"Dinner for Four"

"Dinner for Four"
December 5, 1978
B-

Alan Aidekman's first of eleven L & S stories has a twist that I saw coming almost immediately, and I don't think that's Sitcom 101; I think it was a vestigial memory of watching the girls think that the two veterinarians who've invited them over want them as dates, rather than "kitchen help."  It isn't said in so many words, but this is a class clash episode, this time the two working-class girls being used for their culinary talents rather than for their bodies.  The girls are impressed by the not-all-that-modern-for-early-1960s-or-upscale apartment.  I mean, this isn't Catcher Block's bachelor pad from Down with Love!  Even the Murphy bed throws them, literally. 

It's sort of surprising that Laverne is the one most interested, to the point of presenting her wifely credentials, in going out with a vet, because that seems more like Shirley's thing, since she loves animals and doctors.  When Laverne says that vets are better than regular doctors, since they won't fool around with their patients, Shirley whispers a story she read about a vet who married some animal, to which Laverne says in delight, "That's disgusting!"  (Along with the "King of Bondage" scene on the "cemetery" episode, as well as much of the "Roxy" episode, the show was definitely getting kinkier in Season Four.)

In order to go out with the vets, the girls break a date with Lenny and Squiggy, who are heartbroken, Lenny in particular, as he was hoping to do the three-legged race with Laverne.  The girls apologize later, after Shirley finds herself quoting Lenny's Merchant-of-Venice-like "Do we not bleed?" speech.  The boys say that no one has ever apologized to them before, but when the girls promise to go anywhere the boys want to take them, Squiggy steers Shirley into the bedroom, and Lenny escorts Laverne.  The girls hit the boys offscreen and then when the boys reemerge, Squiggy asks what Lenny got off them.  Lenny says, "Nothin'," and Squiggy says, "That's progress."  And in a weird sort of way, it is.  The girls definitely seem more tempted to go to the Teamsters' Annual Fish Fry and Moonlight Mud Fight than they did to go to a fancy restaurant on the double date a couple seasons earlier.

The oddly named Timothy Blake has her first of three L & S roles as Veronica, while Jeffrey Kramer, who's Jeff here, would be The Angel later.  Carmine is absent without explanation, but there's not really any need for him in this episode.

"Laverne and Shirley Move In"

Goat chow and a unicycle?  OK, not completely unfurnished.

"Laverne and Shirley Move In"
November 28, 1978
B-

Paula A. Roth wrote this story that flashes back to approximately December 1956 (six months after the girls graduated from high school) and got the very unfurnished apartment.  (No appliances!  No wonder they wanted to win a stove on the game show.)  Shirley tells the story to Mrs. Babish, so everyone but Mrs. B has to play their four-years-younger selves, which ranges from Foster not even bothering to do something about his mustache, to McKean giving his all to a barely post-pubescent version of Lenny, voice cracking and everything.

Mr. DeFazio is the typically old-fashioned Italian father who doesn't want Laverne to move out, but Shirley's (unseen and unheard) mother is moving to California and expects Shirley to go with her.  Frank finally realizes it's time to let the girls grow up, and he will be just around the corner.  He also tells Shirley that he and Laverne will now be her Milwaukee family.

We learn that Carmine has been dating Shirley all through high school and has given her his class ring.  He plans to "say goodbye" to her in a backseat.  And yet, we also get Shirley insisting that Laverne make a vow to never touch Carmine's chest.  (And I went Aha, then the "Roxy" scene was even more significant than I realized!)

Yes, there is L/L on this episode, and indeed S/S, but it should be noted that the boys stalked the girls to the apartment building, so they haven't changed much since we saw them in the "Anne-Marie and Hector" flashback to approximately '54.  As for the L/L, there's a scene that's very famous to Lavennists (it's at both https://santaburger57.wixsite.com/lands/lavenny and https://ship-manifesto.livejournal.com/190382.html), and yet, as I've known since watching the "Top 10 Lavenny Moments" video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0K13cTMNLE&t=272s), they've got the quote wrong, and it really does matter in this case.

Here's how the exchange is presented at the Ship Manifesto page--
LENNY: I defy you to look into my eyes and tell me you can resist me, Laverne.
LAVERNE: (looking into his eyes) I can resist you.
LENNY: (aside happily to Squiggy) She'll do whatever I tell her to!

But in fact, with one of those Lenny-and-Squiggy patented mistakes (see "State of Milwaukee" for instance), he actually says "defile," which puts a whole extra spin on it.

As for Squiggy, he not only rhetorically asks Laverne, "Yeah, but without her, what good are you?", he also says that Shirley was his last hope for a short woman.

Anyway, the episode is a little uneven and the device of Mr. DeFazio "bimonthly" pretending to be a prowler is a strange lead-in, but this is definitely an episode that you need to watch for extra backstory.  (Although I'm sure some things will be retconned later.)

Oh, and note that apparently Frank and Edna have never spent the whole night together, because he's very surprised by her face cream.

"Chorus Line"

"Chorus Line"
November 21, 1978
B-

Marc Sotkin wrote this, another episode where Shirley goes on a trip, this time only showing up in the tag.  It's not like the eighth season, where Cindy W. left the show (more about that later of course), but I don't know what was going on here.  (Contract dispute?  In a play?  Working on More American Graffiti?)  It doesn't impact the plot much, but it does mean that Laverne is relying on her male friends more than usual for the middle of the series.

Laverne wants to go to Chicago to audition for West Side Story.  Her father discourages her and refuses to loan her money.  Lenny & Squiggy agree to be her agents in exchange for a ride to Chicago.  Carmine, who of course has dreams of dancing success, goes as moral support and choreographer, especially after seeing the silly dance she does to the boys' deadpan rendition of "I Feel Pretty."  Laverne fails the audition but her father, who claims to be delivering a pizza in Chicago, cheers her on.

So fine you blow my mind, hey, Mickie!

The shipping notes here are obviously Shirley-less, but we do get some Fredna, with him asking and getting a big kiss.  When Squiggy wants to seal the deal with a kiss, Lenny kisses his forehead!  Earlier, the guys asked who was "handsomer," and the costumer seems to be stacking the deck with a black sleeveless T-shirt that shows off Lenny's arms and chest, not to mention the tight blue jeans!  Laverne diplomatically says both boys are cute.

But, yes, there is some Carmerne.  Not only does he teach her a dance routine, but he holds her hand when they arrive at the theater, and he gives her a shoulder massage when she's nervous.  Don't forget that not that long ago, she was afraid to touch his feet when he had a toe cramp and Shirley was out of town.  I feel like all this "don't touch Carmine" stuff is building sexual tension, but I don't know what the payoff if any will be, especially on an episodic rather than arced series.

The sympathetic experienced dancer who briefly befriends Laverne is played by 35-year-old Toni Basil, who had been dancing professionally almost since the actual 1960, and the character is named, with an irony that did not yet exist in '78, Mickie!

"A Visit to the Cemetery"

"A Visit to the Cemetery"
November 14, 1978
A-

The best episode of the series so far (maybe ever) was written by Leschin & Duclon and it features just the core cast of seven, and although it is mostly about Laverne, everyone gets something to do.  In fact, Laverne is the last to enter in the first scene and we get a very silly-- and kinky!-- magic act, I think to lull us into expecting farce rather than dramedy, giving more impact when she comes in upset.

The Great Sguiggini and his "lovely" assistant Lenny are practicing a magic trick.  (Why?  I don't know.  Maybe there was going to be another talent show, or maybe they hoped to get rich quick.  Do we really need an excuse?)  Carmine and Shirley are playing along with it, because they seem quite content to be tied together by "the King of Bondage" and are smooching during the patter.  Squiggy throws his bedsheet over them and then Lenny reveals that Squiggy is now literally between Carmine and Shirley, and she's unknowingly kissing Squiggy.  I expected this to be Squiggy's plan all along, but he seems as surprised as anyone, although Shirley is of course revolted when she realizes. 

As Lenny tries to free them, Laverne comes in and then her father calls.  It's very slapsticky with the four friends clustered in the living room, yelling to Laverne and her dad, and we still don't know why Laverne is upset, but it seems to be related to her dad.  She tells Shirley to make the guys leave, and just her yelling, "Get out!" is enough to undo the knots.

Shirley drags Laverne down to the Pizza Bowl to make peace with her father, although we and Shirley still don't know what the issue is.  Edna has corralled Frank as well, and we see that the DeFazios are both stubborn.  They do make up, and we still don't know what the fight was about, and the viewer could assume that it's about Mr. DeFazio pressuring his daughter yet again about marriage.

Then it's revealed that he wants her to make the visit of the title.  Her mother's 50th birthday is coming up (so born in 1910?) and Laverne never goes to the cemetery.  She talks to Shirley about how hard it was growing up without a mother, learning all the "woman stuff," like how to shave her legs.  I vaguely remember this episode having an impact on me at age 10, like when Mindy would later talk about her mother on Mork & Mindy.  If you're a motherless girl (I lost mine when I was 3), you never do really get over it.  (Not that it doesn't affect boys, just not in the same way.)

Shirley tries her best to relate, and we know that she has a difficult relationship with both her parents.  But it takes Lenny to really understand what Laverne is going through.  His abusive mother abandoned him when he was 5 and he says he was angry at her for a long time, and maybe Laverne is angry at her mother, too.  Laverne slaps Lenny for this and then immediately feels remorse.  They talk some more and she says, "You know, Len, for a guy who keeps falling off the roof [mentioned but not seen earlier], you got some pretty good smarts."

He smiles when he sees her come over to kiss him, but winces in advance when she heads towards the cheek she slapped.  She sees this and chooses the other cheek.  He giggles at the affection and she tells him not to.  And then he stumbles out of the apartment, maybe because he's clumsy or maybe because he is always really affected when Laverne kisses him.  As with the "proposal" scene in Season Two, Marshall and McKean play this whole scene just right and it adds an extra layer to their characters and to the relationship. 

Laverne does go to the cemetery, where Frank is talking to "Josephine."  He hugs Laverne and tells her she's beautiful.  Then he gives her some privacy and she talks to her mother, with a cute interruption from Shirley, to provide comic relief and show how supportive Shirley is.  Laverne even makes the silly face that used to amuse her mother.

And in the tag, everyone abandons Squiggy in a trunk for free beer at the Pizza Bowl, because this is still a goofy sitcom.

"The Bully Show"

"The Bully Show"
October 31, 1978
B-

Chris Thompson wrote this episode that aired on Halloween and deals with an all too real scare: the threat of rape, although it's addressed in the usual cartoon setting of this show, rather than the realism of the attempted rape of Edith Bunker on All in the Family the previous Fall.  Compared to the way this topic was handled in Season One, there is definite progress, not that I'm completely happy with the episode, but it is better than, say, the way it would've gone on Three's Company.

Shirley goes out of town over night to see her unspecified brother graduate from "heavy equipment school."  At first, the worst thing that Laverne thinks she has to deal with is the accidental Manxing of Boo Boo Kitty when Carmine sits on the stuffed animal.  (If I remember anything about this episode from the time it's Carmine saying he "got the cat fixed.")

Unfortunately, Lenny and Squiggy are bullied into setting up their new foreman, Biff (Larry Hankin, who previously was the Tall Dancer on the taxi-dancing episode), with Laverne, who they've just boasted is "loose as a moose" and crazy about one or both of them.  He threatens to fire and beat them up if they don't get him a date with her.  Then they tell her that Biff will be taking her to a Man of the Year banquet.  (This is one of the episodes where Terry Buttafuco is referred to but not seen, here as their supposed next choice for Biff.)  Laverne decides she might as well go out with Biff.

He tells her she might see a "big trophy" by the end of the night and he soon makes his intentions clear.  Although Laverne has gone out with guys who've come on strong, we see that this is not the same thing, especially when he won't let her go out the door and he insists she take off her dress.  He is not asking, he is telling, and then demanding.  And Laverne later gives a little speech about how she chooses the "jerks" she'll be with.  It's played for laughs but it is also a feminist statement of consent, from a character who is not 100% pure (although probably still at least technically a virgin at this point).  She does her best to defend herself, through her intelligence and strength.  But when he plays on her sympathy, she falls for it, and he actually is on top of her on the couch when Lenny and Squiggy come in.

And that's where this episode is, if not problematic, at least not fully evolved.  And, yes, I am looking at this from a 21st-century perspective, as well as a literal child of the '70s and someone who knows quite a bit about the late '50s/ early '60s.  Lenny and Squiggy got Laverne into this mess and it is only Lenny's guilt, and fear of being seen as a coward, that bring them to the rescue just in the nick of time.  (At that, it takes all three of them to beat up Biff as an awkward team.)  Laverne is so grateful that she kisses, Squiggy?!  And then she finds out that the boys knew about Biff and she tells them that a friend should be more important than a job, "especially our jobs."

She does forgive Lenny and Squiggy, and they insist she throw them out to show that she still likes them.  And it's sweet, in a weird way, but let's not forget that even if the boys hadn't set up the date, they were spreading rumors about her in the break room at work, and they should know better about this, considering Season One's "Once Upon a Rumor."

In the tag, Laverne tells Shirley it was dull around there while she was gone, and Shirley finds out about Boo Boo Kitty's injury and repair.

"A Date with Eraserhead"

"A Date with Eraserhead"
October 24, 1978
B-

This confused and confusing episode was written by Judy Ervin and I'm sort of OK with that confusion and ambiguity, that things aren't neatly wrapped up in twenty minutes (subtracting credits and commercials).  Laverne thinks that Carmine is two-timing Shirley, and then it turns out that two years ago (presumably when they started dating again post-Lockwash), Shirley and Carmine agreed to have an "understanding" of what would later be called the "don't ask, don't tell" variety.  They see other people but don't want the details.  However, neither of them is entirely comfortable with this as it turns out (and, remember, not that long ago he had Lenny spying on Shirley in New York), so they break up. 

Meanwhile, Mr. DeFazio is celebrating the 10th anniversary of the Pizza Bowl.  Shirley and Carmine now need dates to make each other jealous, so Laverne reluctantly agrees to let her new guy find someone for Shirley, but the best he can do is the girls' old classmate Warren, better known by his nickname, yes, "Eraserhead" (Paul Willson in a role he'd reprise four years later).  And later Laverne has to get Carmine and Shirley to make up, which they do, although nothing is resolved except a return to the vague status quo.

The funniest scene here is Squiggy "comforting" Shirley over the break-up, and he remains convinced (as his little black book suggested last season) that she's pining for him, so he gives her a pity kiss, which revolts her.  He has a date for the party, which he's "sharing" with Lenny, who gets to drive the girl back to Chicago.  And then Lenny swallows the keys (!) so the guys (at what is roughly four in the morning) have the Chicago girl (hereafter referred to as CG) sleep in Laverne & Shirley's room.

And then we get this exchange (I'm paraphrasing a little)--
SQUIGGY: We'd let you bed down with us if you was in a fix.
LENNY: (sort of campily) And we mean it, Babes.

Now think about that.  The boys could've had CG sleep over for a few hours and then put her on the next bus back to Chicago.  She could've "slept with" Squiggy, if she hadn't already, and maybe also the man Squiggy refers to as "my Lenny" when he's angry at Laverne for pushing Lenny down the stairs on an exercise bike.  (Lenny doesn't seem to hold any grudge about it, or show any injuries later.)  But for some reason (ABC censors?), they send her downstairs to impose on their friends.  And, with the CG presumably still in earshot, they make a lewd offer to Laverne and Shirley, except Lenny says it like he's gay, although maybe he was trying for Hollywood playboy or something.  So, yeah, an episode that raises more questions than it answers.

Lynne Marie Stewart, who previously played Barbara and a Wrestling Coach, here is Muriel.  Linda Gillin's role of Denise is very different than Amy Babish earlier in the year.  And I don't know what the name of the actress is, but I swear CG shows up in one of the California episodes, as another of Squiggy's silent dates with a black beehive, maybe the episode where Laverne wants to sing at Cowboy Bill's.  (I've seen the clip on Youtube in recent years.)

"Laverne & Shirley Go to Night School"

"Laverne & Shirley Go to Night School"
October 17, 1978
C+

This is saved from a C or lower by two things: the cameo by Hans Conreid (although I wish he had better material than the script by Marc Sotkin) and the heart-to-heart talk with Laverne and her father, where he says that she's just like her mother, only able to learn things she cares about.  However, it was hard for me get past Shirley pressuring Laverne to go to night school to become a medical technician, something that seems to make Laverne even more uncomfortable than candy-striping did.  Note that Laverne thinks Shirley is the smart one because Shirley got "straight C's" in school.

Carmine, Lenny, and Squiggy are all missing, although there's a perfect "Hello" moment when Laverne tells Edna, "You have a lot of filth living in this building."  Co-creator Lowell Ganz didn't direct any other L & S episodes, which is probably just as well.

"The Quiz Show"

"The Quiz Show"
October 10, 1978
B-

This episode, written by Monica Johnson, is another I do somewhat remember from the time, especially Lenny and Squiggy winning a salami through Squiggy's moth knowledge.  Both L & S pairs go on Silly for Dollars, although they don't compete against each other.  (And, yes, the cast was making lots of dollars being silly every week.)  The physical humor is pretty good, although there is something sort of heartbreaking that the girls not only have their stove blow out (in front of their landlady, who should replace it in my opinion), but don't get to win anything except Pastaroni, apparently an inferior knock-off of Ricearoni.  Even Laverne plugging the Pizza Bowl at her father's insistence doesn't work out.  I know we're supposed to root for these plucky working-class gals every week and hope that their dreams come true, but did they have to not even get a decent consolation prize?

Shipping notes are sparse (there's not even really any Fredna, other than her scolding him), but I do have to say that the Carmine-as-forbidden-fruit thing is continuing, with Shirley making Laverne trade seats with her in the studio audience so that he won't accidentally put his arm around Laverne.

Kip Gilman, who at 32 seems a bit young to be hosting a show that Carmine watched as a little kid (when? in the 40s?), played Dr. Sandor the year before.

"The Robbery"

"The Robbery"
September 26, 1978
C+

This Sotkin-written episode was a bit of a letdown after the first two of the season, not that it's bad, but the two main threads don't really work, separately or together, although, yes, the thing of Laverne and Shirley being hung on the wall is some nice physical humor.  (At that, are they really stupid enough to not just unbutton their coats?)

Laverne is dating Jake the Snake of the Purple Fiends (who we saw on the St. Patrick's Day episode, but I'm not sure if he was played by the same actor, Larry Bishop, there) and Shirley disapproves because Jake is not just rude but a hood.  At the same time, Laverne thinks Shirley doesn't know how to have fun.  (I don't know if this is set before or after the "Roxy" episode.)  So Shirley decides to give Carmine an evening where he won't have to take a cold shower.  Instead, he ends up having to leave in Laverne's fluffy pink robe, and apparently goes outside in it.  (I kept waiting for a payoff where Lenny and Squiggy would see him in it, or Laverne's father, but Frank and Edna are absent again.)  Shirley sends him away because Laverne has just confessed that she was along when Jake robbed a grocery store.  Shirley wants to call the police but Laverne goes over to Jake's apartment (which looks like they redressed the Lenny & Squiggy apartment set) to talk him into giving himself up to the police.

Since my last two posts were so long, I didn't get to mention that in Season Four McKean & Lander get a still with their names in the closing credits, unlike Mekka, Foster, and Garrett.  Clearly, the powers that be recognized how important Lenny & Squiggy were to the series.  (It was around this time, maybe Season Three, that their spin-off was considered but wisely rejected.)  They don't get to do much here, except play detectives and then tour guides.  Note that Laverne accepts the description of a "cheap floozy bimbo" as accurate for her, rather than bristling at it as she would've done in the first two seasons.

"Playing the Roxy"

"Playing the Roxy"
September 19, 1978
B

Did I mention that the Family Hour had been dead for a year at this point?  So not only would "Good Old Reliable Janet" go to a nude beach at 9 p.m. that night, but here we have sweet, innocent Shirley thinking she's a stripper!  And, blame it on puberty, but I remember this episode from the time better than anything from the first three seasons, although still not crystal-clear.  However, I can recite Bosom Buddies dialogue from two or three years later, and that show was definitely not heavily syndicated.

This is in fact directed by Joel Zwick, his first of an impressive thirty-three times, all before he'd move over to BBuddies for eighteen episodes (including the one with "special guest Penny Marshall" as herself).  Along with the script by co-writers Stephen Nathan and Paul B. Price (their first of three for Season Four, although Nathan also played Kevin in Season One), this gives this episode a different, naughtier feel than usual.  Plus it was just fun to see Cindy W. play with her more wholesome image, as Joyce DeWitt would play with hers a half hour later.

The girls are sitting around eating breakfast, Shirley in her pajamas and Laverne in her slip.  Shirley discourages Laverne from going out to check the mail and offers to go herself, first putting on a robe.  When Laverne teases her about this, Shirley says a line which I'm willing to bet is one of my Top Five for lines I remember from the time: "I treat my body like a temple, Laverne, while you treat yours like an amusement park."  In an episode understandably filled with raucous studio audience reactions, that gets quite a response, as does Laverne's delayed reply after Shirley has gone out, "My body is not amusing," which I also remember from when I was ten.

Shirley tumbles down the stairs while Laverne goes into the bedroom and puts on a robe.  She has been reading a Confessions issue with the serialized reminisces of a stripper named Roxy LaTour.  Shirley thinks Laverne should be reading something classy like Jane Eyre, but she's been reading the smut, too.  And when Shirley-- Sitcom 101 lesson here-- gets a bump on her head she, that's right, thinks that she's Roxy, hence the title.

In a plot thread that should feel sleazier than it does, Carmine is turned on by this more sexual version of Shirley and in the tag even shows up in his bathrobe to pick up where they left off.  (Roxy lets Laverne touch Carmine's chest, even though Laverne says, "I'm not allowed," and Laverne clearly enjoys it.)  Definitely sleazier is that the entranced Lenny and Squiggy not only hope that Roxy will strip in the living room, they book her a gig at the smoker for their lodge!  And even that didn't offend me, because I thought this episode was funnier and more complex than the "Bachelor Party" episode in Season One.

And I can mostly attribute that to the way that Penny M. and Cindy W. play their scenes in this episode, with Laverne having what feels like a crush on Roxy, or at least an admiration for this brassy dame who's shown up in her apartment and in the body of her best friend, who "doesn't even have a heiny" but does have all the moves.  When Shirley has regained her memory and identity (which she almost does at the sight of Boo Boo Kitty), she's sort of jealous of Roxy.  Laverne says she doesn't prefer Roxy as a roomie but it wouldn't hurt for Shirley to have a little Roxy in her.  I'm going to guess that as actresses, it was fun for Cindy and Penny to mix it up a little, have Cindy play the more outrageous one, but I think also as characters they're exploring new ways of behaving, as the show edges gradually into the '60s, while still negotiating the virgin-whore trope of society, which was still alive and well but bendable in the late '70s.

Frank and Edna are both absent, but I imagine he would've been scandalized by Shirley's behavior.  I should mention that this was not the first glimpse of Laverne DeFazio that ABC audiences had after the New York two-parter.  In what remains one of the ultimate crossover episodes, the premiere of Mork & Mindy on Thursday, September 14th, had Mork flash back to the Fonz fixing him up on a date with Laverne.  Unlike Shirley's double-dates with Richie, they did not hit it off, and Morkverne is not a thing.  (Reviewed here: https://reviewingeverytvshowiown.blogspot.com/2016/07/mork-mindy-pilot.html.)

"The Festival: Parts 1 and 2"

"The Festival: Parts 1 and 2"
September 5, 1978
B

For the 1978-79 season, the Tuesday ABC line-up stayed intact, and although I still preferred Thursdays (soon with Mork & Mindy before What's Happening!!, with poor on-its-last-legs Welcome Back, Kotter shuttled all over the week as it staggered on, usually Barbarino-less), this was my second favorite night of television in 5th grade.

That said, I definitely remember all the third season Three's Company a lot better than I remember this particular episode of L & S, and not just because 3'sC would be much more heavily syndicated.  I even remember the next week's hour-long Happy Days visit to a dude ranch more clearly and I'm sure I haven't seen that in over thirty years.  That's no reflection on this Roth-and-Sotkin-penned story, which, especially the first half, is a lot of fun.  But I do want to say that my initial reaction was Wow, I didn't know they did an episode set in New York!

I'm treating the two-parter as one episode, because that's how it aired, and there is no "Next week" or "Previously" on the DVD version.  Plus, although it feels like the split probably came with Frank's determination to enter the greasy-pole contest (no, they don't make the obvious joke about Lenny, although there is of course a "hello" entrance for him and Squiggy when Shirley reacts in disgust to the grease), I feel like the two parts hang together better than the halves of "The Cruise" did.

So Laverne and her father invite Shirley and Edna to a street festival in the old neighborhood, and to stay with Frank's mother.  Grandma DeFazio is played by Penny Santon, who was only 62 (three years younger than Phil Foster) but would have a very long career in television, spanning from Mr. Peepers to Friends.  Frank is reluctant to go because his mama is very critical of him, and he knows she isn't going to like his new mustache.  (I remember Foster with the mustache more than without, but I don't know if he keeps it through the next five seasons.)  Carmine is staying behind to look after the Pizza Bowl, so he and Shirley make out in a phone booth at the bus station.  He also gives Edna, Laverne, and almost Frank quick kisses.  Then Lenny asks, "Hey, Laverne, aren't you going to say goodbye to us?"  And he and Squiggy both grab and kiss her!  Good luck charting the shipping on this episode!  (But I'll try.)

It gets even more complicated when Laverne sees a cute guy, who turns out to be her cousin Anthony DeFazio (John Lansing, who would be a nameless Director in the final season).  They're very affectionate, although he flirts with Shirley, and Laverne reveals that Anthony was pretty cute when they used to play doctor as little kids.  Shirley says, "Smut with relatives, Laverne?"

Then Lenny & Squiggy show up, since, as Lenny puts it, there was nothing keeping them in Milwaukee but their job and their apartment.  They're actually there to spy on Shirley for Carmine, which Lenny takes a lot more seriously (and humorously) than Squiggy does.  I got the impression during the first three seasons that Carmine and Shirley weren't that serious and they were free to see other people, especially during their "breakup" and the whole thing with Lucille Lockwash.  Carmine was more protective than jealous or possessive.  Now she can't even go to New York for a few days without him worrying she's going to cheat on him?  Of course Lenny makes things worse in his phone updates, while still managing to cockblock Anthony (including with, if I caught it correctly, a story that ends, "...And that's how Shirley met Carmine."  And he keeps blinding Shirley and Anthony, who don't seem to do more than a little cuddling, with his flash camera.

As for Squiggy, he wins over "Mrs. Grandma" by eating a lot of her home-cooking, so she's thrilled when Frank lies and says Laverne is engaged to Squiggy, which leads to them kissing, and Laverne definitely doesn't enjoy it.  (Of the four possible straight pairs from L, L, S, and S, Squigerne has always struck me as the least plausible.)  Mrs. DeFazio dotes on Laverne, including in Italian, with Shirley having a hilarious reaction of "Well, I don't know about Gina Lollobrigida, but she is very proud of those" about Laverne's chest.  When Shirley reveals that she has a distant Italian relative, the series is lampshading the fact that Cindy Williams was in fact part Italian.

Grandma is upset about being lied to, so Frank decides to form a team for the pole-climbing contest and win his mother a trip to Italy.  Laverne has fun looking for muscular guys, until they defect to form their own team.  Since Grandma and Edna aren't climbing, that leaves five of the regulars, plus Cousin Anthony, and I guess three nameless relatives to form the required team of nine.  I knew as soon as Carmine showed up to fight with Shirley-- on the pole!-- that the team would "win" but lose on a technicality, and that's just Sitcom 101 and not anything I remember from the time.

Carmine and Shirley of course make up, and Lenny wants a reward, specifically a makeout with Shirley, or a box of Crackerjack.  Guess which one he gets?  (Lenley-- Shirny?-- was always a little more plausible than Squigerne.  He clearly lusted for her in a secondary way, and she sometimes seemed fond of "Leonard," although she's arguably maternal or auntly with him, while Laverne treats Squiggy as at best an annoying kid brother.)

Laverne has to make peace between her father and grandmother, which she does, and they have a tearful group-hug, which Shirley joins without knowing what it's about, because that's how sensitive she is.  The regulars wrap up the festival with a group dance and we never see any of Laverne's Brooklyn relatives, friends, or acquaintances ever again.

Cabbie Ogden Talbot previously was Wilbur and a Delivery Man.  Concessionaire William Sumper would play four other roles on this show