THIS IS AN ELEGANT FRENCH RESTAURANT. THERE ARE ABOUT SEVEN TABLES, NICELY SET. STAGE RIGHT THERE IS AN ENTRANCEWAY/FOYER. LENNY, SQUIGGY, LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER IMMEDIATELY. THEY STAND IN THE ENTRANCEWAY SURVEYING THE PLACE.
LAVERNE
Shirl, would you look at this place?
A WAITER PASSES WITH TRAY AND LIGHTED CHAFING DISH.
LAVERNE (CONT'D)
No wonder it's so expensive. The waiters carry their own stoves.
SHIRLEY
Well, this is only the beginning, Laverne. Someday we'll be eating in places like this every night of the week. We belong here! Where are the boys?
LAVERNE
Maybe they're showin' the parking attendant how to drive the truck.
LENNY ENTERS, ALONE.
SHIRLEY
Park the truck all right.
SQUIGGY
Yeah -- but the parking attendant had blonde hair. He looked just like Barbara.
THE MAITRE D' APPROACHES THE FOUR OF THEM. HE LOOKS THE BOYS UP AND DOWN.
Most of the part with the maitre d' made it in, but after they're seated onscreen, so there he says that it's customary to be wait to be seated, prompting Lenny to say, "There wasn't any line, Bub." In the script, the maitre d' checks his list and then Lenny bribes him with a quarter.
Squiggy "ad libs wine looks like Barbara," as he does onscreen, before they sit down. The thing of Squiggy scoffing at Lenny's manners, and the interaction between Shirley and Squiggy is all in the script.
Instead of the "little hat" napkins already being there, this is how it goes in the script:
SHIRLEY
Oh look, isn't that sweet? He put the napkin on my lap.
SQUIGGY
Watch your hands, Frenchy.
WAITER STARTS TO PUT NAPKIN ON LAVERNE.
LENNY
I'll do that -- she's my date.
LAVERNE
He didn't do nothing.
LENNY
(PUNCHING SQUIGGY) Here we are, Squig. This is it, La Fondue.
SQUIGGY
(DEJECTED) Yeah, it's beautiful, all right. If only I could show it to the woman I love.
SHIRLEY
Would you stop wallowing? We're here to have fun. Let's order.
After Laverne reacts to the prices and Squiggy tells her not to sweat and just order up, here's how things went in the script:
SHIRLEY
I'm going to be adventurous.
LENNY
Eeeyoo. Smoked eels.
SQUIGGY
That's disgusting.
SHIRLEY
You shouldn't make fun of food from foreign lands. In France they probably laugh at hot dogs.
LENNY LAUGHS. THE WAITER ARRIVES.
LAVERNE
They gotta lotta different kinds of offs [sic] here. See all the oofs?
WAITER CLEARS HIS THROAT.
WAITER
Those are eggs, mademoiselle.
LENNY
Okay, pal, let's see you explain this here, where it says "poisons."
SQUIGGY
Maybe I should have that.
The next two lines seem to have been literally taped in, judging from the look on this photocopied script. Also "REV. 2/1/77" is in the upper right corner of this page:
SHIRLEY
(INTIMATELY) May I call you Garcon?
WAITER
Mais, certainment.
SHIRLEY
I'll have the Etienne L'ecureul.
WAITER
Pardon, but you have just ordered the chef. (AD LIB, MAKING FUN OF SHIRLEY)
ALL BREAK UP BUT SHIRLEY.
In the script, it's Squiggy rather than Shirley who asks how to say "meatloaf" in French and is told, "You don't." The filmed scene ends with the four friends trying to pronounce that correctly. Here's what got dropped from the rest of the written scene:
WAITER
You don't. I recommend for you and the young lady the lobster deluxe? It serves two.
SHIRLEY
That was going to be my second choice.
SQUIGGY
Sure, I'll split one with ya.
WIATER
Fine. (TO LAVERNE) Mademoiselle?
LAVERNE
I'll have a couple of these oof guys, over easy. With the little minute cervelles?
WAITER
(WRITES) Cervelles aux ouefs. (TO LENNY) M'sieu?
LENNY
Got any French fries?
WAITER
No.
LENNY
French toast?
WAITER
No.
LENNY
What do you got that's French.
WAITER
(AT A LOSS) Uh... lamb chops?
LENNY
Great.
WAITER
The wine list, m'sieu.
SQUIGGY
Oh, thanks.
HE MULLS IT OVER.
LAVERNE
Why don't you let us have a look. I know a couple of good ones.
SQUIGGY
(HOLDS CARD AWAY FROM HER) Uh-uh, this is man's work.
SHIRLEY GRABS CARD.
SHIRLEY
Andrew, Laverne's afraid that you might have difficulty with the French pronunciation.
LAVERNE
(SHE REGARDS THE LIST FOR A BEAT) We'll have a bottle of the number eleven.
WAITER
Bon. Merci.
Thoughts:
- More crazy blocking, maybe due to script revision. Everyone enters "immediately," and then Lenny and, after a bit, Squiggy come in.
- It's in character for Shirley to say that someday they'll have fine dining nightly.
- Lenny gets the "Watch the hands, Frenchy" line onscreen, later, of course in regards to Laverne.
- I do like the thing of the boys celebrating being at La Fondue, in a different way than the girls celebrate.
- This Squiggy is definitely wallowing more than the Squiggy onscreen. And he's so dejected, he wants to take "poisons"!
- Lenny is disgusted by the smoked eels before he sees them on the menu, another sign that the editing was haphazard at this stage.
- Shirley, we laugh at hot dogs in America. Hot dogs are funny.
- "Intimately" feels like an odd adverb for Shirley talking to the waiter, like the inappropriate "mortified" in the previous scene.
- This waiter isn't as funny as the later version, but I do like the "ordered the chef" line.
- Onscreen, we'd just see S & S with the lobster, with no explanation of how they ordered it.
- Lenny is unclear on what "French" food is, a childlike mistake.
- This Squiggy is more gratuitously sexist.
- Laverne can't even pronounce "ouefs" correctly, but, sure, Shirl, let her try to pronounce the wine list.
- Obviously, this scene needed more work, but the potential is certainly there, and at least there's not a long odd sequence like the sheet-sewing.
"That's my date, pal!"
ReplyDeleteYep, very Lenny.
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