"Dinner for Four," Scene B

We go to "Laverne and Shirley's Apartment - evening."  This is in both scripts:

ONE OF SHIRLEY'S GOOD DRESSES IS HANGING NEAR THE DOOR.  A SHOPPING BAG AND SEVERAL ITEMS ARE ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.  SHIRLEY IS IN THE KITCHEN.

But then this is how it goes in the draft:

LAVERNE ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM CARRYING A RED DRESS AND A BLACK DRESS.

LAVERNE

(HOLDING UP DRESSES) Hey, Shirl, which one of these goes better with lasagna?

SHIRLEY

Well, red is a good color for you.  It's bright.  It's exciting.

LAVERNE

And it won't show if I spill sauce on it.

SHIRLEY

Good thinking.  Now, let me have the checklist, you pack the bag.

LAVERNE HANDS HER A LIST.

This is the version in the shooting script:

WE HEAR A SCREAM.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, what's the matter?

LAVERNE ENTERS IN A ROBE RUBBING HER BEHIND.

LAVERNE

My back garter broke.  It flipped and up and slapped me in the hiney.  Now my stockings will be down around my ankles.

SHIRLEY

Otherwise you'll look like one of those bag ladies in the park who feed the pigeons.

LAVERNE

What'll I do?

SHIRLEY

You can borrow one of mine.  Now, I have the check list.  You pack the bag....

Neither version made it to air and the scene onscreen begins with the girls going through the checklist of ingredients.  Laveren's sexy "apron" nightie was not in the draft but it was in the shooting script.

Since we don't get the boys in the shooting script or the onscreen version of Scene A, it's here that the Teamster's picnic is mentioned, although it becomes a fish fry onscreen, which is better.  And in the later two versions, the girls' promise was last month, rather than just the day before, so it's more understandable that they'd forget.  The practice mud not having worms in it was not yet in the draft.

In the shooting script and onscreen, the girls flat out tell the boys about their other date, and the "ex-serviceman" joke comes up in the former version, but Squiggy confuses "veterinarians" with "vegetarians" onscreen.  Here's the more indirect version in the draft:

LAVERNE

(REMEMBERING, TO SHIRLEY) The picnic.  We said we'd go with them.

SHIRLEY

Relax, Laverne.  I'll handle it.  (TO THE BOYS) I'm very sorry but, Laverne and I aren't going with you guys, we have other plans.

SQUIGGY

Wait a minute.  Stop beating up my bush.  Give it to me straight.

SHIRLEY

I did.  We're not going out with you.

SQUIGGY

Well, this is a sad day in Mudville.

Squiggy's "Elmer Fudd" line goes back to the draft.  However, in the draft, Squiggy calls the girls "walking sleeze [sic] machines," rather than the more characteristic "walking she-devils."  (For some reason, "walking" would be dropped by the time of filming.)  His "little soldier" line to Lenny continued, in the draft: "...I know you're hurting now, but chances are they're going to make you feel a lot worse," which would prove sadly true, just counting later that season.  In both scripts, Squiggy calls Laverne an "unfeeling harlot"!

And then instead of Shirley calling herself "a stick in the mud," the draft had this:

SHIRLEY

You don't really expect us to cancel a date with two gorgeous animal doctors to go out with you, do you?

LENNY

(FINALLY GETTING ANGRY) Why not?  We cancelled a date with two animals to go out with you.  You know, we're practically human beings.

And then came his Shakespearean soliloquy about being cut etc.

The girls don't try to go after the boys, as they do in later versions.  In the draft, Squiggy says of the Tishler twins, "I'm sure their doctor will let them out," rather than the later line about the twins knowing how to treat men in mud.

After the boys "exit in a huff" in the draft, there was this exchange:

LAVERNE

I know it's crazy, but I feel bad about standing up Lenny and Squiggy.

SHIRLEY

Let's talk about your feelings for a moment, shall we?  Think how rotten you'd feel about missing dinner with two very desireable [sic] bachelors, to sit in mud with Lenny and Squiggy.

LAVERNE THINKS A BEAT, THEN OPENS THE DUMBWAITER.

LAVERNE

(CALLING) Lenny!  Squiggy!

SHIRLEY

Laverne!  What are you doing?!

LAVERNE

Tellin' them to move their truck.  They double parked next to us and we'll be late for dinner.

The twist of one of the Tishler twins being male was there by the shooting script:

A few more thoughts:

• The opening bits are cute but I can see why they were cut for time.
• "Stop beating up my bush."
• The girls, especially Shirley, are less sympathetic to the boys in the draft, so I'm glad that was softened, although they still of course should've gone to the fish fry/ picnic.  (They could've skipped the mud perhaps.)
• Do I want to know about the boys' date with "animals"?