"Honeymoon Hotel," Scene A

On January 23, 1977, a bit under a month before "Honeymoon Hotel" aired, its Final Draft came in.  Let's see what changed.

We do start in the "girls' apartment":

WE HEAR IN THE BACKGROUND FROM THE TELEVISION SET "FROM HERE TO ETERNITY".  SQUIGGY IS PACING AROUND.  HE GOT STOOD UP.

A bit of Squiggy's rant at the beginning was added, as was Lenny's grin at Laverne and her denial that they're on a date, despite how close they're sitting on the couch eating popcorn.  (But I digress.)

In the script, "We hear the movie.  They are about to kiss," meaning the couple in FHtoE.  Laverne and Squiggy's argument about him sitting down was added and sounds adlibbed.

LAVERNE

Oh my God, look at there.  Ava Gardner and Burt Lancaster are Frenching.

LENNY DOES A RONNY.

Onscreen, this was corrected to Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr, and Lenny guffaws instead.

Lenny mocking Laverne about no butter but nonetheless going to get some was added, while in the script he just begins "buttering each piece individually, handing them to Laverne," without an explanation of where the butter comes from.  (OK, yes, cows, ha ha.)

"Pearl Harbor" being a state seems to be a Landerism.  

We get the "stage direction" of "Wave washes over the lovers from TV."

Laverne throwing popcorn at Squiggy was added, as was the "hi" reply to the "Hi, Lovers" of the TV host.  In the script, the host is named "Ray Smucker," which became "Lucky Ray Hooter" onscreen.  After he refers to "Saturday Night Movies for Lovers," Laverne originally said, "Or people without dates," which was improved to her silently reacting to the boys embracing behind her back.

After Ray says he's going to "give this love drum a spin and some lucky lovers a chance of a lifetime," this bit was understandably chopped:

SQUIGGY

Here I am watchin' this clown.  I thought I'd be out tonight spinning my own love drum.

LAVERNE

How 'bout spinnin' your drum in your own apartment.  I'm tryin' to hear.

After Lenny suggests Laverne pretend to be Shirley, this was omitted:

SQUIGGY

That's not gonna work, you dummy... (POINTING TO TV)... this is live... he can see every move we make.

LENNY

Oh.  (THEN HE TAKES JACKET OFF AND COVERS TV)

In the script, it was Esther Klineman, rather than Esther Gutenberg, whose father hated Persians.

Onscreen, Shirley comes home alone and unnoticed and then there's a great pair of sight gags of feet running past the window.  Here's how the scene ended in this script:

FROM O.S. WE HEAR SHIRLEY AND A DATE SAYING GOODNIGHT.

LAVERNE

(HEARS THIS [Shirley and her date] AND TRYING TO GET OFF THE PHONE) Thank you.

RAY

Now, a representative will be contacting you Monday.

LAVERNE

Thank you.

SOUNDS OF "FROM HERE TO ETERNITY".  LAVERNE RUSHES TO OPEN DOOR ON SHIRLEY KISSING HER DATE GOODNIGHT.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

(EXCITED) Shirl -- We won a honeymoon!

Thoughts:

• There's more of the movie in this version, but maybe there were rights issues.  The scene doesn't really need it though, since Laverne and the boys, and then Shirley, are such fun to watch.
• I love stage directions that aren't just "So-and-so goes here" but actually set the scene.
• Squiggy's love drum, oh my!
• Has Squiggy been reading 1984?  His fear of the TV watching them is very dystopic.
• Lenny of course does not question this.
• It's smoother not bringing on some random guy to be Shirley's date, but I find it cutely shippy how Laverne refers to the honeymoon as hers and Shirley's.