"Call Me a Taxi," Scenes H and J

We're still at the "Danceland Ballroom - night":

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER.  THE NEW SEXY BIT WORKED.  THEY HAVE LOTS OF TICKETS.  THEY'RE FINISHING UP A DANCE.  LAVERNE IS BAREFOOTED.  THEY'RE COMING OFF THE DANCE FLOOR.  SHIRLEY TURNS TO ONE GIRL.

SHIRLEY

I'm takin' a litle break.  Mess with any of my guys, you'll get this.  (MAKES TINY FIST)

LAVERNE

Come on, let's sit down.  I'm dyin' here.

This was left out after Shirley says she and Laverne are working there:

SQUIGGY

So you wouldn't move in with us but you work in a dive like this.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY DO A RONNY.

LENNY

Low blow.  How'd you like every one at the brewery to know about your other life?

SQUIGGY

And your other chest?

LAVERNE

Look, Hickey, which one of you is Hickey?

LENNY/SQUIGGY

(TOGETHER) I am.

SQUIGGY

You wish you was Hickey.

LAVERNE

We'll make a deal.  You keep your mouths shut and we won't blow your cover.  Okay with you, Stickey?

LENNY

Okay, you've got a deal.  Now that that's settled let's dance.

A SOFT SONG STARTS PLAYING.

LAVERNE

Fellows, give us a break.  We can't stand up anymore.

SQUIGGY

Nothing doin'.  (GETTING LOUD) You gotta dance with every guy who has a dime.  That is the ropes.

LAVERNE    

What the heck, we have enough powder on.

And then a bit later, they omitted Laverne saying, "Take it easy, we're real tired," and Shirley adding, "No monkey bizness."

The dance is not described, so maybe Lander and McKean were just supposed to improvise.  Here's what we lost afterwards:

SHIRLEY

Right.  You guys want to dance again?

LENNY

You girls had your thrill.

SQUIGGY

Yeah besides, we gotta spread ourselves thin over all these women.  Oh -- there's Wanda!  And she's streaked her hair!

LENNY

Oh, Wanda!

SHIRLEY

Laverne, am I wrong or was he wearing a garlic lapel pin?

TWO MEN IMMEDIATELY COME OVER TO THEM AND GIVE THEM TICKETS.  A SPRY, ELDERLY MAN IN A WALKER WITH A JACKET THAT SAYS IN HUGE LETTERS "HELL ON WHEELS" APPROACHES LAVERNE.

LAVERNE
(INDICATES SHIRLEY)  She's a better dancer.  (TO SHIRLEY) You got him, Shirl.

SHIRLEY DOES A BURN.  LAVERNE LOOKS SMUG, IS CONFRONTED BY A MAN WITH A PARROT ON HIS ARM.  

We do see Laverne dance with "the parrot man."

Frank is ruder to Charmayne in the script, telling her, "Get outta my way!", rather than mumbling an "Excuse me."  

This was dropped:

FRANK

What are you doing here?

LAVERNE

Workin'.

FRANK

What happened to your dress?

LAVERNE

I ripped it.

FRANK

You couldn't wait for one of them to do it.

And they skipped this, after Laverne says they're making a living:

FRANK

Livin'?  With creeps!  Weirdos!  Birds!  Don't you know those things carry diseases?

SHIRLEY

The birds or the creeps?

They left out Shirley saying, "We danced with the scum of the earth for" the tickets.

In both the script and onscreen, the scene ends with Frank dancing with both girls.

The tag is set at the "Pizza Bowl - night."  Carmine's song is just described as "a number," not a specific song.  The only real change is that Rosie enters after a bit in the script, but she's already seated as the scene opens.

Thoughts:

• So Shirley is turning into Charmayne after a few hours.
• The LLSS dialogue is a little uneven, although I like lines here and there, like "You wish you was Hickey."
• Shirley is actually willing to dance with Squiggy, despite the garlic, which tells you how awful the other guys there are.
• It seems particularly cruel of Laverne to say Shirley is the better dancer, just to avoid the "Hell on Wheels" man (whom we do see onscreen, without the walker), considering everyone knows Laverne was the best girl dancer in the Class of '56 at Fillmore High.
• It's a corny joke format, but I like the "birds & creeps" exchange between Frank and Shirley.
• This was a solid script that mostly needed trimming.