"Fourth Annual Talent Show" script, Scene B

It's the next day, at the Shotz Auditorium:

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE SEATED AT A TABLE.  BERNICE AND MILO, THE DANCING BEAR, ARE DOING A GREEK FOLK DANCE.

SHIRLEY

I love it.  Isn't that cute?  That bear's so light on his paws.

LAVERNE

Shirl, we got five animal acts already.  Even Ed Sullivan never has more than two.

SHIRLEY

You got your mother and father -- I get my animals.  Admit it, you loved the dog that imitated Pat Boone.

LAVERNE

Yeah, I did like the four little white shoes.

SHIRLEY

C'mon, whataya say?  Whataya say?

LAVERNE

Okay.

This was all left out and the scene begins with Bernice and Milo finishing up their act.  Note that in the script, Milo appears to be an actual bear, like in "Antonio the Amazing," while it's someone in an obvious bear costume in the episode, although Milo is treated like a real bear.  So the line about him doing the choreography has a different feel.

The dialogue was mostly intact for about a page, but in the episode Squiggy hellos after Laverne wonders if Mr. Shotz hates animals, while in the script we got a little more.

SHIRLEY

Unfurl your brow, Laverne.  We'll dazzle him with our rock and roll number.

LAVERNE

I don't know.  The mood he's in he'd...  (RASPBERRY SOUND)... Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.

This is arguably funnier, or at least more original.  After Lenny wonders why a talking bear is wasting his time dancing, Squiggy was supposed to say, "He's worried.  Look how long it's been since Francis the talking mule made a picture," which doesn't quite work, although Lander's delivery might've salvaged it.

The script just tells us, "The boys do their act," so presumably McKean and Lander were expected to come up with their song for the episode, as usual.  Also not scripted, the girls boogying down to the song, and Laverne telling the boys that they were very good, and Lenny's reply, "Ah, thanks a lot, Laverne," another of those little Lavenny moments we can thank Marshall and McKean for.  (There are more later on this episode of course.)

Also, in the script, Squiggy was supposed to think that Mr. Shotz's raspberry meant he "loved it," while in the episode it's Lenny who thinks it, so Laverne gently says, "No, Len."  Furthermore, Lenny in the script says, "You know, Squig, in some Arab lands they do that every good meal," and then the boys exit.  But in the episode, Laverne suggests they take the band out for burgers.

The next three and a half pages carried over from script to episode, with full "Yankee Doodle Dandy" lyrics, although Laverne yelling, "Sell it, Mom!" was added.  Also, the girls were supposed to sing, "God Bless America," rather than "You're a Grand Old Flag."

And so ends Act One.

So far, there's not anything startling in this script.  It continues to be a good base for the episode, although it had to be trimmed and added to as needed.