"Fourth Annual Talent Show" script, Scene A

As so many scripts apparently do, this one starts at the girls' apartment at night:

FRANK IS SITTING ON A CHAIR SULKING.  THERE IS A SUITCASE ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HIM.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE STANDING BEHIND HIM.

The first part of the dialogue mostly made it in, except for Shirley saying that Frank is a much better M.C.  Also, she was supposed to say that the Laverne dummy bore a "striking resemblance" rather than a slight one.  When Frank does his act, he was supposed to have the dummy say, "Aw, Pop, I ain't no nun," rather than that she was a big girl now.*

Note that the girls are scripted to "ad lib argument," which they do a fine job of in the episode.  The scene in the episode ends with Frank saying, "When you got it, you got it," and we lost the next couple pages.

EDNA AND CARMINE ENTER, AS FRANK STARTS TO EXIT.

EDNA

Hi, Frank.  How'd it go?

FRANK

I was too good.  Didn't even get to my big finish where one dummy sings, "High Hopes" and the other one drinks milk and Pepsi.  So I'm gonna be M.C.  I gotta go practice my ad libs.

FRANK EXITS

CARMINE

We got a real show stopper for you.  Me and Edna doing "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

SHIRLEY

I'm sure your number is great, but we have to work on our act... We're doing a hot rock and roll routine.

LAVERNE

And we need the time.  Shirl don't even know how to twirl a mike.

SHIRLEY

I thought that was our little secret.

EDNA

C'mon, girls, we've worked so hard and we've gotta try it out on somebody.

LAVERNE

How about if we see it tomorrow when we show all the acts to Mr. Shotz...  You'll get a stage, a spotlight and a free can of beer.

EDNA

Okay, fine.  I'm only your stepmother.  Run roughshod over me.  Don't give me the support and encouragement I need.  I'll be all right.

CARMINE

(TO SHIRLEY) And don't worry about me.  I'll still love you and take care of you and expect nothing in return.  Come on, Edna, let's go somewhere and cry our eyes out.

LAVERNE

(TO SHIRLEY) She's my mother.

THE GIRLS STARE AT EACH OTHER A BEAT.

SHIRLEY/LAVERNE

Five, six, seven, eight.

EDNA AND CARMINE BEGIN THEIR NUMBER....

But we won't see it until Scene B.  I can see why this was cut, since Edna and Carmine don't come off particularly well, and it's silly to have their act mentioned but not seen.  I would've liked Frank's line about his big finish, but that could've been included without the other two coming in.  We're off to a decent start, but the script will get better.

 

*Laverne's inability to be a nun seems to be a recurring theme in these script drafts.