"Crime Isn't Pretty" script, Scene E

We're still in the girls' apartment with continuous action.  This opening scene of Act Two is nowhere to be found in what aired, so I'll quote it in full:

THE BOYS AND FRANK PEEK FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN, ONE HEAD ON TOP OF THE OTHER.

FRANK

Let's get him!

THEY JUMP FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN, TEARING IT AS THEY RUN.  THEY LEAP FOR THE INTRUDER, BREAKING A LAMP AND A TABLE AS THE SCUFFLE ENSUES.

CARMINE

I got a leg.

FRANK

I got a leg.

SQUIGGY

I got a leg.

CARMINE

I got a tail?

FRANK TURNS ON THE LIGHTS TO REVEAL A SCRAWNY DOG IN THE GRIPS OF SQUIGGY AND CARMINE.

FRANK

It's only a dog.

SQUIGGY

Sure, that's what he wants you to think.  Just let me handle this.

SQUIGGY PICKS UP THE DOG AND THROWS HIM ON THE COUCH.

SQUIGGY (CONT'D)

Okay, spill your guts.  What's your name?  Not talkin', huh?  Well, two can play that game.

SQUIGGY CROSSES HIS ARMS AND REFUSES TO TALK.

CARMINE

Squiggy, it's a dog.

SQUIGGY

Wake up, Carmine.  Where have you been all your life?  Haven't you heard of a cat burglar in a dog suit?

SQUIGGY STARTS TO PULL AT THE DOG.

SQUIGGY (CONT'D)

All right, off with the costume, buster.

THE DOG BARKS.

FRANK

(TO CARMINE) Maybe Squiggy hit his head on the ceiling.

CARMINE

Looks like he's acting normal to me.

FRANK

Squiggy, you're getting carried away.

SQUIGGY

Oh, really?  He doesn't even have name tags.  Obviously a pro.

FRANK

Squiggy, why would a dog steal a stereo?

CARMINE

Maybe he wants to hear his master's voice.

SQUIGGY

So, we got a motive, we got opportunity...

FRANK

(SCRATCHING) And we got fleas.  Get the dog out.

DOG LEAVES.

SQUIGGY

You bleeding heart liberals.  You've let a common criminal back out on the streets.  If he does any more harm it's on your head.

CARMINE

No.  It's on your shoes.

Well, I mean, you can see why they cut this scene.  They would need a highly trained stunt-dog to pull all this off.  And I love that the dog just leaves when Frank wants it to.  There's really no way this could've been filmed, although I could see it working as a Harry Lucey Archies comic of the '60s.

Still, if I were Al Aidekman or Nick LeRose, by this point I'd be pissed.  Even the physical humor is better than what would air, and there are some genuinely funny lines here.  Note that Squiggy not only canonically voted for Nixon, but he considers Carmine and (of all people) Frank to be bleeding-heart liberals.