"Dinner for Four," Scene A

On November 1, 1978, the Final Draft for "Dinner for Four" came in.  The Shooting Script was completed five days later.  And four weeks after that, the episode aired.  I will be comparing all three versions.  First though, here are notes from the Shooting Script:

The time on Tuesday I assume was the shooting schedule.  Bob Kern was Robert James Kern, who edited 61 episodes from '76 to '79, far more than any other "series film editor" for this series.

In the draft we get an exterior shot of "Pizza Bowl - establishing shot - night," with a "closeup of sign on front door of Pizza Bowl reading: 'Private party tonight -- Milwaukee Veterinary College.' "

Then there's an interior of the Pizza Bowl at night:

THE PIZZA BOWL HAS BEEN RENTED FOR A PRIVATE PARTY.  INSIDE, A BANNER READS: 'HAPPY GRADUATION.'  THE ROOM IS FULL OF HANDSOME, WELL-DRESSED YOUNG MEN, WEARING NAME TAGES.  FRANK IS BEHIND THE COUNTER.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE WAITRESSING, DRESSED APPROPRIATELY.  THEY ARE VERY BUSY AND REALLY HUSTLING.  FRANK POURS.  SHIRLEY IS WAITNG TABLES.  LAVERNE IS TALKING TO FRANK AND HOLDING A PIZZA IN HER HAND.

By the shooting script, the interior sign has been changed to "Welcome Milwaukee Veterinarians."  And Frank is now "talking to two handsome doctors, Rob and Hank."  And that's what we'd see onscreen.

Laverne and Frank's exchange about one of these guys being "the father of Frank's grandchild" was added, as was Frank's semi-coherent remark about pizza during The War.

In the draft, after Frank exits to the kitchen, this is the girls' exchange:

LAVERNE

Shirl, tell me again how all this hard work is gonna pay off and that I'm not bustin' my patootie for nothin'.

SHIRLEY

I don't have to tell you.  Just look around.  Every single one of these guys is a brand new veterinarian.  That's almost as good as a doctor.

By the time of the shooting script, Laverne would already know that they're doing this for the young, handsome animal doctors.  Shirley's half-whispered story about the veterinarian and his patient, and Laverne's delighted disgust, would emerge sometime between the two written versions.  On the other hand, this part, after Shirley says, "Maybe he loved her," did not make it onscreen:

LAVERNE

Maybe it was one of these guys.

SHIRLEY

No, it was in 1840.

LAVERNE

Are any of you guys named Ripley?

 In the draft, there's a bit more of Frank's objections to his date with Edna:

FRANK

(TOPPING A PIZZA) We got busy.  I can't go.

EDNA

Sure you can.  Laverne can take over for you.

FRANK

I ain't got nothing to wear.

EDNA

I brought a suit.

And a little later, there's this, because Edna actually cries:

FRANK

Stop crying.  I hate when you cry.

EDNA

Do you hate it more than the opera?

FRANK

I dunno.

EDNA CRIES LOUDER.

FRANK (CONT'D)

I hate cryin' more.  We'll go.  Laverne, Shirley!!!

In the shooting script and onscreen, Edna instead threatens to hit Frank.

And after Frank summons the girls, the draft has this:

LAVERNE

Pop, where's that beer for table five?  I'm falling behind.

FRANK

Good.  You got everything under control.

SHIRLEY
No, Mr. DeFazio.  We're getting swamped.

FRANK

I'll get out of your way.  When you get a chance you can deliver these pizzas.  (HANDS HER SOME ORDER SLIPS) I gotta go get dressed up and listen to some fat broad yell in Italian.  (TO EDNA) You tricked me. I though "Madame Butterfly" was that fortune teller on South Street.

HE GOES BACK TO CHANGE.

EDNA

I better go back and help.  He gets his fingers caught in the bow tie.

SHE EXITS.

LAVERNE

When are we gonna have time to deliver pizzas?

SHIRLEY

More important.  When are we gonna have time to talk to those gorgeous vets?

LAVERNE

Look, we're the bosses now.  We can do whatever we want.  Which one do you want to talk to?

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER, AND SNEAK IN BEHIND THE GIRLS.  LENNY APPROACHES LAVERNE AND PUTS HIS HANDS OVER HER EYES.

LENNY

Guess who?

LAVERNE

I smell Polish sausage.

LENNY

(TO SQUIGGY) She guessed.  Now what'll we play?

SHIRLEY

We don't have time for games.  Can't you see we're busy?

SQUIGGY

Okay, we'll skip the details.  We're here to announce that you girls have the privilege of escorting us tomorrow to the Annual Teamsters Picnic.

LAVERNE

Why would we want to do that?

LENNY

They got mud fights.

SHIRLEY

Gee, fellas, it sounds so tempting, what can we say but, no.

THE GIRLS GO BACK TO WORK.  LENNY AND SQUIGGY CONFER FOR A MOMENT.

SQUIGGY

Don't worry, Len.  I'll outsmart them.

LENNY

Against your mind, they don't stand a chance.

SQUIGGY

(TO LENNY) Thank you.  (TO THE GIRLS) I bet you ladies could use some help to relieve your delicate female forms of this drudgery.

LAVERNE

Yeah, we sure could.  Why, you guys volunteering?

LENNY

Sure.  We could help clear tables.

SHIRLEY

While we talked to the vets.

SQUIGGY

Entertain the servicemen all you like, but we'd want some gratitude.  What do you say to the Teamsters picnic now?

THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND AGREE.

LAVERNE

It's a deal.  Start with that table.

THE BOYS CROSS TO THE TABLE.

SQUIGGY

(TO CUSTOMERS) Okay, clear out!

LENNY CLEANS OFF THE TABLE WITH ONE SWOOP OF HIS ARM.  BEER, ETC. FLIES EVERYWHERE.  SOME OF IT LANDS ON TWO CUTE GUYS.

SHIRLEY

I think that's enough help for one night.  Why don't you boys go home?

LAVERNE

Yeah, but don't leave empty handed.  Deliver these pizzas on the way.

LENNY

Then you're going tomorrow?

LAVERNE

Yeah, yeah.  Now get going and don't drop them.  And don't eat them.

SQUIGGY

Try to look nice tomorrow for the picnic.

LENNY

Wear your Sunday best.  Remember you'll be seen with us.

In the shooting script, there's no sign of the boys, but after Edna' "makes Frank's hand gesture," there's this:

FRANK

I can't go.  I'll prove it.

HE CALLS GIRLS OVER.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Laverne, Shirley.

GIRLS COME TO FRANK

FRANK (CONT'D)

Tell her how I can't leave you all alone with this room full of customers.

LAVERNE PUSHES THE SUIT INTO FRANK'S ARMS.

LAVERNE

See ya, Pop.  Have a wonderful time.

SHIRLEY

Tell us how it ends.

FRANK

Can't trust anybody.

FRANK EXITS.

EDNA

Good luck with the veterinarians.  Hope you find two with cold, wet noses.

SHE EXITS.

Onscreen, there's a time-skip instead to the part where Laverne is "wiggling and squiggling," to the point that Shirley tells her her tail is wagging.

In the shooting script, the girls argue over Rob and Hank as "the dark haired guy" and "the blond," while onscreen both men have dark hair, so it's instead about what they're wearing.  Also, in that script "the guys stand up, showing their sizes," so the girls switch to match better by size.  Onscreen, the guys keep sitting for awhile.

In the draft, this happens after Lenny and Squiggy exit:

THE GIRLS GO OVER TO ROB AND HANK'S TABLE.  ROB HAS A BEARD.  THEY ARE WIPING SPILLED BEER OFF THEMSELVES.

SHIRLEY

Oh, we're terribly sorry.  Look at this, Laverne.  Cheap beer on their expensive synthetic suits.

SHIRLEY TRIES TO CLEAN HANK'S SUIT WHILE LAVERNE TAKES A NAPKIN AND STARTS TO WIPE ROB'S BEARD.

LAVERNE

And they got beer all over your beard.  We can make it a beer shampoo.  (SHE STARTS RUBBING THE BEER INTO HIS BEARD)  Ooh, this is soft.

ROB

Thank you.  That's very nice.

LAVERNE

My pleasure.  Is there anything else we can do to make this up to you?

Then Rob brings up Laverne's father boasting about her lasagna.  In both scripts, Laverne says, "I'm not going to cook lasagna for forty veterinarians," but onscreen Shirley agrees about Laverne being a wonderful cook, and Laverne adds that she'd be a wonderful mother.

Somehow the two guys leaving because they have to "suture a cat" became them "neutering a duck"!  After they exit, the draft has the following:

LAVERNE

Oh, I'm gonna get to kiss my first beard.  Hope I don't laugh if it tickles.

GIRLS STARE AT ADDRESS FOR A MINUTE IN DISBELIEF.

SHIRLEY

I cant believe it.  Two animal doctors.

LAVERNE

Yeah, we really stepped in it this time.

In the shooting script, Shirley would ask, "Is this what they call scoring?", which became "getting lucky" by the time of actual filming.

Onscreen, when Frank emerges in evening clothes and top hat, Edna points out that his fly is open, and the scene ends soon after.  Here's what was left in both versions of the script:

LAVERNE

Pop, you look like a million bucks.

FRANK

I'd rather have the money.

SHIRLEY

You look positively stunning.  It's a shame to waste that fabulous look in a dark theatre where no one can see you.

FRANK

She's right.  I'm puttin' my other clothes back on.

EDNA STARTS USHERING FRANK OUT THE DOOR.

EDNA

You want people to see you?  You can ride on the hood of the car.

EDNA PUSHES FRANK OUT.

There's a bit more in the shooting script:

GIRLS WALK OVER TO THE GUYS [sic] TABLE AND START CLEANING IT.

SHIRLEY

I love their aftershave.  It made me weak in the knees.

LAVERNE

I think it was ether.

SHIRLEY

Makes sense.

Many thoughts:

• The "1840" exchange makes Laverne sound dumb, so I'm glad it was dropped.
• I'm not crazy about Edna threatening violence against Frank, but I prefer it to her crying manipulatively.  
• And I think I prefer the girls pushing Frank to go on the date to their resistance in the draft and the time-skip onscreen.
• Polish.  Sausage.  That Laverne can smell.
• Of course Lenny has faith in Squiggy's mind.
• The confusion about "vets" would resurface in the shooting script.
• I kind of like the boys making a mess of cleaning.  I mean, at least it serves a plot purpose, sort of, although the girls manage to introduce themselves to Rob and Hank without it in later versions.
• The boys' exit lines are cute, and somewhat reminiscent of Lenny's exit lines in "Hi, Neighbor, Book II."
• It's not a great scene for them, but I kind of wish it was in there.  The shooting script and the filmed version would have a different set-up for the picnic date, and this may affect the impact on the viewer/reader, which I'll discuss when we get to Scene B.
• I like Edna's exit line.  I'm not crazy about Frank's description of opera.  
• Also, Edna helps Frank get dressed, implying some intimacy.
• God, the image of Frank riding on the hood, dressed like that!
• "Squiggling."
• Rob and Hank's appearances definitely went through some changes.  And Laverne sure is turned on by Rob's beard in the draft.  (A joke on Penny about Rob Reiner?)
• I like the "expensive synthetic suits" line.
• The "ether" exchange is especially tasteless if you remember "Angels of Mercy."