"Ski Show," Scenes A and B

On January 18, 1982, five weeks before "The Ski Show" aired, its Shooting Script came in, not yet with its "The" in the title.  My copy very clearly belonged to a guest star, who passed it on to his parents:

Brant Von Hoffman was still fairly early in his career, and seems to have been proud of his role as Bennett.  It is not his fault that I barely remember this episode and only ended up with this script because I unexpectedly won it in an eBay auction.  So let's see what we've got here....

We start in the "girls' bedroom - night."

THE GIRLS ENTER.  THEY'VE JUST COME FROM A SINGLES BAR.

The girls were supposed to throw pillows at Rhonda when she exits.

Onscreen, the first scene ends with Shirley saying that she can't let Laverne ski down Smut Mountain by herself.  The ending was weaker in this version:

SHIRLEY

I suppose we can put off painting the bathroom until Easter.

LAVERNE

So tomorrow we'll go get our ski stuff.

SHIRLEY SETS OFF ALARM.  LAVERNE JUMPS UP.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Wake it up, Shirl.  We're goin' skiing.

THEY TRY TO SHUT OFF THE ALARM.

The next scene is in the "girls' apartment [meaning the living room] - day."  Shirley's baby talk to Boo Boo Kitty at the opening and a bit later seems ad-libbed by Cindy Williams.  But they dropped Laverne asking, "No tail muff?" and Shirley replying, "Right here," then putting a tail muff on BBK.

Frank's speech about skiing as a kid in Brooklyn of course became mumblier.  Here's how the scene went after that:

LAVERNE

Brooklyn has always been known for it's [sic] hot dogs and it's [sic again] skiing.  But Pop, this is real skiing in the mountains.

FRANK

What about Anzio?  (HE DOES ANZIO ROLL)

LAVERNE

Pop, you were a fry cook in Anzio.

FRANK

How do you think they ate.  I skied the food in on my back.

LAVERNE

Shirl....

SHIRLEY ENTERS, CARRYING A GLASS OF WATER AND THREE STRAWS.

SHIRLEY

Ummm.  Great water.  (SOTTO) Did you get it straightened out?

LAVERNE

(SOTTO) Yup.  he's going.

SHIRLEY GULPS DOWN THE WATER.

SHIRLEY

Sorry, about that.  (TO FRANK) Mr. DeFazio, have you weighed the potential dangers?  I mean, a frozen moustache is nothing to sneeze at.

FRANK

Don't worry.  Edna knitted me a moustache mitten.

Earlier in the script, Shirley went to "get us all a nice glass of water," so that's why that's there.  This was improved to her explaining things to BBK.  They kept the line about Frank being wasted as a cook in Anzio, although I'm not sure how much sense it makes in the context of this one episode.  (It is mentioned elsewhere.)

Frank giving the girls money was a nice added touch.  And after Shirley's line about Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt being cousins, the filmed version added Laverne's closing line wondering if that came out in the campaign.  And that's it for Act One.

A few thoughts:

• You can already see that this first act needed more drafts.  Like I said, it's not that memorable an episode anyway, but there are some unnecessary bits here.
• That said, I do wish we had "tail muff" and "moustache mitten."  And it's always nice to find out more about Frank's Army experiences.
• Edna shout-out!