"Laverne And Shirley Go to Night School," Scene A

On August 30, 1978, one day after the submission of the Revised Shooting Script of "Playing the Roxy," the Final Draft of the "Night School" script came in,   That gave them a little over a month and a half before the air-date, and yes, there are definitely changes.

Act One opens in the "girls' apartment - day":

LAVERNE IS SEATED ON THE COUCH WITH THREE LITTLE KIDS.  THEY ARE ALL DRESSED FOR BASEBALL.  LAVERNE IS ARM-WRESTLING ALL THE KIDS AT ONCE.  LAVERNE IS LOSING.

LAVERNE

(LOOKING TOWARD THE WINDOW) Hey, is that the ice cream man?

ALL THREE KIDS TURN TOWARD THE WINDOW AND AS THEY DO, LAVERNE GETS THEIR ARMS DOWN.

LAVERNE

Gotcha!

LOUIE

You cheated.

LAVERNE

I had to.  I was losing.

LOUIE

Come on, Laverne.  Two out of three.

LAVERNE

Uh uh.  Time to go home, Louie.

LOUIE

Thanks for coaching us at the baseball game.  This is the first time we ever beat the big kids.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.  THEY ARE ALSO DRESSED IN BASEBALL TOGS.  THEY ARE ANGRY.  LENNY IS IN CATCHER'S GEAR.

SQUIGGY

Hello, Laverne, we are protesting the loss of this game.

LAVERNE

You got beat fair and square.

LENNY

Exactly our point.

LAVERNE

You lost 'cause you kept tripping over the bases.

LOUIE

Yeah, you guys are the worst.

LENNY ROLLS UP HIS SLEEVE AND APPROACHES LOUIE.

LENNY

Oh yeah?  How'd you like to step outside and settle this like men.

SQUIGGY

Come on, Shorty, not so brave without a bat in your hand, are you?

THEY APPROACH THE KIDS, THREATENINGLY, AND THE KIDS RUN OUT.  THE BOYS LAUGH.  THEY ARE PLEASED WITH THEMSELVES.

LAVERNE

Pickin' on little kids.  That is the lowest.  Get out of here.

THEY START OUT.

SQUIGGY

Let's go, Len.  We may have lost the game, but we've saved our dignity.

LENNY

Did you see him jump when I said "step outside"?

THEY START TO EXIT, CROSSING SHIRLEY.

SHIRLEY

Beating small children again?

THEY AGREE PROUDLY AND EXIT.  SHIRLEY ENTERS THE APARTMENT.  SHE IS OBVIOUSLY VERY EXCITED AND PLEASED WITH HERSELF.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Even they can't ruin my day.  I did it, Laverne.  I finally did it!!

LAVERNE

You did it?  You?  Really?  Yeah?  No.

SHIRLEY

Yeah.

LAVERNE

I don't believe it.

SHIRLEY

And you're going to do it, too.

LAVERNE

Oh, boy!!

SHIRLEY

Every Tuesday night.

LAVERNE

Good.  I'm free.

SHIRLEY

You're just going to love night school.

LAVERNE

Huh?  Night school?  That's the it?  I thought it was, uh... (SMILES)

SHIRLEY

Laverne, whenever you get to the fork in the road, you always head up filth street.

That all got dropped, but the next part, where Laverne says night school would get in the way of bowling, and Shirley says she likes bowling "as much as the next man" got in, with the addition of Laverne saying she could make money at it by betting Shirley.  

The next section is mostly intact, although we lost Laverne saying she had to cheat to get C's.  The part after Laverne says she's a "dufus" (with that spelling), was different in this version:

SHIRLEY

You're not a dufus.

LAVERNE

Not on the assembly line.  I can cap bottles with anybody.  But it's different in school.  They make you do stuff you're not good at.

SHIRLEY

They won't take you in this class unless you're good at it.  They have this occupation quiz to weed out the numbskulls.  I myself got one hundred, and I'm sure you'll pass.

LAVERNE

Oh, not a pop quiz.  I didn't get a chance to study.

The dialogue onscreen doesn't include the stuff about bottle-capping, or Shirley's score, but it does add a Ben Casey joke.  The actual quiz part is pretty much the same in both versions.  

The onscreen scene ends with the girls clumsily toasting, but the Edna & Twinkle subplot shows up here, rather than at the beginning of the scene:

SUDDENLY THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN.  MRS. BABISH RUNS IN CARRYING A BROOM.

EDNA

Where'd that mouse go?

SHIRLEY

Squiggy's upstairs.

EDNA

No.  This is a real mouse.  Did you see him come in here?

LAVERNE

Oh, a mouse hunt.  Let me get my broom.

EDNA STARTS LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM FOR THE MOUSE.

SHIRLEY

(TRYING TO DISTRACT HER)  Forget the mouse.  I have wonderful news.  Laverne and I are going to night school.

EDNA

That's a terrific idea.  It never hurts to improve yourself.

LAVERNE

Wait.  I didn't say I was goin'!  I don't have to learn nothing.  I'm gonna get married and never work again.

SHIIRLEY

You may never get married.

LAVERNE

You promised.

SHIRLEY

You can't promise a thing like that.

LAVERNE

You said if I wasn't a tramp or a slut, I'd get married and live happily ever after.

EDNA

Hold it a minute.  I've been married five times and I'm working like a horse.

SHIRLEY

There you go.  You wanna end up like poor Mrs. Babish?  Destitute, and having nothing to live for.

EDNA

(POKES SHIRLEY WITH BROOM)  Shirley!

SHIRLEY

(SOTTO) I'm just making a point.

EDNA

There's the mouse!  I'll get him.

SHIRLEY

Run, Twinkle, run.

LAVERNE/EDNA

Twinkle?

SHIRLEY

Did I say Twinkle?

LAVERNE

So that's why our Velveeta keeps disappearing.

EDNA

You mean you've been feeding a mouse in the building?

SHIRLEY

The poor little thing had to eat.

EDNA

I can't believe it.  I'm renting to the Pied Piper of Knapp Street.  (SPOTS MOUSE AGAIN) Ooh.  There he goes.  Wait, Twinkle, I just want to talk.

EDNA RUNS OUT OF THE APARTMENT IN HOT PURSUIT OF THE MOUSE.

LAVERNE

A pet mouse?  Shirl, those things cause disease.  My hair could fall out.

SHIRLEY

Not my Twinkle.  But see, Laverne, you're concerned.  You have good health instincts.

LAVERNE

I'm not going to school.

SHIRLEY

Have it your way.

SHIRLEY GETS UP AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR.

LAVERNE

Where are you going?

SHIRLEY

I thought I'd go down to Sears and try on some medical uniforms.

LAVERNE

You're gonna make a lot of money and be better than me, aren't you?

SHIRLEY

Bothers you, huh?

LAVERNE

I don't mind being poor and worthless.  I just don't like being it alone.

SHIRLEY

Then come to school with me.  I know you want to come.  Think about it.  Really deep down you want to come.

LAVERNE

It's pretty deep.  Okay.  Maybe if I try really hard, I won't be a dufus.

THEY START OUT.

SHIRLEY

You'll be great.  You'll be the best darn medical student around.  You're gonna heal the sick, save lives...

LAVERNE

See guys undressed?

SHIRLEY

You have a wonderful attitude.

THEY EXIT.

Many thoughts:

• Well.
• The opening bit with the kids is both adorable and supportive of the later point that Laverne would be good as a recreation management trainee, so I'm sorry it's cut.
• I have mixed feelings about the boys' part.  It's funny that Lenny and Squiggy lost to the kids, but I think the bit with them threatening the kids goes a little too far.
• I'm just going to assume Louie would've been played by Scotty Marshall, because that's how it would've been cast on Happy Days.
• The single entendre of Shirley "doing it" would be polished by the time of the final version, although I do like that we get another version of Laverne's mind going to a "filthy" location.
• Shirley calling Squiggy a mouse feels off, although I might accept a rat comparison.
• We don't get Edna's reaction to night school onscreen.
• Where did this whole thing about Laverne and marriage and not working and all that come from?
  
• I seriously doubt that "slut" would've made it on the air, and Sotkin should've known better by then.
• I do like Edna's horse line.
• The name "Twinkle" is here, but onscreen Laverne would already know about the mouse and she'd have to cover for Shirley.
• Of course Shirley is thinking about her potential wardrobe, before she even starts the class.
• So what motivates Laverne here is a fear of being left behind in poverty and "worthlessness," interesting.
• My mind of course heads up to Filth Street with all that talk about coming and deepness and hardness.
• And of course Laverne wants to see undressed men.