"Dinner for Four," Scene E

All three versions of the tag are set at the Pizza Bowl, but it's night in the final draft, day in the shooting script, and who knows what time onscreen.  Here's how it starts out in the draft:

IT IS CLOSING TIME.  FRANK AND EDNA ARE PUTTING THE CHAIRS UP ON THE TABLES.  FRANK FINDS ONE WITH GUM ON THE BOTTOM.

FRANK

Look at this, more gum on my chairs.  I see anybody chewing anything in my restaurant, out they go!

EDNA

Frank, you can't do that.  You'll go broke.

FRANK

It's either that or I glue mouse traps under every chair.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER.

LAVERNE

Hi, Pop.  Hey, how was the opera?

FRANK

Great.

SHIRLEY

You see, Laverne, expose someone to the world of culture, and next thing you know, you have yourself a patron of the arts.

LAVERNE

You really liked the opera?

FRNK

Yeah, I loved it.

EDNA

I hated it.

FRANK

You're right, the opera stunk.  But the fight in the balcony was terrific.

LAVERNE

Oooh, people were fighting in monkey suits.

FRANK

Yeah, you shoulda been there.  Some guy kept cracking his knuckles, so this fat lady next to him bopped him with her purse.  A big wad of bills fell out and everyone went nuts.

EDNA

That was no excuse for you to hit the usher.

FRANK

He was going for my twenty.  I saw it first.

SHIRLEY

Perhaps patron of the arts was a bit premature.

FRANK

No, this culture junk is fun.  Next week I'm going to the ballet and bringing a stick.

FRANK STARTS OUT.  LAVERNE GOES AFTER HIM.

LAVERNE

You know, Pop, I bet you'd love mud fighting.

FRANK

Oh yeah?  They got change in the mud?

LAVERNE AND FRANK EXIT.  SHIRLEY AND EDNA START OUT.

EDNA

Shirley, would you like to go to the ballet with me?

SHIRLEY

Mrs. Babish, I would love to.  But I think I'll bring a baseball bat just in case.

THEY EXIT.

The only part of this that lasted to the shooting script was Frank liking the opera:

LAVERNE, SHIRLEY AND EDNA ARE SEATED AT A TABLE.

  SHIRLEY    

Mrs. Babish, would you like to come over for dinner tonight?

EDNA

I'd love to, but I can't.  Frank and I are going to see "Madame Butterfly" again.

LAVERNE

Pop's going again?  What'd you do, make out in the balcony?

EDNA

I tried.  He just wanted to listen to the music.  I think I created a monster.

FRANK ENTERS AND BRINGS THE GROUP A PIZZA.  HE IS SINGING OPERA.  THREE CUSTOMERS LEAVE.

LAVERNE    

Pop, your singing ain't good for business.

FRANK

It's not the singing.  I got a shipment of bad cheese.

FRANK PUTS PIZZA DOWN ON THE TABLE.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Enjoy your meal.

FRANK EXITS SINGING.

EDNA

From now on I'll take him to museums.

SHE EXITS FOLLOWING FRANK TO BACK.

SHIRLEY 

I don't think I want any pizza, Laverne.  This cheese is slightly green.

LAVERNE

Maybe Pop should save it for St. Patty's Day.

And even this version of Frank loving the opera didn't make it to air.  Instead, the aired tag starts with the boys entering with the ant farm.  (But the pizza onscreen does look a little green.)  In the shooting script, Laverne says, "Don't let them [the ants] near the pizza," but onscreen she encourages Lenny to throw pizza at them.  The filmed version ends with Squiggy's classic "from up here" line, but in the script that's followed by "Everyone tries to clean up the ants."

Thoughts:

• On the one hand, it's nice to have some kind of payoff (well, two kinds) for Frank and the opera, but both versions are sort of flat.
• All three versions make me reassess my wish to eat at the Pizza Bowl.
• I do like Edna and Shirley bonding after the DeFazios exit in the draft.
• It feels a little out of character for Laverne to ask Edna about making out.
• In "That's Entertainment," we'd learn that Frank hates opera because his parents loved it, but I'm not sure if that's any more canonical than this.
• These two scripts are not as wildly different from each other, and what aired, as the "Porcupine"/"Drive" pairing.  The basic idea was there but some things got trimmed, including sadly some stuff with the boys, in an episode that is partly about the girls learning to treat their friends better.