"Who's Poppa?," Scene A

"Who's Papa?" aired on January 16, 1979.  The Final Draft, with the spelling of "Poppa," was submitted over a month and a half earlier, on November 29th.  And there would be changes in more than spelling.

Act One starts in the "girls' apartment - evening."  But the filmed episode actually starts in the Shotz break room, as Shirley is impatient to go home.  Laverne is securing her locker from chewing gum thieves.

Here's how the scene in the draft goes:

SHIRLEY IS HANGING A BANNER THAT READS "WELCOME HOME - ROBERT" OVER THE ARCHWAY TO THE BEDROOM.

SHIRLEY

Hurry up, Laverne.  Bobby is gonna be here any minute.

LAVERNE

I'm comin', I'm comin'.  I just gotta get this twinkie cream off my face.

LAVERNE COMES OUT DRYING HER FACE WITH A TOWEL.  SHE WALKS STRAIGHT INTO THE BANNER, TEARING IT IN TWO.

LAVERNE

Ooooo.  I'm sorry, Shirl.  It's still okay.

SHIRLEY

No, it's not.  (PICKS UP ONE END) Welcome ho... (PICKS UP OTHER END) ... me Robert.

LAVERNE

You want me to stand here?

SHIRLEY

No, forget it.

LAVERNE TAKES GUM OUT OF HER MOUTH AND STARTS TO STICK THE SIGN TOGETHER.

LAVERNE

I can fix it.

LAVERNE SEALS IT TOGETHER WITH HER GUM.

SHIRLEY

Well, now it looks shabby.

LAVERNE

Well, it's just for your brother.  It's not like Elvis is coming.

SHIRLEY

He's a Feeney, Laverne.  We're two peas from the same pod.  In our family, neatness counts.  I remember when we used to clean our rooms together, brush our teeth together, and we even used to take baths together.

LAVERNE

And all I got to play with was suds.

The part about Shirley and Bobby dressing alike did make it onscreen.  Lenny and Squiggy stealing Laverne's gum obviously was not in the draft.

Here's what came after Shirley's "seersucker sportscoat" in the script:

DOOR OPENS, EDNA ENTERS FOLLOWED BY FRANK.  EDNA, WITH SOME DIFFICULTY, IS CARRYING A ROLLED UP COT.

EDNA

Hi, girls.

FRANK

We brought this cot for your brother.

EDNA

We brought the cot?

FRANK

I told you, I got a sprained wrist.  I can't lift anything heavier than an anchovy.

EDNA SHAKES HER HEAD.  LAVERNE TAKES THE COT FROM EDNA, UNWRAPS THE CORD TIED AROUND THE MIDDLE, AND THE PIECES FALL TO THE FLOOR.  LAVERNE, SHIRLEY AND EDNA STRUGGLE TO PUT THE COT TOGETHER WHILE FRANK WATCHES.

LAVERNE

Doesn't look too comfortable, Pop.

FRANK

Well, you gotta put it together.

SHIRLEY

I'm sure it'll be fine.  Bobby's just gonna be glad to be here.

EDNA

How long has it been since you've seen him?

SHIRLEY

I saw him two years ago on Thanksgiving, but he hasn't been back to Milwaukee in over ten years.

FRANK

He was a cute little kid.  I taught him how to throw a football.

LAVERNE

That's when you broke the window in the butcher shop.

FRANK

Threw good, caught lousy.

EDNA

(GIVING UP ON THE COT) This thing is impossible.  Maybe Bobby would rather sleep on the couch.

FRANK

What's the matter?  I used to put them together in Anzio in the rain.

EDNA

Great.  You do it, I'll speak Italian and spit on you.

The only part of this that made it onscreen was Shirley not having seen Bobby in two years, which she tells Laverne in the break room.  The second onscreen scene opens with Shirley's voiceover that they should set up the cot because Bobby will be here any minute.  Then the adaptation is pretty faithful for awhile, although Robert was supposed to tickle Shirley rather than playfully punch her back.

In the script, Robert calls Frank "Uncle Frank," rather than the more formal "Mr. DeFazio" that aired.  Also, it's Laverne, rather than Frank, who points out in the draft that Bobby will be staying at the girls' place two nights.

This was omitted:

SHIRLEY

I don't want you [Bobby] to stay in a hotel by yourself.

LAVERNE

I could go with him.

SHIRLEY STOMPS ON LAVERNE'S FOOT... LAVERNE REACTS.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Or, I could stay here and soak my foot.

Furthermore, in the script Robert says of Frank, "I'll just get him started on his war stories.  Did you ever hear the one about how he put cots together in Anzio?"  On the other hand, Shirley's high-pitched love for her family album was added, I'm going to guess by Cindy W.  The "short man with dark hair" turning out to be little Shirley was another addition by the time of filming.

Oddly enough, we get a very specific birthdate for Robert, and it has to be wrong.  He is, according to his birth announcement, " 'born to Mr. and Mrs. Jack Feeney, August 14, 1938.' "

The last line of the filmed scene, Laverne's that they wouldn't have given Shirley the book if she were adopted, is not in this script.

Many thoughts:

• I think the main reason they added the break room scene is to give the boys a little more to do, a change from all the scripts that offer us more of Lenny and Squiggy than filmed canon would.
• Remember, Kids, junk food causes accidents.
• We would later learn, in both versions that Shirley and Bobby are only fourteen months apart.  I'll discuss what that does to chronology shortly, but here I'll point out that it's like they were raised as twins, even more so in the script.
• This is another of those scripts where Frank pushes around Edna, and I can see Betty Garrett putting down her spiked heels about that.  At least Edna threatens to spit on him.
• Still, yeah, more about Frank and Anzio.
• So the question is, where did Shirley have Thanksgiving two years ago?  My guess is either with her mother in California, or with one of her out-of-town brothers, maybe the one who graduated from heavy equipment school.
• This is now late '60 or early '61.  Let's say Bobby hasn't been to Milwaukee since he was 12-ish.  Where was he during his teens?  I mean, I don't think Shirley ever moved away from Milwaukee until the big move to Burbank.  Did Jack get custody of Bobby and maybe some of the other brothers?  Clearly Shirley had at least two brothers around to warn her against petting.
• Even onscreen, the DeFazios clearly haven't seen Bobby in years.  I'm going to guess he stayed with one of the many uncles and/or aunts in the Feeney family, for whatever reason.  Possibly near enough for Shirley to visit, because she would've been heartbroken to be separated far from him when they were younger.
• Also, Frank and Bobby are closer in the script than they are onscreen, which is interesting.
• Another difference, Laverne more obviously, as the script puts it, "finds him unexpectedly attractive."  The deleted lines are very telling, like about the hotel.
• OK, so if Bobby was born in August 1938, then Shirley was born in October 1939.  Unless she skipped a grade, she couldn't have graduated in 1956.  Furthermore, in Season Six, she and Laverne are a total of 54 years old in, I believe, '65.  It's not impossible but it's unlikely.
• I do like that they remembered the first name of Shirley's father though.
• Note that at the time of this script, none of the guest roles had yet been cast, but Ed Begley, Jr. is 6'4" rather than 6'2", although he does fit the bill of the blond hair and blue eyes that Laverne is delighted by.