"Squiggy in Love," Scene B

We move to the Pizza Bowl:

SHIRLEY, CARMINE AND VIVIAN ENTER FROM THE BOWLING ALLEY.  THEY HAVE JUST FINISHED BOWLING.

SHIRLEY

I think of gutter balls as a welcome relief from the nasty clatter of falling pins!

VIVIAN

You and Carmine have been so friendly.  I was afraid I was gonna have trouble making friends.

THEY SIT AT A TABLE.

CARMINE

Are you kidding?  With that face?

VIVIAN PUTS HER HAND ON CARMINE'S ARM.

VIVIAN

Thank you, Carmine, that's sweet.

SHIRLEY GRABS VIVIAN BY THE WRIST AND REMOVES HER HAND FROM CARMINE.

SHIRLEY

Excuse me.  We have this sort of unwritten rule around here about touching Carmine.  You understand.

CARMINE

I didn't start it.

SHIRLEY HITS HIM.

CARMINE

How about a beer?

VIVIAN

I feel a little sticky after bowling.  I'd like to freshen up.

SHIRLEY

The ladies room is right there...  It says women on it.

VIVIAN LEAVES AND GOES TO LADIES ROOM.  CARMINE GIVES HIS BIG GRIN AND STARES AT VIVIAN.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Isn't it strange, such a pretty, wholesome girl, yet she sweats like a pig.

CARMINE

Yeah.  What are you going to have, Shirl, the usual?

SHIRLEY

You gonna have the usual?

CARMINE

Yeah.  Mary.

MARY COMES OVER.

CARMINE (CONT'D)

We'll have the usual, small pizza, her half with mushrooms...

SHIRLEY

...his half with pepperoni.  He'll have beer...

CARMINE

...and she'll have a Gingerale [sic], no ice.

MARY YAWNS AND LEAVES.

SHIRLEY

What's happened to us, Carmine?  Where's the magic?  There's no romance left in that body of yours.

CARMINE

I've got lots of romance.  But it gets washed out in all those cold showers I take.

SHIRLEY

I have made you the cleanest boy on the block.

MARY BRINGS THEIR DRINKS.

CARMINE

We can get excited again.  I'll dress up funny.  I've got the Hob Goblin suit.

SHIRLEY

It's too late for funny suits, Carmine.  We need a nice romantic dinner for two, T-bone steaks, candlelight and wine that has a cork in it.

CARMINE

Great idea, Shirl.  I'll pick up the meat from my friend, Freddy the Fence.

SHIRLEY

I don't know.  Stolen meat tends not to be fresh.

CARMINE    

This was hijacked yesterday.

Those three pages were tossed aside, and then Squiggy "rushes in" in the script, and walks briskly onscreen.  He's up in the 12,000s in the filmed version, but he hits only "seven thousand and twelve Mississippi" in the written version.

There's an adorable stage direction during Shirley's introductions: "Squiggy is acting bashful."

The very last part of the scene was also dropped:

SQUIGGY AND VIVIAN START TO EXIT.

SQUIGGY

I have a hobby whereby which I collect moths.

VIVIAN

I love moths.

SQUIGGY

Then let's go by the store, buy some wool and feed the little buggers.

THEY EXIT.

Thoughts:

• While I'm intrigued by the idea of Vivian bowling, Shirley's violent possessiveness is a bit much in this scene, especially if she was previously nice to Vivian.
• I do like Carmine's "big grin" being in a stage direction, because that's what I think of most when I think of him, particularly with his recent passing.
• I really like that Carmine and Shirley have become so predictable that they're even boring Mary the Waitress.
• The Hob Goblin suit is a callback to a part in Scene A, which did air.
• The Freddy the Fence line and "Stolen meat tends not to be fresh" should've been in the final version, in my opinion.
• The closing dialogue with Squiggy and Vivian is wondrous and should most definitely have survived.