"The Playboy Show," Scene E

A bit of this scene became the tag, but here it is in its entirety:

INT. LAVERNE'S APARTMENT - THE NEXT WEEK

LAVERNE IS DOING SOME LAST MINUTE PRACTICING BEFORE HER BIG NIGHT AT THE PLAYBOY CLUB.  SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE ARE A TEDDY BEAR PROPPED UP ON SOME BOOKS.  A BOX WITH A MELON AS A HEAD (WEARING A HAT), AND A MOP HANDLE WEARING A SHIRT.  LAVERNE HOLDS A TRAY AND APPROACHES THE TABLE.

LAVERNE

Hello, I'm Bunny Laverne, have you folks decided what to order?  One cup of hot porridge for the bear... What'll it be, Melon-head?  (SMILES)  Oh, why thank you, you've got quite a figure yourself.  (AS IF SHE'S JUST BEEN PINCHED) Hey, watch it, Moppo.

THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND FRANK ENTERS WITH A BOX OF TAKE HOME PIZZA.

FRANK

(STOPS) Oh, sorry.  I didn't know you had friends over.

LAVERNE

No, Pop, come in.  It's just Moppo, Teddy, and Melon-head.

FRANK

(TO GUESTS) Hi.  Nice to meet you.

LAVERNE

Pop, we gotta talk.

FRANK

I know.  That's why I came over.  Here.

HANDS HER THE BOX.

FRANK (CONT'D) 

It's to say I'm sorry about blowin' up at you.

LAVERNE

(READING BOX) "Bob's Real New Orleans Pizza."  Aw, Pop, you didn't have to...

THEY GO TO HUG, THE BOX BETWEEN THEM.

FRANK

(BACKING AWAY) Enough mush.  I'm starved.

HE TAKES THE BOX TO THE KITCHEN AND OPENS IT UP.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Lately I been doing some thinkin', and, well... if you wanna be a bunny, you got my blessin'.  I was so mad at myself, I was takin' it out on you.

FRANK TAKES A BITE OF THE PIZZA.

LAVERNE

Gee, I don't know what to say.

FRANK

That stinks!

LAVERNE

But if it bothers you that much, I'll think of somethin'.

FRANK

I'm talkin' about the pizza.  A real Italian pizza gotta have more garlic.

FRANK TAKES GRATED GARLIC OUT OF A CUPBOARD AND SHAKES SOME ONTO THE PIZZA.

FRANK

And it needs some good old country peppers...

HE OPENS THE FRIDGE.  HE TAKES OUT A GREEN BRICK.

FRANK (CONT'D)

What's this?

LAVERNE

Oh, that's Christmas cheese.

FRANK

What's Christmas cheese?

LAVERNE

I bought it last Christmas.

FRANK TAKES A BOTTLE OF CHOPPED PEPPERS AND PUTS SOME ON THE PIZZA.

FRANK

A little olive oil...

FRANK WHISTLES AS HE GETS A BOTTLE OUT OF THE CUPBOARD AND SPRINKLES SOME ONTO THE PIZZA.  HE BEGINS SINGING.

FRANK (CONT'D)

(SINGING) "When the moon hits the sky like a big pizza pie, that [sic] amore...

LAVERNE

Pop, you wanna take a look at yourself here?  Ten minutes ago you were unhappy cause you weren't doing what you wanted to do.  Now look at you.  You're so happy and loose, you make linguini look tense.

FRANK

Ten minutes ago I wasn't makin' pizza.  You know, I forgot how good it feels.

LAVERNE

So what's stoppin' you, Pop?  Nobody says Cowboy Bill's has to only serve burgers and ribs.

FRANK

My daughter's a genius.

LAVERNE

Yeah, well, she's also late.  I gotta get down to the club.  Hugh Hefner's gonna be there.

FRANK

Good luck, Muffin.

LAVERNE STARTS TO EXIT.

LAVERNE

I wonder if he looks the same in person as he does in the magazine.

FRANK

I wouldn't know.  I only read it for the articles.

LAVERNE EXITS AS FRANK MAKES PIZZA.

Some thoughts:

• The script said that Hefner would be at the next phase of the audition on the "tomorrow" of Scene D.  The only way this is "next week" is if Scene D takes place on a Saturday.
• If mops represent Lenny in the symbolism of the series....
• Doesn't the use of these props as "guests" feel more like something Milwaukee-Shirley would've done?
• The tag definitely shortens and simplifies Frank returning to his pizza-making roots.  He does apologize for "blowing up at her."
• This is kind of a sweet father-daughter scene, not classic, but cute.
• What's stopping him?  I don't know, can he just arbitrarily change the menu of a franchise like that?
• Judging by photos, Hef pretty much looked the same from the '50s until death, other than aging I mean.  It's not like Fabian trying to pass as his teenage self in the late '70s.