"Guinea Pigs," Scene 1

On December 7, 1976, the same day "Two of Our Weirdos Are Missing" aired, the Pre-Production Draft of "Guinea Pigs" was turned in, giving them six weeks until it aired to get things ready.  Let's see what changed.

The stage directions at the beginning are basically the same, but this is the opening dialogue as Mrs. Babish fixes her new hairdo in the mirror:

MRS. BABISH

You really think it looks okay, Shirley?

SHIRLEY

Oh, yeah, it's a great look for you.  Hot date, Mrs. Babish?

MRS. BABISH

Well, I'm going away for the weekend with Leo.  I don't know about hot.  I'm hoping for warm.

SHIRLEY

Leo... he's the bass player, right?

MRS. BABISH

Not that Leo.  This is the retired Army Colonel. Leo Cooper.  I introduced you to him once.

SHIRLEY

Oh yeah, the one with the perfect posture.

MRS. BABISH

Yeah, that's him.  Everything about him is ramrod straight.  (A BEAT)  Well, almost everything.  (SHE GETS UP AND STARTS FOR THE DOOR) 

In the script, they moved some of that to right before Edna's exit, but they dropped the part about the hairdo and definitely the part about "ramrod straight."  Also, in the script, the charity cocktail party is being thrown by Edna's "nephew's business club."

Most of the Lenny & Laverne dialogue when he helps her bring in the laundry was added, but "Don't be spreadin' the word around that I do domestic" was there by this version.

In the script, the party will be "at the St. Clair Hotel - in the St. Andrew Room," which of course became "the Macamba Room at the Hotel Pfister" by filming.

Laverne shrinking Shirley's sweater was added.

They left out Laverne's line, "Shirl, are you crazy?  Twenty bucks a piece for a cocktail party?  We could drink ourselves under the table and still not come out ahead."

And onscreen, Laverne sarcastically suggests they round up forty of their friends and get them to give $1 each, and then Shirley calls upstairs to the boys through the dumbwaiter.  Then she mentions the secret place that the boys go to earn money, but Laverne is dubious.  Then the boys come in, dressed in "smooth" outfits, and Lenny says he knew the girls would end up calling on them.  Here's how it went in the script:

SHIRLEY

What about your father?

LAVERNE

Shirl, a man who sells pizza for a quarter isn't going to lend us forty bucks for tiny hot dogs.

SHIRLEY

Okay, then we'll just have to earn it.

LAVERNE

By Sunday?

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.

The girls wooing the secret out of the boys is in there, but the dialogue and stage directions are different enough that it's worth quoting in full:

SHIRLEY

Out!... Out!

LAVERNE

Hold on, Shirl.  Sometimes wisdom comes in strange packages.  (TO LENNY, SEXILY -- MARILYN MONROE LIP WIGGLING) We'll think about it.  But, first remember that secret place you used to go on weekends to earn a little extra money?

SQUIGGY

Don't tell them our secrets, Lenny.

LAVERNE

Oh, come on Lenny.

LENNY IS GOING NUTS.

SQUIGGY

Don't tell her a thing!

SHIRLEY PICKING LAVERNE'S CUE.

SHIRLEY

(SEXILY) Squiggy!

Onscreen, the seduction is Shirley's idea but the girls go after the boys simultaneously, and Squiggy is not the relatively strong one.  Lenny does "go nuts" though.

A couple more thoughts:

• It figures we lose Babish backstory, especially when it's smutty.  And just how many Leos is this woman dating?
• It's interesting that Shirley brings up getting the money from Frank and then Laverne immediately shuts that down.
• The basic setup is here, unlike with some drafts, where it takes awhile to focus.