"Testing, Testing," Scenes A and B

Act One opens in the "breakroom - day."  In the script, Squiggy ends the news with "Good night, Len, and goodnight Mom," but onscreen the second half of the line was improved to him saying goodnight to "Mr. and Mrs. America and all the shrimps at sea."  Other than Squiggy getting Lenny's line about not making up the news, the first scene is otherwise intact.

The next scene is set in the "girls' apartment - night."  The opening dialogue was skipped:

CARMINE

Why do you think they're giving you guys psychological tests?

SHIRLEY

Isn't it obvious?  We're essential personnel.  Probably for security reasons.  They always test those guys who work on the A-bombs.

LAVERNE

I'm a bottlecapper.  If I went nuts, the worst I could do is blow up a six-pack.

Most of the part of the scene after Laverne says it's none of the brewery's business what she thinks was omitted:

LAVERNE TRIES TO EAT HER EAR OF CORN.  IT IS DIFFICULT AND PAINFUL FOR HER TO HOLD IT.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, the outcome of your test won't mean diddily squat to the boss.

LAVERNE

You sure?  I heard sales were down and a bunch of people were fired.

SHIRLEY

Nobody gets fired because of a psychological test.

CARMINE

Isaac Mulligan took one of those tests and was fired the next day.

SHIRLEY

(TO CARMINE) Would you shut up, please.

LAVERNE IS TRYING TO EAT THE CORN WHILE IT SITS ON THE PLATE.

SHIRLEY AND CARMINE EACH HOLD ONE END OF THE EAR OF CORN.  LAVERNE EATS WHILE CARMINE TALKS.

CARMINE

Did you know Isaac Mulligan?

SHIRLEY

Sure.  He worked for the wax fruit factory.  I think he was in grapes.

CARMINE

For fifteen years.  The man could make a terrific grape... no seams...

LAVERNE

Turn.

THEY TURN LAVERNE'S COB.

CARMINE

A month ago the company gives everybody these psychological tests.  (TO LAVERNE) Do you want salt?

CARMINE SALTS THE CORN.  LAVERNE REACTS.

CARMINE

The results came in and this shrink they hired says Isaac don't have the right personality to work in wax fruit.

LAVERNE

Turn.

CARMINE

So, Isaac gets the old pink slip.

LAVERNE REACTS AND BITES SHIRLEY'S FINGER.  SHIRLEY DROPS LAVERNE'S CORN.

LAVERNE

Sorry.  (TO CARMINE) What's he doin' now?

CARMINE

He free lances in wax lips.  But they keep coming out small and green and round.

All they kept was Carmine first mentioning Isaac.  Then they jumped to the part of the script where Shirley says, "It's always the little guy."  The very last part of the scene was also dropped, after Shirley says that she and Laverne are good bottlecappers and good human beings:

SHIRLEY

...Now I want to propose a toast.

THEY ALL RAISE THEIR GLASSES.  LAVERNE PICKS HERS UP IN HER TEETH.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

To Isaac Mulligan.

CARMINE

To seamless grapes.

LAVERNE

(INTO JUICE GLASS, BUBBLES) To green lips.

THEY DRINK.  LAVERNE TILTS HER HEAD BACK AND THE JUICE RUNS DOWN HER FACE.  AS THEY CLEAN HER UP WE [dissolve to the next scene].

A couple thoughts:

• I can see why this all got left out.  I mean, it's kind of funny and it gives Carmine more to do on a brewery-focused episode, but it doesn't really advance the plot.  But, yeah, we learn a lot more about Isaac than we do on the episode.
• The physical humor with the corn is also cute, especially that Carmine and Shirley are helping to feed Laverne after her injury.  But again, there's no big loss here.