"Lonely At the Middle," Scenes D and E

Act Two begins in the "labelling room - day."  Scene D starts out much like onscreen, but this dialogue was left out after Shirley suggests people call her with suggestions at home, day or night:

IRIS

What about Sundays?

LAVERNE

Sunday is the Lord's day.  You got any suggestions, take them to the Lord!

IRIS

But what about those of the Jewish persuasion?

LAVERNE

Same rule... different day.

SHIRLEY

I'd like to discuss for a moment a little worker incentive plan...

IRIS

What about atheists?

LAVERNE

You wanna knock it off, Iris?

SHIRLEY

Now, Laverne.  This orientation is supposed to answer questions.  (TO WORKERS) Are there any atheists here?  May I see a show of hands?

NO HANDS ARE RAISED.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Isn't that wonderful?  We all believe in God.

LEROY

... and apple pie and motherhood.  But when are we gonna start working?

SHIRLEY

Good, LeRoy!  I'm glad to see you're eager....

Then Shirley explains about the "worker of the week" program.  Onscreen she uses her own photo as an example.  They omitted Laverne saying, "Uh, LeRoy, you'd better give me a twelve by fourteen," and LeRoy replying, "Gotcha."

The next scene has a similar setting, but "It's a few days later":

SHIRLEY HAS A DIFFERENT DRESS ON.  THERE ARE CHEERY DECORATIONS ON THE WALL.

They ended up just combining the two scenes, but adding an explanation of why Laverne is in labelling rather than bottle-capping.

THE BOTTLERS AND LABELLERS ARE AT WORK.  SHIRLEY WALKS UP AND BACK, OBSERVING THEM AS THEY WORK.  THEY ALL DO THE SAME THING AT THE SAME PACE.  THEY STAND BEHIND A SLOW-MOVING CONVEYOR BELT WHICH SENDS BOTTLES PAST THEM.  THEY TAKE A BOTTLE OFF THE BELT AND PUT IT DOWN IN FRONT OF THEM ON A NARROW SHELF THE SAME HEIGHT AS THE CONVEYOR BELT.  THEN THEY TAKE A BRUSH FROM A WATER-FILLED CONTAINER, WET A LABEL AND RETURN THE BRUSH TO THE CONTAINER.  THEN THEY STICK THE LABEL ON THE BOTTLE AND PUT THE BOTTLE ON THE CONVEYOR BELT.  THE BELT CARRIES THE BOTTLES OFF-STAGE.

SHIRLEY

Laverne?

LAVERNE

Yeah?

SHIRLEY HOLDS UP A SHEET.  LAVERNE DOESN'T SEE IT SINCE SHE'S CONCENTRATING ON WORK.

SHIRLEY

What do you think?

LAVERNE

Of what?

SHIRLEY

Of this!

LAVERNE

I can't see.  What is it?

SHIRLEY

It's a list of songs.  Music makes people more productive.  They proved it.  Here.  Look.

SHE HOLDS IT SO LAVERNE WON'T HAVE TO TURN HER HEAD.  BUT LAVERNE CAN'T READ AND WORK AT THE SAME TIME.

LAVERNE

Flying.  Purple.  Elvis.  Moon.

SHIRLEY

Never mind, I'll pick a record monitor, later.

SHIRLEY CROSSES BACK TO HER DESK AND OBSERVES LAVERNE WORKING FOR A BEAT.

In the script, Laverne takes only six steps to label a bottle, as opposed to eight onscreen.  They left out LeRoy's spicy comment on Shirley's drill of "Wet.  Lift.  Stick.  Return":  "Sounds like my honeymoon."

We lost this bit at the end of the scene:

THEY SAY THE CHANT HALFHEARTEDLY.  LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER WITH CRATES AND JOIN IN.

SHIRLEY

Come on, everybody.  Wet.  Lift.  Stick.  Return.  Wet.  Lift.  Stick.  Return.

THEY ALL CHANT ALONG.  SHIRLEY CONTINUES IN THIS GOOD-NATURED CHEERLEADER TONE WITH LENNY AND SUQIGGY ALSO CHEERY.  THE OTHERS CHANT BUT ARE OBVIOUSLY IRRITATED.

Thoughts:

• They definitely toned down Iris's daffiness by the time of filming.
• Wanda-LeRoy-Henry's weight is somewhat of a bigger deal in the script.
• We don't see any labelling until later in the scene.
• They probably should've specified that that's a sheet of paper, not a bedsheet, since it's a little confusing at first.
• That is true about music making people more productive, but Shirley's timing is bad.
• "Flying.  Purple.  Elvis.  Moon."  The Andrew Squiggman Story.
• And, yes, I wish Lenny and Squiggy were in this scene, although they're acting out of character.