INT. LAB HALLWAY - DAY
LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER WITH OVERNIGHT BAG AND ARE LOOKING AROUND. CARTS ARE BEING WHEELED FAST AND THERE IS A RECEPTION DESK.
LAVERNE
You can quit bouncing, Shirl, we're out of the truck.
LAVERNE LOOKS AROUND.
LAVERNE (Continuing)
I don't know, Shirl, I don't like the looks of this place...
SHIRLEY
It's going to be fine, Laverne. Didn't Lenny and Squiggy say they do this all the time.
LAVERNE
That's another thing that bothers me.
SHIRLEY
Don't start getting cold feet now. This party could change our lives... You still want to go to the party, don't you?
LAVERNE
Yeah. I just don't like being human guinea pigs.
SHIRLEY
Stop using that term. We're not guinea pigs. We're volunteer subjects for scientific experiments. Besides neither of us could come up with a better idea to make money.
LAVERNE
I had a better idea.
SHIRLEY
We're not doing that, Laverne.
LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.
LENNY AND SQUIGGY
Hello, girls.
Onscreen, the establishing shot made it in, but the activity in the reception area (not hallway) is quieter, and the girls don't have baggage. The only dialogue from this part that was kept was the part about "guinea pigs," which makes sense in light of the episode title. The set-up for the Hello Gag is better onscreen, where it's barely a gag in the script.
After the boys laugh with the receptionist about the phrase "guinea pigs," Lenny "sees Laverne's face."
LENNY
Don't get upset, Laverne. She didn't mean "guinea" the way you think.
RECEPTIONIST
Have you ever participated in any of our experiments?
SHIRLEY
No. We just heard about it today from Leonard and Andrew.
RECEPTIONIST
Well, we certainly love these boys. I'm sure they've been too modest to tell you, but around here Mr. Squigman and Mr. Kosnowski are legends. The doctors speak of them with the same respect they show Lloyd and Benjamin.
SHIRLEY
That's wonderful.
LAVERNE
Who are Lloyd and Benjamin?
RECEPTIONIST
The pigeons that learned to type.
LAVERNE
Nice.
RECEPTIONIST
These two boys are the best humans we ever had. In the noise tolerance experiment no one has ever lasted more than three hours, but these two... fifteen.
SQUIGGY
We could have done more if they hadn't made us clean out our ears... Yeah, they're even better than we are.
Nearly all of that was dropped, but Squiggy's line was improved to the girls making even better humans than him and Lenny.
A bit of dialogue was added to the end of the scene, including Shirley being pleased that the experiments will pay $25 each, and the boys wishing they could stick around for electrical shock.
Thoughts:
- Does Laverne's "better idea" involve prostitution?
- Not only is the Hello Moment not particularly well set up, but it feels weird for Lenny and Squiggy to share the line.
- Oh dear, an ethnic slur, with "guinea."
- Lloyd and Benjamin.
- Of course the boys had dirty ears.
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