"Hi Neighbors," Scene H

Despite the commercial break/ act-change, this scene is set in the apartment, "the next moment":

LAVERNE, STILL GROGGY, CLOSES THE DOOR AS SQUIGGY ARRANGES HIS PILLOW ON THE COUCH.

LAVERNE

Squiggy, do you know what time it is?

SQUIGGY

(CHECKING HIS "WATCH" SARCASTICALLY) Yeah, it's half past a freckle, Eastern Elbow Time.

LAVERNE

Look, you can't sleep here.

SQUIGGY

Don't worry, Laverne, I'll be all right.

That was deleted and the scene begins with Laverne's line from the script about setting fire to "bachelor heaven."  Onscreen, they're both sitting on the couch and she has to get him to speak more quietly.  In the script, Squiggy instead says, "I wish.  I should have burned down that stupid bohunk."  And Laverne suggests, "Why don't you tell me what happened on your way OUT?"  Then Squiggy would lie down, which doesn't happen until a bit later onscreen.

In the script, Laverne says Squiggy "had references.  From a certain Shirley Feeney," while onscreen she less cattily says Lenny kicked him out.

Also in the script, Laverne yells, "Squiggy!  FIRE!  HURRICANE!  FREE BEER!"  Then Shirley says, "I think he's in dreamland, Laverne," which gets the reply, "I don't care if he's in Disneyland, Shirl, let's get him out of here.  Get his feet."

The filmed scene emphasizes the action of the girls trying to take Squiggy out of their apartment and sacrifices some dialogue:

SHIRLEY

He doesn't look that heavy.

LAVERNE

Well, here we are... just the three of us.  Just you and me and Baby Snooks.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, you can't blame me for --

LAVERNE

Oh, don't get me wrong, Shirl.  I think it'll be a great set-up.  I've always wanted a sleep-in maniac.

SHIRLEY

He's not necessarily a maniac...

LAVERNE

All I know is, if I had talked to Mrs. Havenwurst they never could've moved in.

SHIRLEY

And if I had answered the door just now, this wouldn't be on our couch.

SQUIGGY SNORES.

LAVERNE

And if you hadn't wiped gravy out of his ears, we never --

SHIRLEY

Laverne!  Why are we fighting?  We both agree on this: Squiggy has got to go.

SQUIGGY SNORES.

LAVERNE

I don't want to lift him anymore.

AS SHIRLEY SPEAKS, SHE BEGINS TUCKING SQUIGGY IN.

SHIRLEY (CON'TD)

We'll be firm.  He can't stay here anymore.

LAVERNE

What are you doing?

SHIRLEY

Just making sure he's comfy cozy.

LAVERNE

Why does he have to be comfy cozy in our house?

THEY START FOR THE BEDROOM.

SHIRLEY

Well, he's a guest.

LAVERNE

A guest is someone you invite.

SHIRLEY

He's an unexpected guest.

THEY EXIT.

Thoughts:

• I feel like David wrote all or most of this scene, making Squiggy unpleasant from the get-go, with his sarcastic "watch" line.
• "Bohunk" is an ethnic slur against people from central or southeastern Europe.  I guess it's less offensive than "Polack," but it's still surprising to run into here.
• Shirley's "dreamland" line (and the "tot" line, which comes mid-scene but got moved to the end of the filmed scene) are deliberately quaint, which probably says something about how David and maybe Michael (and Harry?) saw Shirley.
• The boys moving in definitely leads to more arguments between the girls in the script than onscreen.
• In this script at least, Shirley has a higher opinion of Squiggy than Laverne does, since she thinks he's not necessarily a maniac.  This would change over time.
• She's also maternal with him, and the gravy in the ears is a nice callback.
• This scene is not drastically different than what got filmed, compared to the thing of the girls being in the Pizza Bowl scene, but again, the girls are given more to do in the written version.