"The Tenants Are Revolting," Scenes C and D

Act Two also opens at the girls' apartment, but "a few days later."

They dropped this after Laverne says after she has one warm [butt] cheek and one cold cheek:

LAVERNE

...Now what would your earth science teacher say about that?

SHIRLEY

Just forget it, let's just make the best of it.  The building inspector said he'd take care of everything.

LAVERNE

Yeah, he turned out to be a nice guy.  Who'd thought the city took care of things like that.

And after Edna leaves, Laverne originally said, "Why is it everytime [sic] we try to give somebody a helping hand, life smashes our fingers?"  But other than these couple changes, the scene made it to air.

The next scene is still at the girls' apartment, but again "night."  And none of these five and a half pages were broadcast:

TOOLS, PAINT CANS, ETC. ARE SCATTERED AROUND THE APARTMENT.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE DRESSED IN WORK CLOTHES AND HAVE CLIPBOARDS.  MRS. KOLCHECK IS WEARING OVERALLS AND SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.  THE GIRLS ARE CHECKING THEIR LISTS IN MILITARISTIC FASHION.

SHIRLEY

Termites in the floor boards.

LAVERNE

Dead.  I took care of it.

SHIRLEY

Roof repairs.

LAVERNE

Check.  My Pop's takin' care of it.

SHIRLEY

Fungus, infestation and vermin pestulents.

LAVERNE

Check.  Lenny and Squiggy are taking care of their own place.

CARMINE ENTERS, EXHAUSTED AND FILTHY.

CARMINE

I fixed all the showers and tubs.  See ya in the morning.  I'm going to sleep for two days.

CARMINE STARTS OUT.  LAVERNE STOPS HIM.

LAVERNE

Hold it.  We still need someone to paint the lobby.

CARMINE

Please, it's two in the morning.  Give a guy a break.

LAVERNE

Carmine, the building inspector is gonna be here at 9:00 a.m. sharp.

CARMINE

I know... but...

SHIRLEY

Brush.

LAVERNE

(HANDS SHIRLEY A PAINTBRUSH) Check.

SHIRLEY

 (GIVES BRUSH TO CARMINE) Paint.

LAVERNE

(GIVES CAN OF PAINT TO SHIRLEY) Check.

SHIRLEY

(GIVES PAINT TO CARMINE) Say goodnight, Carmine.

LAVERNE

Say goodnight, Carmine.

CARMINE

Check.

LAVERNE CLOSES THE DOOR.

LAVERNE

You hear any footsteps?

SHIRLEY

Not a thing.

SHE OPENS THE DOOR.  CARMINE IS ASLEEP STANDING IN THE DOORWAY.

LAVERNE

Wake up, Carmine.

CARMINE

I'm up, I'm fine.

HE STARTS TO GO THE WRONG WAY IN THE HALL AND BUMPS INTO THE WALL.

CARMINE (CONT'D)

I'm fine.

HE HEADS UPSTAIRS.  LAVERNE CLOSES THE DOOR.

LAVERNE

What a guy.

SHIRLEY

He's so tired.  I feel bad making him do that.

LAVERNE

Ya know you can make it up to him in a special way.

SHIRLEY

I intend to, Laverne.  I'm going to fulfill his wildest fantasies.  Get him drunk and darn his socks.

LAVERNE

He'll love that.

FRANK ENTERS, BENT OVER AND IN PAIN.

FRANK

Oh, pain, agony, suffering.

LAVERNE

Pop, you okay?

FRANK

(CUFFS HER ON BACK OF HEAD) What'd I just say.  She don't listen.  Nobody listens.

SHIRLEY

I heard suffering.  Am I right?

FRANK

Right.  Plus pain and agony.  I fell.  It was terrible.

LAVERNE

You fell off the roof?

FRANK

I fell off the ladder.  The only reason I'm alive today, is 'cause I was on the first step.

SHIRLEY

Gee, close call.

LAVERNE

Aw, Poppi.  You want me to rub your back?

FRANK

Don't touch me.  This is your fault.  You had to call that meeting like a big shot.

FRANK STARTS OFF, MAKING EXAGGERATED GROANS TO MAKE THE GIRLS FEEL GUILTY.

SHIRLEY

Mr. DeFazio, where are you going?

FRANK

To the roof.  I can't let Edna down.

LAVERNE

Pop, you can't go back up there.

FRANK

Good.

LAVERNE

Shirl, who else could do it?

SHIRLEY

Everyone's busy, except for you and me and Mrs. Kolcheck.

THE GIRLS LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THEN AT MRS. KOLCHECK ON THE COUCH, THEN BACK AT EACH OTHER.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

(TAPPING MRS. KOLCHECK) Mrs. Kolcheck, are you awake?

FRANK

Hey, you can't make her do that.

SHIRLEY

I know I can't make her do it.  But I can trick her into it.  (SHAKES MRS. KOLCHECK) C'mon, Mrs. Kolcheck, we have some ice cream.

LAVERNE

She won't wake up.

SHIRLEY

She's awake.  She's doing this on purpose. She hates me.

LAVERNE

C'mon, we gotta do it ourselves.

THEY HEAD TOWARDS THE BEDROOM.

SHIRLEY

I'm serious, Laverne.  Mrs. Kolcheck hasn't done a darn thing all day.

LAVERNE

When we go up on the roof, we'll make her hold the ladder.

SHIRLEY

Not while I'm on there.

THE GIRLS EXIT TO THE BEDROOM.

MRS. KOLCHECK

(SITTING UP) Hey, Frankie, can you fix me up with Carmine?

And the scene ends on his reaction.

Thoughts:

• The main thing about the changes in Scene C is that the viewer would've been tipped off a little earlier about the building inspector, and I think it works better edited out.
• I have mixed feelings about Scene D.  On the one hand, I think the episode flows better to just cut to the hijinks on the roof, but on the other, we do get to see these various characters interact as they try to get the building ready.  (Or in Mrs. K's case, fake being asleep to get out of work.)
• I have trouble believing that the boys would dispose of any of their vermin, even to save Edna.
• Why couldn't Carmine nap for a few hours and then go up and fix the roof?  The girls, who are full of energy, could paint the lobby now and it'd have several hours to dry.
• That Shirley is a wild woman, with her sock-darning.  (Presumably, she has to get him drunk first, so that he'll go for this.)
• Frank knows how to work the guilt.
• Geez, Shirley, no wonder Mrs. K hates you!  You're going to send a feeble old woman up to the roof alone?
• That said, why is Mrs. K hanging around the girls' apartment?  Why can't she hide in her own apartment or go to the movies or something?
• She wants "Frankie" to fix her up with Carmine, while Carmine's girlfriend is in the next room.  I am trying to imagine Phil Foster's reaction.