"The Mummy's Bride," Scenes C and D

We return to the "girls' apartment - same day."  They left out Laverne telling Shirley she should've used mothballs with the wedding dress, and Shirley replying, "I did.  They ate those too."

When Shirley was on the phone, Laverne was supposed to say to herself, "She's right.  I'm gonna look up from that bowl of chili and meet Mr. Right.  I gotta remember to always have breath mints."  But otherwise, the short scene is faithful and it ends Act One.

Act Two opens in the same place but the next day.  In the script, the girls serve cake at the short wedding shower, but it's "pie," as in pizza, onscreen.  We only see Rhonda's gift-giving, but the script has this:

FRANK

I, Frank DeFazio, being of sound mind and body...

LAVERNE

(LOOKING AT WATCH) Two seconds.

FRANK

(OFFERING GIFT TO SHIRLEY) Here.

SHIRLEY

(CHECKING CLIPBOARD) Thank you, Mr. DeFazio.  I'm all aglow.

LAVERNE

She's all aglow.  Here's your cake.

In the script, Squiggy calls Shirley "my pretty little ducklette," which became "my little butterlips."  His pronunciation of "nuptials" as "nuppitals" sounds like another Lander touch.

We missed this:

SHIRLEY

There's nothing mysterious about Walter.

LENNY

Easy for you to say.  You know the guy.

SQUIGGY

And did you come to me seeking advice and console?  No.  'Cause I woulda said "Hold your horse, Shirley Feeney, don't marry some fly-boy who's gonna take you off for foreign legions as soon as you...share your nuptials with him."

LENNY

You coulda married Squiggy.  He ain't goin' no place.

SQUIGGY

That's right.  I've been going no place for years.  (TO SHIRLEY) So what's your excuse?  And make it good, woman.

Then it goes into the dialogue about Shirley being in love with Walter Meeney.  Onscreen, Squiggy says that Lenny is a funny man because of the suggestion of names for the Feeney-Meeney children, and then he suggests they wash their hair and go down to the ladies' prison, but there was actually more to it in the script:

Except for the phone ringing, this was mostly dropped after Laverne comes back downstairs and asks what's next on the list:

SHIRLEY

(CHECKS CLIPBOARD; READS) "Exchange shower gifts.  Read the manual.  Break Carmine's heart."

THE PHONE RINGS.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

I'll take that upstairs.  If Carmine happens to show up, you know what to do.

LAVERNE

Sure, I won't beat around the bush either.  I'll look him straight in the eye and say, "Carmine, Shirley's gonna take away your reason to live."

SHIRLEY

(CROSSING TO PHONE) All right, Miss Coward.  I'll do everything.  I'll get the phone, I'll deal with Carmine.

Laverne was supposed to "read the manual" upstairs, but onscreen she makes herself comfortable on the couch.

Thoughts:

• There's not really anything to say about Scene C, but there's definitely stuff going on in D.
• Frank sounds like he's dictating his will.
• Shirley is all aglow.
• It's ironic that Shirley says there's nothing mysterious about Walter, when of course the character would remain a mystery to the audience.
• I love the boys' dialogue about Walter.
• Squiggy is concerned that Walter's just going to deflower Shirley and then leave.
• Lenny remains a Squirley shipper.  And Squiggy acts like he would be willing to marry Shirley.
• Damn, we lost a "woman" line!
• But the love between the boys is even stronger, with that wonderful tribute to Lenny from Squiggy.
• And of course the boys still visit women's prisons, as we'd see proof of in "Death Row," Part Two.
• C'mon, I know Carmine loves Shirley, but she's not his reason to live!
• Shirley has some nerve calling Laverne a coward, when she's trying to get out of telling Carmine herself.  Why is that Laverne's responsibility?