the script her reaction to Buck not wanting to embarrass himself his first time bowling is "Well, we're back to the movies and the men's room."

Thoughts:

• Why would Laverne be doing a jigsaw puzzle right before a double date?
• This Shirley is definitely dimmer than Cindy plays her, like her thinking Buck got on the plane with manure on his boots and will track it into their living room.  Also the sarsaparilla thing.
• It's interesting that the bats are mentioned, but nothing else happens with them in the script.
• I can picture Laverne asking about rattlesnakes.  She's more in character in this script than Shirley is.
• I'm not sure why Charles and Buck bothered with all this backstory for Buck, when Charles wouldn't tell Laverne even lies about himself.
• I don't think cowboys actually milk the cows, but OK.
• Charles will embrace Buck in comfort but he won't go see Bambi.  (Which would probably be upsetting for someone that sensitive, so it's a bad suggestion by Shirley.)
• The Wild One came out in '53, so if Laverne hasn't seen it by now, what's her hurry?
• Is all this talk about the men's room foreshadowing?  I know the talk about violence is meant to be ironic and to mislead the girls.
• Once again, the script needed some work.