"The Bully Show," Scene A

 

A COUPLE OF WORKERS ARE MILLING AROUND AND EATING.  LAVERNE ENTERS.  SHE IS STANDING ON A HAND DOLLY BEING WHEELED IN BY A GUY, PAULIE.  

LAVERNE

Okay, over to the doughnuts, Paulie.

HE WHEELS HER AROUND THE COFFEE COUNTER.  SHE GRABS A DOUGHNUT AND PUTS A DIME IN THE CUP.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Wait.  Forgot a napkin.

WHEELS HER BACK TO COUNTER.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Oh, I wanted a jelly doughnut.

WHEELS HER BACK TO COUNTER.  SHE EXCHANGES DOUGHNUTS.  HE WHEELS HER OVER TO THE LOCKERS, DODGING THE SCRAMBLING WORKERS.  HE STOPS SHORT AND SHE FALLS OFF.  SMUSHING DOUGHNUT IN HER FACE.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Good pushing, but bad stopping, Paulie.

SHE WIPES HER MOUTH.  SHE STILL HAS DOUGHNUT.

PAULIE

See ya, Laverne.

LAVERNE

(WIPES MOUTH) Hey, Paulie, how come you never asked me out anymore?

PAULIE

Laverne, I asked you out for two years, but you were always busy, so I finally gave up.

HE TURNS TO EXIT.  SHE STEPS ON THE DOLLY AND PULLS HIM BACK.

LAVERNE

Never give up.  Today's your lucky day.

PAULIE

How so?

LAVENRE

Shirley went to Indianapolis for two days.  Her brother is graduating heavy equipment school.  The big rigs, it was his dream.

PAULIE

That's nice.

LAVERNE

Anyway, tonight's our bowling night, and I need a partner.

PAULIE

Can't.  I'm getting married tomorrow.

LAVERNE

Great, then you're free tonight.  It's supposed to be bad luck to see the bride the night before anyway.

PAULIE

Tonight's the stag party.  Hey, you want to jump out of the cake?

LAVERNE PONDERS A MOMENT.

LAVERNE

Jump out of the cake.  No, thanks.  I'm just getting over a cold.  Give my regards to the lucky little woman.

PAULIE EXITS.  LAVERNE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM AND STOPS A LIVE ONE AT THE COKE MACHINE.  HIS BACK IS TO HER, HE IS WEARING A LEATHER JACKET ON WHICH READS: "JIMMY."

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Hey Jimmy.  Got the house to myself tonight.  How'd you like me to cook for you?

HE TURNS AND WE SEE THAT HIS NECK IS IN A BRACE.  THERE'S A BANDAGE OVER ONE EYE AND HIS TEETH HAVE BEEN WIRED TOGETHER.

JIMMY

(THROUGH THE WIRE) Can't.

LAVERNE

Oh, sure, you had an accident.

JIMMY

No, I got a date.

LAVERNE LOOKS DISAPPOINTED.

JIMMY

Keep your chin up.

JIMMY WALKS AWAY.

LAVERNE

(TO HERSELF) Gee, two turn downs in a row.  And they weren't even guys I liked.

That all got wisely dumped and replaced with a morning scene between the girls, before Shirley leaves.  I'll tell you right now that Shirley is not in this version of the script, for whatever reason, although she is on the cast list.  I'll discuss her absence when we get to the added tag scene.

The brewery scene is the next thing onscreen, and it starts with Laverne offscreen but onstage as Lenny and Squiggy enter with Biff, "a muscular new foreman."  The boys feeding Biff was added, and for some reason it's originally Lenny rather than Squiggy who Biff "playfully punches, almost decking him."

In the script, Squiggy calls Laverne "you shapely creature," rather than the more original "you shapely instrument of torture."

In the script, when Biff starts threatening the boys, Squiggy asks him, "Are you starting a reign of terror?"

Other than that, there are no changes.

Thoughts:

• The thing with Laverne being wheeled around starts out cute and becomes annoying.
• And then it gets worse, with Laverne asking out not one, but two guys she doesn't even like, one of them practically married!  And they both turn her down.  In another script, this might work, but it does not belong here, especially with the message that Paulie should've kept trying, even after two years of no's from Laverne.
• I feel like this is setting up Laverne to indeed seem "loose as a moose," with her considering jumping out of a cake and acting so desperate with these two guys.  At the least, she is a bit amoral for not respecting Paulie and Jimmy's prior commitments.
• Also, good Lord, what the hell is Jimmy doing at work in that condition?  OSHA apparently wasn't founded until 1971, but still.
• I'm not even a hater of this episode and I feel like this version already makes everything worse.  I shudder to imagine what problems earlier drafts had.