"Who's Poppa?," Scene E

It's back to the "hospital reception area - day."  Laverne playing with the beach ball was added.  On the other hand, this was dropped after Shirley says she'll get in trouble for impersonating a doctor:

LAVERNE

I impersonated, too.

SHIRLEY

You don't go to jail for making believe you're pregnant.

LAVERNE

Iris Lipsky did.  In high school, she told Mike Scarpiello he got her pregnant.  He wouldn't marry her, so she stole his car and ran over his foot.

SHIRLEY

Now I remember.  She got ninety days.

LAVERNE

And he got corrective shoes.

SHIRLEY

I don't think that applies to this situation.

Onscreen, Laverne instead tells Shirley that the doctor wants to help her.  And we get a nice little scene of Laverne making Shirley feel better about the possibility of her birth-mother giving her away, which is not in this draft.

In the script, Shirley's apology to the doctor includes the Gone-With-the-Windy line, "I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies," which was improved onscreen to her saying that her mother always told her she'd get in trouble playing doctor.

Onscreen, Shirley is no longer wearing the mustache, but apparently she still is at this point in the draft, because there's this:

DOCTOR

...Look, I hate talking to a woman with a moustache.

SHIRLEY

It's sort of stuck.

LAVERNE

I'll get it.

LAVERNE REACHES OVER AND TEARS SHIRLEY'S MOUSTACHE OFF, SHIRLEY SCREAMS AND WINCES.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

It's Elmers.  It sticks real good.

The dialogue when the girls look at the doctor's photo, is somewhat different in the script:

LAVERNE

Nice family.  [This became "Nice kids."]

SHIRLEY

Two beautiful sons and a daughter.  [Onscreen, the doctor says he has two boys and a girl.]

LAVERNE

And a schnauzer. [Completely dropped]

DOCTOR

Yes, and one of my children is adopted.  [Basically kept.]

LAVERNE

You have an adopted kid?

DOCTOR

Yes, and I am that child's father, just as much as any man in this world.

SHIRLEY

I don't understand, why are you telling me this?

LAVERNE

(TO DOCTOR) I think I know.

THE DOCTOR GESTURES FOR HER TO CONTINUE.

Onscreen, Laverne asks which child is adopted, and the doctor says it doesn't matter because he loves them all the same.  Then he exits and Shirley is afraid to open her file.

Laverne asking Shirley if finding out she's adopted would change things is in both versions.  After this, the doctor in the script asks Shirley, "Do you still want to see the file?" and he does hand it over when she says she'd still like to know.

LAVERNE IS TRYING TO LOOK OVER HER SHOULDER, BUT SHIRLEY IS HIDING IT.  SHIRLEY HANDS IT BACK TO THE DOCTOR.

SHIRLEY

Thank you, doctor.  Give my best to your family.

DOCTOR

Give my best to yours.

Thoughts:

• Iris and Mike are two more of the girls' colorful high school classmates we never get to meet or even hear of in canon.
• The doctor apparently talks to women with mustaches often enough to "hate" it.
• Laverne ripping off Shirley's mustache feels extreme, although who knows how it came offscreen in the filmed version.
• It feels like it would be more in character for Shirley rather than Laverne to notice the dog.
• There are things I like about both versions of the doctor.  It's a nice little role either way.
• And it's a nice little scene, too, better tonally than Scene D