"The Playboy Show," Scene B

It's the Playboy Club, during the day:

THE CLUB IS ALL SET FOR RECRUITMENT DAY.  THERE IS A SIGN ON THE WALL WHICH READS "PLAYBOY CLUB 7TH ANNUAL BUNNY HUNT."  THERE IS AN APPLICATION TABLE, BEHIND WHICH SITS THE "BUNNY MOTHER," HILLARY.  A LINE OF PROSPECTIVE BUNNIES LEADS FROM THE TABLE.  LAVERNE ENTERS, LOOKS AROUND, AND GETS AT THE END OF THE LINE.  A MAN IN BLACK SLACKS AND WHITE DINNER JACKET APPROACHES LAVERNE.

TOM

So, you're going to be a bunny?

LAVERNE

Nah.  Bad ankles.  Just picking up an application for a friend.

TOM

Too bad.  I think you'd make a great bunny.

LAVERNE

Really?

TOM

I can spot them.  I've been around here for years.

LAVERNE

Well, thanks for the compliment.

HILLARY

Tom.  What are you doing?  I asked you to get more applications.

TOM

Yes ma'am.

HILLARY

And also some tea.

TOM PICKS UP A TRAY OF EMPTY GLASSES AND GOES OFF.  A NERVOUS LOOKING YOUNG WOMAN, CATHY, ENTERS AND JOINS THE LINE BEHIND LAVERNE.  SHE IS PUTTING ON MASCARA WITH A BRUSH AND MIRROR.

CATHY

(TO LAVERNE) Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but how's my mascara?  Last time I put on way too much.

LAVERNE

Oh, I did that once.  I put on so much my lids stuck closed.  I missed a great movie.  But don't worry.  You look good.

CATHY

I hope so.  This is my last chance.  I've applied 3 times - once at every club in the country, but each time I get, well....

LAVERNE

You get nervous?

CATHY

Exactly.  How could you tell?

LAVERNE

Well, for one thing, you're about to put lipstick on your eyebrows.

CATHY

Oh!  I always do this kind of thing.  By the way, I'm Cathy.

LAVERNE

Laverne.  Hi.

This was left out and Cathy's introduction was sort of swapped with Hillary's, which I'll get to.  The part with Laverne saying she's just getting an application for a friend was kept, as was Cathy encouraging her to apply.  Laverne saying that "the busboy thought" she'd be a great bunny was left out of course, but Cathy asking about Laverne's current job was left in.

The script then had the part with Laverne meeting Hillary and that's mostly intact, but Hillary's line about a cold fever which "happened to a beautician in Des Moines," whose "cheeks swelled up till they convered her face and she suffocated" disappeared, probably for the best.  On the episode, Hillary leaves the applications with Laverne, who hands them out, including to Cathy.  Here's what happened instead in the script:

HILLARY HANDS LAVERNE AN APPLICATION.  CATHY STEPS FORWARD.

CATHY

I'd like two applications.  One for me, and one for my friend.  (INDICATES LAVERNE)

HILLARY HANDS HER TWO APPLICATIONS.

HILLARY

(TO CATHY) I know we haven't met, but could you confirm that I'm warm.

LAVERNE

Say she's warm.

CATHY

(FEELING FOREHEAD) A little.

HILLARY

What a relief.

LAVERNE AND CATHY START TO EXIT.

CATHY

You really should think about being a bunny.

LAVERNE

Well, I was a good one in the 3rd grade production of "Peter Cottontail."  I was supposed to play the Cabbage Patch but had to fill in when Marcia Hotchkiss got chicken pox.  Her face got all red and blotchy...

THEY EXIT.

In the episode, Cathy and Laverne fill out the applications on the spot, although Laverne keeps worrying about her ankles.

At this point, Hillary had not yet been cast, and it looks like Tom Trbovich, who directed many of the California episodes, as Tom would be dropped before filming.  Note that the spelling of "Squiggman" is finally correct.  I don't find Hillary's hypochondria funny or necessary, but this scene isn't bad, just meh.