"Look Before You Leap," Scene A

Act One opens with a scene that did not actually air, so here it is in its entirety:

INT. GIRLS' BEDROOM - MORNING - DAY

LAVERNE, IN PAJAMAS, IS SITTING ON THE EDGE OF HER BED, HOLDING HER STOMACH.  SHE DROPS TWO ALKA SELTZER TABLETS INTO A GLASS OF WATER.  SHE TRIES TO DRINK IT BUT THE FIZZ UPSETS HER STOMACH EVEN MORE.  SHE SETS DOWN THE GLASS AS SHRIELY [sic] ENTERS CARRYING A BREAKFAST TRAY.  SHIRLEY IS WEARING HER ROBE.

SHIRLEY

(SING SONG) Come and get it.

LAVERNE

(SING SONG) Go and dump it.

SHIRLEY

There we go.

LAVERNE

(PUTS TRAY BACK ON BED) There we go.

SHIRLEY

Now, come on.  I want you t'eat this all up.

LAVERNE

I can't eat.  I feel like I just took six rides on the tilt-a-whirl at kiddy city.  All I can do is go back to bed.

LAVERNE GETS BACK UNDER THE COVERS.  DURING THE FOLLOWING, SHIRLEY PUNCTUATES HER SENTENCES BY PINCHING LAVERNE'S TOES TO CHEER HER UP.

SHIRLEY

You've been in bed all weekend.  You gotta get up some time.  What are you gonna do tomorrow when you have to go to work?

LAVERNE

I'm not goin' to work tomorrow.  I'm not goin' the next day.  I'm not leaving this bed.  Ever, anymore, again!

LAVERNE COVERS HER HEAD WITH HER PILLOW.  SHIRLEY LOOKS AT HER FOR A BEAT, CONCERNED.

SHIRLEY

Laverne.

LAVERNE

(MUFFLED) Yeah?

SHIRLEY

I found you a good doctor.

LAVERNE SITS UP AS SHIRLEY TAKES A SLIP OF PAPER FROM HER ROBE POCKET.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Robert Fishburn, M.D.  He's over at the Pfister Medical Building.  His number's right here...  (INDICATES PAPER)

LAVERNE

(GRABS PAPER) Oh great.  Where'd you find him?

SHIRLEY

He was recommended by Rosie Greenbaum.

LAVERNE

Rosie?  That fatso mouth?

SHIRLEY

She says this Fishburn is the best man for your problem.

LAVERNE

You didn't tell her it was for me, I hope.

SHIRLEY

Of course not.  I'm nobody's fool.  You'll call him and make an appointment.

LAVERNE

Okay.

SHIRLEY PICKS UP THE TRAY.

SHIRLEY

Good.  I'll get some Seven-Up and some soda crackers.  You'll feel better.

SHE STARTS OUT.

LAVERNE

Why'd you have to ask Rosie for a doctor?

SHIRLEY

She's married to a doctor.

LAVERNE

He's just a proctologist.

SHIRLEY

A brilliant proctologist.  People bend over backwards to get an appointment with Ogden.

Thoughts:

• The stuff with the Alka-Seltzer did make it in, but definitely not the rest.
• Shirley is maternal with Laverne here.
• I think Kiddy City should be capitalized, since I assume it's a local amusement park.
• It doesn't say what's wrong with Laverne, although I think we can read between the lines.  But the not wanting to ever get out of bed sounds like depression.
• We get a first name for Dr. Fishburn here.  And of course he works at yet another Milwaukee establishment named after the Pfister family.
• "Fatso mouth" feels like something Laverne would call Rosie.
• Yes, they went there with the proctologist joke.