LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE SITTING WITH FRANK. LAVERNE IS SHOWING HIM HER LICENSE.
LAVERNE
See? Brown eyes, brown hair. Five feet six... Hey, that's not my weight. Where did they get that from?
FRANK
You could never lie to an authority, Laverne.
LAVERNE
Pop!
FRANK
Calm down! Can I get you a soda?
LAVERNE
Okay. Wait, no. Get me a water.
FRANK
Shirley?
SHIRLEY
Yeah, thanks.
HE GOES.
LAVERNE
Shirl, I can't tell you how great it is to have a license. I feel like a real person now. Never again will I go to places where they ask me for an I.D. and have them laugh at me for showing them a library card. (SHE TAKES OUT CARD) This little piece of cardboard has caused me more humiliation... (SHE SMUGLY TEARS IT UP INTO LITTLE PIECES)
SHIRLEY
Uh... Laverne?
LAVERNE
Yeah?
SHIRLEY
You just ripped up your license...
LAVERNE THINKS FOR A MINUTE.
LAVERNE
Anybody got tape? Some glue? A band-aid....
The "DSS" tag is basically unchanged from script to screen, although Laverne was supposed to "knock the tray over onto Shirley," rather than spill her milk & Pepsi.
Thoughts:
- There are a lot of rejected fat jokes in these scripts, which makes me wonder about my copy of the "2001CO" script I own, but I'll be patient.
- I still don't think of Laverne's hair as brown, but I guess it's light brown. She definitely does not have brown eyes!
- What bar, even in the '50s, accepted library cards as proof of age/identification?
- Laverne is kind of an idiot in the "Porcupine" script, not on Season Eight levels, but yeah.
"Porcupine" had a good basic plot, with the girls buying a car together, but the execution obviously took a long time getting there. Luckily, they didn't have to rush to get Season Two on the air as quickly as Season One, so they were able to get this premiere episode to be funnier, better plotted, and less spiteful than what it was when Jack Winter, and Starsky & Hutch, first worked on it.
The license ripping idea is cute, but yeah, the fat jokes suck and her eyes are definitely not brown!
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