"Did She or Didn't She?", Scene 4

The scenes in Act Two aren't lettered or numbered in the script.  We're back in the girls' living room, at "night":

A LITTLE LATER.  LAVERNE ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM.  SHE'S CHANGED INTO A DRESS.  THE FRONT DOOR IS THROWN OPEN AND A DISHEVELED, ANGRY SHIRLEY ENTERS.

Shirley looks more frightened than angry onscreen, and she barricades the door.  Laverne trying to get out the line "Well, if isn't Miss Morning Grooming" was added, since she just spits it out in the script.

In the script, Laverne's reaction to Shirley saying she was "attacked" was a calm "That's nice, Shirl," while Laverne laughs scornfully onscreen.  Also, in the script, Laverne waves the air and remarks, "Whew.  It smells like a perfume factory in here."  And then after Shirley says she hit Bobby with her purse, there's this:

SHIRLEY

...(HOLDS IT UP) Luckily my biggest bottle of perfume was inside.  That's what you're smelling.

LAVERNE

You broke a bottle of perfume over his head?

SHIRLEY

It's okay, Vernie.  It only coast a dollar ninety-five at Rector's.

LAVERNE

I was worried about his head.

Onscreen, Laverne is bitter and mocking, but here's what she was like in this version:

LAVERNE

(TRYING TO UNDERSTAND) Shirl, I'm very confused.  Are you telling the truth?

SHIRLEY

Of course.  I never lie to you.

LAVERNE

Well then, I don't know how to tell you this.

SHIRLEY

Tell me what?

LAVERNE

Your image of yourself is not the same as the public's.

SHIRLEY

How do you mean?

LAVERNE

Shirl, you think you're a tortoise but all the guys at work think you're a passion pit.

SHIRLEY

Me?  They're talking about me the way they used to talk about Backseat Bonnie?  Are they crazy?!

LAVERNE

You're telling me it isn't true.

SHIRLEY

You had a doubt?!

LAVERNE

Well... Look, I'm sorry.  It's just that all those guys were calling you.  I lost my head.

SHIRLEY

You mean all those guys called me with that in mind?

Onscreen, Laverne bitterly tells Shirley about the rumor, to the shock of "Shirley 'Wait for the Wedding Night' Feeney."  They kept Laverne's line about Shirley being "the victim of a very strange rumor" and elaborated on Shirley's "Who would start a rumor like that?", with Shirley wondering what kind of idiot would.  The onscreen scene ends there and Hello-ishly segues to Lenny greeting Laverne at the Pizza Bowl.  But here's the last page or so of the scene in the script:

LAVERNE

Don't worry, we'll find him.

SHIRLEY

Not "we".  You.  I'm not stepping one foot out of this apartment with people thinking what they're thinking about me.

LAVERNE

Don't be silly.  You can't stay inside.

THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

SHIRLEY

Who is it?

DOUGY (O.S.)

It's me.  Dougy.

SHIRLEY

(TO LAVERNE)  Dirty Dougy?

DOUGY (O.S.)

Are you in there, Laverne?

LAVERNE

I'm sorry, Dougy.  I just got the measles.  You better go home.

DOUGY (O.S.)

Is Shirley in there?  I hear she's more fun anyway.

LAVERNE

She's not here.

DOUGY (O.S.)

I can't get a break.

SHIRLEY

(WHISPERS TO LAVERNE) Not one foot out of this apartment.

Thoughts:

• I'm just going to say it, I like this version of Laverne better than what we got canonically.  The series was often problematic about rape and attempted rape, and having Laverne react scornfully to Shirley's attack doesn't sit right with me.  This Laverne apologizes, which the one onscreen doesn't, although she does redeem herself somewhat by trying to get to the truth.
• There's still humor in the scene, like with the broken perfume bottle and Dirty Dougy, but it's not at Shirley's expense.
• And now I wonder who they would've got to do Dougy's offstage voice.
• Note that this sets up Shirley showing up in disguise, since she doesn't want to leave the apartment.
• I do love Shirley's nickname for herself, but the rest of the scene is weaker than on the page, quite a change from the very earliest scripts.