"An Affair to Forget," Scenes C and D

INT. CAPTAIN KIDD'S - NIGHT

THIS IS A BASEMENT RESTAURANT.  LAVERNE AND HANK ARE SEATED AT A TABLE, STAGE LEFT.  THEY ARE SHARING A ROMANTIC TOAST, WITH THEIR ARMS INTERTWINED.  THE WAITER BRINGS THEM A FANCY TRAY OF APPETIZERS.

LAVERNE

Hey, look at that big clam.

A WAITER CROSSES TO THEM WITH A TRAY OF APPETIZERS.  HE IS DRESSED APPROPRIATELY.

WAITER

Ahoy, mates.  I'm your galley slave, Blackbeard.  Here be your hearty appetizers.  Enjoy them, Landlubbers.  I'm sorry.  Management forces me to say this.

They kept Laverne's clam line but Hank in the filmed version says he'd rather look at her and he gives her a big smooch.  Hank making out with Laverne as he feeds her is in the script, although the reaction shots of the shocked waiter were added.  They skipped him telling "Geraldine (Mrs. Hank)" when she asks about her husband, "Thar he blows.  Sorry, Management makes me say that."

This was omitted and replaced by a commercial break after Hank finds out that it's his wife who put her hands over his eyes:

HANK

Geraldine.

GERALDINE

You're cheating again.

HANK

Huh?

GERALDINE

Look at this food.  You went off your diet.

HANK

Ah, you caught me.

After they come back from commercial, the dialogue about the answering service appears.  This was also dropped:

HANK

I just have to call the bathroom.  I mean go to the phone.  I mean... You wait here.

HANKS HEADS FOR THE STAIRS.  LAVERNE HAS STOPPED AT THE TOP TO ADMIRE THE STATUE OF LADY.  SHE SEES A FISH STARING AT HER.

LAVERNE

(POSES LIKE STATUE) If I eat all that squid, will I look like her?

HANK, OF COURSE, PICKS THIS MOMENT TO TAP HER ON THE SHOULDER.  LAVERNE ALMOST LOSES HER BALANCE AND FALLS INTO THE FISH TANK, BUT REGAINS IT.

Act One ended with Hank pushing Laverne into the fish tank, but onscreen they just kept going to Scene D, with "continuous action."  The stage direction sarcastically says, "Hank, ever so gallant, splits and heads back to his wife."

We lost Laverne calling Hank a creep.  And this dialogue was omitted:

GERALDINE

Hank, what's wrong with you?  You're a nervous wreck.

HANK

What makes you say that?

HANK TAKES A QUICK DRINK OF A GLASS OF COCKTAIL SAUCE FROM THE TABLE.

GERALDINE

Because you just drank the cocktail sauce.

HANK

I'm sorry.  Did you want some?

Interestingly, in the script Laverne "accidently knocks Hank into the tank," but it's very clearly deliberate in the filmed version.

Thoughts:

• The thing about Blackbeard the Waiter is that when I watched this episode a couple years ago, I thought he was going to befriend Laverne but, no, he's just a guy who kind of hates his job.  And I respect that.  Somebody in this episode needs to do something relatable.
• I guess they didn't want Laverne to almost fall into the tank before Hank pushes her in, so they skipped the part about the statue.
• There's more dialogue between Hank and Geraldine than onscreen, but it's OK that it was trimmed.
• Although it would've been nice to have Laverne call Hank a creep to his face, I definitely think it's an improvement for her to mean to push him into the tank.