"Squiggy in Love," Scene D

Act Two opens in the "girls' apartment - night."  Shirley was supposed to be "wearing an evening dress," rather than a nice blouse and slacks.

In the script, Laverne specifically wants to "neck" with Ted, rather than the vaguer "make out" of filming.

This was dropped, after Shirley says that she and Carmine need more than cold marshmallows:

CARMINE

Well, let me give you the picture.  There's a mountain cabin. There's you, there's me, a bunch of trees.

SHIRLEY

And outside the window I bet we can see the snowflakes fall.

THEY TURN AROUND AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.  A WINO COLLAPSES OUTSIDE.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

(SITS UP) And a wino pass out.

CARMINE

(PULLS HER BACK) Try to think of him as a dead bear.

SHIRLEY

A dead bear that drinks wine out of a paper bag?

CARMINE

Well, he could of [sic] found it in the woods.  Look, the bear's crawling away now.  Forget that mood.  Let's try something else.

CARMINE STARTS TO KISS SHIRLEY'S NECK.  JUST AS SHIRLEY BEGINS TO RELAX AND ENJOY HERSELF, THE FIREPLACE BULB GOES OUT.

SHIRLEY

Carmine.

CARMINE LOOKS UP AT FIREPLACE.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Your fire went out.

CARMINE

I'll blow on it.

SHIRLEY

Let's face it.  We've had our laughs, and we've run out.  Time has sat on our balloon.  Maybe it's no use, maybe it's hopeless.

CARMINE

It's not hopeless.  Let me just try the Hob Goblin suit.

The aired scene ends with Shirley's line that the neighborhood needs "a good knife sharpener."  Here's the last page and a bit of the printed scene:

SHIRLEY

...But can't this wait till morning?

LENNY

No.  Please, Sears is open till midnight.  (SHAKING CARMINE) You gotta believe me.  Make her talk to Squiggy.

SHIRLEY PULLS LENNY OFF CARMINE.

SHIRLEY

Lenny, quit it.  (PUSHES HIM ONTO LANDING) Now go get Squiggy and I'll talk to him.

LENNY

Thank you.  I'll always remember this.  If I ever have a son, I'll name him Shirley.

LENNY EXITS.

SHIRLEY

I'm sorry, Carmine.

CARMINE

Shirl, you mean a lot to me and I want this to work.  I'll come up with something.  We'll pick up where we left off.  Maybe all we need is a stronger light bulb.

CARMINE EXITS.

SHIRLEY

Sure, I help Squiggy while Carmine and I fall apart.  Laverne's out havin' a great time with Ted.  Sometimes I think I'm too nice.  i never turn my back on a fellow human being.

A WINO FALLS AGAIN BY THE WINDOW.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Now they're startin' to take advantage of me.

Thoughts:

• I'm glad they skipped the stuff with the wino (or two winos), but it is interesting that there's more of Carmine and Shirley trying to salvage their relationship in this version.  And the lightbulb is an obvious but effective symbol of passion.
• I'm not clear why Carmine has such faith in his hobgoblin (one word) suit, when Shirley made out with "Ichabob Crane" that Halloween.
• Shirley needs more convincing in this version.
• "Sears" feels off, like it should be Meckler's instead.
• I of course like the idea of Lenny's son Shirley.