"Not Quite South of the Border" script, Scene J

It's back to the lobby, a short time later.

Here's what was left out of the beginning of what became a very short scene:

LAVERNE

Looks like we're not the only ones having a bad night.

SHIRLEY

This really gets my goat.

LAVERNE

Shirl, forget the goat.

SHIRLEY

There comes a time, Laverne, when even a reasonable person like myself gets pushed to the point where she could scream.

SHIRLEY SMILES CALMLY FOR A BEAT AND THEN LETS OUT A BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM.  THE CROWD STARTS TO GATHER AROUND.  LAVERNE HITS SHIRLEY IN THE HEAD.

LAVERNE

Well, it's about time.

SHIRLEY

When I think of all the bottles we capped, the corners we cut just so we could save money to come here and be treated like dirt, I'm fed up to my chihuahuas.

LAVERNE

Her chihuahuas are my chihuahuas.  How about your chihuahuas?

THE CROWD MURMURS ANGRILY.

SHIRLEY

My fellow travelers, we paid good money to come here, and what did we get for it?

LAVERNE STARTS TO MOVE AROUND THE ROOM.

LAVERNE

I'll tell ya what we got!  Rooms with no walls, a bird bath for a pool, (SHE POINTS TO VENDING MACHINE) and a supper club that only takes quarters...

SHIRLEY

Not to mention the loss of our luggage.  Which, I might add contained my smart summer ensemble from Meckler's of Milwaukee.

LAVERNE

Shirl, you're losing 'em.

SHIRLEY

The point is, we got a royal gyp.  And this is one sucker who refuses to be licked.

The two pages with Frick made it in, but there was also this in the script, after the crowd takes Frick into his office for their refunds:

SHIRLEY

You know, Laverne, I wish now we had listened to your father.

LAVERNE

Whaddaya mean?

SHIRLEY

We should have gone to Brooklyn to visit your grandmother.

LAVERNE

Yeah.  She's got a fire escape.

SHIRLEY

Not only that.  Brooklyn is near Jersey.

LAVERNE/SHIRLEY

Near Jersey.

THEY EXIT INTO THE OFFICE.

And so ends Act Two.  I can see why this scene was cut for time, but I like some of the lines we lost, both for humor and character contrast between the girls.  I might've bumped the episode up to a C+ for "chihuahuas" alone.