"There's a Spy in My Beer," Scenes H and J

We return to the "breakroom - five minutes later":

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY AND LUDWIG ARE IN THE BREAKROOM WITH ROCKO, THE SECURITY GUARD.  SHIRLEY HAS THE CAMERA.  THERE IS A BUCKET.

ROCKO

I called the police. They're on their way.  I'd call my lawyer, if I were you.

SHIRLEY

Aha!  That proves we're innocent.  We don't have a lawyer.

LAVERNE

Right, and he's the guilty one....

These few lines were dropped.  They also skipped Rocko saying, "But this is Ludwig Stenger.  He's been with Shotz for ten years."

This was omitted, after Laverne tells Shirley to never feed her oatmeal again:

ROCKO LOOKS AT THE FORMULA, THEN GRABS LUDWIG.

ROCKO

(TO LUDWIG) Looks bad for you, pal.

LAVERNE

Wait 'til Mr. Shotz finds out.

LUDWIG

So what?  I hate Max Shotz.  The only reason I stole the formula was so that I could get back at that streudel head.  And you want to know why?

ROCKO

No.

LUDWIG

Because ten years ago, he brought me over from Stuttgart to develop new beers, and all I've been doing the past ten years is shoveling yeast.  All because I blew up one little building.  It was even insured.

ROCKO

C'mon, you'll tell it to the judge.

LUDWIG

(TO PICTURE OF SHOTZ) Mark my words, Shotz: Ludwig shall return!

LUDWIG AND ROCKO EXIT.

SHIRLEY

Not with that attitude.

Instead, they went to a commercial break and picked up with Laverne saying that she and Shirley did it, as in caught the spy, although in the script they were then supposed to "wring their socks into the bucket."  (We do see Laverne use a towel and the bucket.)

And here is the tag that was entirely gone from the aired version:

INT. BREAKROOM - NIGHT

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE GATHERING UP THEIR STUFF.

LAVERNE

C'mon, Shirl, I stink from Diet Beer.  (SMELLS HER SWEATER)  P-U, I haven't smelled like this since the chug-a-lug contest at the Shotz picnic.

SHIRLEY

Let's go, but you'd better drive carefully.  If the cops pull us over, we'll get arrested for driving in drunk clothing.

LAVERNE

Wait a minute.  Ludwig left his pants.  (SEARCHING THE POCKETS) There's a bunch of change in here.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, you can't use that money.

LAVERNE

Sure, I can.  It's German, but I think it'll still fit in the candy machine.

SHIRLEY

I mean, that's dishonest.

LAVERNE

Hey, big talk coming from someone who cheated on her biology test.

THE GIRLS START OUT.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, I want you to know, I was just kidding when I said I cheated on that test.

LAVERNE

C'mon, you had a whole frog drawn on your arm.

SHIRLEY

You gotta believe me, that was a rash.

LAVERNE

A green rash with eyes and web feet?

SHIRLEY

It was a very bad rash.

THEY'RE OUT.

Thoughts:

• So it turns out there's this backstory, complete with villain-monologuing, for Ludwig, who knew?
• Kudos to Rocko for trying to stop said monologue, albeit not trying very hard.
• I'm going to assume Laverne won the chug-a-lug contest.
• It's just as well they skipped the "drunk driving" joke.
• Remember, Kids, it's OK to steal from foreign spies.
• For some reason, Shirley thinks she can now deny her confession about the Biology test.
• These two scenes, late in the episode, are the most changed, I think for the better.  It's not a great episode anyway (I gave it a C+), but I think they did the best they could in polishing this script, the only one by Julie Mishkin.