"Honeymoon Hotel," Scene B

We're at the apartment on "Friday":

IT IS FRIDAY.  THE GIRLS ARE PACKING A TRUNK AND ABOUT READY TO GO.  SHIRLEY IS IN A SLIP WAITING TO BORROW A DRESS FROM MRS. BABISH AND LAVERNE IS IN REGULAR CLOTHES.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, I'm starting to get nervous about this whole thing.  Maybe I should call the Hotel Pfister and tell them the truth.

LAVERNE

Terrible idea... where do you get such bad ideas....

SHIRLEY

Could we be breaking a law...?

LAVERNE

What law... impersonating a newlywed... people do it every day.

SHIRLEY

Mostly at drive-ins.

LAVERNE

Think of it, Shirl -- room service -- champagne -- and the guys we could meet -- foreign men-- Come on, Shirl, we deserve a vacation!  And you won fair and square... almost --

SHIRLEY
You're right!  We've never had a vacation -- I've never even slept overnight in a hospital!

LAVERNE

Besides, all the hotel cares about is gettin' that picture of you crossing the threshold -- you heard what the guy said -- they get publicity.  It's easy.  Carmine poses as groom and they get a pretty picture.  And who's out anything.  We can't dent the Pfister family fortune.

SHIRLEY

Yeah. But no ashtrays.

LAVERNE

Maybe a towel?

SHIRLEY

One towel.

MRS. BABISH ENTERS WITH LENNY AND SQUIGGY.  ALL THREE CARRY WEDDING GOWNS.

MRS. BABISH

Here's the wedding gowns -- take your pick. I got seven of them.  Virginal White to Here We Go Again Red.  That one's reversible... you can wear it to court.

SHIRLEY

I'll wear white.  I've earned it.

SHIRLEY EXITS.

MRS. BABISH

It'll be a great honeymoon -- champagne breakfasts -- maid service --

LAVERNE

It does sound great -- maybe that's why you keep getting married.

SQUIGGY

Yeah.  No offense, Mrs. Babish, but you sure landed a lot of husbands for a broad with no money.  How'd you do it?

MRS. BABISH

Boys, think of the wildest time you've ever had with Reddy Betty Kowalski [sic!]...

LENNY AND SQUIGGY DO A GLENNY AND A RONNY.

MRS. BABISH (CONT'D)

... Now double it.  (SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS)  Boys, you're looking at a pistol.

Thoughts:

• !!!!!
• Very little of this made it in, although Shirley's guilt is there in a different form.
• There are some very suggestive lines here, from "impersonating a newlywed" to Mrs. B's boast at the end.
• Apparently champagne is a big motivator in fraud.
• Shirley would later take vacations, with Laverne, and she would spend the night in a hospital, although not willingly for the latter at first.
• Squiggy is definitely not in the filmed version, but then again, they're apparently carrying in seven gowns rather than the usually canonical five.
• Lenny has no lines in either version.
  
• The boys do not react to being in the girls' bedroom, not even to Shirley wearing a slip.  (Maybe this is set in the living room, but come on, it should be a bigger deal to them, and her, that she's half dressed.)
• Not only does the script misspell "Reddy," but suddenly she's got Lenny's mistaken last name from Season One.  Unless Mrs. B just doesn't know RB's last name.
• Good gracious, what the heck is a "Glenny"?  Is that Squiggy's part, while the hand-bite is the Ronny?