"Murder on the Moose Jaw Express," Part One, Scenes E and H

It's back to the girls' compartment, still night.  After Shirley fears that they'll be murdered in their sleep, Laverne in the script says, "Shirl, you mind if we get separate compartments?  You can keep this one."  Then Shirley replies, "Laverne, we're in this together."

This was dropped after Laverne suggests dropping the microfilm out the window:

SHIRLEY

And have government secrets eaten by a passing moose?

LAVERNE

Okay, no moose.  How 'bout this.  We knock on someone's door, hand 'em the film, say "Beware of the bald man", and fall down.  When they go to get the porter, we run away.  Then it's their problem.

SHIRLEY

Laverne.

LAVERNE

It worked once.

SHIRLEY

Look, whoever is after us is still going to think we have the film.

LAVERNE

Not if we're wearin' signs around our necks that say, "We ain't got the film no more.  Try down the hall."

Instead, we would get Laverne saying she wants to have babies.

Then after Laverne says she has a sacred duty to protect her own "hiney" (that spelling), Shirley in the script says, "C'mon, Laverne you're stronger," but Laverne argues, "Uh-uh.  The dead guy gave it to you.  He wanted you to have it."

The girls "choosing for" the microfilm is longer in print:

SHIRLEY

Okay, we'll choose for it.

LAVERNE

Okay, that's fair.  But no tax, no backs.  Once, twice, three... shoot.

THE GIRLS SHOOT.  IT'S ODD.  THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR A BEAT.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Odds.

SHIRLEY

You can't call it now.  You big cheater.

LAVERNE

I swear, Shirl, I was gonna call odds.

SHIRLEY

Well, so was I.  You big cheater.

LAVERNE

Okay.  I'm even.

SHIRLEY

Once, twice, three... shoot.

THEY SHOOT AGAIN.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Odds it is.

They skipped Shirley wondering, "Now, where are my P.J.'s," and Laverne telling her, "You go ahead, but if I'm gonna be found dead, it ain't gonna be in my jammies."

The girls don't actually go to bed onscreen, but here's the version in the draft:

LAVERNE

Move over.  I'm comin' up.

SHIRLEY

No, there's not enough room...

LAVERNE CLIMBS ONTO THE TOP BUNK WITH SHIRLEY.  THEY TWIST AND TURN, TRYING TO FIND COMFORTABLE POSITIONS, BUT ELBOWS AND KNEES KEEP GETTING IN THE WAY.  FINALLY, THEY BOTH FIND A COMFORTABLE SPOT.

LAVERNE

Good night, Shirl.

SHIRLEY

Good night, Laverne.

CUT TO:

INSERT

INT. CORRIDOR - PARALLEL ACTION

ANGLE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE GIRLS' DOOR.  A TRAY IS ON THE FLOOR.  ON IT IS TWO CUPS OF HOT COCOA AND TWO MACAROONS.  A HAND COMES INTO THE FRAME AND DROPS A TABLET IN BOTH CUPS.

CUT TO:

INT. GIRLS' COMPARTMENT - CONTINUOUS ACTION

THE GIRLS ARE RESTING COMFORTABLY.  SUDDENLY, THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.  THE GIRLS YELP, AND JUMP OUT OF BED.  THEY REALIZE TOO LATE THAT THEY ARE IN AN UPPER BUNK.  THEY WIND UP HANGING FROM THE EDGE OF THE BUNK.

So then when a voice offstage says that it's their "complimentary snack," the blocking is different than it would be for filming:

THE GIRLS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND DROP TO THE FLOOR.  SHIRLEY PICKS UP A PILLOW.  LAVERNE PICKS UP A SHOE.  THE GIRLS GO TO THE DOOR, BRANDISHING THEIR WEAPONS.  THEY POSITION THEMSELVES BEHIND THE DOOR.  LAVERNE FLINGS IT OPEN, AS SHIRLEY LIFTS HER PILLOW TO STRIKE.  NOTHING IS THERE BUT THE TRAY.  THE GIRLS PEEK OUT THE DOOR, LOOKING DOWN THE HALL.

Onscreen, the girls do use those weapons.  However, the macaroons for some reason became Oreos.  Laverne's line about "monkey nerves" is I suspect Penny's addition.

They left out Shirley saying that they're "adventurers" and "swashbucklers."

In the script, rather than Shirley making "noise" during her choking charades, for "sounds like noise," and then Shirley acting out poise, it went like this:

SHIRLEY PICKS UP A BOOK, PUTS IT ON HER HEAD.  SHE WALKS POISED, CLUTCHING HER THROAT.

LAVERNE

Cocoa model?  Cocoa classy?  Cocoa puffs.  Cocoa poise?

SHIRLEY NODS.  MAKES STRETCHING SIGNS.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Cocoa poise... on.  Poison!  Cocoa poison!  I got it.  You been poisoned.

The last scene of this script has the same setting, "minutes later."  They dropped the Porter's line, "Take it easy, lady.  My legs are old," but they added him lifting his cap and scratching his head, revealing his bald scalp.

Thoughts:

• I'm glad they didn't keep Laverne wanting to ditch Shirley to save her own life.  (Which probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.)
• I do miss the moose though.
• I like these moments of the girls' childhood rituals, like how to shoot for odds.
• What outfit would you want to be killed in on a train to Moose Jaw by a bald man?  I mean, pajamas seem as good as anything else.  At least they're comfy.
• I wish we could've seen the girls sharing the bunk, and not just for slashy reasons.  After all, they somehow sleep comfortably, despite their lives being in danger.
• It's probably as well that they skipped Shirley picking up a random book.
• The casting of Scatman Crothers was, as I said, already planned, and he had enough hair loss for that ending of the episode to seem obvious, but apparently not yet in this version.
• We can see the basics of Part One here, but obviously a lot would change in the next year, including some very suggestive lines.