"The Horse Show"

"The Horse Show"
January 17, 1978
B-

If you can get past the implausibility that Shirley would take home a horse and Mrs. Babish would be not only OK with it but supportive enough to tell off the authorities, this Judy Ervin story is a pretty good one.  There are some funny moments, like when the girls compare Mr. DeFazio and Buttercup, and when the boys* come in wearing ridiculous cowboy outfits.  I also like Penny M's Harpoesque mime when she accidentally swallows a horse pill, even though I saw that coming. 

I vaguely remember the "Mr. and Mrs. Ed" joke from the time.  (And Mr. Ed wouldn't premiere until about a year after this is set, but that's a minor anachronism for this show.)  The girls pretend that the horses can talk, in order to discourage the boys from jumping them (Laverne and Shirley) at the farm.  Earlier, Lenny bites his hand when he's reminded that he's in Laverne's bedroom.  More of a shipping note is that it takes only one kiss from Shirley to make Carmine drive all over the Wisconsin countryside to find a home for Buttercup.  Both girls must've been Fonzie-level kissers if this series is to be believed.

Bob McClurg has an unnamed role here and would be Policeman #3 four years later.  Robert Casper, who played Max Gruber and is apparently still alive at 95, has TV credits going back to the '50s, but I mostly recognize him as the judge who performed Carol's wedding on The Bob Newhart Show and a bizarre man off the street on Bosom Buddies.


*By this point, just assume that I mean "Lenny & Squiggy" when I say "the boys."  Carmine was in his own category, while Laverne and Shirley do in fact call their upstairs neighbors "the boys."

"The Mortician"

"The Mortician"
January 10, 1978
C+

In Laura Levine's second L & S story, we learn that not only celebrities like Fabian, but ordinary men, like a handsome undertaker, like women to stalk them.  In fact, Laverne even tells the title character that Shirley is dying!  He forgives her pretty quick when he finds out that Laverne just wants to go out with him.

The only shipping notes I have here are that Carmine says, "Va va va voom!" at Shirley's legs, but there's actually more of him dancing with Mrs. Babish, whom he calls "Edna"; and when "the boys" think Shirley is dead, Squiggy refers to Laverne as "the widow DeFazio."

The arrow is from the webpage I stole this from.

John Fink wouldn't do any other L & S roles besides Stan the mortician, but he would be Barry Gates on the Three's Company episode where Janet and Chrissy are rivals for his interest, an episode that aired later that night!  (I doubt nine-year-old me noticed.)

"New Year's Eve 1959"

"New Year's Eve 1959"
December 27, 1977
B

Marc Sotkin also wrote this episode, which is the best of the season so far.  Laverne has a chance to finally date Pete, the guy who gave her her first kiss ten years ago, when she was in the 6th grade.  (This confirms that they're going with the girls being born in '38, no matter what we might've thought in Season One.)  He's recently broken up with his long-term girlfriend, Bea, and Shirley encourages Laverne to get Pete to invite her to the five-dollars-a-couple dance Shirley is throwing at the Pizza Bowl for New Year's.  Laverne goes skating with Pete and they have a great time, and then they make out on her couch, despite Shirley bursting in and cockblocking every couple minutes (not that they called it that back then).  They do go to the dance together, but Bea shows up and only has to play their song, "Chances Are," for Pete to take her back.  Poor Laverne is heartbroken, but Shirley cheers her up, including insisting that Laverne is pretty on the inside and out.

I found the episode both funnier and more touching than any episode in awhile, sometimes within the same minute.  We find out that Pete (like Lenny) admires Laverne's toughness, in this case her ability to take a punch, but he finds milk & Pepsi disgusting, so Laverne, who sometimes gives up part of herself to please men, says she's going to give up m & P.  Then later, when she's lost Pete (and he doesn't even dump her or acknowledge her once he sees Bea), she pours a bucket of milk & Pepsi to drown her sorrows.  Also, it's poignant that Laverne doubts her looks, because Penny Marshall always did. 

Cindy Williams does well with both the comedy and drama, and we can see that her heart breaks for Laverne in the scene at the Pizza Bowl.  Although Officer Norman, who's referred to earlier, shows up shortly before midnight, it is the girls' sisterhood that is the most important relationship here.

As for romance, it's actually Shirmine that gets the most attention of the established couples.  Well, we do see Frank refuse to do the Twist with Edna and put on a waltz instead.  But Carmine gets Shirley a diary and writes the first entry for her, saying that "Carmine" told her that she was the best part of the '50s for him and will be the best part of the '60s.  Of course, little did he know they wouldn't see the next decade out together, but that is a long way off at this point.

"Take My Plants, Please"

"Take My Plants, Please"
December 13, 1977
C-

This Marc-Sotkin-written episode is my least favorite of the series so far.  I couldn't get past my irritation at Shirley spending not only her own money but Laverne's to fill the apartment with houseplants that she expects to sell, especially when they had to scrimp and save for the Great Lakes cruise.  Even the thing with Lenny and Squiggy inventing a radio-toothbrush didn't make me smile.  I did like that Jeffrey (I think its name was), the dead iguana-whatsit from "Hi, Neighbor," is apparently being kept in Lenny's locker, as poor Boo Boo Kitty is in Shirley's (presumably not as a regular thing).  Note that Shirley charms Squiggy into buying a plant so of course Laverne convinces Lenny.  Oh, and this time Penny shows off her legs in shorts after playing baseball.

Ralph James, who plays the nameless Man, would the following season land his voiceover role of Orson on Mork & Mindy.

"Shirley's Operation"

"Shirley's Operation"
December 6, 1977
B-

This David W. Duclon story has the cast in Alice in Wonderland costumes for most of the episode, costumes that we hear are borrowed from Squiggy's uncle's wax museum (mentioned in at least one previous episode).  The gang is rehearsing for a play when Shirley doubles over in pain and then passes out.  She's rushed to the hospital and it turns out she has to have her appendix removed.  She's scared of the operation, a contrast to earlier episodes where Laverne was the one who was scared.  (Of driving, of flying, maybe they're just travel fears, although she was fine on the ship.)

And speaking of ships, we get a bit of Shirmine-- Laverne jokes Shirley told her that Carmine (here dressed as the Caterpillar) was all hands-- but there's actually more of Squigley, although that's arguably platonic.  She actually turns to him for comfort, including an embrace, and he tells her that he's always thought of her as "the female Squiggy" (a line I vaguely recall from the time).

And there is definitely comforting going on with Lavenny.  When she thinks that Shirley has died, she automatically goes to him for a hug, and I don't think that it's just that he's standing right next to her.  Later, when she hears that Shirley is going to be all right, she and Lenny hold hands, until she gets self-conscious about it.  Of course, there's also Lenny still in his team-lust, offering himself and Squiggy as Shirley's potential sponge-bathers.  Season Three is kind of weird, and not just romantically.

Oh, and note that they're still dressing P. Marshall more sexily than in the first couple seasons, here with fishnet stockings that make her look like, as Carmine jokes, "the Mad Hooker."

"The Stakeout"

"The Stakeout"
November 29, 1977
C+

Not to be confused with Season One's "Fakeout at the Stakeout," this Barry Rubinowitz story has the FBI staking out a neighbor from the girls' apartment and suspecting Carmine of being an accomplice.  It's a potentially funny episode but it feels like it just doesn't come together, starting with Mrs. Babish letting the G-Men into the apartment before telling the girls about it, and continuing on with Laverne's "seduction" of a married man.  (I do love the Christmas bow in her hair, which she keeps on even after she changes out of her "tramp" outfit.)  Note that the whole thing about Laverne lying about having a Negro "cousin" is very '70s and a bit cringey in its obviousness.  I don't have any shipping notes, other than Shirley describing Carmine as a man she dates "semi-regularly."

Michael L. McManus, who was Moose earlier, here plays Herb Prange.

"Laverne & Shirley Meet Fabian"

"Laverne & Shirley Meet Fabian"
November 22, 1977
C+

Paula A. Roth wrote this episode that doesn't particularly work but is nonetheless interesting.  As the title suggests, the girls meet Fabian, who plays himself.  The problem is that Fabian at 34, especially with gold chains and hair and wardrobe that don't look particularly '50s, seems unable to play himself at sixteen.  (This incidentally makes Shirley even more of a cradle-robber than she was with Richie Cunningham, particularly since we know that "gaga" Shirley has dreamed about Fabian at least twice.)  Furthermore, the girls stalk Fabian, admittedly at the risk of their own lives, and his reaction is to welcome them in off the ledge, offer them coats, pause for the selfie they need to win a bet with Big Rosie (White is good in her couple scenes), and then, with irony that's supposed to be funny, sing "Turn Me Loose" as they cling to him.

Meanwhile there are a couple things going on with Lenny's recent lust for Shirley (Shirlen ship?), as seen on the "cruise" episodes.  One is that it seems to be, for lack of a better term, tag-teaming with Squiggy, as when they grabbed her on the boat and here where he says that they have the right to see her naked since they saved her life (from frostbite waiting on line for tickets).  The other is that it doesn't mean he's lost interest in Laverne, as when he snaps her bra while she's on the phone and when he roots her on in her catfight with Rosie at the Pizza Bowl.  I prefer the moment in the tag, when L, L, S, and S are sitting around playing Monopoly (a scene that should've been longer and less of a throwaway), and Laverne wants Lenny to tell them more about the "midget luau" he and Squiggy went to, but Shirley says, "Don't encourage him" (or maybe it's "Don't encourage them").

Fred Fox, Jr., who wrote "Excuse Me, May I Cut In?" last season, here plays Freddie the Bellhop.

"Cruise: Part 2"

"Cruise: Part 2"
November 15, 1977
B-

Babaloo Mandel's first of two L & S scripts (written with Barry Lange, who has zero other IMDB credits) gets things a bit more on track, although there is Squiggy forcing a kiss on Shirley, admittedly after she's claimed he's her husband in order to keep the two stowaways from being thrown off board.  And when the guys try to hide in the girls' cabin, Squiggy calls "dibs" on Shirley.

I remember both parts vaguely from the time, specifically Lenny's "do some barks" confusion about disembarking on Part One and this time Squiggy looking down the girls' dresses.  Penny M. has some lowcut or spaghetti-strapped outfits here that reveal parts of her tan torso, and she really is being presented less frumpily than in the first season or two, a trend that would continue as I recall.

As for Cindy W., she gets a nice mix of drama and comedy, especially with her whirlwind romance with Ensign Benson (Phillip Clark again).  She thinks he's going to propose and wonders how to let him down, but of course she's mistaken.  Note that Laverne is a lot happier for Shirley than Shirley was for her in Season One, but this won't be the last time that one or both girls think marriage is on the horizon.

"Cruise: Part 1"

Another humiliating attempt
to earn more money.

"Cruise: Part 1"
November 8, 1977
C+

Chris Thompson wrote this first-parter that did give me some moments I really enjoyed, mostly with Mrs. Babish, but also had some consent issue problems, even for the time ('50s or '70s).  Betty Garrett has another nice scene with Cindy W., here telling her that the tour of the Great Lakes will be fun and "of course" the girls will go to Europe someday.  There's some censor-bait in their exchange about men liking "pounding" (as in the waves and other things).  And then later she shows she's still got her musical-comedy skills, dancing with Mekka at the bon voyage party.

That party has Lenny and Squiggy giving goodbye "grabs" not just to Laverne and Shirley but to every woman they can get their hands on.  Not only that, but when the girls are short $50, Lenny encourages Squiggy to donate his beloved moth collection (mentioned on multiple episodes) to them, not out of generosity but so that the girls will be in their debt, day or night.  I prefer the actual shippy moment of Laverne yelling out the window that if Lenny ever puts their money in his mouth again (don't ask), she'll tell everyone he's never vo-di-oh-doed, to which he replies that he has witnesses!  Oh, and I should mention that Fredna are "going steady," an odd term for people in their 50s in the '50s, but whatever.

As the "next week" sequence suggests, Phillip Clark would return as Ensign Benson, Shirley's potential love interest.

"Laverne's Arranged Marriage"

Some nice physical comedy as Laverne takes
off layer after layer of L-embroidered sweaters

"Laverne's Arranged Marriage"
November 1, 1977
B-

Emily Purdum Marshall (whom I'm assuming is some relation to Penny and Garry) didn't write any other L & S episodes, but she offers some insights into Laverne's relationship with her father.  Laverne is afraid to stand up to him when he arranges a marriage for her, but when, at Shirley's encouragement, she does, he gives her the silent treatment, which hurts even more than if he hit her.  Shirley has to talk to Frank and make him see that Laverne can't marry a man she doesn't love.  (Another of the odd things that come back to me after all these years is that the unseen prospective husband has hair on his thumbs.)  We learn that Laverne's parents had an arranged marriage, which seems old-fashioned even for the '30s, but Who's the Boss? would do an arranged-marriage plot in the '80s.

Which brings us to the issue of ethnicity on '70s sitcoms.  On a show like Welcome Back, Kotter, someone's ethnicity is part of their personality and their shtick, taken to ridiculous heights with Juan Epstein, the Puerto-Rican Jew.  On L & S, ethnicity is usually just in the background, although we never forget that Mr. DeFazio is a pizzeria owner with a temper.  (And several episodes reference Laverne's unseen Uncle Fungy [sp?].)  Here on this episode, ethnicity is front and center, from the first moment that an Italian man walks in and looks like he stepped out of The Godfather.  Lenny and Squiggy assume he's a mobster, and being Lenny & Squiggy they jump to the conclusion that what Frank has arranged is their murder (on the grounds that he must hate them more than anyone he knows).  They later pretend to be Italian, although Mr. DeFazio points out that Lenny's last name is Kosnowski.  (Ironically, Andrew Squiggman was supposed to be Italian, as in McKean & Lander's college comedy routine, but then someone decided that there were already too many Italian characters on the show.)  And when Laverne and Shirley enter, Lenny embraces her as his "sister," while Squiggy rejects Shirley for being Irish.

Which of course brings us back to shipping.  Lenny and Squiggy decide in their middle scene to spoil Laverne in order to get her to tell her father not to have them rubbed out.  Lenny does more of the spoiling and even calls Laverne "our little princess."  (That he's got a maid's cap and apron just adds to the humor.)  But the episode is more notable for the revival of Shirmine.  They (offscreen) share some Chinese food and agree to start dating again.  They don't know whether to kiss goodnight but eventually do and we can tell by the fact that they separately burst into song that it's a good kiss.  I'm not sure why that ship is back on, but maybe the producers decided there wasn't enough for Carmine to do as a platonic friend.

Which brings us to the opening credits.  I only noticed this on the previous episode and this one, but the Season Three credits are very similar to the ones for Season Two, except for three brief scenes that have been inserted.  One has Fredna kissing as he throws pizza dough and it lands on them, the show's usual blend of humor into romance.  The others have Lenny & Squiggy, first bursting in after watching a fire in that one episode where Laverne & Shirley were getting ready to go on dates; and Lenny & Squiggy ogling girls in their usual manner.  There is no new Carmine scene, and I think he's just in the clip where he crashes into the girls during a dance lesson.  I'm curious to see if he'll be built up more, in the episodes and in the credits, but it's fair to say he didn't have the following of Lenny & Squiggy, then or now.  (Nothing against Carmine or Mekka of course.)

"The Robot Lawsuit"

"The Robot Lawsuit"
October 25, 1977
B-

This is the first of fourteen episodes written by Judy Ervin, who had recently played Terry Buttafucco.  It's another that I vaguely remember from the time, especially moments that would've amused a nine-year-old, like Shirley's Mr. Get Well singing to cheer up Laverne.  L & S are toy-shopping for Shirley's nieces, Mindy & Cindy.  (It doesn't say who their father is, but I get the impression that Shirley has at least two older brothers.)  Laverne plays with a robot, which attacks her.  She can't move her neck, which is why Shirley has to cheer her up.  Also, the toy store is charging them $120 (about $250 in 1977 money, $1050 in 2019) for damage to the robot.  A lawyer shows up and encourages them to sue for $100,000, even if it means Laverne must lie on the witness stand.  Laverne gives a speech about "your system," but the judge does the right thing and makes a little speech of his own, another way this was very much a kids' show (no matter the innuendo of a robot mounting Laverne).

The shipping notes on this one are pretty straightforward.  Lenny and Squiggy want Laverne to give them money even before she goes to court, and in the effort to kick them out of the apartment, her neck is cured.  She acts as if she's going to kiss both boys in gratitude but thinks better of it.  Squiggy doesn't seem to notice, but Lenny is definitely receptive.

Richard Karron is Robert A. Markland here but would return as The Ghost in the final season.  Although he didn't do any other L & S episodes, Billy Curtis, who is in the robot suit, had a long-running career, from The Terror of Tiny Town and The Wizard of Oz in the '30s to Faerie Tale Theatre and Eating Raoul in the '80s.