"Laverne And Shirley Go to Night School," Scenes D & E

We're still at the "girls' apartment - a little while later":

THE ROOM IS EMPTY.  SHIRLEY ENTERS CARRYING THE BONES.

SHIRLEY

(TALKING TO THE BONES) Don't worry, Mr. Ripulski.  I'll put you back together again even if I have to use these lamb chops.  (PUTTING BONES ON THE TABLE, CALLING) Laverne, I'm home.  Come out here... Laverne!

THE OUTSIDE DOOR OPENS.  LAVERNE ENTERS IN BASEBALL TOGS.

LAVERNE

Hi, Shirl.

SHIRLEY

I brought you a little surprise.

LAVERNE LOOKS IN THE BOX.

LAVERNE

The butcher had a special on soup bones?

SHIRLEY

Don't you recognize Mr. Ripulski?

LAVENRE

I'm real sorry, Mr. Ripulski, I hope you'll feel better.

SHIRLEY

Oh he will.  I'm gonna make him well again.  But that's not your surprise.  You're going back to night school.

LAVERNE

No, Shirl, don't start with me again.  I'm bigger than you.  And I'm not going back to that school.  It makes me feel stupid and I'm not stupid.  I know where Wyoming fits and everything.

SHIRLEY

Of course you're not stupid, even though I don't know what you're talking about.  Look, what happened in Mr. Wilner's class was all my fault.  I pushed you.

LAVERNE

I knew it.  You pushed me into that skeleton didn't you?

SHIRLEY

No, that was because of your two left feet.  It was my fault for pushing you into something you didn't want to do.  You weren't cut out to be a medical assistant.  This time I'm pushing you into something that's just right.

SHE HANDS LAVERNE A PAMPHLET.

Onscreen, Shirley comes home without bones.  She apologizes but Laverne isn't that mad, until Shirley says Laverne is going back to night school.  The part about taxidermy was in there but not elaborated on.  In the script, Laverne asks what Recreational Management is, rather than pretending to know.  Then there's this:

SHIRLEY

You work with kids.  You could run a gym, coach in the park and teach kids how to play ball.

LAVERNE

I could get paid for doin' that?  Wow, I'd get to be the guy in the park with the whistle.

SHIRLEY
That's right, you'll be blowing up balls, breaking up knock hockey [sic?] fights and sweating to your heart's content.  All the things you're good at.

LAVERNE

You're right.  I could do that.  I know I wouldn't be stupid at that.  I'd be a great (CHECKS THE PAMPHLET) Recreational Manager.

SHIRLEY

You know it's not going to be easy though.  You've got to go to night school for two years.

LAVERNE

Two years, huh?  Well, I guess that ain't bad.  I think I can do it.  I will do it.  I'll be a (LOOKS AT PAMPHLET AGAIN).  By the time I remember it's called Recreational Manager, the first year will be over.

SHIRLEY

We're gonna be a great team.  A medical assistant and a recreational manager.  If any of my patients need exercise, I can send them to you.

LAVERNE

Yeah.  And if any of my kids get hurt playin', I can send them to you and you can bandage them.

SHIRLEY

Yes, and I'll certainly do a better job than this.  Why does this bandage look like my blouse?

LAVERNE

My Pop thought it was a rag.

SHIRLEY

It's fifty percent dacron.  I love this blouse.

LAVERNE    

You want it back.  I'll take it off.

LAVERNE STARTS FOR THE BATHROOM.

SHIRLEY

Why would I want it now?  It's torn and bloody.

LAVENRE

Well, what am I supposed to do?

SHIRLEY

Let me tear up one of your blouses.

LAVERNE

You do and I'll make you bleed on it.

Onscreen, Shirley plays up more of the "meeting eligible men" factor, not just Laverne helping kids play.  Yet Laverne doesn't give in as easily.

The tag also happens in the "girls' apartment - night."  Shirley's diary entry about getting a B- on a tough test made it in, but onscreen Laverne comes in talking about square-dancing.  Here's the script version:

LAVERNE ENTERS, DRESSED FOR BASEBALL.  SHE HEADS TOWARD THE BEDROOM.

LAVERNE

Hey, Shirl, guess what!  At school tonight we played softball, we were so hot, my team wiped 'em out, nine to two, and my teacher gave me an A plus!

Shirley asking her diary where the justice is did make it onscreen.

Thoughts:

• Shirley trying to repair Mr. Ripulski with soup bones is not even the creepiest thing in this script, but it's close.
• It's "Nok Hockey," unless there's some special Knapp Street version.
• It's not much of a payoff of Frank's bad bandaging, but there you go.
• Onscreen, Laverne would get asked out on a date square-dancing, but her potential love life is relatively unimportant in this version.
• This script has even more of a problem than the filmed version in that it sets the girls up to continue with night school, which they presumably don't.  When Tony on Who's the Boss? goes to college, he actually graduates and it's an important part of his character arc.  Here it's just another episodic moment, forgotten by the next episode.
• Overall, this final draft is rough, showing potential but being more cartoonish than the final product.  I like a lot in it, including some cute bits, but I can see why it got rewritten so heavily.